>be me, 22
>Think I'm straight for years
>Find trans women attractive and start watching trans porn
>Think of them as women so I'm not gay
>This goes on for a while
>At the same time start to catfish retards on /b/ by pretending to be a girl.
>Enjoy the power I have over them as they comply when I ask them to do humiliating things involving their dicks.
>Realize I'm being a horrible manipulative person and stop for good.
>Fantasize about what it must be like to suck dick
>One day try to cum in my own mouth.
>very recently jump from trans porn to gay twink porn.
>As I cum to gay porn for the first time the sheer excitement reminds me of my very first orgasm.
Now I am left questioning everything about who I am. I feel sick and disgusting. I am so confused and scared that I am starting to feel depressed. Today, just thinking about what these feelings might mean made me feel like I was going to throw up. Please /lgbt/, I need you to help guide me through this.
>>6385919
you're a little bitch that's insecure about your own preferences so you do terrible manipulative things undercover to get your jollies.
You do twisted things because you believe what you like is twisted.
stop being a guild filled retard and buying into what other people tell you about how you should feel
>>6385932
> You do twisted things because you believe what you like is twisted to get your jollies.
after it loses the "twisted" fetish and it's the usual fap material and your still enjoying it post-fap clarity then you can come back anon
>>6385919
People don't tell me I should feel bad. I live in the first U.S state to legalize gay marriage I feel this would be one of the safest places to come out as bi. However, I've seen LGBT culture and I find it disgusting. I don't want to identify with a group of people I personally find perverse and sexually promiscuous. Is it possible that exposure to pornography slowy turned me bisexual? I don't feel like I was born this way. I could never fall in love with a man because when they get older my attraction to them would drop to the point where I would find them repulsive. I'm not attracted to masculinity at all, my preference weighs so heavily towards femininity that I am questioning if I could really even call myself bisexual.
>>6385919
If you're not attracted to men in real life, and I mean never, then you're not gay.
Everyone has at least a slight leaning to bisexuality, because sexual love is connected to friendship and family connection. It's easy for wires to get crossed.
Not to toot my own faggot horn, but I was thinking about that shit before I had an internet connection or more than one hair on my scrotum.
You're probably a standard issue guy with a bi leaning, but you're only acting on it in a context of anonymous internet porn, and even then you didn't go straight for the hard stuff, you had to Pavlov's dog yourself into bisexuality.
To a certain extent, this is self-conditioned. The fact that you're freaking out is a sign that you are deeply inhibited, but that's a separate issue. You've created an identity crisis that you likely never would have had without the internet.
So try this: go two weeks without using the internet. Are you attracted to men or women or both during this time? The answer will clarify things.
Also, I would like nothing better than to manipulate you and feed off your delicious guilt and shame, but instead I told the truth. If you don't want to take my advice then at least titillate me with stories about how alone and in pain you are <3
>>6386204
Thanks for an honest answer. You have really helped me. Although, I remember that even before I started exploring my sexuality via the internet I was always really uncomfortable around other men who I thought were attractive. In middle school I would avoid looking at shirtless boys in the locker room. I don't know whether I did this out of respect for their privacy, my own insecurities about how I looked, or a fear that I might get an erection. In highschool, that problem mostly went away. However, in college when I started to look at trans porn, the feelings came back. When talking to attractive men I was just as uncomfortable as I was when talking to attractive girls. When I started to question if i was bi I actively started to recognize which boys I thought were cute. There was this really cute twink in one of my classes who had such a soft face and big blue eyes. I really don't know if I would be questioning my sexuality if I didn't have access to the internet. I had always thought that I only found women attractive until I started to test what type of porn I could fap to.
>>6386469
I'll simplify.
Fear of peer rejection (= being seen as gay,) fear of sexual rejection.
If you're familiar with the prison bitch phenomenon, you might have an inkling that homosexuality is a way of adapting to the bottom of the social hierarchy. Needless to say, a stone age bitchboy was not popular with the women.
Loss of rank equates to loss of manhood, fear of castration. Fear of castration originates when we realise that girls don't have penises; they have what what looks like a wound.
For someone with strong castration anxiety, a ladyboy is practically a relief in comparison. A woman with a penis suggests a world where losers don't become dickless bitches. Attractive men and women start to seem similar; notice that you refer to feminine features, soft faces and big eyes. Women have larger eyes than men and wider peripheral vision, more fat deposits in the face, less prominent bone structure, so it isn't a matter of opinion that you are attracted to female traits.
All in all, this seems like it has its roots in social anxiety or inhibition and in you looking for a way out.
>>6385919
you are trans in denial
get on hormones soon so you can become the cute girl you were meant to be
>he isn't already fucking bears
pleb
>>23925460
Abarlow95
Alexbarlyy
Barackobarlow
>>6385919
Whatever you do, don't get really depressed and fuck a 40 y/o stranger to find answers. They don't care about your feelings.
It sounds like you were bi without realising, and porn has helped you get over those inhibitions, probably because there's no around to judge you when you watch it. Cumming to gay porn knocked over the final metaphorical block, in the same way that we lose our inhibitions when we get drunk.
It's no biggie, just take things bit by bit. Try jerking off to men without porn for a bit. Imagine yourself in sexual acts with men that you recognise as attractive, but without forcing yourself to find it arousing. That might help get over your sense of disgust.
Don't lie to yourself m8, you're bi.
>>6385919
straight and gay are just words anon, they are descriptive of common patterns, they are not prescriptive of what you have to be.
pic related helped me when I was where you are.
>tl:dr don't give a fuck about what you are, just have fun being whatever you are, you don't need a label.
If you're attracted to girls, you're not gay - you're bi.
No need to be ashamed, you're just doin' you. You'll probably end up married to a woman one day and you won't have the time/care to jack off while you pretend to be a girl on the internet.
I say make the most out of it while you can, I used to think I was straight despite having routine gay sex with my childhood friend every weekend. You know how friends mutually masturbate as a phase or a one-time thing? I would purposely try and gay it up as much as possible with making out, dressing up etc. and I used to honestly think he was the gay one.
>Fantasize about what it must be like to suck dick
It's not that great, the pleasure comes from either knowing you're pleasing another man or from being down on your knees in a submissive fashion. Either way, it's like a weird floppy log of flesh-tasting meat and the gig gets old pretty quickly, it really isn't called a blow'job' for nothing.
It's weird more than anything else, it's not a haze of sexual euphoria like you feel when you're jerking off to people sucking dicks - you'll quickly reach the point where you get existential and realize you're sucking on a glorified skintag, your mouth is painful from opening it wide enough not to rake it with your teeth and you'll inevitably start thinking about what you're having for dinner that evening or funny simpsons quotes or something.
>>6385919
>be you exactly to 22
>be 22+
>AGP starts rising and rising
>be 24, suicidal
>start hormones
>now am tranny
welcome to your future and spare yourself the next two years
>>6387427
truth
>>6388116
No, it's mainly stuff I surmised from books on archive.org.
>>6387225
I'm not going to become some depressed slut and fuck gross old men. Honestly I think I would need to really hate myself to force myself to fuck older men. That would be gross punishment not pleasure.
>>6386934
Are you calling me a fucking little bitch!?
>>6387995
>>6387094
Seriously why do people say this? Is this a fucking meme that bisexuals are all closet trans or something?
>>6386934
>Fear of castration originates when we realise that girls don't have penises; they have what what looks like a wound.
haha, what the fuck? you must be an american, as if vaginas are some big secret
>>6389182
who said anything about bisexuals?
Listen, you found out what you are into, good job. Now live your dreams, because if you don't the terrorists win. Go out there and suck all that twink dick you can find. For America, for freedom....
>>6385919
There's nothing wrong with you, nor your feelings. You're going to be ok.
This is why there is a rainbow flag. It's not about falling into a category. You're unique just because you are who you are.
Preferences aren't binary. I live near Boystown in Chicago, but I'm not part of that scene. I'm pretty conflicted for personal reasons, but my partner is a bi-fem who accepts me for who I am and it is mutual.
It's a large world, and you were born to live here.
>>6389429
I actually considered coming out as bi on facebook considering now seems like the safest time to do it. Needless to say I considered using this opportunity to blast islam for homophobia and then make the case for why we need Donald Trump. I would love to see how many of the social justice warriors on my friends would be triggered and tell me I'm not bi and accuse me of lying.
>>6389182
I mean every word. I'm saying that you're not the top dog and worried about it. Very few are in charge, what distinguishes you is your anxiety about this. I believe that t-girls represent an escape from the battle of the sexes and the status struggle between men. Dicks are pretty nice, but I like them on men. It seems you like them in a feminine context, which suggests there's something about unaltered women that makes you uneasy.
Castration anxiety: worry that one does not "wear the pants" in the situation, that one does not "have the balls" to take charge, that one is "lame" (limping, as if injured in the crotch,) and thus powerless/impotent (im-potent, without power), etc.
As for the trans thing, they're fucking with you.
>>6389269
They are a big secret to a three or four year old boy, about the age Freud thought that this happened.
I'm not an american.
>>6391655
You honestly sound like you are playing armchair pychologist.
>there's something about unaltered women that makes you uneasy.
The vagina. It's a disgusting hole into the body. I would say it makes me uneasy because I don't have one, so It's a strange thing I'm unfamiliar with. The thought of ever putting my mouth on one is gross. I don't see that as being somehow different from a girl that sees dicks as being dirty and gross and wouldn't want one in their mouth.
>They are a big secret to a three or four year old boy, about the age Freud thought that this happened.
Freudian psychology has a lot of flaws, he was not some psychological genius, just one of the first to start thinking about and studying it. Freud also thought that every man had some sort of incestuous attraction to their mother.
>>6395015
I'm making psychological observations without a degree in that field, yes.
I won't press the point further, but as I see it, being uneasy about vaginas because you don't have one is equivalent to being uneasy about vaginas because they represent a lack of a penis, something young children initially assume to be the result of castration. People get over it to varying degrees.
>Freud also thought that every man had some sort of incestuous attraction to their mother.
If you want to understand yourself, you can't ignore a possibility just because it outrages people. The idea of innate homosexuality was outrageous not long ago.
My own view is that we are naturally attracted to women and girls of the tribe in their initial role as our feeders, babysitters, playmates and carers. Their bodies are a source of comfort. As we got older, this would have converted into sexual attraction to the women in a tribe with perhaps 25 or 50 women in total, with no room for squeamishness about cousins, aunts, or even sisters in the most extreme circumstances. Men naturally prefer younger women, so "upriver" incest would not have been a big problem. Few clothes were worn if any, so there may never have been a sense of shock at the sight of a vagina, and thus a minimal castration complex.
Then you have the modern course of development, where you only have regular contact with one sexually mature woman for the first five years of your life, and very limited contact with other adult women for the next 10 or 15 years.
This is confusing for our sexual instincts, and results in all sorts of sexual weirdness that couldn't have existed in the stone age. This is where Freud's idea of the Oedipus complex comes in: the artificial environment of the modern family. It's unnatural because it is the product of an artificial setting. We're like rats in a maze compared to our ancestors. A "red button complex" would be ridiculous in wild rats, but it's believable in generational labrats.
>>6397042
You are one of the worst fucking armchair psychologists I have ever encountered and you have presented absolutely nothing to support what you are saying. What you have said sounds entirely like conjecture
Please stop, because everything you are saying is unsubstantial
I'm 24 and going through the same shit, but I'm a NEET so I don't know if my strange lifestyle of daily indulgence of porn and isolation is getting to me or if I'm really bi/gay. Alone I always end up fapping to trap/gay porn while imagining that I'm a little bitch being raped by men or vice versa, but out in the real world I'm only attracted to girls.
Not saying all this to be whiny, its just an interesting situation and I've noticed we're not the only ones going through it. My only fear is not knowing where my sexuality is gonna take me, although its looking like I may die a virgin.
>>6397138
This.
>>6397138
You want physical evidence of emotions and mental associations? I could send you a jar of oxytocin, but I doubt it would do much good.
>>6386111
Why would you find us perverse and sexually promiscuous? Im honestly asking because its the same really, we can very well be monogamous as well as straight people and we could fuck a lot off people as well as straight people.
>>6385919
>Now I am left questioning everything about who I am. I feel sick and disgusting
Why's sexuality such a big part of your identity?
