I've been thinking of enlisting with the Uruk Hai after college.
Anybody here served?
I've been looking at the best options, and I see a lot of people heading to Isengard for the new Warg technician program they just started, but I hear the food's pretty bad.
What's your ASVAB score?
>>27797378
33/99 but I can run REALLY fast for long distances.
One of my POG buddies has been stationed in Moria for fuck knows how long, and all they do the for the most part is climbing drills every other day.
>>27797407
sounds good cuh. Just a heads up though, be prepared to eat nothing but maggoty bread for three stinking days
>>27797433
What about meat?
>>27797445
>>27797433
yeah. why can't we have some meats?
>>27797445
>>27797453
You gotta get meat back on the menu first
finna sit on some hobbits w/ ogrebros desusenpai
>>27797445
You will taste manflesh but once in a blue moon.
Also watch out for the trees man, weird shit happens in them. Seriously weird shit.
>>27797487
i wouldn't worry about it
>>27797369
Yeah I'm sure it'll be great fighting cavalry ON FOOT with a three foot long shit steel chisel grind mass produced mashitty. Give up on warg tech, they only accept small guys, and the only reason they recruit so much is because those bitches literally eat half their handlers. The others get killed by, you guessed it, cavalry.
You want to be smart? Get a National Guard posting somewhere in Mordor. Good advancement opportunity, sure there's a hell of a lot of pogs but a big guy like you will stand out more in the mordor crowd. Better chance for fun assignments and more manflesh. Just my opinion. I did a Rohan tour, shit sucked. Sure we dunked on peasants but that shitty armor they give us is way too heavy, half the guys in my unit ditched it and got fucked by bowmen. YMMV
>>27797493
>entmoot detected
get out of here bark breath.
>>27797369
The Uruk Hai chicks smell really bad down under if you know what I mean.
>>27797369
Get out of here elf scum.
>orcs from LotR are former elves
>>27797590
australians all smell bad desu senpai
>>27797369
We dont want you
>>27797369
Just wait until meat's back on the menu
>mfw orcposting made it to /k/
>>27797621
Are you sure? I thought they came from the ground
>>27797854
That's dwarves, it's because their are no women.
>>27797854
They come from a stinking, oozing hole just like you did anon.
>>27797369
YOU CALL URSELF AN ORK!?
WATCHYOU KNOW BOUT BEIN ORK!!??
NUFFIN!! YOU DONT KNOW NUFFIN!!
BEIN ORKS IS BOUT FIGHTIN, FIGHTIN N KILLIN
YOU LOOK SMALL
>>27797527
I've been using my uruk steel mashitty for years now and I've never had an issue. Maybe you got yours from some knockoff goblin shit shop
>>27797527
Fucking recon, I can smell you from here morgul-rat. Real fighting uruk-hai get pikes n choppas n full plate armor! Fuck those pansy cavalry guys up real good. Too far to hit with your pike? Stay in formation and let the crossbows kill them, a horse will go down right quick from a heavy quill to the flank. Lost your pike? Use the pointy hook on the choppah to de-horse a rider; try sidestepping a bit to avoid the riders momentum and your armor/shield against any glancing blows.
>>27797369
Dumb and a good runner? Sound like a good match for a berserker. Get a nifty zwei-hander choppah. Last batch ran slow as shit to light the damn fuses.
>this whole thread
What a time to be alive
>>27797527
Will confirm, I am currently posted up on Cirith Ungol , You don't ever see any action on account of the tunnel system back there but you get to explore the mountains. That and there is better food.
>>27798434
Manflesh?
>>27798441
Negative, but we did catch two half-lings a while back, I managed to get a shiny shirt after we took them to the eye.
>>27797407
>>27797433
>>27797445
>>27797453
>>27797487
>>27797493
>>27797555
my sides
Bless this thread
>>27798116
Obligatory Ork posting. Commence dakka.
>>27798229
He was probably scammed for a sack of manflesh.
>>27798357
Yeah how well did those fucking pikes work when you got the sun in your eyes? How many were there of you? 10,000? Routed by a handful of riders and some hippy in a bedsheet? Those crossbows do yuo good when you can shoot 1 bolt for every three the rohans loose. Fuck you, keep stroking off with the white hand while we breach tirith
>>27798457
I'm telling you, it's mine. Fight me IRL
>>27798599
>literally A FUCKING EYE
>not joining the Haradrim to ride glorious mumakils into battle
Enjoy getting stepped on by a dumb troll whos on your own side
>>27798457
Interesting fact about that shiny shirt I had a buddy who was stationed on the wall, and you want to know what one of those higher up fuckheads did with it?
He fucking threw it back to the cunts it belonged to. Shows how much the Cirith Ungol officers know
>>27798669
>>27798669
Goblin please! Those shitty Haradrim are as worthwile as a mountain troll, that doesn't know what time of day it is. Their riders can easily be shot, causing the entire Arliphant to shit the bead. Not to mention their legs can easily be taken out by a Rohanian whore with two blades, while her horse is being directed by a ground midget.
>>27798599
>hippy in a bedsheet
That is one of the Maiar you philistine. Do ancient powers mean nothing to you?
>>27798783
Piss on that. Higher power is the eye, not much above
>>27797433
Fucking nailed it
> ITT ATF Agents pouring through all JRR Tolkien books trying to see if we are talking in code and selling DIAS.
>>27799170
please be a thing.
>which one am I talking about MR ATF?
>being a Tolkien nigger
>>27799177
Seriously I'm dying here... I bet you one of their guys is going to be working on this for 40 hours checking IP's and scratching his or her fat airy ass in shame afterwards.
>>27799205
Funny thing is, the Russains use this code for orders.
I.e name a book, then quote it for a set of numbers Ie page numbers then count that many over on the alpha bet on your code sheet to shift the letters /numbers coloration to give you the cipher .
A string of numbers like say a string of post numbers time/ edited by the mods to fit whatever smalll msg they were sending to each other....
but that's just my .02
>>27799222
well pardon, it's close to that anyways.
>>27799222
Oh I'm very aware.
>>27799178
>Implying being a Tolkien nigger is worse than being a Meyer cunt.
>>27799249
> not reading Jordan.
>>27797369
>enlisting with the Uruk Hai after college.
>college degree
>enlisting
Couldn't even go officer huh? Enjoy the maggot bread while the officers cave has delicious man flesh.
>>27797369
Do your time and get the experience. If you get the chance, go to Japan and see if you can get into Mr. Black's private forces. Supposedly they offer great benefits, lots of women, and have a fucking arena for entertainment too
>>27799222
Or they just listen to that spooky radio they have
>>27798783
This might be the same blood maggot that took out King of Gondor awhile back in human hunt ambush.
Also claim to have almost brought the ring back to the Eye.
>>27799273
The white noise one?
Saruman just has a fetish for big strong black men with vigorous endurance.
Why do you think his symbol is a "white hand"
Are you picking up what I'm putting down?
Do you guys have any treewalker stories?
I asked my friend orluk about them but he told me not to worry about it.
>>27799328
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDxVF79ocWw
>>27799222
>but that's just my .02
Fuck, I'm not finding this anywhere in these gay hobbit books. Please tell me it's not a reference to the Silmarillion, I'm only approved for so much overtime...
>Have great position commanding a company of Uruk Hai
>Raiding Rohirrim, eating meat it's all good
>Saruman hires men of the north to take over raiding
>Lazy, cowardly, always stop to rape and can't even understand black speech
>Saruman pays them better and seems to like them even more
Southrons are undercutting orcs too. All we're left to do is cut spooky trees because we're strong. Saruman is scared of FUCKING TREES
Barad-dûr was an inside job.
>>27797369
Careful you don't get stationed at the Black Gate, the dental plan for enlisted or officers there isn't too great
>>27799395
Letters from Father Christmas
Also fuck off. :-)
>>27799409
hey don't look at me friend
>>27799422
How's the pay for a general enlisted compared to a Mouth?
>>27799495
we covered this maggoty bread for 3 stinkin days and the occasional hobbit feet.
>>27798116
>Ork with black templar helmet
>Implying he ever encountered a fucking black templar
Whoever drew that needs his slap shit.
>>27797433
>>27797445
>>27797453
>>27797468
>This fucking thread.
>>27797369
I hear Fangorn Forest is pretty spoopy.
Don't grab mashitty and go innawoods. Trust me.
>>27799409
>lava can't melt magic rings
>>27797806
That was part of the plan.
>>27800129
>This nigga gets it
>>27800708
maybe some random encounter
>>27797621
no, Orc are facsimiles of elves that Melkor created
>>27799453
Fuck you, bro, Easterling stronk. Swords folded over a million times.
>>27800129
>Black Templar still butthurt he can't rokka the Thraka
>>27800129
>muh undeadable templar
>neva been busted!
>>27797369
When Saruman tells the leader the origin story of an orc to piss him off, he says orcs are a man/elf hybrid, right? Does this mean Strider and whatshername are gonna have an orc baby?
>>27803001
Orcs/goblins are a fascimile of elves created by Melkor, but Melkor can't make pretty things for shit
Uruk-Hai are Orc-Man hybrids
>>27799251
>Reading Jordan
Guys I'm currently laying in bed with a detached lattismus dorsi muscle and I want to tell you thank you for taking my mind off of it for the duration of this thread.
I love /k/
