>be me, mtf, 4 months self-medding HRT
>at family gathering last weekend
>whole (highly conservative and openly bigoted) family round big table in restaurant
>granddad recently died so I'm getting the "when are you having kids? all your friends are settling down" treatment
>"you're going to make such a good father!"
>give my mum a snarky look because even aside from the trans thing I'm spergy and incompetent as fuck in everyday life and just... no
>she looks bemused
>later on notice my super-macho karate/superbike enthusiast uncle staring at my hand gestures while I'm talking and get paranoid I look faggy, hand over his chin and mouth like he's deep in thought
>put my hands flat on the table
>he looks between my face and my chest repeatedly with an alarmed expression on his face
>guess I need a better binder
Honestly, I can't tell who I'm out to and who I'm not at this point. Share similar stories and stuff I guess.
>>5745627
>super-macho karate/superbike enthusiast uncle
He sounds hot.
>>5745627
Hah, call me when you're out of your rebellious phase bucko
I'm transclosetwork.
>start wearing a strapless bra to work because I'm starting to jiggle if I don't
>helping one of the older guys with his computer
>kinda leaning over, but just wearing a baggy tshirt
>notice he is starting at my chest
>even after he starts talking he's still looking
5 months hrt. I'd wear a binder but honestly I don't give a fuck anymore and I'll probably come out soon anyway.
>>5745627
>binder
Good luck with your deformed breasts.
>>5745627
>being closeted at all
the only thing this is good for is to create good stories to post on 4chan
>>5745860
It's also good for not getting thrown out on the street by parents or killed in the street by nutjobs.
>>5745873
but that is what creates good stories to post on 4chan
>>5745627
>Soft pale skin
>Hair is entering unacceptable for male range
>All clothes too baggy (former fatty) too give a male silhouette
>Eternal baby face
>People wait until I talk before gendering me
>Constant confused looks
>Hips clearly too wide
>"Anon you remind me of my daughter" -My manager at work
>"Why don't they believe you smoke? Too adorable?" -Coworker
>"I love David Bowie, especially how androgynous he was." -Other Coworker, followed by long stare and awkward silence
Just kill me gang because I'm still too autistic to come out ever.
>>5746930
Just fucking come out you faggot.
>>5746971
Never, this isn't a closet it's a grave.
The closet I was in was always tissue paper thin
>was feminine looking my whole life
>wore flowers in hair and makeup, in addition to bright colors
>tried to make my voice as androgynous as possible
>avoided men's restrooms or any gendered activity in school
>had friends that were 90% girls
>openly fangirled about yaoi
>if someone asked me if i was a man I would say no
>openly admitted to shaving my legs
>took no PE classes
> went on tirades to people about how horrible testosterone was
These were all things i did before I even realized I was trans.
>>5747008
Daaaamn girl
>>5747008
>if someone asked me if i was a man I would say no
Dude.
>>5747122
That was happening since I was a little kid. I remember getting all pissed off at my grandma for calling me a "young man" when I was like 8 or 9, I got her to stop. Even back in like 2nd grade I hated being grouped with the guys during games or sports, when they did guys versus girls, so I would often make a fuss and sit out, or just volunteer to be the referee.
I started hormones at 19 or so but didn't come out to everyone or go girlmode full time for a few years.
I remember coming back one fall, and all my new professors addressed me with female pronouns and such until I opened my mouth. It was pretty awkward because usually it'd be something like raising my hand, get called on to say whatever it was, but with female pronoun or something, then I'd say the stuff I had to say and immediately see the awkwardness/"whut???" in their face the moment I started talking. Some professors kept using female pronouns afterwards, or neutral/avoiding pronouns, etc. It was pretty awkward, I kept getting asked questions about it a lot by other students, i.e. "are you trying to become a girl or something" and such stuff. Was awkward as fuck, but it all got me to do the final push into girlmode/coming out about it, although at that point everyone already knew purely from being around me.
>>5745627
try to avoid binding your tits...it can affect how they develop and they might wind up looking weird.
and sooner or later you are gonna have to come out op.. its better to do it on your terms, rather than be found out and outed by someone else.
come up with a game plan, and prepare for the worst. but just remember even though you may think it will go horrible, sometimes people can surprise you...you never know till its out in the open.
good luck op
>3 year hrt here
>nothing like the stories here happened to me ever
you guys must be giant flaming fags
How do I self med as someone dependent on my parents?
Can I get therapy without them knowing?
>>5747809
no tight t-shirts will make it toats obvious u are growing tits...wear baggy clothes
>>5747859
No, no I meant for keeping things under wraps. I figure it's less pressure than a binder. I usually do a tight tee shirt and a hoodie.
>>5747848
You could get therapy for something else. Depression if you have depression from dsyphoria.
You could also come out to your parents and ask to see a therapist. They'll either take you serious or think you're batshit crazy and want you to go to a therapist either way.
>>5745722
>start wearing a strapless bra to work because I'm starting to jiggle if I don't
JUST
>>5747889
My dad would literally disown me if I came out.
And, like I said, I can't afford therapy. We barely scrape by with the rent every month
>>5747926
>like I said
Ignore this, I don't know why I typed this
>>5747206
>hugboxing
This isn't tumblr.
>>5745722
What does the look on his face say? I.E. Does it look like he wants to bury his dick inside your ass?
>>5747227
Anon, everyone already knows.
Do you honestly think you are fooling anyone at this point? clearly underestimate the intelligence and perception of your friends and family. I GUARANTEE they all talk about how trans you are behind your back if half the stuff you say is true.
>>5747673
How are you still in the closet after 3 years on HRT?
>>5748135
Oh i've been transitioning for a while now (on hrt for a year), this stuff was all stuff that happened well before I started transitioning, back in highschool and what not. Everyone still seemed very surprised when I came out, even though I thought it should have been obvious. Mayve they were just surprised I was saying it
>>5748074
It looked confused. But he probably would.
>>5748157
I just am
Started at 19, keep popping these pills and live my life like I do
No need to come out to anyone
never been to trans support group
don't date girls, don't date guys
People don't talk often about lgbt things, and if they do, I express my support for certain thing, and disdain for certain things, without mentioning myself
No one ever asked
I never put myself intentionally in a situation which would "force" me to do something faggy-i keep it classy and try to live respectful life
My hobbies are video games, religion drugs...nothing related to gender or homosexuality
I dont crossdress
I dont pretend to be female online
etc etc
I probably have some small breasts but I never undress and they might pass for manboobs
dont wear bra nothing like that
It's not hard to live like that
It's really not hard not to be a flaming faggot
>>5748234
he saw your bra
that's it
5 months is not enough to get breasts that look like anything then manboobs
>>5748360
Look at lalalily's timeline
>>5748472
there's a lot of angling going on tho
>>5748472
also, if these breasts wouldn't be exposed they wouldn't be visible
>>5748234
He's the type to fuck anyone?
>>5748360
I dunno pham I feel it's going well.
In before ban.
>>5748565
>ban for posting average skinnyfat manchest
>>5748575
Tbhf I'm hunching a bit to make em bigger. But then again I was leaning over when I was at work.
>>5748575
look closer
these tits will never look natural since they are plastered on too wide chest
they grow in opposite directions and there is a wide space between them
that's a very definition of bad and doesn't prospect good
>>5748472
dan lily ur bobbie s
>>5746985
2 deep
>>5748472
She is intersex thats y
I wear 2 a shirts under under a button down but its not helping anymore and I am not out yet either, only to like 4 family members. Also its hurting my jobs prospects because I walk in with my hair in a ponytail into the interview and my boobs pointing out and my soft skin showing and one interviewer straight up asked me what sex I was.
>>5745627
>typical bible-thumping parents
>move 600 miles away from them first chance I get
>Dallas has a great gay area, and people are open minded
>can buy all the clothes, makeup, etc that I want
>smile at the victorias secret ladies, they know whats up
>livin the dream.jpg
>years go by, shit happens
>have to move back in with parents for a few months
>left probably $10k+ in clothes and accessories in Dallas, sucked
>at 28, parents still give me zero privacy, constant snooping in my room
>can't resist, buy clothes anyway
>parents start acting very weird around me, I know they search my room daily
>finally moved out again, just saving to move back to Dallas now
>sexy clothes all day
Once I'm back in freedom-land I'll come out, and keep my parents relegated to a phone call every few months. I don't care about their approval or support, I just want to be left alone without all the constant spying, prying, judgement and suspicions.
>Just heard a recording of myself and found out I have a hint of gay voice
Why did no one ever told me this? Guess my closet is made of pink glass
>>5745627
my mum knows i'm hiding something.
twice my computer decided to freeze with my bookmarks bar visible on the screen so i had to stand up and stretch so she didn't see. she called me out on it the 2nd time but i resisted telling her.
i had really bad stomach pains a few days ago. a combination of degarelix injection site irritation and the fact that as a midnight snack i had completely pigged out on chocolate. my stomach hurt so much i had tears streaming down my face and i had to wake my mum up.
she brought out some paracetamol for me and got me to go to bed and i'm sure she snuck a look into my toiletry bag, she must have seen the progynova blister pack.
she asked me if i was taking any other medication i had ordered online (her bf must have told her about the apotheke labels on the box my degarelix arrived in).
i denied i was taking any other medication.
i'm like 95% sure she's already figured out what's going on but isn't pushing me on it and is letting me take my time to come out.
i've already tried twice though and it's the hardest thing. hopefully tomorrow though, with my cousin's help.
>>5750198
>combination of degarelix injection site irritation
What is your dosage? How often do you inject? What is your source? I'm really interested in this stuff and already inject my estrogen, so I'd really appreciate any info you can give me.
>>5745627
Your uncle sounds like a cool dude.
>>5750223
>dosage
i've only had my initial dose, 2x120mg.
>how often
the initial dose is followed up by monthly 80mg injections.
>source
goldpharma, based in germany.
some details worth mentioning.
goldpharma advertises for sale, medications that have vastly inflated prices in the USA.
this resulted in them being one among a host of international pharmaceutical retailers targeted by the FDA, who ordered Visa (and maybe mastercard too?) to not process their transactions. It's simply a protectionist measure to keep foreign competition from deflating the prices. gg "free market economy" murica lmao.
your transaction still might go through but if it doesn't, for whatever reason (my bank has a propensity for card blocking everytime it detects a "suspicious" transaction), it's extremely difficult to reattempt payment for that order. i then tried going through the hassle of international bank transfers. in the end i have up on my first order and started the process again. my bank didn't block my card the 2nd time around and surprisingly, the card transaction worked.
so what's the process?
so you add the item to your basket, then because it's prescription only you have to fill out a form to basically clear you of any health risks and give reason for why you require the medication.
PROTIP: be honest. don't lie about having prostate cancer, i wrote straight up that it was for use in transgender HRT regimen.
a physician then okays the transaction and sends a prescription to a brick-and-mortar dispensing pharmacy in germany, who dispense the medication, take payment, and ship out to you.
okay now gimme info on injecting estrogen. i'd actually prefer the flexibility of weekly as opposed to monthly injections for estrogen so was thinking i could stick with valerate instead of cypionate. i've heard some people who take 20mg/fortnight get a dip near the end so i'd rather inject 10mg/week, does that make any sense? is my dosing right or would i need more?
>>5750275
Luckily I have a post I did from some other imageboard for you, as far as the intramuscular injection technique goes. Granted, you might know this stuff already, but if I remember right, degarelix is subcutaneous injection right?
I do 10mg/week myself, of estradiol valerate, and have for quite a long time. The effects are so much better than what I got on estrogen pills.
If you need a source, there are several good ones on the web, but I use ADC. A big plus is that it's cheaper than the pills. I'm not sure on a European source, if that's where you're posting from.
Definitely feel free to ask me any questions you have about the specifics, and things I didn't cover.
So do you need an actual prescription to order through goldpharma? I know it's pretty expensive, and I've got the money for it, but about how expensive is it for you to do your monthly 80mg injections? Also is it 2x120mg all at once, the very first time, then 80mg per month after, starting one month after the 2x120mg?
Where exactly do you do your subcutaneous injection for it?
>>5747903
These beta stories always remind me of my 4eeb2c27b5ad00c6e311973eb72a8d90 too, anon.
>>5750303
degarelix is sub-q yeah, in the abdominal region. you gotta pinch an inch and jam the needle in.
here's a video tutorial actually:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHxqRRKY9XY
the kit i got included syringes with a screwcap adaptor and the liquid in them, instead of having to mess about with both a syringe and 2 separate vials, so it was actually easier to do than in the video.
i thought i was going to have to buy my own needles but the degarelix kits actually included them which was neat. the only thing the kits didn't include was those alcohol sterilization skin wipes.
>So do you need an actual prescription to order through goldpharma?
in essence it seems to me that goldpharma is a storefront with an in-house physician. it, itself, is not actually a dispensing pharmacist, it basically acts as a middle-man between you and the pharmacist. so yes you do need a prescription for the medication to be dispensed, but that's the point of the goldpharma site model - the physician okays you based on the questionnaire you supply with your order, writes out a prescription for you, and forwards it on to the dispensing pharmacy.
sorry btw i'm a brit so all of these prices are in great british quids.
the initial 2x120mg kit cost me about £375 i believe.
i'm yet to order my next month's repeat. the physician previously wrote down that it was to be followed up with monthly 80mg injections, but the bummer is that it's more expensive to buy 80mg kits than it is to buy the 2x120mg kit and spread it over 2 months. the latter would make it what, £190 a month, and that would be for monthly 120mg injections. the cheapest you can get the 80mg is if you buy a 3 month supply which will set you back about £630, making it £210 a month.
i might see if i can just keep ordering and splitting the 120mg kits to make it cheaper for me.
>>5750324
is it more effective? the short answer is i don't know, but yes, it should be the most effective way to bring your test down to castrate levels. but that's not the main reason i decided i wanted to invest in it. simply, i didn't like the side-effects and contra-indications involved with taking the other AA's out on the market.
spiro's risk of potassium toxicity, for example, or the progestogenic actions of spiro and cypro when i have a family history of breast cancer.
bicalutamide might suit your needs fine though so it's definitely worth considering. bica is an androgen blocker and would stop me from being able to take SARMs to become pic related (i'm only half joking there). that isn't the aim of most MtFs.
>>5749842
>tfw voice is kind of whiny, high and nasally
>tfw slur my words because I'm an asocial retard who can't talk
>my pitch pattern is mostly normal unless I'm excited, then I sound like a faggot
If I'm too chipper ocassionally people ask me where I'm from because of my "accent". I don't have the heart to explain to them that I'm just retarded.
>>5750385
>>5750371
Noice. Thank you so much for your info. Fuggin expensive, but it certainly would be nice to have no spiro side effects, no testosterone-on-the-brain with bicalutamide, or depression/liver risk from cypro.
So you said your injections make you feel sick afterwards? How long did it go on for? Have you spoken with others who have taken this and had the effects not be so bad later on down the road?
I had some side-effects from the estrogen injections, but nothing that was bad. After the first one, I had a little bit of queasyness the next morning, but it quickly subsided and wasn't that bad. Often, I'll feel a bit flushed many hours after injection, like warm in the face and chest/breast area. Also some tiredness/fatigue, etc. All of these side effects have decreased over time, but are still minorly present. They're not bad at all, at least. Another thing I noticed from injections of estrogen is how you feel your sex drive, moods, etc. fluctuate as the week goes on and your estrogen levels change. Again, it all tends to stable out more the longer you've been doing it.
>>5750436
>testosterone-on-the-brain with bicalutamide
this shows how little i know about bica but that alone is another great reason for me to not take bica and use degarelix instead. dare i say it's probably one of the most important reasons.
i was recommending bica to the boys in femgen (so they could avoid the progestogenic effects of spiro and cypro when they don't want breasts) and i wouldn't take that back, but why would any transgirl ever want to be on it?
thank you also for all of the information on e injections, i'm definitely more confident about trying them out.
>>5750476
>i was recommending bica to the boys in femgen (so they could avoid the progestogenic effects of spiro and cypro when they don't want breasts)
Actually, funny thing about bicalutamide I've read from several sources, is that in cancer patients it often causes them to start having some breast development, due to some of the testosterone in their bodies converting to estrogen. Then the t-on-the-brain thing is because bicalutamide doesn't cross the blood-brain barrier, so the brain is fully impacted by the testosterone blood levels present, while the rest of the body is immune to it.
If you have any more questions, feel free to ask. I'd also be open with sharing my contact info if you'd like.
>>5750529
>Actually, funny thing about bicalutamide I've read from several sources, is that in cancer patients it often causes them to start having some breast development, due to some of the testosterone in their bodies converting to estrogen.
Oh don't worry I knew about that well enough already and thought femgen would appreciate the endogenous estrogen.
I was only recommending bica to them alongside raloxifene to prevent gynecomastia.
>>5750553
Alright cool, I added you.
My parents found my Spirono meds and think I'm diabetic. I don't know how long I can keep up a lie like this.
At least their attention is deflected from all the androgynous/female clothing I buy.
>>5752369
Me toooo. I wear a 38 band but its tight... Prolly better in a 40... But some of those are loose.
My poor outward pointing boobles. I'm not even a year in and they'd be DD's on a petite 32 or 34 band frame :(
>>5752426
>I'm not even a year in and they'd be DD's on a petite 32 or 34 band frame
yeah, I have a 44" band, and only AA boobs, yet I already have over twice the breast volume mom ever had after having kids. She has a 30" band.
>>5753189
How does one determine the right band size. I have a 29" underbust and any cheapo bra I find at walmart or target or whatever never seem to fit ;_;
>>5755148
It varies store to store, but you should do fine with a 32 band.
>>5755148
No, >>5755151
30" band size. Shifty thing is you may need to go up or down one band size and adjust the cut size to suit. Also if you have a wide chest, then you may still not fit right because most bras are made for normal female boob spacings.
Here is the fun thing. There are some old US bra makers that still use the +4/+5 method. Take your under bust size, 29", and add 4 or 5 to it to get to the even size. So 29" + 5 = 34 band size. Most manufacturers now use +0/+1 so a 29" under bust uses a 30" band size.
>>5748345
You're a girl to me bby.
>>5750168
>probably
just get a blood test
>>5756015
had one and I am but the probably was more related to me not being sure if intersex was the deciding factor in my breasts growth
>>5748345
>It's really not hard not to be a flaming faggot
acting like a girl while you're a trans girl is now being a flaming faggot
>>5748589
ur a virgin male
>>5760031
yeah, it is
cuz there is no such thing as acting as a girl, and double no such thing if you live and present as a guy
>>5750529
>some of the testosterone in their bodies converting to estrogen
It's not just 'some' it's highly increased due to how bica works, it actually makes you body produce more test and and thus more gets aromatized to estro (up to 2x tested in some patients), while the androgen receptors blocked you are almost guaranteed to grow boobs
>bicalutamide doesn't cross the blood-brain barrier
It does in humans, it didnt in labrats
>In humans however, bicalutamide has been found to increase LH and testosterone levels, and to a comparative extent relative to flutamide and nilutamide. As such, it appears that bicalutamide does indeed cross the blood-brain-barrier in humans and affect central function, as supported by potential side effects such as diminished sexual interest, fatigue, and depression
>>5747206
this is how hons are made
>>5745627
>mildly autistic
>frequently assumed to be either asexual or just too dumb to breed
>nobody ever asks me about kids or dating, not even once
>come out to parents about being in a straight relationship at 22
>mom thinks i'm too young and hopes we're not having sex
>can sense she's hoping i don't accidentally reproduce
>literally takes her a few years to process the whole a thing
