*BOOM BOOM CRASH*
A group of teenagers start kicking your door down. One of them has piercings so you know they mean business.
Whats within arms reach you can use for self defense?
What weapon would you reach for to protect Emperor Trump?
AR with a rds on it. Would probably give that to the gf and take 15 seconds to grab the SCAR though
>>29326483
A fork.
all I got within arms reach is a fucking Katana.
well, they were made for cutting bamboo and peasants. hope to god the teenagers like consoles.
A fuckload of knives, a hatchet, and a big ass hammer.
M1 Garand, ASP baton, M9 bayonet
>>29326504
>trumpattacked
>guy didn't even have a knife
>secret security cleared him of being an assassin
>>29326483
My triceps.
A Perrier water bottle. If the hit with a crystal bottle does not make him run away, the taste of the "water" surely will.
>>29326565
>weight gainer
That just ruins the picture desu. Scooby h8s weight gainers.
>>29326483
>piercings
>mean business
Top lel
>>29326483
me hit stick
we ooga booga
The wooden handle of a plunger.
>swinging at the intruders only to have the rubber end bounce harmlessly off of them
Not 1 foot from me
40 pound Sammick Sage Recurve hanging on the wall, I could beat them to death with cans of WD-40 tho
>>29326483
>Whats within arms reach
His piercings. They are getting yanked right out.
Walther PPQ with 135gr critical duty loaded.
They're fucked.
>>29326642
Forgot movie clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyjaZFv4lgI
Fends off savage pierced thugs with my Hard back copy of, Trump The Art Of The Deal
Currently sitting on the shitter, so i have my phone and the meanest fucking cat to walk the earth. I think i'll be fine.
glawk with fuddyfive supa loaded in it
>>29326504
>Trumpenfuhrer turns around and starts pushing the Secret Service away so he can go kick the guy's ass
BASED
>>29326483
I have my Shield in my pocket, so that
>>29326552
Use your logic, tard. If he tried to kill without a weapon he is obviously a super secret ninja agent trained by ancient masters. Good thing our brave operators know how to deal with this shit.
I got a sort of blunt hatchet, a kitten that kind of showed up on my farm one day and decided to live with me, a salt shaker, and some small knives.
I have a model 10-8 and an AR15 next to me on the couch. They are not loaded but speed loaders/mags are also within reach.
I live in the suburbs.
>>29326527
Why forks are still not banned? Especially big meat forks.
>>29326483
Compliment his shoes, that'll stop any millenial
>>29326483
My swinging dick.
I've seen the teenagers in my neighborhood. I could take on a dozen of them unarmed.
Buncha scrawny, man bun sportin queers.
Thats what I get I guess since I make enough money to not have to live among niggers.
>>29326483
I have my AR on my lap right now as I'm sitting on my sofa watching Sicario, sooo....
>>29326483
>teenagers
>one has piercings
I sit there and laugh as they break toes and roll ankles trying to kick a perfectly normal household door down for the next 20 minutes until they give up and go to smoke weed behind the neighbor's shed.
>One of those big ammo cans full of spent casings.
>Space heater
>A knife
>Nail clippers
>3 hole punch
>Table lamp with a metal base
>Tactical suffocation towels
Its gonna be one of those fights were the enemy stops fighting just to see what else I got to hit him with.
>>29326483
Ham sandwich
>>29326483
My dick
My Hi-Point 45ACP. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta...
>>29326860
/thread
>>29326483
>Bong - big, heavy, glass
>Hookah - big, heavy, glass
>Karambit - buddy made it, not awful
>Torch - really hot, it's kinda heavy
>Tobacco chew spit - gross, demoralizing
>Leather punch - stabbing
I'm not too terrible here. Well I mean, I'm a terrible person. But I fare well against the teenagers. Hey, I have a piercing too, maybe I can join them!
I'm going through hormone replacement therapy so there's not a lot I can do desu.
Nothing in arms reach but considering my computer is in my gun room. I have some choices. I have an S12 about 3 feet to my left filled with buckshot. I imagine that would do the trick.
>>29326775
Thaaaaat's not what's happening there.
>Finnish M39 Mosin with 5 rounds of 203grn SP ammo
>Three puukkos
PERKELE!
>>29326483
a tranquilizer gun with human dose darts,
they dun broke into the wrong and their butt will pay for it.
>>29326483
Mozen and a shotgun.
I'm laying in bed with my laptop on my chest. Underneath my bed is a shotgun. Also got a pocket knife on my nightstand.
Time to kill teenagers!
>>29326483
>at work
>>29326483
590A1 under the bed for this exact situation
>Fix bayonet
>Pretend it's Fallujah '04
>Clear house
>>29327421
Would you be the kebab in this situation?
>>29326483
My arsenal ak74 and my p320c. And muh dik
>>29326483
More like 'thud, thud, crash-ker-POW, Ka-PoW!' and I have a dead 'looter' problem easily solved by the front-end loader on my property.
>>29326483
My G17 is on my computer desk with a 33 rounder in it.
>>29326483
all my guns, i'll probably use my shit shotgun because it's teenagers.
>>29326483
A bowl of beans and an empty beer can.
What do?
A half staff.
They'll soon know that it is not wise to fuck with a battlewizard.
2 1911's, one 4 inch folder and sizable fixed blade. unfortunately ammo is within ~2.5 arms reach.
Tokarev loaded with glorious FMJ 7.62x25mm
>>29327744
Show them your double dubs
>>29326483
>teenagers
This isn't CNN op, you can say niggers.
>>29326483
>tfw have no guns suitable for HD
>but I have a knife to my left and one to my right
I guess I teleport behind them and tell them it's nothing personnel
i have a crossbow and several knifes and daggers.
but as you guessed i'm european so really i can just lube up my ass to not scratch the dick of my attackers and get sued for it
club them to death with a mosin
>>29326504
>IN THE END IT DOESNT REALLY MATTERRRRRR
>>29326483
>walk out with my AR
>order them to set on sofa
>give them a choice, they either leave with police or I call a couple friends and they leave looking like girls
>>29326483
>>29326483
A clock, lamp and a small Christmas tree
>>29326483
a screwdriver and a half eaten hamburger
let's dance bitches
>>29327200
You sound like a degenerate
>>29326483
SW Governor with x4 PDX1 .410 shells and x2 .45 hollow points.
Loaded 12 ga in the closet
>>29328037
swiss bayonet ?
>>29327203
You could just kill yourself for being a brainwashed degenerate male who will never appear mildly feminine.
>>29328143
Japanese. Type 30 Arisaka. Mine was made by Toyoda Automatic Loomworks for the Nagoya Arsenal.
>>29328194
>Toyota brand Rifle
pic
>>29326483
>pocket knife
>ipod headphones
I might have a chance. Maybe.
>>29328208
I dont have the gun, just the bayonet.
Here's a page explaining all the makers marks, and a close-up of the marks on mine.
http://members.shaw.ca/nambuworld/bayonets.htm
>brass globe
I got their ass and gonna make it grass
>>29326483
My Glock 19 in a holster with a spare mag.
I think I'm good.
>>29326483
a 12 ga shotgun
a .45acp handgun
a 5.45x39 AK
multiple knives
steel toe boots
an old car battery I'm taking to the recycling center tomorrow
some dumbbells
and a can of tuna
all within reach
AR to my right, p220 to my left. Would probably take the 220 though.
>>29328085
I know. I kinda am. I own a Rossi.
glock 23 and ar10, I might nail them through the door with the .308, then go finish them idk
>>29326483
Sitting in the couch, watching tv, 1911 on the coffee table in front of me. Would have to go 10 feet to my desk to get a live mag though
A Vz.61, Tokarev, SKS, jump knife, VP-100 dagger, and a milled-out grenade trench art/candy dish thing I could probably heave at their heads in a pinch.
Compressed air can, old heavy computer case and a disused Xbox 360.
>>29328659
Use the canned air to kick up dust in their eyes, then crush their skulls with the computer case.
>>29328508
>Tape knives to hands
>Kick grenade at first intruder
>As he squeals and clutches his face, magdump Tok and Skorpion
>Drop guns, begin punchstabbing the survivors
>First responder's face when
I sleep in my clothes so I've got two pocket knives on me, unloaded M91/30 right next to me but rounds are in a box for drillbits between the wall and the couch.
I'm staying at my parents' place because I am poor, which is also why I own a nugget. They don't want me to have live ammunition because mom is a leftist school teacher and stepdad, who has a huge gun collection, just wants me to respect her wishes. I'm also pretty certain he's aware I have ammo but doesn't give a shit and would like someone else there to help him out if we do get robbed. But we have a fuckhueg Pyrenees outside that barks at anyone that enters the yard. I think we'll be alright.
>>29328765
>two pocket knives on me
>>29326483
>mosin negant
>sks
>negant revolver
fuckin try me
side note: who ever manufactured the 1945 54R ammo i have would never have guessed it would be used in 2016 to stop home invaders that weren't fascists.
>>29326483
>*BOOM BOOM CRASH*
*BOOM BOOM CRASH*
*BOOM BOOM CRASH*
*BOOM BOOM CRASH*
Buddy you're a boy make a big noise
Playing in the street gonna be a big man some day
You got mud on your face
You big disgrace
Kickin' your can all over the place
>>29328891
>mfw
>>29326483
Garand behind couch, 3 clips handy
>freedom about to ring
>PM2 in my pocket
>Hammer on my nightstand
>Shitty Winchester Bowie under my mattress
>Cheap chink hunting knife that I haven't gotten around to sharpening also on my nighstand
>S&W Model 10 in a drawer
I have an all metal fan with a removable cover, that even on the lowest setting will still slice off some skin, as well as a extension cord.
That'll be pretty fucking fun.
>>29328891
I forgot how great that guitar solo is
Thanks anon
Mossberg 590, loaded and ready
>>29326483
Literally a mug of boiling water because I left it in the microwave too long. After that I have a filled up metal bottle that is very sturdy.
I am Poseidon, fear me?
>>29329164
>the term clips used correctly
What is this tingly sensation in by brain?
Is this what autism feels like?
92FS loaded with JHPs. I'll be alright.
>>29327450
Oh shit I guess I would be lol
Well this time they won't have an M1A2 and several LAW rockets to level my house with
>>29326483
Super-soaker loaded with Chlorine Triflouride
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4l56AfUTnQ
>>29326483
There is really no scenario where anyone forces their way into my abode and where everyone will not not die horribly.
>>29326483
Like right this second? The P-09 I literally just finished cleaning and 3 mags of 147gr HST.
nice thread atf
>>29326483
At this second a 3" folder, 2 of my roommates throwing knives, and the head of a tomahawk. If I was on the couch I'd have the big ass sugar can knife I just bought
>>29326483
In the left side drawers of my computer desk I have a .32acp PPK clone, a 9mm 1911 clone, a 6" mora knife, 3.875" mora knife, a 4" higonokami, and a 3" serrated folder.
>>29326758
Are you on my armslist?
>>29329831
come to think of it half of the threads here are about incriminating yourself
>>29330473
>Not giving Arthur a bowl cut
Taurus Public Defender loaded with Hornady Civil Defense and PDX1
its always on me or near me
60lb draw mathews single cam bow. Just happened to be waxing the string, all I have is field points out right now though. So it'll be a slow death... if there stacked up might even myself two.
>>29326483
a gladius
>>29326483
A lava lamp that's been on for about 5 hours.
![0vNWnFf[1].gif](https://i.imgur.com/8dpIdPc.gif "0vNWnFf[1].gif")
i make them suck my wife's dick
>>29326483
Keltec KSG loaded with DT 12 gauge dragons breath in one tube and PGW 1250 slugs in the other.
>I never liked this house anyway.
lol my .22 with 8 rounds of .22 hollow point bc poor fag and parents don't want muh skary gunz l0l
>a lamp
>headphones
>phone
>bottle of lotion
>table
>pillows
>underneath bed is two knives
Throw all the shit as a distraction then run in dual-wielding knives.
But my room is on second floor of house so I could already have my shotgun by the time they realize anyone's home.
>>29326483
>shitty old pocket knife
>prolly isn't even sharp
I guess I just clench my butt, pray my knife can be stuck in somebody more than once, and get ready to see nana again.
NIG NOGS GONNA GET 'NAXXED
>>29326483
they would need to break through the building front door
then hack the elevator to get to my floor because buttons don't work unless you scan your key fob
i think i'll have enough time to sit back and chill while mounties arrive
chineese katan, 15 lb kettel bell, SOG seal pup knife, chain with skull weight, computer table
probably head somewhere to grab a real weapon if they are only at the front door though!
Got my cold steel kukri plus machete by my side at all times. And a sword in my room by my bed for when i sleep and multiple pocket knives lying about
Look at them while they are kicking my cruisers door.. Arrest and report... Fucking juveniles...
> AR
> shotgun
> pistol
> tazer
> baton
> the other officer in the car
> another pistol, baton,tazer, mace
>>29326511
>>gf
Oh boy.
>>29329643
You madman
>>29326603
Just take the rubber end off
Or wait for it to get fucked up and keep the stick bit.
It's what I keep next to my pillow of my floor-bed.
My moped.
There isn't anything sadder than trying to break into a house only to get run over by a moped.
My legendary hump fu will mind break them within mere seconds
>>29327401
You work at AutoZone.
And your weapon is a 1/2" breaker bar
>>29326797
we're gonna require kitten picture
>>29328068
Anon it's march. Take it down.
Taking a shit so I throw my phone and cabelas catalog in his face to distract him. Grab turd and begin my biological attack. If he hasn't fled from shame I guess go find a stashed gun.
A Gen1 Glock 22 and sixteen MP5-40's within 10ft
I would be screwed. I have a tablet, lukewarm cup of coffee, and some chips that have been open for 2 months that I never ate but are probably stale by now.
Maybe I throw my food at them while running to the safe?
A shotgun with a single round in it
Normally I keep it for if I finally stop being a pussy but I can kill one of them at least
Alternatively I can kill myself before they can kill me. The ultimate "you didn't win"
I've got a couple of cold steel knives, a smatchet, some tactical gloves, and 3 emojii pillows.
I figure I can hide the knives inside the pillows and approach them acting retarded.
Their guard being down, I would start making soup.
>>29326483
A chair
>>29328236
I would prefer if you called that a fantasy earth model.
>>29326822
Those must be comfortable shoes
I bet you can walk around all day and not get tired
Momma always said you can tell a lot about a person by their shoes
Where they're going
Where they been
>>29327270
>oh fug amerigan tourist pekka fetch the modorized gart :DDDDDD
>>29327076
Hate to be your neighbor
My switch blade (spring action)
>>29331574
Here, She's only six months old (so the vet said) so she was hard to get a good picture of. Initially called her Frank, then I leaned she was a girl, so I'm calling her Frankie.
Called all local shelters daily for a week, no microchip, no collar, got her de-wormed, checked for limes disease, she was very malnourished. Decided to keep her because I spoke to my neighbor who's been out here longer than I have, and apparently it's not too uncommon for people to dump unwanted animals in rural areas, and that kind of compounded with all the other evidence.
>>29331656
Why do you have sixteen MP5-40's within 10ft?
I have a warhammer.
I can probably take on anyone in my own house other than a guy with a gun or a guy with actual combat training.
>>29326483
>Propane torch
>Pocket knife
>Large bucket of Warheads candy
IT'S TIME TO BURN ASS AND EAT WARHEADS, AND I CAN'T EAT MORE THAN A HANDFUL OF WARHEADS WITHOUT DESTROYING MY TONGUE.
>>29332397
i chuckl'd
A bag of All Dressed
Eye-brow height staff, 4-foot ruler, camera for evidence gathering. Also there's the locked metal cage door they have to get through first.
other people
desks
chairs
I'm in class.
>>29332389
>be guy with actual combat training
>times is tough, need to rob some shmucks house
> kick door in, confident in my CQC
>hear bellowing from other end of house
>grossly overweight, greasy and naked neckbeard comes charging at me with a weapon held over his head
> its a fucking warhammer
>folds of skin jiggle and flap as he thunders down the hallway, screeching like a wounded sea lion
>gargles out something about "waifu", and "honor"
>fuck this shit times ain't that hard
>dip the fuck out
>don't look back, but can hear the alternating slapping sounds of his bare feet on pavement and fat smacking against itself
>thankfully escape, never commit another crime
>>29326775
Behold, this is how disconnected trump-supporters are with reality.
Show them my gun, shoot them.
Are their GF's there? I'd rape some tight snatch. Then murder their boyfriend's.
>>29326483
> hear diverse teenage pc mob looking for items to fund their wallets for drugs and fuck to police memorabilia
> in the bathroom ready for this moment
> I become naked and force a erection as I lather Irish spring across my hairy body
> I grab a lufa on a stick next to me and exit the bathroom to door that is barely held lock
> as the teens break in and rush in they are encountered by a horrid sight of a 350lb man , naked with a erected sheathed penis , holding the lufa stick and covered in Irish spring soap
> I scream "spring comes early!" As I pull my forskin back and run after them , beating them with the lufa stick
> as I beat them I keep screaming uncoherent gibrish about dropping the soap , how their skin must taste , if they like extra mayo and wondering of they ever had big bubas dick.
>scared and confused about this big man , they scream and try to run as this burly hairy man beats and try to shove that stick up their ass.
> they yell rape but that only fuels me as I succefully reach orgasm and cum shoots all over these kids trying to escape through a broken door
> I stop as I see them limp in fear and pain covered in Irish spring , cum and sweat.
That is what my body is ready for.
(While attacking, uses a battle cry that sounds like Howie scream, doing 32 points of damage and hitting a vital organ. Enemy teenager loses additional 3 HP from bleeding.)
> wood burner/soldering iron
> scissors
> jelly of petroleum
> metric fuckton of the cast plastering wrap stuff
Battleplan:
> strip down
> lube-up
> run like a loose tard with scissors
> once they are taken care of use plaster cast stuff to wrap bodies
> sell plaster wraped bodies at art sale
> profit?
>>29332389
Fatty you will die of a heart attack swinging that retarded shit around
I literally have a bare wall to my left, but I'm taking a dump and my only article of clothing is a rolled up skimask
>hey generic white criminal pals, let's roll old man jinkins house!
>boom crash
>suddenly they hear A NUUU CHEEKI BREEKI IVAN DAMKE
>a naked man in a ski mask runs at them from a side room, rock hard phallus bared like a weapon
>no survivors.jpg
I really need a toilet tank hipoint
>>29326483
/rummages
I got my grandfather's m1905e1 bayonet. It's dull, but I bet I can probably still get decent penetration on a stab.
*BOOM BOOM CRASH*
*BOOM BOOM CRASH*
A group of british musicians start kicking your can all over the place. One of them has a mustache so you know they mean business.
Whats within arms reach can you use to prevent being rocked?
>>29326483
Weapon?
I AM the weapon.
>>29333795
Aids
>>29333795
Since the member with the mustache is probably the leader, and the only britcucks that have mustaches are fags
< my computer
< hastily put on gay porn
< max the speakers out
< run like hell innawoods
An empty beer bottle.
I think I look just insane enough to be intimidating with it.
>>29326483
I got a banana in the kitchen
>>29330537
Taurus is shit
>>29326483
>USP45
>PMR-30
>SU-16
>freebie folder knife
>cell phone
>car seat
>infant
>keyboard
>desk
>ottoman
>lamp
Plenty, I guess.
>>29326642
THIS
I have my hands within arms reach. They're more than enough for his sore skin.
>Metal Coffee Thermos I've been putting small change in
>Confederate Flag Zippo
>Smokes
>empty bowl and fork
>IDF Boonie
>A metal RIS rail
BATTLE STRATEGY!
>Adorn IDF Boonie
>Wait until the melanin enriched gentlemen are coming up the stairs
>Throw the bowl at them
>They look up confused
>Light self on fire
>They cower at the sight of a flaming Jew coming at them
>I may die
>But at least my shekels are safe
They'll never see it coming
>>29326483
P225 and AR-15 beside at my computer desk.
>>29326483
>Nordic Longsword
>Oak Baseball Bat
>Spear With The Australian Flag Tied Onto It
>Terrarium With A Bunch Of Tarantula In It
I Think I'm Pretty Safe.
>>29326483
My anime figurines? I don't even own guns, I just show up here
1911 with 7+1 is in arm's reach.
10ft away is my rifle, PC(slick, save a kangaroo with empty 2x30 rifle pouches), chest rig(2x30 rifle, 2x8 pistol, blowout kit) and gun belt(2x30 rifle, 2x10 pistol, 1x8 pistol, ifak with snivel, pistol holster, knife).
Unless it's a tac unit, someone other than me is going to have their whole day ruined.
Handgun and AR are 3 feet away.
But so is my nugget...
Nugget it is, then.
>>29328029
Those are some fucking mindboggling mental gymnastics there.
