>working BX at Nellis
>bullshit Job, have to wear ridiculous uniform, haven't had a day off to go do anything in Vegas in forever
>guy comes in wearing what appears to be a Roman army uniform made out of a bed sheet
>open carrying a BAR
>go to alert base security
>tell me to just tolerate him and anyone with him, apparently he's a contractor helping out with electrician work and pest control
>comes up to me and asks to browse my wares
>wat
>stands there staring silently for a solid ten minutes
>walks past me to a shelf where there's a display of some old M79s and prototype missile launchers from the 50s
>stares at one of the grenade launchers for a few seconds and it begins levitating
>too scared to even speak
>sprints around a corner with ancient M79 floating in tow
>comes back without it, does the same thing with the entire display and half my inventory
>tries to sell me a badly maintained AR with a knockoff ACOG that he literally pulled out of his ass
>he stares at me and grabs a handful of bottle caps out of the trash and throws it on the floor at my feet
>leaves after buying 25 individual bottles of water
Has anyone in the Las Vegas area run into this guy?
Also, pic related, BX has a cyber cafe with badass flight simulators. Employees play for free, shit is cash money.
>>25640608
I think I saw a guy like that.
>Trying to run my junk shop off the side of one of the highways for a couple months before I pick up with a caravan to head out east again
>see some guy off in the distance
>he is full at a full sprint running at me
>about to pull my pistol thinking some fiend on psycho was going to murder me
>come to an abrupt stop in front of me, with what looked like at least 10 shotguns and rifles tied to his back, pieces of scrap metal and bandoleers dangling off of him.
>must have been carrying 200 pounds
>what the fuck
>he crouches down
>wat
>It's like I cant see him from my peripheal vision even though he is right there, but I'm 100 percent sure he is crouching and stealing all my wares laid out around me but I don't react because I'm too afraid
>stands up and sprints away
>all my wares are gone
This guy is the worst
>>25641391
That's the same mother fucker
> be me Inna desert
> comes across a death claw
> nope my way the fuck away
> crazy fucker comes running at me with a fucking rocket launcher
> hey stop man there's a death claw back that way
> ass hole keeps running past me
> doesn't say a word
> gets out of siget
> several explosions later
> guy comes running back towards me
> now has assault carbine
> stops in front if me and couches down
> disniggaserious.jpg
> curiosity gets the better of me
> glad I have my 12.7 mm pistol incase this guy gets sideways with me
> don't say a word
> guy stands up and leaves
> get ready for bed that night gonna enjoy my nuka cola I bought a week back
> check my bag
> empty nuka bottle and a busted ass 10 mm pistols
> that son of a fucking bitch
Is this the same guy that brags about fucking that robot?
>out innadesert
>trying to find a gecko or something so i can eat
>hear gunfire and explosions in the distance
>peek over a rock to investigate
>like 20 dead legionnaires, and one guy finishing off the last 3 or 4
>fucking hate the legion, so i start running down to help
>by the time i get to the camp, he's looting all the bodies
>doesn't say a word to me as he eats like 40 pounds of gecko and dog meat
>sprints off before i can even ask WTF is going on
>cyborg dog with his brain in a fishbowl runs after him from behind a shed
i swear i never touch jet or psycho or anything.
This fucking guy isn't human, I swear
>Stationed at camp forlorn hope
>We're about to assault a legion camp with only 3 fucking guys
>Suddenly get word that some dude who's been helping out around the camp is gonna help us
>Lot of good that will fucking do
>Suddenly this dude comes up wearing a desert ranger uniform and wielding the most beat to shit beowulf AR I've ever seen
>Tells commander he's ready to attack
>Like hell we are
>But nope, commander decides to attack anyway
>First legionnaire comes into sight
>Suddenly everyone goes still except this one dude
>I mean no one can move, none of our guys and the legion
>Meanwhile this guy is popping every fucking chem known to man and downs an entire whiskey bottle
>Suddenly time unpauses
>Dude starts fucking destroying the entire legion camp
>Like, the very second any legionnaire comes into sight his head pops
>Guy doesn't miss a single shot
>He's even fucking looting them while he's still killing them
>Eventually kills everyone and walks into the building with Dead Sea
>Walks out like 5 seconds later after only 4 shots
>Everyone in the place is missing a head
>The guys just pulls out his pipboy without saying anything and literally disappears
>None of our guys even fired a single shot, he could have done it all singlehandedly
I'm glad he seems to be on our side and all but I never want to see that thing again.
>out along a trading route south of new vegas
>see a deathclaw running after some guy
>look through my scope and see he's holding some toy pistol
>pointing it at the deathclaw like it'll do anything except make the deathclaw uncomfortable when it shits it out
>think about trying to shoot it and save this idiot, but i don't want to piss it off
>suddenly, a fucking laser beam from the sky comes down outta nowhere and fries the deathclaw
>wtf
You guys won't fucking believe this one.
> be me inna capital
> centaurs everywhere
> well fuck
> rifle rounds start cracking by me and hitting centaur heads
> it's fucking nuts
> mutant turns the corner
> spaghetti pouring out of my pockets
> 10 shots 10 hit's on the mutants face and it explodes
> Abraham fucking Lincoln comes running over to the mutant and loots it
> Mr. Lincoln runs off
> I hear tons more gun shots and explosions in the distance
> don't care to investigate
>loading shells for a robot
>some fagget in a stupid hat and surgeons outfit always stops by to talk to robot
>never me
>just pops in out of no where and stands in front of robot
>niether say shit to each other.
>pulls out a metric ton of bottle caps from pockets I can't see
>fucking robot must eat them or some shit
>he never fucking talks to me but him and robot lover boy will stare at each other for hours
>worst part he pushes me off my reloading bench
>just stares at it
>sometimes he shows up and just leaves piles and piles of faggy legion armor
>sometimes brings with him insane blue grandma
>best times he brings cute drunk redhead
>get to stare at that ass for hours
>sometimes weird bulldyke in powerarmor
>can't stare at ass through armor
Gunrunners is suffering.
>>25640608
>MFW I imagine this happening in real life
10/10 OP even if it might be copypasta. I laughed.
>Be sherrif for Primm
>Bunch of inmates from NCR jail break out and come over here to fuck us up
>Beat the shit out of me and tie me up in a kitchen
>Have a view of the cafeteria where the inmates are playing caravan and shit
>Suddenly, Dynamite
>Someone is chucking pounds of dynamite through the doorway
>destroys all of the Inmates in like 4 seconds
>Black dude in a afro comes out
>Walks over to a leg
>He reaches into it and rips out a full flamer and a tank
>Then he pulls out some armor
>Notices me
>Walks over
>Unties me
>Says he'll find a deputy for me
>Pulls up his pipboy and then runs off
>Never came back
Boomers go home
>Be caravan guard
>Barely survive Boomers being assholes by shelling us for giggles
>Patch myself up and head into the hills nearby to take a breather
>Hear low humming
>What
>Get over hill
>See a big oddly shaped chunk of metal near a larger heap of metal and glowing shit
>Walk over to the odd chunk of metal
>Examine it
>It's a strange laser weapon
>Pick it up
>Check the sights on it
>Aim at dickhead near the gate for the Boomers
>Suddenly some guy sprints full speed at the gate, popping their heads like sarsaparilla bottles
>Continue hearing cries of terror as this strange man keeps killing them
>Look down at my new gun
>Decide to leave it, it must be emitting radiation or something
>Walk to the nearest town and drink myself to sleep
>Wake up the next morning
>The whole town has been looted
>Everyone is missing their heads except for me because I somehow ended up in a fridge with a cowboy hat on
>Psycho, not even once.
>>25642665
>>Be sherrif for Primm
that poor fuck and his wife had his head removed for free by them powder niggers.
I know, I was there. I'm Johnathan Nash.
>Be Johnathan Nash
>random eye bot rolls into town
>rolls, wasn't flying
>fuck it, i'll keep it around for parts
>fucker wakes me and ruby up in the night with bullshit uncle sam music
>no idea who sam is, or why is my uncle
>uncle sam sounds like a faggot
>ruby acts weird around robot
>robot won't say shit to me
>pretty sure ruby is fucking the robot
>ruby's cooking takes a nosedive, pools of oil and lube clutter the house
>fucking robot
>one day powder niggers show up and kill half the town
>cut off sheriff's head and skull fuck it in the streets
>ruby hasn't touched me in years, aint ashammed I masturbated while watching
>ruby and robot probably fucking while shit was going down
>faggot deputy gets caught
>few days later obvious chem adict shows up
>stupid jet head can't win single game of caravan.
>jethead so stupid I convince him to take adulterous robot off my hands
>I mention to him about the power niggers in the bisonshit hotel across the street
>mumbled in a medx fueled drool that he already killed them all.
>killed faggot deputy too.
>wore their entrails as a pretty dress he says
>uses dynamate as prostate stimulator
>no idea what a prostate is.
> chem addict walks over to tourist bot
>yells that he saved the town
>fucking tourist bot now thinks its sheriff and arrests people for littering.
>pretty sure ruby is now fucking the tourist bot
Fucking Robots.
>>25642955
Hahaha that's great I know it's not weapons related but damn it this thread is good.
>>25642955
Lost it at jet head and caravan.
>>25642955
thank you anon
>imagining a guy running up to an eyebot and slurring "I SAVED THE TOWN"
>finally get my brahmin and guards down the long 15 from Vault City
>heard that Vegas is a booming area and wanted to take my guys out for a vacation and maybe sell some authentic Vault City shit to the yokels
>NCR holds me at this shitty camp
>says the roads are too dangerous
>literally about a dozen armed caravan guards are at this place right now
>fucking waster rolls up and convinces the head cunt to clear up the road
>take my guards out to see what he does
>he puts some boxing tape on his hands and beats five raiders and two geckos to death
>he's got about twenty bullet holes in him, but he keeps shoving needles into his arm and punching
We just turned around and went up to Reno and starred in a porno.
>>25642544
Wrote it on the shitter while smoking a cigarette and yelling at my mom
on of the best threads on /k/ now
go on
>>25647220
A true Internet hero
> be me leaving good springs
> nice little town
> running low in supplies
> find caravan
> good people
> fair price for their items
> have purified water
> awww yiss
> buy water and some gecko meat
> gonna eat good tonight
> leave trader and keep heading north
> hear the trader talking to some one
> look over my shoulder
> guy stands infront of trader for a few seconds
> pulls out shotgun and turns the traders body into a million pieces flying through the air
> part of his jaw bone hits me
> guy then does the same to the traders brahmin
> guy loots the pieces of meat
> just another day in the wasteland.
>>25642955
I laughed so hard i almost gagged.
>>25648324
>heading North from good springs
Nigger do you not care if deathclaws ass rape you to death
>>25648563
Deathclaws? I wouldnt worry about that.
>>25648578
>wouldn't worry about that
Deathclaw confirmed
>>25648563
One does not live in the wasteland this long and not know how to keep death claw dick out of his prison wallet.
>>25648672
I see someone elses is aware of the rape and monster pregnancy mod...
>>25648359
Won't be the last time I almost make you gag bby...
I work at the Quarry north of Sloan (or worked).
I'm pretty sure the same guy we're talking about went in there and cleaned house. He came back carrying the head of what had to be the largest deathclaw I've ever seen and plopped it on the card table out in the road. Dude was carrying a Hecate 12.7mm on his back with the barrel dragging the ground lol.
>be me, muggy
>spend all my time thinking about mugs
>man do I hate how much I love mugs
>some new guy starts living in the sink
>he comes and goes, usually full of bullet holes and with empty syringes hanging off him
>he always has books for the book chute
>he always has appliances for the toaster
>he's always getting healed at the Auto Doc
>he has a favorite light switch
>he hangs around with the sink, and the biologic research station
>he even hangs out with the jukebox
>but not muggy
>he never talks to muggy
>no one ever talks to muggy
>he either runs into the auto doc, or straight to the bed in the back, usually right past me
>normally I wouldn't mind
>but he has coffee cups
>I can see them, tied together and hanging off his pack
>he stows his pack on a high shelf where I can't reach them
>I can see them, sitting there in the open
>so close, yet so far
>its torture
>I tried to ask him to let me have some of the mugs
>I even said I would turn them into useful things, like the other AIs
>he ignored me
>I think the sick fuck likes watching me squirm
>one day, his pack fell off the shelf
>I didn't think, I just acted
>oh the sweet release
>overhear him say that he spared Dr. O.
>did O tell him to torment me?
>what if they're working together?
>oh god now it all makes sense
>they're out to get ol' muggy
>I know what to do, I'll run away
>but where?
>I have nowhere to go
>I'm trapped
>I wonder if I can knock the toaster down
>>25649616
muggy had the shortest end of the stick out of all of them.
At least the toaster had achievable goals.
>>25651096
he was the most hilarious though
>>25651558
Oh PLEASE PLEEASE tell me you have some COFFEE CUPSS
>>25651558
Hey everyone lets turn ourselves into giant floating brains in jars! Do you have any idea how many coffee cups giant brains in jars use? ...NOT FUCKING MANY
>>25651619
kek, one of his best lines.
OWB had the best dialoge.
>>25642709
Remove Legion
NCR Strong
>>25642955
>can't even win a single game of caravan
I'll never understand people who can win that damn game.
>>25640608
Glory to the Legion
this shit is funnier when you're stationed at nellis, im gonna be on the lookout now
>>25653131
>>25652978
That game is something I'd love to learn how to play, but it just doesn't feel worth it when I can quickly rack up credits playing black jack
I feel so bad, but i'm pretty sure I'm the bastard that started this whole thing.
>be me
>doc mustache rider jamboree mitchel
>bitches loves the stache
>also hides my hairlip
>one day in medex fueled haze I find a corpse on my door step
>presumeable for sex
>dirty dirty corpse
>i can work with this
>fucker wakes up right when I lied it down all sexy like on doc's mustache couch.
>tries to escape mustache couch
>take it easy now
>show it a mirror of how disfigured it is
>maybe it will still let me poke its jelly jar
>suddenly changes race
>changes age, shape, color
>i can work with this
>goes from chinese hitler to raider skank
>i can work with this
>now looks like sambo with afro
>sigh...i guess i can work with this
>after about 3 hours settles its appearance on midget Chinese girl...boy
>i can work with this
>hair color now blue
>can't tell if its my years of pill poppin' pills or the mojave got weirder
>shit for brains bangs up the whole house getting to the vitomatic
>stares at it for about 3 hours
>didn't have to heart to tell it that it wasn't plugged in
It demanded it I call it 'Chairxir Meow Ow'. Freak. Whatever.
>runs off and stabs some gangers then eats them in the middle of the street.
>follows Sunny 'Ass for days' Smiles to go kill geckos or some shit
>while i'm giving trudy the mustache mambo shitbrain shows up again
>covered in needles and dog shit; demands irradiated water.
>I offer it the toilet as a joke. Drank teh water and ate the turd from this mornin'
>Sunny crawls up with no dog and broken legs
>shitbrain leaves town
Whatever, Sunny can't escape my mustache couch now and trudy is still a sloot when I give her "doc's special mustache candy pills". I'm sorry to put the rest of you through this, but Shitbrain keeps an endless supply of battered raiders and womenfolk headin' my way to get mustache bandaids put on, so I couldn't say no.
If Chairxir Meow Ow cripples your ass, don't worry.. i'll make some room in the mustache mansion.
>>25653813
holy fucking shit 11/10 lost my shit
>be me
>dr 'pussy hot like wasabi' usangi
>no, i don't know what wasabi is either
>actual retard shows up at the jet/psycho lab
Im not an actual doctor. I murder raped a whole mess of people in this here clinic in a psycho / jet/ rad x fueled murder rape rage and found myself this lab coat. Some bunch of queers show up as "followers of 2pak a lips" and asked If i was a doctor. Of course I said yes when they said they'd be willing to give me supplies. Supplies are find to snort. Anyways
>not a doctor, but this guy is a retard.
>offer to increase its intelligence by a bit for a discount
>all i do is shove random bits of scrap metal and bomb parts I find and call them implants
>offer him my sensor module to the midbrain special
>retard just slams the counter and drools
>slowly make out the words
> it wants to be a girl mutant
>tell it I don't do that procedure
>demands I cut off its dick
>demands I place nuts in jar to wear around neck
>try to explain I'm not a doctor, just a she devil with a fixin for fuzzy rape sprees
>refuses to leave without me chopping dick off
>pulls out more caps than I see pockets for
>starts pelting my guards with caps demanding dick
>stupid fuck, those guards are only for my eye candy
>agree to do the procedure anyways, lots of caps is lots of jet
>by procedure I mean shoving a vacuum cleaner up its ass
>didn't have a dick to begin with
>take two mole rat fetuses and jar em up
>wake up 'patient' with a slap from trusty lead pipe
>miss
>miss
>miss
>patient rolls out of bed exactly 8 hours after surgery screaming
>IMMAPRETTYPRINCESS
>IMMAPRETTYPRINCESS
>IMMAPRETTYPRINCESS
It left to hit the casinos, and last I heard had cleared the entire strip out of caps. Keeps coming back in here for 'cosmic surgery'.
Pays good, followers still don't now about drug lab and all I have to do to keep the retard happy is strap a pulse mine to its groin every sunday.
>>25653131
Kill all legion scum
>>25642082
This is a New Vegas thread
>>25654550
Good job m8 I can't stop laughing
>>25649616
This is probably the gayest thing I ever said, but I felt bad for poor muggy. When I decorated my house I was sure to leave three mugs in his corner.
Someonedo ulyses just as a muffled bixnood speach.
Plllllllz.
>>25656509
>be me mayne
>din du nuffin
>meet dis cool cat named kai zar
>he said I din du nuffin
>says i be gud boi
>says i get dem good programs
>has me bix nood some weak ass foos
>repeat
>repeat
>defeat
>shieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet
>suddenly realize kaizar is white mayne
>him be keepin me down
>makin me du shite for dem programs
>notice other foos copy my style, homie dat dont fly
>one day crazy ass cracka walks in
>no hair, no nuffin but crazy eye bot
>eye bot be jackin my style
>eye bot inadvertenly accidently my whole everything
>eye bot leaves my whole lyfe in ruins
>dat diviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide
>shieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet
>wuteva, get dem welfair bennies
>go down to job center 'looking for work'
>old ass cracka behind the counter says I be curiour
>try to tell his deaf ass I ain't walkin no package no where
>try and tell him this other honkey on the list gunna take my package
>honkey won't let it go
>NO HONKEY DIS NIGGA GUNNA TAKE DAT PACKAGE
>NO HONKEY NO
>fuggin walk out on dat bitch nigga, I ain't takin no job
>turns out same bitch nigga dat rekt muh everything
>stalk his ass outa boredom
>find cool mask
>now no one will know my identity when I hurl shit at the NCR po po
>chuck shit ereday nigga
>fucking honkey wif da eye bot shows up at my crib
>yell at him
"PHSSHHF HONKESHHH DA DAAAAAAAAAAAVIIIIIIIIISHHHHHHHHHHHHH NIGASHHHHHHHH"
>crazy ass honkey don't even listen to me
>does the jitterbug jump to nuke console
>phhhhhsssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet
>fucking crazy ass honkey sends the rest of the nukes at my former homie kaizar's faggot bridage
>das coo I hate dem butt bandits
>honkey also lobs dem bombs at da fuggin po-lice NCR too
>das cool I hate dem po po too
>bitch nigga still jacks my shit
You white people crazy.
>>25640608
OP, is that in the vanilla game or is it a mod? Flying around the New Vegas world sounds like the fucking tits.
>>25653813
You're a genius
>>25657843
That's gotta be a mod.
>>25657843
>>25658001
Id imagine you'd need a pretty beefy system to fly around and have it render. The speed running mods are a pretty hard resource drain as is.
Either way, I was fucking pissed when I finished with the boomers and couldn't get in the sim... and when none of the DLC got you in the sim...
>>25658051
So was I, although I wouldn't be surprised if that was a decision constrained by engine limitations more than anything.
>>25648578
get out of here nightkin!
>>25642955
Oh god haha
>>25653813
Lel
>>25657780
Lol I hated Ulysess
>>25659467
I don't know anyone who actually liked him.
>>25659767
I wanted to like him, I would have loved some sort of philosophical character. But instead of making it subtle they just went full MUH BEAR MUH BULL and managed to not actually include any philosophical thought other than MUH BEAR MUH BULL
BEAR
BULL
BEAR
BULL
YOU DESTROYED EVERYTHING
BEAR BULL BEAR BULL BEAR BULL
Bump for more
>>25660357
>YOU DESTROYED EVERYTHING
>BEAR BULL BEAR BULL BEAR BULL
Probably the reason why I can't play through that without nuking everyone.
>>25660357
I actually had a hard time emotionally with that DLC
>>25664424
Emotionally in a good or bad way (relative to the DLC and the character)
Don't get me wrong, I liked the DLC and the premise, but the main antagonist could have been done better, especially after they've gone through all that trouble to hype up Ulysses in other DLCs and through interactions with other npcs in the game. Some of the side stories you find on notes or in terminals are pretty good, the environment is also excellent, I was just disappointed, was all. They tried to hard to make him a self-justifiable evil and fell flat on their faces in the process, making him just another cardboard cutout evil guy with some dialogue to make him seem like something more.
>Be me, NCR trooper on leave
>in Freestyle, at one of the gates
>told Freestyle was dangerous, and that even if I'm trained in combat I should get a guard because thugs won't give you any trouble
>sounds like a scam but ok
>select a guard, pay him my caps up front
>just as we're about to leave, this wastelander comes in, decked out in full pre-war combat armor, with a giant ballistic rifle slung behind his back
>has eyebot and qt3.14 redhead cowgirl following him
>requests same guard
>pays his caps, guard lays down the rules, then we start moving out
>get close to gate, suspicious guys in middle of street
>guard has us take a detour
>guard asks us to wait part way through on detour, wants to check things out
>sprints ahead at an inhuman speed, takes a few shots at the same suspicious looking guys we saw earlier
>comes back, says they won't give us trouble
>wastelander takes a look at the bodies, confronts guard, mentioning he fired fewer shots than people he "killed", and says they're still alive and just pretending to be dead
>just pretending
>the guy's head is fucking separated from his body, and he's "just pretending"
>apparently it's true because guard confesses, gives full refund
>finish making my way to the gate with wastelander
>see freestyle scrub make a run for gate, get gunned down
>i'm behind the wastelander in line, so i just ready my passport
>wastelander just walks up to gate, speaks some technobabble, and just let him in with no credit or passport check
>he literally talked the gate bots into letting him in the most secured area in the mojave wasteland outside of the major NCR bases and Boomers territory
>immediately start hitting the bars once I get waved in, because this day is too much for a sober regular joe to handle
>>25664810
8/10, but all i was thinking was
>freestyle
>freestyle
>freestlye
IT IS FREESIDE HOLEY GUACAMOLE SHITFUCK
>>25665564
Shit, my bad, it's been months since I've played
>>25653131
>Slavers
>Mix of Tribals
>Wanna be Romans who will never live up to the Imperial Rome
How does it feel?
B..BUT MUH LEGATE LANIUS
>inb4 NCR scum
Hello from Goodsprings :^)
This machine kills Legionaries
>Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter
>>25670090
lol please kill yourself newfriend
>>25670090
BENIS!
>>25670118
is that a BENIS?
>>25670134
no, THIS is a BENIS!
>>25640608
>Good game thread on /k/
>Good gun thread on /v/
>>25670090
>>25670112
>>25670126
>>25670141
>>25670157
>>>/b/
Your spam posting is not /k/ related
>>25670090
>>25670112
>>25670126
>>25670141
>>25670157
>>25670166
Spam posting is bad anon, you should really quit it.
>>25670166
and your a fag, your point?
>>25670090
>>25670112
>>25670126
>>25670141
>>25670157
>>25670166
>>25670199
Plz stahp?
/thread
Congratulations you let the faggot win. He''ll just do it again.
>>25670316
STOP IT MR MEANIE HEAD!
>>25670396
>this is not /k/
yes this is /k/ now go away.
>>25670396
New Vegas is like STALKER.
We made it /k/.
Only newfags don't know this.
>>25671667
>New fags thinking New Vegas is /k/
>>25670444
>>/killyourself/
>>25640608
>Roman with a BAR
I had to post this
>>25670141
>>25671749
This thread was about to die and you bumped it back to the top with your sperging.
You saved the thread.
Thanks anon, you stupid fuck.
>>25640608
>thought I was done with drinking
>then I met... it
>all I do all day is sit next to this here motorcycle
>I sit all day cause there be about 3 sticks of dynamite in my anus
>I sit very still
>one day, that disease ridden whore sunny sends some waster my way for my secret stash of dynamite
>says he wants to save the town, kill the bad guys blah blah
>doesn't look like he'd know the difference between a fuse and fuselage
>hell no stranger, you just hurt yourself
>also I don't think you have the medical expertise to remove this here kaboomboom tumor in my rump
>waster runs off in the direction of the school
>probably a sick fuck kiddie fiddler
>honestly I shouldn't judge, I'm no saint
>as I slide another stick of dynamite past my sphincter waster returns
>demands I divulge to him my secret stash
>Nope, you'll just hurt yourself hunting for explosives in my magical cave of wonders
>waster pulls out a magazine and starts to read it
>asshole is now blocking my sun and fucking my tan
>I'd get up to move, but I've replaced my knees and feet with dynamite.
>ain't gunna let no one touch my secret stash.
>suddenly waster demands for dynamite again
>like I'd fork over daddy's favorite prostate pounder to some jackass that just read a magazene
>then again I don't know how to read
>after about 10 mins of squeezing I had over my secret stash, permiated with a wonderful bouquet of rancid shit and blood.
>waster runs out toward the gang and shoves the dynamite up their ass
>doesn't even bother lighting the fuse, and just beats them all to death with a golf club
>watched him pull it out of his own ass
>realize i've been outdone by some punk waster in the skill of shoving weapons into my cavernous bowels
>no reason to live
>waster sprints off into the distance, golf club protruding like a tail.
My name's Easy Pete and this is why I drink irradiated whiskey.
>>25640608
For some reason, it just didn't click for me till you mentioned the bottlecaps. Till then, I was like "what the utter fuck is OP smoking"
>>25673643
Oh god hahahaha
Bump
[spoiler]awesome thread, eill contribute[/spoiler]
>patroling the wastes one day
>out of nowhere, faggots with swords
>me and ncr crew manage to stomp half of them
>tide of battle in our favor
>suddenly 7 foot tall black woman runs past
>behind her is another faggot with a tall more faggoty than normal hat
>that is how you know who is in charge
>bigger hat = bigger fag = sucks ka zar dick more
>poof with the hat blasting away at escaped gorrila
>couple shots zing by as me and squad duck for cover
>sprinting neegress doesn't even notice us
>turns around and in a flash drops lead faggot
>catch his head and hat just as the plasma melts him
>get faggot sauce all over me
>it burns, like me wastalnders fire while pissing diesease
>cripples my legs
>limp over to queen latifa
>she is eating the legion fags, armor and all
>before I can say aything she looks at us with souless eyes
>swear on me mum no pupils
>it screams
MMMMHMMMM AUNT JIMIMA GUNNA EAT DES EAR WAFFLE DEN YOUSA GUNNA GET THE SURYP SWEETIE
>I can't run
>last of crew stare in shock as the shadow of mount doom decends upon us
>I have no choice but to try and give myself a merciful death
>pull out shit service pistol
>aim
>lucky shot, second in command takes one to the knee
>just gave me enough time to crawl into a ditch
>I could hear it devour my squad
>it wouldn't stop screaming
>AND I GET A KIDNEY AND I GET A SPLEEN AND I GET A HEART
>FUCK YOU STEADMAN OPRAH MUST FEEEEEEEEEED
And that is why I became a stripper. Fuck wasters, faggots and reading.
I tried really hard, but lost it right there.
Glorious thread
>>25673643
>waster sprints off into the distance, golf club protruding like a tail.
best part
>>25670141
They pruned the fucking nerf thread, they will NOT prune this one.
>>25652978
It's pretty simple, escalating or declining sets of cards, or of the same suite, which can reverse it, and whoever has the highest number in their stack that's between 21 (or maybe it was 22) and 26 has that stack. You win if you control two stacks, and face cards modify how the table acts.
>>25680797
Goddamn, I just now figured it out
>>25680797
>>25681756
I could never get it.
I can't remember the name,. but the card game from KOTOR was fun, and I could actually win.
Seriously though, what you just said is like somalian bix nood to me. No Idea.
>>25682670
I liked that one in FF8
Yall think you had a weird run in with the waster?
Naw, leme tell you how fucked up shit is in he wastes. You'd think after the bombs fell people would have stopped being so violent. Or at least they would have stopped being that extra vile, sick kinda twisted violent.
Should have been a chance for humanity to unite, to rebuild, to make something better of the world they had inhereted. Should have been easy since they inhereted a scotched irradiated graveyard. Plant a fucking daisy maybe and you'd be good right?
No... man is incapable of change... man never changes...
>running a grow op under the NCR
>yes, that kinda grow up
>need dat danky dankness
>told the NCR heads it was for food production or some shit
>fucking retards believe anyone in a lab coat
>it isn't like the fucks left over don't just eat each other or whatever rad filled shit they find
>had one fucker come in talking about crazy plants that walk on their own
>deranged like the rest of them, didn't pay no mind
>check it out anyways, lab coat is just for show
>filled with plants, growing without sunlight or fresh water
>the fucking answer to my problems
>now I can sart growing that deep vault hydro
>shit makes your lungs bleed green, see plant men walk around
>get deep into the grow op
>bust open reactor to use as fertilizer for my new voodoo vault strain
>a potent mix of get high, get fucked, get radiation sickness
>all good in the wasteland
>make the worst mistake
>dive into my own stash
>see green men for days
>gives me an idea
>collared bitches in NCR lookin for results from my 'experiments'
>all good yall, just doing dat research
>stupid people with stupid opinions run rampant
>get a new lab assistant.
>if I wasn't so high all the time I might find her attractive, physically
>otherwise dat bitch doesn't have an off switch for her stank face.
>she starts askin why I'm so interested in the grow fault
>months of smokin vault lettuce has made me parinoid
>use the cunning and guile given to me by my creator for one final stroke of genius.
>what if
>hold up, listen...WHAT IF...
>seriously listen; WHAT IF THE WEED PLANTS GUARDED THEMSELVES??!?
>using secrets of my trade, hybridize new strain.
>ithica, saliva, ganges, venus fly trap and a shitload of cazador venom for extra spicy
>my creation lives
>my creation grows
>my creation has a habit of eating people
>IT FERTILIZES ITSELF TOO!
>send it constant stream of idiot wasters
>weed plants extremely effective
>also if you suck their farts you get high for daaaaaaaaayzeeee
>new bitch thinks she is smart and sends out a fucking ghoul to check it out
>plants don't mess with rotten flesh, only like that good tasty shit
>fuckin some bitch cunt why i oughta
>ghoul doesn't return for a few days
>maybe everything good.. parinoia subsides
>send more mercs to keep the plants healthy
>new merc is... different.
>wears a dress and a raider blast mask
>drags around car bumper it calls a sword
>has obvious dementia, stands around for hours sometimes on base
>doesn't say a word
>whatevs, food for muh babies
>I think the stupid new cunt tells him about the ghoul
>bitch I will cut you
>it should be fine, new guy can't be that bad right?
>ghoul bitch kelly returns smug as fuck
>'HOWS THAT RESEARCH SMOOTHSKIN?'
>fucking bitch I'll cut ofcf thre rest of your face...
>dress wearing merc shows up
>demands payment for rescuing the ghoul
>dammit nigga I told you just to get some data tapes gawd dam
>destroyed data tapes
>SIGH, that's FINE it isn't like I needed my pre war porn stash anyways.
>burned out the whole vault and killed all the green men
>the entire grow is gone, all the data is gone and even the magic seeds that got me that sweet vault voodoo wunderba weed.
>killed my babies
>killed my op
>has big enough balls under the dress to try and blackmail me
>fucker swipes the last of my savings threatin to go to the po po
>fucking new cunt snitches on me anyways
So here I am, fucking around in someone's car with a single fucking plant trying to restart. One fucking asshole in a dress ruined my whole dam life, got me kicked out from my desk job and landed me in this fucking trailer park. Couldn't just leave me the fuck alone with my babies. Let that be a lesson, never trust a man in a dress with 200 lbs of raw brahmin steak in a smelly ass backpack.
My name is tom 'Ricky' hildren, you got 200 bucks to loan me so I can get my plants going again and start selling dope?
>>25684770
200 NCR dollars? Sure you can have a few, shit is so worthless I mainly use it to wipe my ass
>>25684770
I keked a little, good effort anon
>>25651996
>dialoge
>>25658001
It's a mod. You can get it on Nexus, but it's kinda shit, the engine doesn't really allow for proper flight physics and the combat is a joke. More useful as a mobile house than anything. I was disappointed, I really wanted to break off a piece of that sweet vertibird strafing run action.
>>25684846
Thanks anon, I was really trying to unite my favorite things, fucking around in fallout and trailer park boys.
>>25684607
>>25684681
>>25684770
FUUUUUUUUUUUCK. I had no fucking idea where you were going with this. I though it'd end up with plant men rule 34 or some freaky shit.
Fucking nigger I had my pants down ready to fap when I got it. Fuck you so hard.
Write another fanfic this time with some cazador mandables on my dick dammit.
>>25685327
>with some cazador mandables on my dick
Is this seriously a thing?
>>25684868
dat pic
>>25685327
wat
>>25685327
Goddammit /k/
>>25685327
kek.holotape
>>25673643
You killed my sides man haha
>>25684770
>>25688433
>>25688535
>>25688587
I just see alot of 'BUT ANON MY STINGER IS ONLY FOR INJECTING'
'BUT I VENOM FROM THERE'
'ANON MAKE A HALF BREED CAZADOR ABOMINATION WITH ME'
would cazadors be tsurde? am I using that word righ>
>mfw this thread
>>25688961
>tsurde
I am imagining a Spurdo Asuka now.
>TURDS IMBACT :DDDDDDDDD
Someone screencap this shit pls.
We need fresh OC for the /k/ humor threads
>>25653623
My thoughts exactly, I already know how to play the games in Vegas, why would I learn Caravan?
>walkin the wastes one day
>check out spooky outdoor theater
>burnt out cars, dead raiders, needles everywhere
>the usual
>one of the cars has something in the trunk
>blue light and humming
>I should have followed my instinct and ran
>I could have been back at the trading post, maybe raping the freak with the dyke haircut
>I could have been powerfisted
>but no, i choose a fate worse than death
>brains in jars are the next thing I see
>all the do is low brow boob and dick jokes
>I'd scream but they removed my vocal chords
>one of them seems to have a fetish for bugs
>won't stop talkin about his new creation
>says he loves his cute cazadors
>cute
>wasps from the anus of satan
>next thing I know I'm in a lab of some sort
>the lighting is a dark red, can't make out the corners of the room
>all is silent
>then the chittering starts
>the burnt up sofa in the corner isn't a sofa
>fucking queen cazador
>she gives me the look
>'i want yo dick whit boi' look
>i can hear over the intercom the jarbrains laughing
>RELEASE THE PHERMONES
>a pink mist envelops me and queenie
>queenie has a collar with a loud speaker attached
>she speaks to me
>GIB ME DAT BREEDING SAUCE PUNY HUMAN
>I'm tied down I cannot move
>brainjars leave us, play romantic music
>hours pass
>my dick is on fire
>the mandables aren't too bad, she is very soft with them...
>her using her stinger for butt play didn't feel so hot
>suddenly a waster appears
>my silent screams beg for release
>queenie doesn't even see him
>my eyes beg the stranger to at least kill me
>PUNY HUMAN, STICK YOUR BREEDING STINGER INTO MY STINGER
>LET ME WASH YOU IN MY VENOM
>OH GOODNESS I'M SQUIRTING VENOM EVERYWHERE
>the waster behind the glass just stares
>it is enjoying the show
>as i penetrate queenie again i see the waster drop his own pants
>its dick is covered in needles
>it begins to masturbate, nodding its head and licking the observation glass
>>25694740
>SUCK THE VENOM FROM MY STINGER BREED DRONE
>OH DRONE, OH DRONE I'M GOING TO RELEASE MY VENOM AGAIN
>the waster behind the glass has a minigun inserted grip first into its anus
> i'd be impressed if I already didn't have a hive queen in my own anus
>queenie is starting throb her thorax
>YES HUMAN RELEASE YOUR VENOM UPON MY THORAX
>DETACH YOUR STINGER IN MY MANDIBLES
>the three of us cum at the same time
>stranger behind the glass clenched too hard, bullets rip through his torso
>doesn't seem too hot
>grabs a handful of stims and hammers them down into its dick
>through the urethra
>gives a thumbs up, he is all good
>queenie is now shitting out her clutch of eggs in shaking orgasim
>I smoke an irradiated cig
>i give waster behind the glass a thumbs up
>he turns down the lighting again and waves with a smile
Fucker didn't help me one bit, and I almost bled out from having my dick ripped off mid coitus. Brain jars patched me up though, and gave me a whole fridge of stims, drugs and booze.
It isn't a bad life, queenie is now my submisse sex slave and the brainjars keep me pretty well loaded.
Just, if in your travels across the mohave you come across a half man half cazador screeching winged devil creature...
Tell it dad says hi before you get your insides liquified.
>>25694817
Kek
>>25694740
>>25694817
I came.
Do you have a deviant art account or something? How can I pay you to write an entire novella of this?
Can I get a kick starter for you or something?
>>25642515
Kek'd at redhead ass and ass through armor
>>25694817
I am now arroused. Is /k/ the only place to find cazador rule 34?
I feel like that should be a banner or something:
/k/ - sexualizing your nightmares since 2008
>>25694740
>>25694817
>>25694899
>>25694933
>>25695595
10,000 years in microsoft adobe paintshop CS
>>25696016
You're a God among men and a great american hero.
Don't mind me, just toasting some epic bread.
>>25658051
I would be cool if they had a dlc where yoy were a pilot at the out break of the war. Kinda like new vegas version of operation anchorage.
>>25698156
>dlc
I loved playing fallout on my 360... but there is no point in consoles anymore. My shitty ass laptop brought me a better new vegas game than the console BY FAR.
You want to play as an andriod with andriod bennies? There is a mod for that. Want to shoot simo's nugget? Mod for that.
Pretty much a mod for every gun you can think of. I did my best to recreate my own collection of guns through nexus and got about 90% there.
getting savy with nexusmodmanager affirmed my decision to drop the consoles for good. Instead of droppin dosh for xbone, i'll save a little longer and upgrade the desktop to a gaming platform. the only reason to stick with consoles would be muiltiplayer, but i'm not shilling out 15 a month.
i mean, the pregnancy/rape mod is worth it alone...
>>25673643
>>I'd get up to move, but I've replaced my knees and feet with dynamite.
Now that's smuggling
>>25698415
Sounds like a new fetish I didn't know I had. Blow blow jobs from chicks with mandables. Something isn't right... but it don't feel wrong...
>>25696016
kek
>>25654799
TTW nyukka.
>there will never be a fallout based in the midwest, the whole goddamn midwest
>>25698388
>Dropping console for PC master race
You made the right choice. You don't see this shit happening on consoles.
>>25698388
>playing using only your guns
My nigga.
>Snakarov
>Nugget
>Hunting Shotgun
..I need more guns.
>>25694740
This is almost as good as that Eddie Eagle Jr. Pornfic in the other thread
Boasting for peptic cred.
Bump for more cazador porn
>>25701022
any one got some sauce on that
>>25701022
>>25706795
>Eddie Eagle Jr. Pornfic in the other thread
Jesus Fucking Christ. Is this how /k/ deals with nightmares horrors? We dick it?
Is our libido, and by extension our dick and balls the ultimate weapon for taming the wastes / world?
How would /k/ deal with ISIS? Just fuck them t o death? pervert their doctrine with mind break fan fics?
I'll do it. For America.
