>>29940936

Stuff that never happen.

>>29940936
>abandoning your rifle
Fucking coward.

>>29940936
I used to find all kinds of weird shit in the woods and bayou next to my house.
One time my friend and I found 3 doors (like front doors to a house) propped up against trees with burnt yellow pentegrams spraypainted on them.
Another time we found a baby doll with its eyes plucked out hanging from a tree. A bunch of other plastic limbs were places on other branches and twigs which was also pretty damn weird.
Another time we found a swamp literally MASSES of vultures. It had to have been hundreds of vultures standing around or flying in a very small area. We pussied out and left, becasue I didn't feel like seeing whatever it was they were feeding on.

>>29940990
>my rifle that can't pierce water bottles vs a fucking ak

>not using your duct tape bayonet to plug the russkie and claim his AK

>>29940936
Now these Russian dudes will laugh their fat asses off every time they remember about how that fat manlet playing soldier in the woods shat his pants and left his airshit behind.

>>29941503
Kek

>>29940936
You had a gun why dident you shoot em

>>29940936
wait. let me get this right


>hiding behind a tree
>see gangstas with guns
>move, get noticed
>decide it would be better not to have a gun when they have a gun, so throw it down and run hoping they dont shoot you if thats what they're about
>manlet wobble back to car from a distance you are fast enough to get to, in, and start the car before they catch up

are you a fucking elephant in the woods?

>>29942292
>air rifle
>opponents wielding AK and probably pistols

A certain scene from Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels comes to mind

>>29942292
>Finnish windmill craftting message board frquenter with an air rifle
>4 dudes with AKs

Yeah i don't think a shootout wouldn't have worked out in his favour.

>>29940936

Next time bring one pair of Adidas track pants and tiny bottles of vodka. Keep it handy when you go into the woods. If the Mafia sees you just drop it as you flee and they'll be distracted. You can just walk back to you car.

>>29942279
It was me with my shitty rifle vs one guy with an ak and two potentually armed guys

I threw my gun so they don' t consider me a threat and shoot me

>>29942292
My car is shit and my hands were shaky so it took some time to start the car

>>29940936
>dropping rifle
>not calling police after you escape
>tell the truth about your faggotry instead of being a stolen valor fag on an anonymous forum
You are disgusting and admirable simultaneously.

>>29942549
>dropping rifle
That part was like on instinct. The moment he shouted stop suka i just lost my shit. It's like my mind switched off and i started running. I noticed that i had left my rifle behind when i got back to the city and was picking up my things from the car
>calling the police
In bulgaria? Kek

If they saw a rifle, they would likely be more inclined to riddle him with bullets. Dropping the rifle probably caused them to stop for 2 seconds and take a look at it.
He became less of a threat to them the second he dropped it.

Don't know if this is in the woods story or not.
>it's 2000 I'm a new recruit in the IDF doing my first tour in the territories known to some as palestine
>Go to a mission called ''show of presence''
>Essentially this means 2 soldiers and an NCO getting dropped down from a jeep in some hilly forested area and wondering there aimlessly for hours so the local think that we all present
>NCO is this super cool friendly sergeant that doesn't take anything seriously including his rank
>He walks with us to some shaded grassland place he knows about from previous missions
>Takes down his gear, throws down his weapon, tells us ''fuck them, now we sleep'' lies down and goes to sleep
>Me and the other soldier think well, we're not supposed to do this but this guy knows how things really work so do the same
>Wake up after few hours because strange movment is all around us and I feel something hairy rubbing against my face
>Open eyes, I'm staring into a sheep's asshole
>We are surrounded by like 50 sheep. An arab sheep hearder sits on a rock, whistling to himselfs and looking bored as fuck
>He could have killed us with our own weapons or at least stole them. Or called someone from his village that would
>We drink cofee with him and walk away quite embarrassed
>That was the day I learned that in the army you do what YOU think is right regardless of rank

>>29940936
>not killing all of them and planting the bomb

Counter terrorists win.

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>>29940936

I found a porno stash in the woods when I was around 12 y/o that included a bunch of Hustler. Didn't think vaginas looked like that... at all.

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Aint got nothing really crazy.
>Couple years ago
>Eastern NC, down in bumfuck swampland
>there to kill some pig, but also want to fish a bit.
>bring my flintlock
>fuck you i like it.
>standing near ramp for the johnboats to launch off of, casting out line cause no pigs yet
>fucking 5 foot gater comes up the ramp and bites my foot
>piss myself despite how tiny it is
>little faggot can't bite through a steel toe though
>shoot the fucker
>ded
>start to drag the dinosaur to the bank, because gaters weren't legal to hunt at the time.
>had a stupid fucking Yolo moment
>cut the tail off
>go home and make it into gater nuggets

Not really interesting, but it's the only time i've ever been scared innawoods.

it's also true when they say Gator tastes like greasy chicken.

>>29946120
>be fishing
>get attacked by an alligator
>shoot it and eat it

Murica

>>29942689
he was offering that sheep's asshole to you
it was his way of asking "fancy a shag?"

>>29940936
> I'm 18
> Uncle lives in a cabin in the medo national forest in Lake county CA. He was in a bad car accident, and needed some help
> One of my friends is in a bad spot, needs a place to live and some cash. Uncle offers me 2k a month and room and board
> Convince him my friend is a great fit, im going to UCSD so I cannot help my uncle.
> Friend goes up to my uncle's and they fit well together.
> I visit every other weekend, long drives but gas is paid for
> One weekend, my friend shows me some guns he got in town
> "Wow anon! Those are really cool! Let's go shoot them!"
> We go shooting
> "Wow anon! I wish I had one!"
> He tells me the caretaking job changed his life, tells me he will buy me a Russian surplus from big five and a bunch of ammo
> Go to gun store in Town and do the deed
> Almost a year passes
> Uncle started growing weed, helps his back, friend does most of the actual work and doesn't care but doesn't smoke
> We are going shooting at the normal spot up the hill from town and down the hill from the cabin
> Shooting frozen puddles, apples, and milk jugs with M44
> Truck rips by, pulls up to us, and immediately does a donut and peels out
> "We prolly spooked him" friend says
Cont

>>29946182
> We keep shooting
> About 15 min goes by
> Truck pulls up again, slower this time. Tinted windows.
> We stop shooting and I wave
> Friend seems concerned
> He's using an old ball and cap colt navy he brought, italian knockoff, his FAL is in my car.
> Two greasy looking rednecks hop out of the truck.
> Both OC pistols
> Both smiling like idiots.
> "How are you folks? "
> Friend replies "good, you shooting here?"
> "Not today..." man with red trucker hat says and looks down at the ground, taps his foot.
> Other guy has an American flag bandana
> He asks "you folks from round ere'? Don look like yer from round ere'"
> Stupidly I say we live in Lucerne, close by town, but there are closer places to shoot to there than where we were now
> "Ohhh I seeeee" the man said sarcastically
> Other nonchalantly asks "you fellows growing pot up here in the forest?"
> My friend says no
> " HUH, you growing pot at your house?"
> Friend says yep, says it's his house.
> I'm fucking sweating bullets, but they are no longer really talking to me
> "Do you have dogs?"
> Other man draws his gun and points it at my friend
> I raise M44 and shoot him right below the right eye from about 15 away
> His head snaps back and he does this weird spinning fall
> Not looking at him anymore
> Other man is pulling his revolver out
> I worked that bolt so fucking fast.
> Shot him in his right side, he wasn't facing me so it passed through alot of his central cavity.
> Goes down, gun still in hand
> Friend shoots him three times with colt navy
> No cell service
> I'm panicking
> Crying telling my friend we are going to jail
> He's not shaken at all
> "Thanks annon, that was close"
> Drive down hill, call police
> Two men were wanted felons.
> Both of us spent five days in jail, I ordered pizza.
> My parents rage at me, but help with a good lawyer
> Two men have family, they want me in jail, kids crying in court.
I don't want to ever kill anybody again.

>>29946192
oh shit nigger...

>>29946192
Fuck, dude.
Here in bulgaria the laws are pretty different
Where i live you go to jail if you shoot first. The guy can be pointing his gun at your face but if you shoot first you go to jail

Also if someone breaks into your house to steal you have no right to attack him with a better weapon than he has.
For example if you attack an unarmed burglar with a knife or shoot a knife wielding burglar with a pistol
you too go to jail because "the value if human life is higher than the value of property"

fucking cuck laws

>>29946182
>>29946192
jeez, you've post this in every possible thread for last week give it a break.

>>29946354
Not the guy, just copy pasted it

>>29946336
The laws in the us are different
Fleeing felon laws
Self defense laws
Cali is pretty shit but this anon was a rich fag I think. Parents dug him out of a big hole.

>>29946182
>>29946192
nice pasta, saw this in a thread a couple days ago

>>29946182
>>29946192

I'll take shit that never happened for 400, Alex

>>29942310
This, don't go losing any toes now

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Here's mine.

>be in oregon hiking the PCT
>few miles north of Mt. Theilsen when I'm looking for a place to camp.
>meet two forest service guys, one's an LEO carrying an AR-10 and it looks like a shitload of ammo and some kind of grenade
>Kinda cone shaped with a yellow stripe
> the other is just a ranger carrying a saw about as tall as I am with teeth that are just notches in the steel about two inches deep
>they ask me if I'd seen any bears, and that I had a bearproof container for my food.
>I hadn't and I did, ask about the grenades, they say they're peppergas grenades and they're up there to chase off a problem bear from one of the upper lakes
>they go on their way I go on mine, set up camp, eat and go to sleep.
>sleep until the shooting starts, a few bursts every maybe half hour starting to the north and slowly circling around my camp over the course of the night
>some kinda screaming roar like a giant hog that'd been stuck with a spear and was slowly bleeding out, noise stops right as the sun rises
>pack my gear up and get hiking want to be away ten hours ago
>meet the two FS guys on the trail I'm still headed south, they just walked onto the trail from the east maybe 20 feet down trail from me
>LEO has one grenade left and no full mags in his carrier, pack looks a lot lighter too
>saw guy looks a bit ruffled and there's some black shit on the saw smoldering in the dim sunlight
>smells like rotten meat and sulfur
>both look like they didn't sleep
>ask them what the fuck was going on last night
>saw guy says "just chasing a bear problem bear off onto a neighboring forest's wilderness area"
>Leo has a shit eating grin and nods in agreement. "it was just a bear, don't worry about it."
>the leave no fucks in their wake as they head north along the trail
>I don't get much or any sleep the rest of the trip
>get home can't find my camera.
>almost a year later I finally realize that if they chased the bear to the east it would be chasing it towards their forest.
>MFW

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>be about 14 or so
>lucky enough to live innawoods in East Texas
>take my four wheeler and my trusty mossy 500 and a machete to clear some new trails
>only brought 5 rounds to shoot some stuff for fun
>shoot all my ammo and start on my trail clearing
>about an hour later I hear rustling in the brush
>it's a doge
>doge doesn't look friendly
>hear more rustling
>it's literally five more very fucking unfriendly doges setting up some kind of pack hunting perimiter around me
>remember I'm out of ammo
>getting a bit worried at this point
>one doge starts growling and getting closer to me
>very worried at this point
>yell at the top of my lungs "FUCK OFF!!!!!" (first thing that came to mind) and swing my machete at growling dog
>dog runs back a bit and decides to fuck off
>rest of his pack just kinda follows him
>he must have been the pack leader

>TL/DR
>got hunted by wild doges
>always made sure to keep defensive ammo on me at all times when innawoods from that point on

>be me 15 years ago, junior in high school
>bowhunting in southeastern Iowa, maybe a hundred yards from the Missouri border
>late October, woods absolutely stunning with color, best weather I've seen in my life
>see a few does from my treestand in an old pin oak, nothing I'm willing to fling a handfletched arrow at
>night comes on fast in these woods, and it's nearly pitch black by the time I call it an evening and climb down
>hear rustling in the cornfield bordering the woods as I head out, at least one deer whistle-snorts
>ahshit.jpeg, can't hunt here again for a couple days
>start legging it out to the road where my danger ranger is parked, maybe half a mile hike
>dead dark now, can just catch my breath puffing out my camo facemask as the half moon breaks through the clouds every twenty yards or so
>but I know this path, I know these woods
>I'm not afraid of the dark, I am a man
>yet I have a strange feeling, and the corn is still rustling in the shadows
>last hill now, and the road and my faithful truck lie not a hundred yards away
>between us, though, lies something else: Schoolhouse 9, built in rural Davis County in 1908
>unused since the late fifties, it's nothing but a squat hulk of moldy boards barely clinging to each other at this point
>and at the peak of the roof, a belfry
>and there, I swear on my dead mother's grave, in late October of 2003, at the 9 o'clock hour, I heard that school bell ring
>now, you say, don't be a ninny. The wind! Some pranking teens! An animal! All could've rung that damn bell...
>all well and good--excepting, of course, that as I drew even with the dilapidated structure, the moon broke free once again, and I could see
>an empty belfry
>I knocked a Muzzy broadhead to my homebuilt takedown longbow and didn't turn my back to that cursed structure til I felt my boot hit the tire of my truck.
>I never went back. The deerstand hangs in those woods to this day. The woods can have it.

>>29947050
>Not going on a Scooby Doo adventure
fag

>>29941000
>All that santaría stuff
I guess you got yourself some Satanists in your woods m8. Lots of animal sacrifices and littered crap happens in El Yunque of PR

>>29942689
He probably hid you guys in that horde of sheep.
He was doing you a favor and helping you out.
Good guy shepard.

>>29946693
Sam?
Dean?

>>29944435
desu the first vagina I saw at 11 left me pretty disgusted, it was a roastie

>>29940990
Archilochus come's to mind.

I find but little safety from my shield.
Nature's, not honour's, law we must obey:
This made me cast my useless shield away,
And by a prudent flight and cunning save
A life, which valour could not, from the grave.
A better buckler I can soon regain;
But who can get another life again?

I came across some water one day while in the woods with my friend, we had our AKm's/

We stopped and looked at the water.

We saw our reflection.


/K

We Arethewoods.

>>29946693
Nice copypasta bud. If you're going to lie, at least be original.

>>29940936
>throwing down your rifle and running

You sure you arent french?

>>29949405
>shooting air rifle at guys with AKs
sounds like a good plan

>Be me, yesterday
>I have the day off work
>My dad has to day off work
>We decide to go on a short day hike since there's nothing to do and we pretty much live innawoods
>Both of us packing, me with my G26 and him with his Taurus (lol) PT111 or whatever, basically a cheapo G26
>The woods are beautiful as always
>As we're walking and talking we spook three deer and get to watch their white flags take off
>We're hiking for about an hour when we see a natural gas pipeline and decide to follow it
>Come up to a natural gas well, we break for lunch
>After lunch we start hiking out a different way than we came in, neither of us had been this way before
>Trying to find a way of the woods, looks like we're pretty much going to have to go straight down a mountain or turn and go the way we came
>Fuck it, let's take the express way, we can probably make it
>After pretty much sliding down about 200 feet of the mountain we hit a deer trail that takes us down
>Right to a fucking creek
>There's no easy way across as far as the eye can see
>my dad is wearing waterproof boots, I'm not so I just take mine off until we get across
>Finally outtawoods, start walking back to the house
>Everything went better than expected, we didn't run up on any other wildlife or people, no banjo music started playing, we both had a great time

Spookiest innawoods story I have, I tell ya hwat them woods sure are scary

>>29949339
>Archilochus
Now there's a name you don't see posted every day.

>city boy
>have to stay in grandparents country house after they died to clean things up
>pitch black except for the porch light
>always feel like I'm being watched
>area has big cats
>never loiter outside for too long while there

Going to summarize a friends story


>be out grouse huntan
>long day, didnt get anything, so time to head back to jeep with hunting buddy.
>hunting buddy arrives at jeep first and is unloading all of his shit in the back, while I'm just coming into the clearing.
>im at drivers door, set my shotgun down and start to unload my pack when we hear some sagebrush rattling from behind me
>friends eyes get as wide as dinner plates.
>an emaciated cougar had followed us to our car, and it was low crawling towards me.
>picked up that shotgun faster than you can say idontwannabefood.
>shot first round at it and completely missed -adrenaline and panic seriously made me miss a cougar not even 30 feet away. With a shotgun.
>second try got it, not even 10 feet away from me. Kitty was going for it.

I almost became a can of friskies.
That cat was an adult but probably only weighed 85 lbs it was so skinny. Still, terrifying to know you had been stalked by a very hungry predator.

One time I walked into a clearing in full kit and scared the shit out of a couple fucking.

>>29946367
Be original

-5/10 for making me shit post in response to your shit post.

>>29951182
I've hunted in the mountain lion country of Texas pretty often, during the 2011 drought they got so hungry they were hunting for house pets in my neighborhood in a suburb outside of Austin. Trust me, that cat saw and knew your every move from the truck and back to it. It must've been really hungry to expose itself to hunters like that.
Here's a cat story.
>be me, first time hunting, 11 years old
>walking a creekbed for hogs with my buddy and his two older brothers
>pasture with oak trees on the right, large cliff face about 70 feet high on the left
>got muh trusty Rossi break barrel .223 scope combo
>friends had been telling me mountain lions were on the game camera, but don't worry
>out of fucking nowhere decide to look up
>staring over cliff face, a very large cat
>out of instinct I scream like a bitch and yell "HELP"
>apparently I managed to shoot my one trusty round at the cliff face
>friends older brothers come running down the creek after me with AR's shouldered
>tell them about kitty kat
>"lol dude you're seeing things"
>trail cam reveals about 100 yards away seconds after my panic a mama mountain lion was watching us

>>29951328
Yeah, we have a ton of cats up here in rural WA.

Somewhere in the days before digital cameras I have an awesome picture.

Its of a pine tree, from the bottom looking up towards the sky. And in this tree, if you look hard enough and play a little bit of wheres waldo... you can see 4 cougars in it... staring down at me.

One was obviously a momma, and 2 were just little cubs, the last one looked like it was youger than momma but not one of the cubs. It was a pretty wild thing to see in person.

>>29951367
Man I'd have shit my pants. I couldn't bring myself to shoot intelligent creatures like that, and that's my first reaction. I've stumble on some hog ruts and blasted away happily but I couldn't do it to cats. I stick to dumb animals like waterfowl and vermin. Nobody asks for your meat that way too.

Anyways another story.
>workin onnafarm
>coworker and I bullshitting about the usual, complaining about our asshole coworkers, wondering why they hire whites instead of Mexicans
>somehow get on the topic of paranormal shit walking to our trucks for lunch
>coworker says "aw yeah man check out my point collection"
>pulls out Tupperware filled to the brim with amazing arrowheads and shaped rocks
>says the old navy vet plumber that works on our irrigation swears he's dug up bones before
>graveyard full of old dead slaves from the mid 1800's is on corner of property and owners still let them bury their dead there
>every 6 months black family comes out and buries someone, they used to sharecrop the land
>get stuck walking into the oldest barn there to retrieve some pruners
>realize this "barn" used to be a house
>wonder if former slave family ever lived there
>wonder if it's built on dead injuns
>wonder where the fuck the pruners are
>hear rustling in the overgrown grass and oak forest
I hopped on my 4-wheeler and left ruts out of that driveway, always avoid going to that barn now.

>>29951439
I should add the property is high fenced, and no large game and most small game are inside that fence line.

>>29949133
>santeria

Back when I was in high school, these cuban fucks would throw decapitated chicken and dog heads by the grass where I would walk home. Shit was fucking ridiculous

>>29951439
> wondering why they hire whites instead of Mexicans

Because hiring illegal migrants is a felony and destroys the American economy.

>>29951685
Hiring Mexicans is perfectly legal if they're naturalized. There are plenty of naturalized Mexicans here. Any time I ask the owner responds "we find that a better crop is dependent upon workers that are attentive to their work and are invested in higher profit over local competitors"

>be jeseryfag
>be innawoods at night exploring near bridgeton
>discover meth op
>owned by local mexican gang (los pelones)
>small shack, windows boarded, guy out front on lookout
>being a stealthy operator, get spotted within 10 seconds of discovering shack
>guy yells at me, grabs shotgun from inside and I book it
>fucking trip on branch, faceplant and get knocked out for a second
>try to get up, barrel pointing at my head
>guy recognizes me (hes my elementary school friend/drug dealer)
>told him I was exploring/looking for chill smoke spots
>he's laughing, saying how he thought I was a nigger trying to take their turf (they're currently fighting with the bloods)
>helps me up, head back to shack to get some first aid since I cut open my lip
>get patched up, buy some coke and weed, then get ride into town

I still buy from him to this day.

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>>29940936
Scariest thing that ever for me in the woods was encountering a grizzly mother and her cubs, only had a 300 blk pistol ar on me so when it stood up on its hind legs I shot a couple rounds in the dirt between me and the bear and it ran off with its cubs.

My only scary moment in the woods. I regret selling my 45-70, might buy one again.

>>29940936
I accidentally met antman in the woods......and uhm I also escape from antman..........and uhhh well I got home to uhm have sex with uhhh my girlfriend...in a missionary position while holding hands........am I with the cool kids here now?

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Nova Scotian bro here.

Posted a story some time ago about some Tall, oily black stick-like figures that attempted to swarm me awhile ago, but my HD died and I lost around 400 gigs of files.

Got a new short story, though.

>Be me, near Amethyst Cove late at night.

>Had hiked there earlier and felt fine, but I wanted to go there when it was totally empty.

>Be walking around semi-deep innawoods, not expecting much.

>Halfway up a hill, I hear something running. Now, I mean whatever it was was hauling ass.

>See a single deer fly across my trail.

>Something hits deer, takes it down.

>Deer barely has a chance to react before it's gutted. I mean there was fucking shit flying everywhere.

>I let out a sound similar to being punched in the chest.

>Thing looks at me, shrieks like a banshee and moves backwards up a tree.

>I try to scream but nothing comes out.

>Run, run like the wind.

>Hit parking lot, somehow end up in car.

Fuck that noise. No idea what the hell it was. Never going back.

>MFW driving home

>>29952552
It was probably antman ever since he went full insanity out in the woods.

>>29953265
Kek

>>29940936
Bullshit. You can own semi-automatic weapons in Bulgaria, right alongside pistols.

>>29942495
Predator logic