Need help MtF
I have always felt like I was more of a woman from a young age. I remember the first time looking at a shemale porn mag and thinking 'that's what I want to be' when I was 8. I've had these thoughts and feelings for a long time but I've still come to be the person I am today which is fairly 'masculine'. When I say this I don't mean that I am a buff gymrat but that I have many ideals that are masculine in nature. I am very tall and have an extremely deep voice so I know I probably would never pass - yet I've always wanted to transition. I came out to my parents as being trans and they have no problem with it - my immediate family being very loving and progressive. Yet I have chosen a career path and a life that has practically required me to remain a male. I told my girlfriend a year after we've been dating and it's coming up on three years now - we have a life we want to build together. She is the woman I love and we both want to get married after I graduate and get a stable income. She knows I have these feelings but isn't very supportive. In semi-accurate terms I'd say she regards my dysphoria as a fetish and doesn't want me to transition because she doesn't know if she'd be attracted to me. She was about to leave me, but I was so in love with her that I agreed to not transition - because she really is an amazing woman. I can't hold back these feelings though and I can't act like a person I'm not my whole life. Whenever I think about who I truly am I get extremely depressed because being the person I am would mean the loss of my love, the loss of my future career, the loss of most of my family. As far as the career is concerned I'd love to do drone maintenance as a contractor to make money - it involves secret security clearance and probably some time where my shits in the sand; Afghanistan Iraq Syria etc. I also feel like I wouldn't be 'accepted' in the trans community as I feel like I'm more of an amazonian female warrior than some barbie. (cont?)
Cont. Pls
Sounds like you have more to lose than to gain.
How does an eight year old happen across a shemale porn mag?
>>5240692
Right?
>>5240653
IDK where to continue so I'll just go on saying that;
My girlfriend has been with me through thick (not thin), she's put her future aside (attending college) just to be with me so that she can go to college when we move together. I feel like I owe her for being an amazing girlfriend. If I tell her and she leaves me - which I don't know if she would, I just assume she will because we've talked about it before. Plus she's gone right now but she lives with me and my parents (who I take care of). So if I tell her should I call, should I wait for her to come back in a couple weeks.
And the future career, ever wondered what it'd be like to be a transgender mechanic? Goddamn I feel like it would be difficult. You should hear the stories I've heard from the people around me. One man saying if his child was born a hermaphrodite that he'd just cut the dick off himself. Another man saying that he knew a kid in highschool that crossdressed and told his the kids dad and got him beat the shit out of (near death) by his father in front of everyone at school. There's many more stories - but one thing I can confirm is that everyone I work around is extremely transphobic and very homophobic. I constantly have to act like someone I'm not just so I don't get bullied 24/7 and I'm in college for christ sake. Do you think I'll be able to get military contracts as a transperson? Fuck no probably not. Do you think I'll be able to be a business owner and drum up investors for one of my many business ideas? Probably not.
Being trans crushes my dreams.
Not to mention current trans people probably would look down on me for not being a 'feminine' MtF, but I feel like femininity is just a term for accepting submission like a cattle. I submit to no authority unless it's sexual - then yes I can be very submissive. Why can't I be trans and still crack skulls, be an engineer, and be a 'dominant' female (AKA be an alpha female).
>>5240740
typing without re-reading...
girlfriend part cont
I feel like if she leaves me I'll just have royally fucked her out of 3 years of her life. If I don't tell her though I feel like I'll be sacrificing the rest of my life - when I don't feel like I can.
>>5240581
That fucking sucks OP, rock, hard place, all that shit. I dont even know what to tell you.
Well, that's an awful situation you've gotten yourself into. Don't know what advice I can give
>my girlfriend
del
>>5240815
I'd be crushed by anxiety if I wasn't so used to it by now. That's what being isolated for 2 years does to you. I'm a fucking rock and often ignore my feelings just to get through the day without ulcers.
>>5240832
That's why I ask for advice and guidance from strangers - often some of the best advice anyone can get is from a stranger. I have no idea what to do either. It's like one of those sticky situation stories I used to read in grade school.
>>5240837
wut?
>>5240782
you're in a tough place, but your gf is an idiot for setting aside her education just to live with you or whatever. Now you have an immense amount of guilt and will be forced to make decisions you could have otherwise avoided
do what you think is the most logical. just a heads up, a lot of people on here believe transitioning will make them happy and find themselves sorely mistaken after the high-feeling phase is over. you're in a society that shuns you if you're not normal so it doesn't matter what path you take its going to be difficult but know that there are other things in the world that can make you happy
>>5240851
i have had it with you motherfucking fetishist transbians on my motherfucking trutrans board
straight man get out reee
>>5240854
Those things would be following my dreams of changing the world. Building the technology and communities that it would take to swiftly advance civilization.
>>5240887
>implying I'm anything near straight.
I assure you I am transgender. I have no idea what I look like because I can't imagine myself being the way I am now. I have such a poor body image that I hate seeing myself. When I dress up in womans clothes, wear makeup, and open up I am a completely different person. I actually feel happy and confident with myself and how I look. I enjoy the prospect of living, but only as a female. Anything else makes me feel like I'm living a lie, that I have to act 24/7.
On another note I have absolutely no-one in my life to talk about these issues so it's pretty hard to get the advice I need.
>>5240948
>I assure you I am transgender. I have no idea what I look like because I can't imagine myself being the way I am now. I have such a poor body image that I hate seeing myself. When I dress up in womans clothes, wear makeup, and open up I am a completely different person. I actually feel happy and confident with myself and how I look. I enjoy the prospect of living, but only as a female. Anything else makes me feel like I'm living a lie, that I have to act 24/7.
That sounds pretty serious. I think you should work out what life changes and sacrifices you need to make in order to transition, it sounds like you won't be satisfied otherwise
>>5240581
>>5240740
>>5240948
wow that kinda really sucks desu. I can't really speak to the career stuff or what I would've done if I was too masculine to ever pass, but I think i'd be wary of making transition-related decisions based on being in a relationship with somebody who doesn't want you to transition because she's only going to be attracted to you as a man. In some sense, because you feel that you are not a man internally, she loves you for something that you aren't, and as a result, you will never be able to live up to her inaccurate perception of you as a man. Whether you transition or not, I'd def suggest breaking up with her.
>>5240973
I won't be satisfied otherwise.
Things I potentially sacrifice:
The only woman I could ever dream of raising kids with
Amazing future jobs
Dreams of changing the world
Being a privileged handsome male
(I don't think I look good at all, but many people seem to disagree)
What I gain:
Happiness
The ability to be honest with others and myself
that's the main stuff besides plenty of other bs that I have no big deal with like 'exercising often' and 'dieting for transitioning'
>>5240995
I'm not 'too masculine to pass' I look sexy as fuck as a woman and might be able to fool people on here if my Adams apple wasn't as large. The problem is that I'm 6'4" and I have a deep voice. Being tall doesn't bother me, the deep voice does. It's not as much that I care about how other people view me - it's more that I care about how I view myself. The only thing I hate is my voice, don't think it will ever change - esp without HRT which I want to undertake to look female.
About the relationship stuff I guess you're right. She has dressed me up a couple of times and seemed really happy with it though. I just wish you knew how special this woman is.
>>5240740
>I feel like femininity is just a term for accepting submission like a cattle. I submit to no authority unless it's sexual - then yes I can be very submissive
Spoken like a true man op. lol
>>5240854
>the gf is the problem lets bash her
I love how transbians always bash the gf's and wives of these people like they're monsters or something while ignoring all the shit they've done to them like lying about being a normal man for years into the relationship.
transbians truly are selfish men.
>>5240948
>>implying I'm anything near straight
Well you are dating a woman so there's that.
>>5241116
Masculinity is a social construct. I'm attracted to men and women, and have been with multiple partners on both sides for many years. Just because I don't subscribe to your version of what 'transgender' is doesn't make me a man.
>>5241142
Why can't strong independent alpha women exist? Why is it that in order to be a woman I have to be controlled? Why is it that in order to be a woman I have to fall under the definitions of what society believes is 'womanly'. For instance, why should women fix things? Because they can rely on a man to do it for them? Why can't a woman do these things without being seen as 'masculine'.
>>5241174
I haven't been lying, I've told her about myself. My girlfriend isn't a monster she's a fantastic person that I'm putting into a shitty position by being who I am.
>>5241197
If a line has some bends in it does that make it straight?
>>5241228
>Masculinity is a social construct
Lmao tumblr we met again. :^)
>>5241250
I don't use tumblr or any other social media. I am my own person with my own thoughts and ideals. I have seen many of the things that radiate from that sordid place though.
Everyone generally thinks working with your hands is masculine. Everyone also used to think the world was flat. Just because society thinks something is true - doesn't make it so.
>>5241228
>Why can't strong independent alpha women exist? Why is it that in order to be a woman I have to be controlled?
You can but the way you put it your making it sound like femininity is some conspiracy to control women or something tumblr tarded.
I think you're just trying to change definitions around to make them fit yourself because you aren't like the majority of women. Honestly you don't sound trans at all to me.
>>5241228
>I haven't been lying, I've told her about myself.
Yeah after a year, that's just as bad as a post transition transwoman not reveling her trans staus to a guy until a year later. You should always be un front, it's not fair to them and makes them feel deceived.
>>5241228
>If a line has some bends in it does that make it straight?
It doesn't matter, you aren't in transition atm so you dating a woman makes you a straight man and sorry but from your posts you don't sound like you would be interested in men at all unless maybe they're feminine so I doubt you are really bisexual.
>>5241299
You sound like a trans lesbian hon who is trying to rationalize their manliness by saying women can be masculine too and surely they can but you don't sound like one of them, imo you sound like a male.
>>5241383
This isn't some erotic fantasy - this is my life.
>>5241309
I've met women like me, I don't think there's some conspiracy to control women or anything like that. It's just difficult to describe exactly how I feel about what my definition of being a woman is.
>>5241366
It was wrong and I admit it
I am only attracted to women, MtF, effeminate men, and gay men worthy of dominating me. I have no idea how I could prove I'm bisexual, but I don't really need to since I know I am. I've been sucking dick since I was like 6 for christ sake.
maybe that's how I sound to you, but not how I feel to me.
>>5241660
>I've been sucking dick since I was like 6
>>5241724
my male cousin and I also fucked on several occasions from when I was 8 till 14
>>5241174
>nods in agreement while reading the umpteenth thread by a transbian hon on reddit coming out while their wife is pregnant.
What's the deal with the large number of MtFs who start by saying their feelings came about because of porn and, at some point, mention they also have a girlfriend?
>>5242261
Why are you asking such loaded questions?
>>5240581
>I am very tall and have an extremely deep voice so I know I probably would never pass
You'd be surprised how malleable the voice is. It's an instrument like any other.
