So I went visited my local LGS earlier today
>pee outside the building
>prance up to counter
>BARK
>i'm a german shepherd
>the terrifically handsome young gun at the counter say's he'll check in the back
>BARK
>guy seems like he's been gone for years
>that's probably just because i'm a dog
>he finally returns, i'm overjoyed
>"sorry, all out of .22lr"
>BARK
Why even bother with .22? Buy a pellet gun and have the same experience shooting only with a more abundant ammo.
>>29865401
later that chromosome
>the acid finally wore off
>standing in a deep squat at the counter stretching my groin
>customer walks up
>asks if we have any .22lr
>hand him a box of .45-70
>customer thinks i'm joking
>1000yd stare right through his ass
>he starts to say something
>interrupt him with "i'll go check in the back"
>he sets the ammo on the counter and starts browsing our guns
>stop before i go to remind him not to lean on the glass
>he wasn't even leaning on the glass
>walk into back
>radio check
>hold down the talk button so nobody can respond
>keep holding
>wait for it
>hear loud feedback squealing sound from everyone's radios in other departments
>walk back out, customer is still waiting there
>"hi, can i help you?"
>"...was there and .22lr back there?"
>let me check in the back
>go in the back, the squealing radios have summed the pack of german shepherds with boxes of .22lr tied around their necks
>they're coming right for us
>>29865455
shut the fuck up i'm trying to green text a story right now
>whip out SAW from IWB
>mow all 500 dogs down
>walk back out to customer
>his lips are moving
>"what?" i can't hear you
>customer looks upset, leaves
>store gets a bad yelp review
>>29865475
>be deaf at work from my battle with the dogs
>get workers comp
>boss fires me for bad yelp review
>go to work anyway, he won't notice
>standing at counter deaf as fuck
>just hand every customer who walks up a box of .22lr
>turn radio up all the way so i can hear it
>"firearms call on line 1"
>hello this is guns
>BARK
>it's a german shepherd
>he wants to buy a full auto .38 revolver
>let me check the price for you sir
>BARK
>set the phone down, turn around and walk into a wall because i'm deaf
>get knocked out
>get worker's comp
>sit at home collecting checks
>spend all the money on a fake beard and a hearing aid
>glue the beard on my face
>interview for my old job back
>get my old job back
>>29865528
What sling is that and what is that pouch on the butt?
>>29865528
i always post this shit on friday nights when everybody is out drinking and they miss it. i have to remember to post during the week.
something else that never happened
>doing situps behind the counter
>customer walks up and makes some casual joke about me keeping fit
>i'm pretty offended, but what can you do amirite
>ignore the faggot and keep doing situps
>customer is irritated and storms off
>manager comes over and says customer complained that i was ignoring him to work out
>put my pants back up and stand up
>calmly explain to my manager that he's wrong and that i don't need to be micromanaged
>he agrees and goes home early for the day
>take
>>29865565
god damn it you son of a bitch shut the fuck up i'm trying to greentext a story right now again
>take a .50 savage acutrigger into the employee bathroom
>put eyepro on
>fire a round into the toilet to see if bullets really do stop in like 3" of water
>toilet fucking explodes
>forgot to put earpro on
>both eardrums explode and shoot blood onto walls
>i get fired
>still got pink eye from toilet water somehow even though i had eye pro
>get workers comp for pink eye
>>29865598
>call boss and tell him i'm sorry
>can't hear what he's saying on the phone because i'm deaf again from shooting the .50 in the employee bathroom last fake story
>assume he's re-hired me
>come back into work the next day with ear pro on this time
>standing at counter feeling pretty dizzy
>customer walks up and asks if we have any ruger ar's
>ask him why he doesn't just flush his money right down the toilet
>tells me he would but somebody shot the toilet up
>>29865598
Please tell me someone is screencapping this
>>29865401
>inb4 OP samefags so responses and caps himself
What in the fuck is going on
Fuck keep going OP it's just now getting good
>>29865629
lima charlie
>standing at counter feeling pretty good a few months later
>been pooring hoppes' 9 in my ears and it seems to have fixed me right up
>only side effect is uncontrollable gas 24/7
>customer walks up to counter
>do you have any
>interrupt her with farting
>she laughs and asks for .22lr (she reads what she wants off a text message in her phone)
>sure no p*farting*roblem
>i'll just go check in the *fart* back
>>29865664
i wish the other 12 threads i made were archived, they were a lot better because i was drunk when i made this shit up
>walk in the back
>past several pallets stacked 5' high with .22lr
>into employee break room
>look in fridge, drink half of someone's sandwich and cropdust the breakroom on my way out
>
>>29865675
shut the fuck up and look at how many posters are in the thread. enjoy my bullshit stories
>cashier chick in the breakroom is confused how i drank solid food a minute ago
>key into armory
>key into sacred german shepherd breeding room
>find the most perfect baby shepherd puppy
>raise him as my own child in the human world
>make him strok and show him how to reload
>teach him about filthy left handed shooters and people who like .40
>remember i had a customer waiting outside
>return back to the counter
>it's been 7 years
> woman left long time ago
>>29865684
this is tales from the gun counter, faggot
cont.
>>29865691
cont
>woman is long gone
>glorious sporting goods store is now a target
>i have a long beard and the same 5.11 pants on from 7 years ago
>been farting in them for 7 years
>my trained german shepherd is stronk and carries AK47
>soccer moms freak out
>me and dog get sent to prison
>The Rock is our bunkmate
this is being adapted to a full length feature film, end of teaser
>>29865711
Daily life of Chris Costa featuring Steven seagull
>>29865628
>he would but somebody shot the toilet up
I like it
Well I'm sick so no going out with buddies this Friday night. Stuck here on k with you retards reading this dumb thread
>>29865728
another day
>standing at counter waiting for customers to show up
>wear dark sunglasses so they don't know i'm actually sleeping in a deer stand
>customers walk up and i sleep right through it
>end up selling more guns than usual
>after my nap all the guns are missing from the case
>can't wait to tell my boss that i sold every gun in the store
>in walks a german shepherd that looks exactly like a golden retriever
>5 fucking minutes before closing
>every fucking time
>see's we're all out of guns
>BARK
>what are you trying to tell me boy?
>BARK
>whats that? i didn't really sell the guns?
>BARK
>they were all stolen while i was asleep?
>"no, i just want some .22lr"
>oh, holdon i'll go check in the back
>walk into back room
>trip over several buckets of 1000rd lightning bolt .22lr
>regain my balance
>fall down once again over a bunch of crates of .22lr i've been hoarding for months
>didn't get hurt, fell onto a pallet of loose .22lr rounds i poored into a kiddy pool
>>29865746
shut the fuck up and suffer through this thre- oh nevermind carry on
>go into employee bathroom and masturbate to HK catalog
>check the time
>one minute till close
>walk back out to dog
>BARK
>>29865746
Fuck you this is the best thread on /k/ right now
>>29865766
Keep this shit up
>>29865766
Throw in some skin walkers and a tad bit of racism and I'm damn sure FOX will fund it.
>>29865766
>next day show up for work
>boss gives me a raise for selling all the guns
>standing around at counter after lunch posting bad yelp reviews about our own store
>boss approaches me and says we've been getting a lot of bad yelp reviews lately
>no shit dumbass
>tell him i'll get right on it
>edit all the yelp reviews to 5 star positive reviews
>boss reads all the good reviews the next day and is satisfied
>i get promoted
>head of department
>order 700 new guns overnighted to replenish stock
>>29865781
fuck i just threw my laptop across the couch because i thought a spider was on me and knocked three keys off my chinkpad the < > and alt key. it was just silverfish
>guns show up the next day
>its 700 glock 19's
>>29865797
the skinwalkers may actually already be in my home, the silverfish may have been a sign. holdon i need to put my laptop keys back on
>>29865806
Kekd hard at yelp reviews. Seriously best thread on /k/.
>>29865806
TIME TO LOAD THE 12 GAUGE
HALF SALT
HALF BUCKSHOT
HALF NAPALM
>>29865826
>>29865869
so i'll have you guys know i just blinded the fuck out of myself with a surefire E2D defender ultra trying to locate the spider which was actually a silverfish. i killed it with a spoon i was eating cheerios with a few hours ago. the comma key on my laptop doesn't want to re-attach right now, this shjt is absolutely fucked
>pic related
more madeup bullshit
>standing at gun counter
>customer walks up and wants me to bore sight his .22 ruger revolver and fit a leopold 3-9x40 on it
>sure why not i'm the gunsmith here today
>take his shit in the back
>fall asleep in the break room
>wake up 2 hours later, manager is yelling at me
>hand manager the ruger and junk and lock myself in the armory till the problem goes away
to be continued in a moment
>>29865897
>slam armory door closed behind me
>enter the secret combo on the special safe
>a large golden retriever golden shepherd appears glowing in front of me
>"what is thine password"
>i recite the password
>"KILO INDIA-SIERRA MIKE-ALPHA-GOLF-INDIA-CHARLIE-ALPHA-LIMA PAPA-LIMA-ALPHA-CHARLIE-ECHO
>the giant glowing golden retriever nods
>a secret passage opens before me
>an ancient staircase leading down
>i go down
What am I reading
>>29865897
I missed you friendly gun counter man.
>>29865929
some of you may remember the secret place from previous threads
>the air is damp and you can hear water droplets hitting puddles
>>29865935
that's the spirit
>>29865936
i love you too eric
>i light a torch with a fart
>through a long hallway of stone
>a sight few men have seen
>thousands of pallets of .22lr stacked so high you can't see the top
>a throne in the center, built out of subsonic .22lr
>nobody wants that anyway
>a laptop with a missing comma key on the arm of the throne
>from here i will make this bullshit up
>yes, this is the place
>a magical place
>>29865954
>few weeks later boss forgets the whole thing
>standing at counter trying to explain how to draw left handed out of a right handed holster to a left handed shooter who i don't have a holster to sell him
>guy is getting frustrated
>he's insufferable, he also carries a .40
>tell him i've got something to cheer him up
>some .22lr in the back
>he nods, and cups my groin
>walk into the back room
>out the back door
>get in my truck
>drive to the range
>zero a daisy bb gun for 1000yrds
>drive back to store
>tell boss i quit to pursue my dream of taking an elk with a .177 caliber from 1000yrds
>call gun counter from my cell
>a dog picks up
>BARK
>they hired a dog to replace me
>tell the dog to tell that faggot left hander we're out of holsters and that i quit
>BARK
>move to the country
>stalk an elk for like an hour
>take him from 1000yrds first shot with my daisy .177 bb gun
>well that was anticlimactic
>return home and and call the store to beg for my job back
>its ringing
>BARK
Czech these digits
>later that night
>back on the job again
>customer is explaining to me why you should NEVER carry a round in the chamber NO MATTER WHAT
>nodding "yes sir" eyes glazing over
>suddenly get PTSD attack from one of the other bullshit stories i made up
>>29866015
nobody is in this thread but me right?
>draw from concealment and start shooting up all the BBQ's we have on display
>customer freaks out
>finish magdumping
>light up a cigarette right there in the store like a badass
>guy points out that i ND'D into my foot
>guess he was right i should never carry one in the chamber
>>29866025
benis
>>29866025
I'm here
>>29866030
k
>standing at gun counter with pic related up my ass
>increasing vibration
>increasing
>full maximum power
>customer walks up and asks for .22lr
>just a second i'll check in the back
>thanks
>customer thinks its strange that i thanked myself
>turn to him just before i head to the back "you're welcome"
>welcome myself
>walk into back
>produce elk call from pocket
>begin elk call
>elk_call.exe
>peer at customer through plastic window on door
>keep elk calling him
>he's looking right at me
>we're only 5ft away
>tell him to holdon a second
>disappear deeper into the back
>fart out egg shaped vibrator
>grab a box of .22 from the armory
>dump out the .22 and load it up with washers from the hardare department
>hand it to him
>he's happy, pays and leaves
>two days later he shows back up and he's pissed
>tells me i sold him a box of washers
>point at the sign "no refunds on ammo"
>explains that he's returning washers not ammo
>point at other sign "no refunds on washers"
>standing at counter the next day
>talking to sig rep
>explaing that like half the fucking sigs that show up are broken in some way
>he gives me stickers and a hat, i'm satisfied
>sell customers broken sigs all day
>get a raise
>sleep my way to the middle
>become a sig rep
>travel to gun shops trading them stickers and magazines for their complaints
>get fat
>eat bags disgusting fast food in my car for 45 minutes every day before getting out and waddling into the store
>spend the first hour in the gunshop every day taking a shit
>cry every time i wake up from passing out on the toilet
>wear 5.11 pants in size 56 waist 34 length
shoold i go to sleep now
>>29866069
No
Sleep is for the dead
>standing at gun counter greentexting on /k/
>local cop stops by and asks if i've seen any escaped animals from the zoo
>tell him no and ask wtf
>cop says zookeeper went crazy and released a bunch of animals, most of them dangerous
to be continued
>>29866069
I don't want to wake my parents up with all this snickering
>>29866085
Buy a suppressor
>>29866088
Im using a pillow
>>29866079
alright
>>29866083
continued
>nod at him
>he winks
>i'll be prepared if any tigers or baboons tear the store up sir
>rack a KSG
>cop gives me a playful salute and leaves
>call myself on the phone
>radio crackles up "firearms line one, and two"
>pick up both phones to my ears
>meet me in the armory
>hang up on myself
>key into armor
>trip over box of .22lr
>land in bucket of customer tears, luckily
cont.
Holy fuck LSD is some fun shit.
>>29866099
>walk into armory
>all the animals from the zoo are here, i've been feeding them mountain house from the camping department for three days
>got a little gas cooker in there
>they love it
>i'm the king of the jungle
>>29866097
What brand/caliber
>>29866120
>after a couple weeks my boss is starting to suspect i'm hoarding escaped zoo animals in the armory
>it smells like baboon shit and mountain house fettuccine alfredo coming out of there
>calmly explain to boss that he's mistaken and wrong, and that i'm sexually offended that he would accuse me of such a thing
>he apologizes and acknowledges that i am right
>i get a raise
>radio tells me i've got customers at the counter
>go out there to tell them to fuck off
>accidentally leave the door open
>chimpo the giant ape faggot gets out of the armory and starts rape destroying everything in the firearms department
>chimpo is berserk
>customers flee
>chimpo finds throwing knives from the mall ninja isle
>this is worst case scenario
>try to remember my CCW training
>point flashlight at him and tell him to get on the ground
>he throws a knife into my leg
to be cont.
>>29866150
>>Not carrying fully automatic hollow point nukes IWB
pft
>>29866150
>grab a paracord bracelet, rip off the price tag and tourniquet myself
>try hard to remember my CCW instructors teachings
>try to de-escelate the situation
>throw bags of mountain house camp food at giant rapid escaped zoo baboon
>it doesn't work
>>29866160
that's stupid
>draw ankle-holstered .410 derringer and fire from the hip at his general direction
>accidentally kills a zebra which was fleeing for its life out of the armory
>backflip over the counter to grab a crossbow
>snap my ankle in four places
>play dead
>escaped giant chimp ape and a tiger cause carnage and destruction all through the store
>cops put the animals down outside
>i get workers comp for broken ankle
>stay home and shitpost on /k/
Holy shit I love this thread, please continue OP.
>>29866173
k
>come back to work after all the hard work of fixing the sporting goods store is done by my co-workers
>be celebrated as hero
>boss gives me purple heart
>fat cashier gives me toothy bj in mens bethroom
>i can feel her beard on my legs
>close my eyes and pretend its instructor zero
>later that day go to arby's for lunch
>order 8 beef and cheddar melts
>standing at gun counter, three sandwiches deep
>feeling sick as fuck
>i regret this
>my feet hurt
>my pee hole burns
>customer walks up
>pretend i'm talking on the radio
>get arby's melted cheddar all over radio
>radio shocks me
>i pass out
>customer happened to be EMT
>revives me
>give him some .22lr and a paracord bracelet 10% off
>german shepherd walks into the store
>it can smell the arby's beef and cheddar melts
>dog mauls my arm off
>get workers comp for missing arm and PTSD
>sue the german shepherd in civil cord get $10million dollars
>spend $9.999million dollars on beer and 9mm ammo
>spend the rest on having a plane ticket to mexico and a KSG
>pay mexican doctor to surgically attach KSG as my new arm
Pls don't stop I can't sleep
the quality of these stories is just going to get worse and worse
>talking to customer about how trump is going to make america great again
>radio "firearms line 2"
>roger that
>hello
>no grandma i had that yeast infection like a year ago it cleared up
>granpa wants .22lr? let me see if we have any in the back holdon
>put granma on hold
>tell chill as fuck customer to come with me i want to show him something
>walk into back with customer
>show him this dead scorpion i killed with a phillips screw driver
>poke at it
>he thinks i'm cool and goes home
>go to the armory
>god damn look at all this .22lr we're hoarding
>better take stock while i'm back here its been a while
>3 hours later i've counted we have about 256,000 rounds on hand
>call grandpa back and tell him there's a hard limit of two boxes of 50 rounds per month per family $18.99 per box
>granpa has a heart attack on the phone and dies
>go to funeral
>21 gun salute with .22lr
>>29865691
>>key into sacred german shepherd breeding room
>>find the most perfect baby shepherd puppy
>>raise him as my own child in the human world
>>make him strok and show him how to reload
>>teach him about filthy left handed shooters and people who like .40
>>remember i had a customer waiting outside
>>return back to the counter
>>it's been 7 years
>> woman left long time ago
>>29866231
I appreciate your entertainment
>>29865766
>>oh, holdon i'll go check in the back
>>walk into back room
>>trip over several buckets of 1000rd lightning bolt .22lr
>>regain my balance
>>fall down once again over a bunch of crates of .22lr i've been hoarding for months
>>didn't get hurt, fell onto a pallet of loose .22lr rounds i poored into a kiddy pool
fucking lmao, this is actually how most "tales of the gunstore" threads go
>>29866245
im not sure why i post this garbage either
>standing at gun counter
>playing punchy-knuckle-hurty-oww-you-faggot-not-so-fucking-hard with co-worker
>customer walks up and wants to check out .338 lapua savage we have on display
>check clear
>hand to co-worker
>he checks clear
>hands to me
>i check clear
>hand it to customer, he checks clear
>hands it back to me
>so you like big calibers huh?
>show him a .45acp 1911
>customer gets an erection
>hand him 1911
>>29866252
>this is how most "tales of the gunstore" threads go
i know, i wrote all those threads
>customer starts finger fucking 1911
>me and co-worker now both have boners too
>all three of us sword fight with our boners and buy matching 1911s
>go to the range every weekend together
>>29866048
>>point at other sign "no refunds on washers"
>>29866025
>PTSD FROM ANOTHER BULLSHIT STORY I MADE UP.
IM FUCKING DEAD
>standing at counter one day trying not to blink
>end up blinking, its impossible
>customer walks up and asks questions about which pistol he should get for his first EDC
>tell him to buy a glock 19
>a sudden thunderclap booms and a bolt of lightning strikes the deer blind we have set up near by
>a wild autist appears from within the deer blind as a cloud of smoke disperses from around his chubby figure
>glocknade
>plastic a shit
>stopping power
>plastic 2x4 grip
>brass to face
>no safety
>he flashes a stainless 1911
>the light glinting off the immaculate finish blinds us with 10,000 lumens
>the fat fuck collapses from carrying the weight of a 1911
>"NO ONE SHALL HAVE THE POWER BUT MEEEE"
>he slams the 1911 into our shops' decorative stone gas powered outdoor fire nook and then dies
>legend has it whomever pulls the 1911 out of the stone will be king
>>29866297
Radio check.
>>29866324
AR check.
real stories
>standing at counter doing kagel squeezes
>customer walks up wants to know about a good carry pistol
>often has his little kid with him
>check clear hand him pistol
>watch him sweep everyone in the store
>finger on trigger
>unknowingly pointing pistol at his 6 y/o's head standing right next to him as he inspects
>looks down barrel
>i get to see the rifling too cause he sweeps my face
>says he'll come back for it
>right
>repeat 10x per week
>yes i dealer denied a lot of people
>>29866324
roger
another one
>customer wants to see x pistol
>check clear hand pistol
>custy fingering pistol
>very suddenly turns 180 degrees and reaching left hand in jeans pocket
>YELLING MODE INITIALIZE
>says he was just turning to the light and getting his phone out to take a picture
Nothing but drugs can claim responsibility for this.
>>29865897
>>29866354
real stories cont.
>in camping area near gun counter
>women asks directions to somewhere
>with her friends, they're in their 40s ish
>suddenly notices im OC
>"now, why are you carrying a gun?"
>i work at the gun counter
>"but that makes me nervous"
>you're in the hunting department
>here's the directions i jotted them down for you
>women look distraught
>ok
and
>standing outside counter OC again
>retention lv3
>older dude walks up on my peripheral
>i turn
>we're hugging distance close talk distance
>"I'VE GOT A GUN."
>pulls out sig p380 pointed at me
>ADRENALINE MODE ACTIVATE
>both hands on gun, stiff arm
>low sweeping footwork
>weight on the weapon
>control line of fire
>yelling mode activate
>nearby wife screatching freakout mode activate
>dude bonks leg on counter
>get pistol
>yelling at him
>drop mag
>full
>rack slide
>one in the pipe
>dude doesn't understand why he's leaving the store now without his carry ammo
>just came in to ask some questions about holsters
>>29866383
nope just sleep deprivation
fake story cont.
>standing at counter trying to hold in a fart
>want to save it for when customer walks up
>fart too early
>clear area for a while
>go into camping department
>get in tent
>take off pants
>get in sleeping bag
>fall asleep
>wake up
>its 2am store is closed i'm locked in
>mannequins come to life
>i'm adam sandler
>>29866401
>another hard day at work
>get finished nailing squares of sod grass to the entire back wall of the store
>no we have the habitat, let them free
>cut open dozens of bags of crickets and ladybugs from gardening area and release them on the wall
>plug in xtra long gardening hose to employee bathroom urinal and flush
>this is how i water my garden wall
>moving my lawn sideways as i walk on the wall with climbing crampons from hiking department (we dont have a climbing or hiking dpt i made that up)
>i can walk on my new lawn wall like spiderman
>customers dont understand how i'm in a oleg shuplyak painting irl
>i've tacked down a fucking sprinkler with tent stakes on this bitch
>my wall is ill as fuck
>knees suddenly snap sideways because my body wasn't designed to do this
>crampons disconnect and i fall to the ground, an ugly griple
>ladybugs crawl over my face while i lay there in agony and shame
>get workers comp for backwards legs
>get fired for gardening vertically
>>29866420
>legs heal up backwards i look like an ostrich now
>call boss and threaten lawsuit for not being equal opportunity employer
>get my job back at the gun counter
>now with ostrich legs
>the rest of my body starts to turn ostrich like in form
>i become taller
>can now carry two henry rifles one on each side of me with wing harness
>golden boys in .357
>plumage coming in
>can't control when i shit anymore, i feel so free
>but i'll never be able to fly
>or mow my lawn vertically
>>29866445
>run at 40 miles per hour up to front register to grab a snack
>i'm a fucking ostrich strapped with .357 henry golden boy rifles and a huge fucking beak
>notice register has ostrich jerky
>sue store owner for this
>get paid 2billion dollars
>buy the store
>i own the store now because i bought it
>i'm an ostrich sharpshooter
>get plastic surgery to become normal again
>lose the rest of the money gambling on ostrich races
>sell the store back to my old boss to get out of debt
>beg my boss for my old job back
>get my old job back
>people muzzle sweep me all day and ask "when the .22lr usually shows up"
>/k/ry myself to sleep every night
>>29866386
wait why'd the guy draw on you?
>>29866461
I love you.
>>29866478
he was simply too stupid to understand that he just did just draw a loaded weapon on someone without warning. he just wanted it fitted for a holster or some shit. he didn't see any of the many, many bright red sign that says "keep all firearms holstered", or think to bring it in unloaded in a case. i don't know how he hasn't walked out into traffic, or choked to death drinking a glass of water during his 50 years on the planet.
sometimes a customer would ask "mind if i take this out to show you" and i would reply "no, keep it holstered - i have on in the case we can use to fit holsters" or "no, please bring it in unloaded in a case next time"
>>29866492
damn. I'd like to think people weren't that stupid but my last two backpage buys involved an nd into the sellers driveway, by the seller. And today a guy handing me a loaded .357 revolver, and saying don't shoot me lol after i payed him for it.
This is true gold.
>>29866504
jesus christ. yeah wow. mind if i ask what state that was in?
>>29866488
oh you enjoyed the ole' vertical gardening ostrich transformation story huh? one more for you then.
>another hard day at work
>finish up giving a rim job to our 470lbs Sig rep
>he leaves a bunch of sig p220s for us to sell
>entering the serial #s into our inventory system
>notice an anagram
>the first letter of each serial spells something out
>O
>P
>I
>S
>A
>F
>A
>G
>G
>I
>T
>what a coincidence
>shrug
>inspecting p220 with co-worker
>hammer rubs on one side of frame
>what the fuck
>rack the slide back on another one
>it stays rearward and will not return
>what the fuck
>Sig, No Compromise
>customer walks up with german shepherd
>i'm apprehensive, because these stories usually end up pretty weird when these dogs show up
>decide to pet the dog this time
>+1 good for me
>customer asks for .22lr
>lie to him, thats -2 bad for me
>lie to a few other customers that day about .22lr
>i'm no longer neutral
>leave the start zone after work and try to grind golden retrievers
>get critical striked because my alignment is evil
>die
>have to run back to my corpse
>drop all my .22lr
captcha:
select the waffles shaped like Texas
im trying to figure out if i found two silverfish in my sleeping area just now, or if i simply failed to kill the first one. also, i'm pretty alarmed that there are any silverfish in my home at all. will they burrow in my brain while i sleep?
>standing at the gun counter
>another hard day at work
>waiting for a customer to walk up so i can tell him "no" to whatever he asks
>a customer walks up, it's a hot woman
>excuse me do you have any hot sex i can fuck
>i tell her no
>god damn it i just fucked myself out of sex
>next some old guy walks up
>excuse me do you have
>NO!
>any room in your pockets for all this money
>i'm rich and dying and don't have any family
>oh you don't have any room in your pockets bye then
>fuck i could have been rich
>i'll get it right this time
>some guy walks up with a golden retriever
>do you have any
>YES
>.22lr
>you son of a bitch
>go home defeated, try to shitpost on /k/ but end up becoming a virticle ostrich horticulture faggot
>get invaded by silverfish
>they lay eggs in my ear
i think i'll go to sleep with blue foam earpro in my nostrils & ears tonight for protection. + one in the butthole. i should cough any up that try to get in my mouth. i should be safe. i hope this thread gets pruned while i'm asleep and everyone that wasn't here has a terrible hangover tomorrow.
>>29866420
>(we dont have a climbing or hiking dpt i made that up)
Thank god, I was worried there for a second.
>>29866297
>>standing at counter one day trying not to blink
>>end up blinking, its impossible
Everything about this thread is retarded.
>>29867148
Gravity is actually real. I just wanted to tell you so you're not left wondering what the most obvious stuff is
10/10 bread
You know, despite being only marginally /k/ related, this is still the best /k/ thread.
>>29865455
no gunz begone
>>29865475
>shoes don't fit
>gloves don't fit
>looks like a poor attempt at being a "trap"
0/10
I still don't understand what's going on
>>29865475
I want to believe those tits are real
However like>>29867967
said, needs tighter gloves, and better fitting shoes and it'd be much better
>>29870145
You're not supposed to, just lean back and enjoy it.
>mfw this thread
/r/ing collected complete tails from the gun counter, if anyone capped that shit
>>29870383
Shit.
>tails
Tales.
Tails must be the furfag version.
>>29870383
>>29870400
Good luck. This drunk bastard does this like....every Friday. Just gets on here and greentexts whatever comes to mind until he passes out.
Also, good job OP this is legendary status. Just don't tripgmfag or I'll wish fleas upon you.
>>29870427
Is there a rhyme or reason to it for the most part? This is the first time I've ever caught it. I might have skimmed past it once a long time ago; the name sounds a little familiar
First time capping a thread, kind of a pain in the ass.
>>29865475
>later that chromosome
I got that reference
>>29866097
That's called a waifu
