i have 45 acres of land i have owned for the past couple years. there is a ~15 acre field that is a set back from the road in the woods. there is a path vehicles can get to it through the woods. it has been a long time party spot since past owners did nothing to stop the degenerates. i've busted up a couple high school kid parties. things seem to be getting worse. people are dumping trash rutting up the formerly picturesque field. it is extremely frustrating to say the least. so before i lose my shit and end up shooting someone, i need your help.
i want /k/'s thoughts and experiences in dealing with trespassers. greentext stories welcome. i also would like some ideas on what i should put on my no trespassing signs. something more then fuck off m80.
It depends on your state laws. In New Hampshire you can put up big POSTED signs on the trees warning that trespassers will be shot and then you're legally in the clear.
>grab double barrel shotgun
>step out on back porch
>fire 2 shots in the air
>>29562154
Block the road, put up a sign of private property (trespassers will be shot [if legal])
>>29562154
>Plow the field so it is too soft to party on, then plow some teen girls (18 and older only of course)
>trench the entrance(s)
>>29562154
Leave a notepad out there in the open with details on how to make mustard gas. /b/ has the recipe. Title it as some kinda party drug. Buy police scanner. Wait. ??? No more hippies druggoes and young tards.
>>29562154
Step 1 Get long garden hose or multiple short ones
Step 2 Get Outdoor Galvanized Steel Nails
Step 3 Drive nails through hose at 120 degree marks all along the length of the hose
Step 4 Leave hose on ground just behind second set of no trespassing signs
(or first if you're a dick who won't let idiots turn around)
Step 5 ????
Step 6 Profit
>>29562275
>inb4 joe biden pls go
this could work though, that and drive down there waving a shotgun
>>29562322
>mustard gas
Not going for VX instead. Why half-ass it, what are you, noguns?
>>29562344
>What are you, a geneva fag?
Ftfy
And I was unaware the recipe for vx was an option.
>>29562154
>45th infantry museum in OP pic
You an okie too, friend?
>>29562291
yeah i plan on putting up a gate this coming weekend. i got some old cast iron plumbing that is like 100 years old. super thick heavy duty shit.
>dig deep hole.
>place bigass pipes in ground.
>add cement.
>attach gate to posts.
do i need any sort of legalise on my no trespassing signs? i was thinking something like this
>NO TRESPASSING. stay the fuck off my land you disrespectful little cunts. anyone found on this property, if they are not immediately shot, will be detained, by force if necessary, and turned over to law enforcement. anyone caught trespassing will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. no exceptions. fuck off faggots.
is this good enough? should i add some meme pics just for shits and giggles?
>>29562326
Yeah ok fellow better call Saul fan. Digging a trench at the entrance and posting no trespassing signs is the best way to deal with this shit, but putting that in the trench could definately lead to maximum fuck.
>>29562382
Threats of violence turn self defense into premeditated murder. Just leave it at no trespassing, autismo.
>>29562382
Just make it a clear and simple NO TRESPASSING.
Set up something to kill their tires?
It's on your land, right?
You're allowed to do that.
>>29562275
fuck of joe.
>>29562154
>family owns a 65 acre spread in central alabama.
>mostly rented to forestry to grow trees. only about 10 acres for living and farm.
>working out there one day while everybody is in town stocking.
>moving shit from barn1 to workshop about 50 yards away.
>turn corner run right into sheboon.
>we are behind the house and a good bit away from the road.
>she stammers out, "is be looking fo muh dawg"
>no collar, no tags, no nothing. but shes wearing a hoodie in 70deg weather and gloves.
>defcon 3.
>tell her dogs dont come here and she needs to leave.
>spot a van about half way down the drive and easing closer.
>tell her to leave again and she waves at the van.
>4 niggers get out and start heading towards us.
>start asking me if im the only one there and what im doing there.
>yell out "HEY 'BO" and give a whistle.
>rambo the gargantuan german shepherd shows up(i didnt name him,)
>moon crickets go quiet
>pull my 96 and grab 'bo.
>tell them all to leave or ill let him go
>the all pile in the van and take off. back all the way down the driveway and into the road.
>let bo run and keep the ak by me the rest of the day.
pic is my old ak74. had one more run in at the farm a few weeks ago.
>>29562407
>out there again cleaning guns and shit.
>hear gravel from the drive.
>look over and its a nig on a bike.
>step out in the open so he can see me with my shiny new AR slung.
>tell him its private property and to piss off.
>dogs start going nuts.
>he sucks his teeth and mumbles something.
>last chance and im letting 'bo out.
>clear loud "fuck you honkey"
>HEY 'BO!
>he opens the gate himself, and dashes right at the two wheeled chew toy.
>right before he gets there, i say LAY.
>he stops about 15ft away and starts whining and popping his jaws
>nigger is leaving a rooster tail of gravel going down the driveway on that bike.
>let bo go. he comes back 10min later with a pigeon.
>>29562371
nope just mirin when i was on a road trip.
>>29562154
I like those hunting cameras that you can strap to a tree. Get up about 20 ft, tie it to a high-traffic area, and get pics of anyone and everyone who tresspasses.
Turn pics over to the police and giggle. Alternatively, obscenely high-lumen strobe lamps and patience. The kids will never forget the time some dude came out of the forest, blinded all of them, induced seizures, and then left while cackling madly.
>>29562532
>>29562407
based 'Bo.
>>29562607
everytime we let him run, he comes back with a dead something. from pigeon, squirrel, gopher, etc. even a goddamned wolf. only ever showed up with one thing alive.
>shoot a fox near the chicken coop.
>he sees this, hauls ass into the woods.
>shows back up 30min later with a beat to shit live fox.
best i can figure, he thought me shooting the other was good shit.
>>29562154
Once you shoot one, the rest will stop coming.
>>29562679
this. people are just like coyotes, pick a few off and leave the carcasses out, the others will get the idea
>>29562600
i need more ideas like this! i want to have some giggles. i might as well get some enjoyment out of this shitty situation. how else can i fuck with people. i'm thinking some lotion on the skin horror movie type of shit. without actually killing them. just put them in a horrifying situation, fuck with them a bit, and then turn them over to the cops at the end.
>>29562275
>>29562154
Just build a fuckin wall like Trump said. Prefab n shit. Or if you're a bitch then put up a bunch of fake memorial there like you killed somebody with flowers n candals with a sign trespasser will be shot
>>29562154
> inb4 claymores
Why not put up a fence?
Maybe some concertina wire.
>>29562154
>be me
>be 16
>60 acre farm in SOMD
>late at night
>dad hears dogs barking on our property
>no biggie, neighbors are good people we let our dogs intermingle on the property line
>wait, its late and our dogs are in the garage
>dad sees lights going up trees next to the barn
>defcon 1
>dad grabs mossman, tells me to grab ar
>tactically move to barn
>he approaches strange men, I flank a marsh unseen and unheard
>two idiot coon hunters argue with dad about how they are lost
>dad: "bullshit, you live three farms over. Y'alls name is ____ and ____"
>i fade from darkness when they start trying to start a honkey talk war
>idiots immediately wisen up
>"sorry sir, didn't see your boy there"
>"shut up and get in the truck, we'll get you to the road"
>me and the two dumbasses are sitting in the bed of the truck
>get to the road
>older dumbass: "be careful with that ar there"
>"i will be sir, have a good night"
>call sheriff and tell them what happened
>"thats fine, if we hear any more calls about them we'll come out and pick them up"
Thats how my Dad and I dealt with two tards that tried to hunt on our property without asking. The sad thing is the SOMD coon hunters association hasn't called me since asking to go on a hunt.
Put up some signs and get to know the local law enforcement. Depending on where you are the'll be more than fine with property protection.
here's how you get them to fuck off;
>get the strangest hodgepodge of surplus shit you can
>flecktarn, czech gas mask, BDU top, all of that shit
>gas mask is important
>grab a gun, whatever makes you look the most like a psychopath
>find them
>yell "THANK YOU LORD ATOM FOR BRINGING ME THIS HARVEST" in the weirdest voice possible
>move towards them but do not touch them
>"children, come with me to be enlightened"
>you're doing all of this while in your weird apocalyptic shit
>"lord atom wills it"
>"he has not been nourished since those glorious days in 1945, he demands a sacrifice"
>basically be as creepy as possible
>once satisfied with creep factor, throw down a homemade smoke grenade
>fuck off innawoods
>never contact them again in that getup
>if they ever see you and question it, deny that the man exists
should creep them out enough to get them to fuck off
or just do 'stump removal" with tannerite near where they hang out late at night to scare them off, your choice.
>>29562884
Running chainsaws without any blades on them freaks people the fuck out.
Any sort of featureless mask works great - wait till one of them goes to piss and sneak out of the woods and make a "shh" motion while moving towards the larger group.
Also, running into the group covered in fake blood (use a white shirt) and begging for them to help you makes for hilarity. Add a friend with a great mask for added shits and giggles.
You'd also be surprised how well air raid sirens late at night freaks folks out. If theyre even remotely sober they'll dip in a second. Bonus points for Silent Hill nerds in the party.
>>29563038
gasmasks thoroughly freak people out too, bonus points if you make some kind of fake geiger counter and have air raid sirens playing.
>>29562407
>>29562532
I can't wait to get a battle buddy
>>29563060
So you're telling me I should invest in some sirens
>>29562532
I need a pic of rambo, sounds like a glorious dog.
god I want a german shepherd.
I love my lab/pit mix ace and my 2 danes but when the older one dies I wanna get a german shepherd.
>>29563060
I like this option. Go down with a gasmask and a plasic jumpsuit with a fake geigercounter (just play a geiger mp3 on your phone and put in in a box with a wire). Casually walk up to them with it going off and say "You need to leave, now".
Should be fun. And they'll probably tell their friends because it's outlandish enough, and scary enough, but vague enough so you didn't threaten their lives or anything.
>>29563060
Gasmask, dark clothing, gun. Come out there and tell them they need to leave, it's private property.
>>29562564
Neat. Did you like the 45th?
>>29563179
Oh. Also afterwords put up a perimeter of scary looking warning signs. Triangle with an exclamation mark, and maybe some caution etc etc...
>>29563211
>>29563179
do this shit, bonus points if concertina wire.
oh, for maximum effect/defense have gun with you when you confront them with your "geiger counter"
>>29563260
>oh, for maximum effect/defense have gun with you when you confront them with your "geiger counter"
Yah. Just holstered. Not threatening, but you are armed.
Speak urgently and sternly, but not startlingly. Film it too. Wear a clip on camera or something.
>>29562154
Motion-activated automated sentry gun
Do it OP
>>29563333
Quads decree it to be made
>>29563333
Its gotta happen now
>>29562154
Put a lot of empty brass and shotgun shells down on the ground
>>29563333
the quads have spoken
>>29562154
Go full Vietnam on their asses
Punji stakes, spike boards, arrow traps, logs embedded with spikes swung from the trees, and any other shit you can find or think of.
>>29563417
I don't think that'll work if it's not a heavily wooded area.
Like, I live in the fucking desert, there aren't any trees to swing traps out of.
>>29563038
>>29563060
>>29563179
>>29563192
this is perfect. i already have a gas mask. finnish gas mask, with nato filter adapter and nato filters btw. i use tyvek suits quite often so thats easy. i've also really wanted an air raid siren, but had a hard time convincing myself to spend money on it. now i have a reason. i will want someone to run the siren moments before rolling up on drunk/stoned kids. perfect entrance music. so perfect. i think i'll do a gieger counter sweep of some random douche, then tell him he needs to come with me to quarantine. aka, wait in my driveway for the cops to take them away. i could take the whole group with me. even while being taken away by the cops they will still be wtf'ing wondering if they were exposed to a dirty bomb or some shit. will be glorious. i will def record this. not only for evidence, but for you /k/.
>>29563308
>set up fenced-in area
>have spotlights on hole in the middle of area
>have radiation/hazmat warnings surrounding
>walk up to them and say, with hazmat gear, "you need to leave, right now"
>>29563431
>desert
you could clear out all the burnable shit from where they hang out and then make a big napalm cross burned into the ground or something.
>>29563438
ooooh, this is gonna be fun.
remember, the creepier you can be the better.
a little bit fake blood on the mask or suit could go a long way.
it's all about that psychological warfare.
also make sure that when you do the "scan" of them to get them to "quarantine" that you aren't violating any laws, look your shit up first.
I can't wait for the video.
>>29563431
desert you say?
>get old farm truck
>deck out in light rack, brush guard, tow chains, etc.
>rev the engine at your house and drive down towards them balls to the wall
>no_country_for_old_men.gif
>fishtail up next to them
>step out in dark clothes, a bowl cut, and an oxygen tank
>flip a quarter
>"call it"
>>29563450
Even better, OP could do a Broken Arrow
>>29563489
oh fuck, when they ask why they need to leave tell them that "a nuclear weapon has been released within the area, you must clear out"
this plan is making me giggle like a retard.
>>29563431
No need for traps then. Start a bullet farm and when some kids trespass, make your brothers sing.
>>29563512
I was actually referring to the other Broken Arrow, but that would work as well.
>>29563544
there's another kind?
I always thought broken arrow always meant a nuclear fuckup.
OP you are a basket of tardation. this is fuckng chance of a lifetime to drown in teenage trim.
make an obvious. but simple effort to lay out a party camp, just ditch in a spot and make a fireplace, a few logs to sit on. post boundary markers and signs, make it obvious
go talk to the next party ringleaders early in the night, bring a gun so you look boss
>hey yall this my land right now
>but i know you need to let it hang out somewhere
>so chill here and dont fuck my shit and we cool
>but imma come by every so often and hang out
>bring some cool chicks around if you knowwhat i mean
$15 weed and a six pack and your gun and you can bang all the drunk 15 year olds you want, you have got to step into alpha male role here. be the ultimate master of the party stop, judge, jury and sexecutioner
>>29562863
That's not how coyotes work m8, at least not here. They'll eat the hell out of one another here
>>29563562
That's one use.
The other is basically a call to every friendly aircraft available to provide air support on your location because you've been overrun by the enemy.
>>29562402
This
Maybe you could also put a small NRA poster near it as a subtle hint that you're a gun owner.
>>29562382
>>29563582
Fuggin thiS
Genius like this only comes once a generation lads
>>29563661
so it basically just means "fucking vaporize my position"?
>>29562313
>18 and older of course
Don't listen to him if they can drive they can ride
Whenever there's a big party or any tresspassers, grab your biggest shotgun and the highest loads you have, fire off 4-5 shots in the air in rapid succession, and go back in your house. Problem solved.
>>29563016
this guy :^)
>>29563688
I agree. Sound brilliant! Why stop there man? Bring out some full autos with solvent traps. Let the men be men and the women be whores.
>>29563692
Yep, you become exactly like that russian guy who called in artillery on himself, but with air strikes instead.
>>29562406
I vote for this
>>29563749
>>29562154
barbed wire fence and a decent metal gate
>>29563438
Please do. And repost it often, because I only come here once a week or so.
>>29563771
>I need air support on my position
>what kind?
>all of it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=je9-3CjXWOI
Put your warning signs up, use friends to spread a rumor of people being killed in that area. By you, by a mad psychopath, by ghosts, pick something that will not make it in to a tourist attraction.
Then buy one or two fake skeletons, let the police know you have a trespasser problem, and you will be inserting X number of these to your premises.
Put skeletons half buried with some random torn up items around your property.
Profit.
>>29563438
>>29563817
Oh, also: set up a friend or two with similar gear. They shouldn't talk at all, so as to be clear and concise, but also to seem like subordinates
>>29563771
love that game
>hey bro I've fucked you up now, check out all my leopards
>wait... where did you get all those hinds?
best feeling ever to roll over mates with a cloud of VDV in hinds
>>29563854
yes, this.
make it look as legit as you possibly can.
oh, have your friend play military radio recordings over his phone, you know, shit like
"talon 4 this is brass hat, we have the package"
just for the extra oomph
>>29562154
Christ dude. You are going to go to prison if you involve firearms here.
The basic rules is this: you threaten them, you lose the court case.
>>29562397
LISTEN TO THIS
Look, we all hate degenerates, but you need to look at this from a legal perspective. What happens when you eventually cross the line?
No guns dude.
>>29563921
Yeah this. All you need is a basic no trespasser sign, Even putting up a ''violators could be shot'' might still land you in some hot water.
Thanks again Liberals.
>>29563948
Put up the signs, maybe some livestock skulls in the trees, wrap some rough crosses in intestines and offal, set up an altar with a slaughtered calf on it, and leave it out there for the fuckers to find. Stretch a big banner that says "REPENT" across the road comin' in. Bonus points for pieces of bone/organs dangling from hemp rope at car height so they bonk and splat against windshields on the way in.
Or use a trail cam, slash their tires, dump pig blood all over the cars, and set up walkie-talkies with bullhorns attached to 'em playing the sounds of rabbits being slaughtered.
>>29563948
Shouldn't doing that have the opposite effect? They entered the area knowing that they could be shot
>>29564010
>No throne of skulls or pit of souls
MLP/40K Would shit on your property again.
>>29562154
>Dress up in full gear with your sporting rifle of choice, the scarier the better
>stalk them around the woods/field, disappearing the first few times your seen
>leave warning notes on the trees near their path
>burst out of the woods and run through the middle of their party once as a warning
>then start shooting if they don't leave
And remember, have fun with it.
Also, I hope this shit's legal.
If it isn't, then don't take my advice.
>>29562154
Buy a large caliber rifle
Time to hunt engine blocks!
Literally just setup some fucking deer cams, holy shit this thread.
If people know they're going to be photographed trespassing, they won't trespass. Trust me.
>Get several sets of similar and professional looking gear.
>Show up with some friends who basically just hang back and look intimidating.
>Simply talk about "restricted area" and no "access for unauthorized persons" while waving around guns.
>>29564114
>not wanting to go innawoods as broken arrow investigator man and scare them off
>>29562954
>Thats how my Dad and I dealt with two tards that tried to poach
>The sad thing is the SOMD coon hunters association hasn't called me since asking to go on a hunt
>the SOMD coon hunters association hasn't called me since
Why are you running a plantation?
>>29564109
This. They're destroying your property. Eye for an eye OP.
>>29564013
nah, the courts will construe it as premeditation, meaning you aren't acting in self defense
>>29563038
>You'd also be surprised how well air raid sirens late at night freaks folks out.
Fucking this.
Air sirens, one big firework rocket, and some smoke grenades placed upwind are quite capable.
I'd also add a recording of "RETURN THE SLAAAB" in a low quality megaphone.
>>29563582
>bold choice Cotton
OP, your autism levels determine your access to fresh pussy.
>What Do You Do
>?
>>29564146
Racoons, anon. Racoons.
>>29562154
Experiment with speakers. Maybe motion trigger some psyops recordings. Could play with some low or high level frequencies. I say let them come.
>>29562600
Add some Piccolo Petes to the mix. Blinding strobes and loud shrill noises- what's not to like? Then have some old 6 volt sirens discreetly mounted in the trees, as high up as you can get them. Hook those up to a 12 volt battery, they get insanely loud and take forever to wind down. Maybe some parachute flares, if they're legal in your area.
And game cameras everywhere. Try to set them so you'll be able to get good reaction faces when you start the festivities. You'll definitely want to post the best pics and clips on Youtube and whatever is the popular social media these days.
For maximum keks, run all the faces through reverse image search. In a perfect world, they'll come up as a match for porn stars. Post that shit. You're trying to make it go viral.
Those kids will never come back. And the word will get around.
OP if you are at all serious, and an adult, then you should look up your local laws on property markers, and use them. Then instead of breaking up parties yourself, you should be calling the cops and waiting for them to do it. Find out from experience how long it takes them and meanwhile earn the reputation of being land that cops always get called on.
THEN come here asking for all these weird ass suggestions that will get you put in jail.
>>29562154
one of the best ways to stop illegal dumping is setting up a mobile surveillance trailer, like you see at construction sites to deter theft. Set it up, then remove the wheels so it can't be towed away.
>>29562154
Paint the top of your fence posts purple. You can skip a few, I think it is 50-60ft between painted posts with a sign every other. It is color coding for "no trespassing, you will be shot"
>>29563038
Set up a sprinkler system with water dyed dark red, set off a Silent Hill siren through a loudspeaker, then kick on the water.
???
Profit?
>>29562382
>do i need any sort of legalise on my no trespassing signs?
Just go buy some from Homey Despot, that's all the legalese you need.
And why aren't you calling the cops on the punk kids?
Does anyone live with you that could help?
If so do the chainsaw without a chain thing.
set up a little pump to spray fake blood from it.
Have helper run screaming towards the kids just slow enough for you to catch up.
Chainsaw them while spraying fake blood with them screaming.
After a short show look up and start walking towards the kids.
>>29566117
And when one of them shoots you they'll have been protecting a life, legalizing your murder.
>it was just a prank, bro
retard
Learn to do impressions and ventriloquism, then make a costume out of animal pelts. Sneak up to their parties at night, become the skinwalker.
>>29566270
it would probably be a good idea to hide some level III under those pelts, because that is a good way to get shot
>>29564434
What the hell am I looking at here?
>>29563582
>judge, jury and sexecutioner
mfw
>>29566602
don't see the bug?
>>29562154
>punji pits
>like, 30 foot deep punji pits
>every time there are enough bodies to prevent the spikes from stabbing into the bodies, put more spikes in
Let the dirt solve your problems, my friend.
