What were the best bants in history?
11/9
>VII.9 (Eumachia Building, via della Abbondanza); 2048: Secundus likes to screw boys.
http://www.pompeiana.org/Resources/Ancient/Graffiti%20from%20Pompeii.htm
>>51522766
I wonder if Restitutus ever got to see that hairy vagina.
>>51522452
>When a British captive officer challenged Surcouf with the words "You French fight for money while we fight for honour", Surcouf replied "Each of us fights for what he lacks most".
the mock synod of peter the great
![Arthur_Duke_of_Wellington[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/ka1EvVW.jpg "Arthur_Duke_of_Wellington[1].jpg")
Louis XVIII invited him as guest of honour to a Ball in Paris. When Wellington arrived the Marshals of France whom he had so resoundingly beaten in previous campaigns turned their backs on him. The blushing king apologised for their rudeness but Wellington just shrugged his shoulders and said " Tis of no matter your Highness, I have seen their backs before."
2bh
![Arthur_Wellesley,_1st_Duke_of_Wellington_by_Robert_Home_cropped[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/I06sBCI.jpg "Arthur_Wellesley,_1st_Duke_of_Wellington_by_Robert_Home_cropped[1].jpg")
After defeating Napoleon, Wellington seduced not one but two of the Emperor’s former girlfriends. He also made friends with Bonaparte's sister, bought her a house and hung a saucy picture of her on his bedroom wall.
The two mistresses were Josephina Grassini, a beautiful opera singer, and Josephine Weimer, an actress, both of whom had been Napoleon’s mistresses several years before Waterloo. He treated the latter very well, once pushing forty thousand francs down her cleavage (presumably in notes). Weimer compared the Iron Duke and the Petit Corporal in bed, saying that 'Monsieur le Duc etait de beaucoup plus fort' ('The duke was much the stronger').
Seducing Napoleon's lovers was all part of a victory campaign by Wellington – he even hired Napoleon's cook, despite the fact that according to contemporaries he could scarcely tell rancid butter from fresh. After the wars ended, Wellington was presented with Napoleon's sword, three paintings of Napoleon, and the aforementioned painting of his sister, Pauline Borghese, showing her nipples clearly.
In perhaps the ultimate humiliation, Napoleon had commissioned an eleven-foot statue of himself as Mars, the god of war, naked except for a figleaf and a cloak. In 1816 the British government bought it and presented it to Wellington, who put it at the bottom of his stairs in Apsley House at Hyde Park Corner in London. It stands there to this day.
>>51525719
OBSESSED
>>51525719
THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN
>Early in the Seven Years' War (1756 – 1763), Hadik executed the most famous hussar action in history: when the Prussian King Frederick was marching south with his powerful armies, the Hungarian general unexpectedly swung his 5,000 force of mostly hussars around the Prussians and took their capital Berlin. The city was spared for a negotiated ransom of 300,000 thalers,[2] which he distributed among his troops.
Also, as a personal gift for Maria Theresa, Hadik had two dozen women's gloves embrodiered with the city's coat of arms and later on handed it over to the Habsburg Empress.
In 1492, Spain expelled its Jewish population as part of the Spanish Inquisition. Tens of thousands of Spanish Jews subsequently fled to Portugal, where King John II granted them asylum in return for payment. However, the asylum was only temporary—after eight months, the Portuguese government decreed the enslavement of all Jews who had not yet left the country. In 1493, King John deported several hundred Jewish children to the newly discovered colony of São Tomé, where many of them perished.
>"You can live here, jew, for a small fee."
>8 months later
">lol I was just renting it. Now get out."
>>51525719
>ywn experience love as powerful as the one who united these two men that duty kept apart
>ywn be the Duke of Wellington and have sex with Napoleon's ex mistresses just to feel closer to him
>ywn have to struggle keeping a straight face while you are presented with his sword and all you want to do is to impale yourself on it so you can finally be with him
Romeo and Juliet had nothing on The Duke and the Emperor.
>>But on the fifteenth day before the Calends of October (Sept. 17), as much dead as alive, I was summoned to the palace. And when I came into the presence of the patrician Christophorus-the eunuch, receiving me kindly, rose to meet me with three others. Their- discourse began as follows The pallor in your face, the emaciation of - your whole body, your long hair, and your beard-flowing, contrary to your custom-show that there is immense grief in your heart because the date of your return to your master has been delayed. But, we pray you, be not angry with the holy emperor nor with us. For we will tell you the cause of the delay. The Roman pope-if indeed he is to be called pope who has held communion and worked together with the son of Alberic the apostate, with an adulterer and unhallowed person-has sent letters to our most holy emperor, worthy of himself, unworthy of Nicephorus, calling him the emperor "of the Greeks," and not "of the Romans." Which thing beyond a doubt has been done by the advice of your master."
>>"What do I hear?" I said to myself. ,I am lost; there is no doubt but what I shall go by the shortest way to the judgment-seat."
>>" Now listen," they continued, " we know you will say that the pope is the simplest of men; you will say it, and we acknowledge it." "But," I answered, "I do not say it."
>>Hear then! The stupid silly pope does not know that the holy Constantine transferred hither the imperial scepter, the senate, and all the Roman knighthood, and left in Rome nothing but vile minions- fishers, namely, peddlers, bird catchers, bastards, plebeians, slaves.
ROME BTFO
![800px-Francisco_Goya_-_Portrait_of_the_Duke_of_Wellington[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/gDiBq4D.jpg "800px-Francisco_Goya_-_Portrait_of_the_Duke_of_Wellington[1].jpg")
>>51525968
Wellington was the absolutist madman there ever was
The "Who? Who?" Ministry attracted derision through its plethora of new political names, which demonstrated the relative inexperience of the party. Only four members of the Cabinet (Derby himself, St Leonards, Lonsdale, and Herries) were existing Privy Councillors and many others were complete political unknowns. This led the then octogenarian and largely deaf Duke of Wellington, then in his last year, to shout out "Who?", "Who?" as each new cabinet member was announced in the House of Lords.
>>51522766
>Successus is in love with a slave girl named Iris she however does not love him.
>Still he begs her to have pity on him.
>"You love Iris but she does not love you"
Story of my life ;_;7
>>51526733
>named Successus
>gets rejected by a slave
YCMTSU
This one t/b/h
>>51525705
Ignore jews
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jallianwala_Bagh_massacre
>The civilians had assembled at Jallianwala Bagh to participate in the annual Baisakhi celebrations which are both a religious and a cultural festival of the Punjabis.
>Coming from outside the city, they may have been unaware of the martial law that had been imposed.
>On Dyer's orders, his troops fired on the crowd directing their bullets largely towards the few open gates through which people were trying to run out.
>Dyer continued the firing for about ten minutes, until the ammunition supply was almost exhausted.
>Dyer explained his sense of honour to the Hunter Commission by saying, "I think it quite possible that I could have dispersed the crowd without firing but they would have come back again and laughed, and I would have made, what I consider, a fool of myself."
>He stated that he did not make any effort to tend to the wounded after the shooting: "Certainly not. It was not my job. Hospitals were open and they could have gone there."
>>51525719
Napoleon Keked Status: SUPER KEKED
this tbf
The huelocaust was bretty gud 1-7 1-7 ...
>You say that it is your custom to >burn widows. Very well. We also >have a custom: when men burn a >woman alive, we tie a rope around >their necks and we hang them. Build >your funeral pyre; beside it, my >carpenters will build a gallows.You >may follow your custom. And then >we will follow ours.
BASED
A
S
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D
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reply_of_the_Zaporozhian_Cossacks
>Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!
>O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are you, that can't slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil excretes, and your army eats. You will not, you son of a bitch, make subjects of Christian sons; we've no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck your mother.
>You Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw your own mother!
>So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!
>Koshovyi Otaman Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host.
