My body literally feels broken at this point. It just feels like a hollow, empty, hard shell that my head is placed on top of. I feel so fucking dizzy and off-balance all the time. Sometimes I can barely feel my limbs, they just feel weird and floppy and useless and I want to cut them off. I look at girls and I just want to jump into their skin. I just want to feel normal and comfortable and one with myself again.
Is this ever going to get better? Will transition help? I don't care about socially transitioning or passing or any of that bullshit. I just want to stop the madness.
>>5277036
Well, the good news is that it probably can't make you any worse than you already are at this point.
Might as well try.
Much better odds of happiness trying than not.
Especially if you don't care about social transition and passing.
Sorry if unclear.
>>5277036
oh op... i know these feels.
isnt it insane? it feels like your brain is rejecting its self or its very existence. its just... really weird. i feel like im this biological computer with a few faulty wires or something. the computer worked alright for a while but it wasnt meant to run like this for this long and now its crashing. but theres no way to reset. it just keeps running and getting worse. its like this inescapable hell. and whats even crazier to think about is that this is my ONLY life. THIS is the ONE way that i get to experience this universe. as a malfunctioning human. a human that, if left running long enough, will eventually remove its own penis or end its own existence. just... super weird.
oh well. i'll just keep secretly dressing up as a girl in the bathroom until i either tell everyone i know and transition, or end this.
really wish i could help you op. i hope we can both find peace
>>5277036
Sounds like disassociation. Go see a therapist, and get some EMDR.
>>5278668
Are you sure? My life has been fine up until discovering that I was trans
>>5277036
Sounds like you're severely mentally ill! Instead of having sick fantasies about skinning girls, you should consider seeing a therapist.
>>5278668
>
If I'm dissociating, will they withhold me from HRT?
>>5279578
Your description sounds like disassociation. Especially:
>It just feels like a hollow, empty, hard shell that my head is placed on top of. I feel so fucking dizzy and off-balance all the time. Sometimes I can barely feel my limbs, they just feel weird and floppy and useless and I want to cut them off.
You may or may not have it. Look up depersonalization/derealization, it is a type of disassociation.
>>5279651
They shouldn't. If the disassociation's root cause is dysphoria, then HRT and transition may help. In no way should it hinder.
Disassociation is usually caused by some sort of trauma. I've thought it could be caused by gender dysphoria.
you should write a book or draw a picture
