Ever shit on a guy's dick. Accidentally on purpose? What happened afterwards?
>Inb4 Hurr Durr clear ur self out.
Sometimes it happens no matter how how much you "clean yourself".
>>1319561
>"Clean yourself"
Want to know how I figured out you are a nasty fuck?
>>1319561
>Ever shit on a dick?
yes. that's why you keep a towel nearby during sex. and then you both take a shower. it's not the end of the world, but it does look and smell disgusting.
[1/2]
It's an honest mistake that can be made. Not even uncommon if you're new to anal. I had a good friend back in highschool, for example. He was in the closet and came home with me on the Friday bus for a weekend on occasion. My parents had a storage building complete with bathroom that they let me use as an outside room, It was almost like an apartment. We'd hand out in there playing video games and easing him into sex acts. He was very delicate and full of shame, It was my pet project to help him become comfortable and feel beautiful.
He had fucked me several times and desperately wanted to be fucked himself, So I showed him how to preform an enema and warmed him up as carefully and reassuringly as I could. Lots of grabbing and kissing, I put as much detail as humanly possible into bodily communicating to him how much I loved grabbing and rubbing him. It was going wonderfully, I had him sprawled out on my bed, Feeling confident and relaxing perfectly, Stretching him with my fingers, every additional finger punctuated with a gentle rim job and a slow handy the whole time. I was hell bent on making sure his prostate would welcome me as painlessly as possible.
The act went great at first, After I got three fingers in with no discomfort I slid my legs beneath his and started to press in. I went slow, stroking him and holding his hand. After I bottomed out and starting moving he got into it right away and started to hump back at me. The first time he came he even begged me to keep going, It was the best thing I'd ever seen, This guy was normally so quiet and introverted kids at our school thought he had some kind of learning disability. He had internalized his shame and developed so much anxiety the slightest bit of bullying could make him nauseous. But now he was moaning like a whore, having the time of his life, and feeling like the object of someone's affection probably for the first time excluding his parents. I was harder than I'd ever been...
>>1319723
c-c-c-c-c-c-c-combo breaker
>>1319723
[2/2], Character limit.
So, we'd been going for about half an hour when I finally came. I asked where he wanted it and he wanted me to pull out and spray him. Then it happened, I pulled my dick out, It slapped my stomach, flinging watery shit particles all along my chest, and (With my eyes closed and not yet noticing the shit) I had a hard, long, amazing orgasm. I was just entering the afterglow when he screamed "Oh, God!" and I looked down to finally notice the shit splattered all over my front and the puddle he'd created upon my exit. We sat there in silence, Like we were afraid to move despite already being a complete mess, Before he started gagging and apologizing and crying all at the same time. This went on long after I got him in the shower with me, He must have been having some kind of panic attack, Though I think the water did some good to alleviate that.
After putting the dirty sheets in the washer and replacing them it took me half the night before he'd even look me in the eyes. We tried again the following morning and it went much better. I'm actually really glad it happened, It's one of our better stories, and he opened up a lot afterwards, Though for a time he'd clam up if I dared to laugh about it.
So, No. I've never shit on a dick. But getting my dick shat on helped me get a good friend out of his shell a little.
>>1319561
That's not real, By the way, Is it? He's just so still, It's jarring. He's beautiful, Don't get be wrong. The line down his sack is so light, and his balls are so perfect, but there such an uncanny valley element to it.
>>1319733
It's definitely not. The body is 100% a photo while the dick is just altered in size without the balls actually moving independently from teh cock, as happens in an actual orgasm.
>>1319729
This is beautiful
>>1319733
they cut out parts of the frame and make the rest /static/ it's to make the gif more ~hd~ due to the size restrictions on sites like tumblr
>>1319729
>It's one of our better stories
are you guys a couple? please tell me you are :( or at least bffs
How is this relevant? And if you're overweight or can't tell there's a "problem" going on, you shouldn't even be doing it. If you're not lazy you will know what is going on
>>1319821
I don't want to pin anybody down. I'm not really the dating type, I like to be easy to leave. We were never really dating. But we're still friends and we still meet for drinks and occasionally sex if we've both had a dry spell or he's getting over a relationship. He's a lot better at managing his anxiety now and even dropped his medication a couple years ago. He's living out of state to take care of his grandmother after a stroke right now. Mostly just sexting between us at the moment. He has found a nice guy in that town but doesn't want to go taking him home to his grandma's house.
It's complicated? Yeah, that.
>>1319561
I have a couple times, and I had douched both times.
Once was after we had both cum, so it was no biggie. We just chalked it up to an occupational hazard of anal sex and laughed it off.
The other time I was having trouble getting comfortable, and when he pulled out to change position there was some stuff on him. It kinda killed the mood for a sec, but we just cleaned up and ended up jerking each other off. It was fine.
Tldr: it's not a big deal. Just clean as best you can and listen to your body
>>1320027
He sounds like a nice guy. How old are you two? Also, how do you not get attached to guys? I get attached sooo fucking easily, and then bummed out when things don't work out. It's really pathetic.
>>1320382
This. [H] is relevant to my fantasies of you two.
>>1319729
I'm so fucking scared of going through that, I probably will have a panic attack if I'm not with someone so caring and attentive.
>>1319862
I'm a fat fuck and I don't shit on people's dicks or on dildos. My ass runs clean.
God what kind of faggots are you guys? Just lick it clean! It's all part of the fun
I often shit on a guy's dick on purpose cause I think it's hot.
I lie and say I've douched and stuff, then let loose on his dick while he's fucking me and say it was an accident, never happened before, etc.
Almost 100% sure this is why I have no repeat hookups
>>1320730
it is actually pretty much impossible to shit on someone's dick unless you already have to take a shit. in other words, unless the shit is already starting to move out of you, it is not in your rectum, it is up inside your intestines and it doesn't get on his dick. unless you have diarrhea, of course, that is the worst. then there is shit all over everwhere no matter what you do. don't let anyone fuck you if you have to shit or have diarrhea. don't eat a big meal before sex.
if i know i'm going to get fucked, i usually don't eat a lot that day, maybe some juice and a banana or something.
caffeine can make you shit, so don't drink vodka redbulls after eating 3 chili-dogs and then go dancing. i learned that the hard way. although i was too drunk to car. long story: i got fucked on a pool table in a bar after it closed by the bartender and (huge cock btw) felt like i was in a porno but when we were done there was shit all over the pool table. couldn't see it because it was so dark. he got fired for ruining the table because we tried to clean it up with cleaning supplies that ruined the felt. also there were cameras and it was all recorded and the owners (2 old men) of the bar used to lech all over me when i went there after that because they had seen me getting my ass fucked deep like a whore. so i stopped going there. the bartender moved away. good times. lessons learned.
>>1319561
Yeah. I told the fucker that it was a terrible idea but he didn't seem to care until he struck oil. Thankfully he left after that, so on the end I guess it was a good thing.
>have fuck buddy for about 5 years
>tested and exclusive so we bareback
>last friday I'm over his house
>go hot and heavy, end up fucking him
>finish and roll off onto my back
>he comes up, kisses me, then starts moving towards my cock
>I see a little shit on my cock and try to tell him to stop
>he's too fast and has my cock in his mouth cleaning me off
>he didn't say a thing.
>>1320737
Eating an hour or two before sex isnt so bad, but yes, its best to eat lighter if you know sex is coming.
>>1320382
I'm 23 and he's about 4 months younger than I am. As for attachment, You can't escape human nature. I do get attached to whoever I'm with. But there's this ever-present idea that he'd potentially rather be with someone else that compelled me to remain open. Not that I'm going to let them be with someone else at the same time, A partner who sleeps around a lot makes your own care not to get an STD pointless. But I'll eat my emotions if it means they can be with someone they prefer or I'm feeling introverted enough to tell them I'm spending a weekend alone in a dark room just because I want to. Eventually I'll meet someone with complementary needs but I'd never think of making someone change to fit me, They'd be miserable. That's the whole reason I don't think normal dating works.
>>1320382
Oh, And I should mention that we were both 17 when this shit story happened. That was his anal virginity lost. I'd lost mine around 3 years before that and knew what I was doing.
anyone got pics of guys shitting on dicks?? this is an image board, after all!
>>1319723
this warmed my heart anon, you have a heart of gold for not flipping shit and reassuring him like that
>>1321029
this is realtalk dude you can't change people to cure your loneliness damn
>>1321326
That would have un-done a lot of my hard work to get him more confident. Helping him with his shyness was a huge project spanning years. We even took boxing lessons together after highschool when he was worried about being in public. Now-a-days he's a lot more social than I am.
>>1321329
It's not really that you can't change someone, In fact it's probably impossible to interact with another person without changing them in some way. It's just resisting change that you don't like. Nobody is the same person for the whole of their life, Sometimes being with you can make someone realize what they really want isn't there with you, And you shouldn't stop them from perusing it just because you'll miss what you had. I'd rather toss a relationship aside than have it turn into someone's prison cell. I reject the notion of keeping people to myself.
On that note, though. STDs do exist. Don't let them be too free while still sleeping with them.
>>1319729
You sound like such a good fucking person.
>>1319588
How to clean ass properly? I have a feeling it begins with eating a lot of wheat bran/psyllium husk.
>>1319561
I fukked this bitch is prison.I told him to be clean.Fukken ;moron got the tip of my dick dirty.Beat the rest of the crap out of him.I fukken hate that.
>>1321469
Get a hose shower head and run some warm water (Not hot, comfortable to the touch) at a low stream. Holding the end of the hose horizontal it should only just arch, If you fill your colon up with water too fast you're asking for a cramp. Gently press it to your anus, Don't insert it, Though you can find plenty of enema or douche heads that you can safely insert if you'd rather do that. What I do is count out 5 seconds, Hold the water in for a minute or two then get on the toilet and let it out. (This can be uncomfortable if you have a hemorrhoid. Don't push, Relax) Next turn go 10 seconds. And maybe a 15 if you want to. After that wait a while before trying anal, as all the moisture may have a turd dislodged from your large intestine and on it's way to the exit. After passing the eventual stool a 5 second count should be plenty to clean the mess it made.
It's hardly spontaneous, But it safe. If you expect to have sex that day I'd recommend doing it around lunch. That's early enough that you'll have any residual stool taken care of and not early enough for another stool to come anyway.
As for diet, It doesn't really matter. Obviously foods high in fiber and plenty of water are good for digestive health, and that extends to anal health. But I'd recommend eating light the day before a date that you expect to have sex on, Something that produces mostly fluid waste that you'll urinate. Soups, fitness shakes, juice, ice cream/sherbet. Whatever you eat the day of probably won't get to you large intestine quick enough to be a concern.
>>1321533
>the horrors of being single
>>1320911
After barebacking, the top should always wash their penis before proceeding to be a recipient of oral. There are certain bacteria in the anus that will not go away, even after douching. These have the capability to cause a urinary tract infection. UTIs are very unpleasant and oftentimes have the capability to last for years, and even lifetimes.
>>1319561
No, but one time I was getting fucked by this guy I met online, and he kept pulling it all the way out and putting it in again for some reason. Guess it was his kink, but it pushed tons of air up my ass. 15 minutes in he rolls me over for doggy and I fart for like 30 second straight right on him. Needless to say he got turned off and told me he was done. Forgot some nice underwear at that guys house and was too embarrassed to message him back to get them.
> getting ready to rim somebody
> notice his anus is circled in brown
> don't rim him
>>1321750
> getting ready to rim somebody
> notice his anus is circled in brown
> all that's missing is sprinkles
> dig in
>>1320911
Ah Christ
>>1321416
Omfg, where do i find a guy like you, who would care about "curing" me?
>>1321827
I honestly can't take credit for it, He cured himself. I just pulled him into social situations and tried to make him feel good about himself. The key is that he always had the desire to be social but was afraid to go it alone. He needed confidence. I honestly do recommend boxing lessons, or any sort of self defense. Being out in public is easier with some idea what you're doing in a fight just in case. To the best of my knowledge neither of us have ever been attacked in public, But it's good for your ego. Another huge problem he had was taking himself too seriously. Whenever he'd commit some social faux pas he'd beat himself up over it for weeks. Learning to laugh at yourself can be easier if someone else laughs at you first. Probably more to do with social development that his introversion had deprived him of.
Do you have a significant other or just a friend you could take some lessons with? Any bonding activity, really. Rock climbing is very popular these days. Get close to someone and your needs will be apparent to them, probably before you realize.
>be me
>be 16
>dating 12 years older guy
>wants to have surprise sex in the shower
>fucking him in shower
>he shits all over me
>not pleased
>break up
>>1321536
>The horrors of being clean
ftfy
One reason I don't wanna try anal with either a girl or a guy is that I'm really grossed out by the idea that they'll shit all over my dick. Is there any way to tell before you put your dick in if they've douched, or do you just stick it in and hope for the best?
>>1323872
Not really. If you're already close enough to be fucking I can't imagine it being that awkward to ask.
>>1323904
Pretty sure my dick would just deflate if I had to start talking about poop
>>1324030
It's not spontaneous or anything. But you can work yourselves back up with foreplay and that beats fecal UTI's. It's best to wait a bit after an enema to ensure that you're finished. Maybe watch a porn during the down time.
>>1323872
stick your finger in first.
but seriously, there is no poop in the rectum unless you are in the middle of a bowel movement.
>>1324589
>fecal UTI's
that isn't a thing unless you are immuno-compromised, stop scaring the children.
men have been fucking boys in the ass for thousands of years. it is perfectly healthy and normal.
>have bf
>tell him i'm feeling a little sick but i'd let him jerk off onto my ass cause i'm still a cumslut
>bend over couch
>he puts his dick right up to my ass and beats off
>stomach gurgling the whole time cause stomach flu
>he finally cums all over my boipucci
>he was thinking with his dick and decided to use his cum as lube
>presses his full length into me
>hits a button in me
>explosion of shit on brand new carpets
>have to go to stop n' shop and rent a fucking room doctor to shampoo the carpets before my parents come back
>>1324662
I'm into scat, so that whole thing sounds super hot. I wish there were porn like that (minus the carpet cleaning part)
>>1324674
No, include the carpet cleaning part. Make it a 2 hour video with ten minutes of fucking and the rest is a carpet cleaning tutorial. I haven't bought a porn since I was 9, But I'd buy that.
This thread proves that gay sex is completely natural. Yep.
i've shitted accidentally on the guy i lost my virginity to when i was still new to sex and it was the most embarassing thing ever, he was awful and started spreading rumours about our sex life.
my current bf shitted on my penis accidentally too and so i tried to hide it so he wouldn't feel bad because he was new to bottoming but he noticed when he wiped his butt. then i held him and told him it was completely normal and that he was still sexy and that if you play with anal sometimes shit happens. i told him it had happened to me before too and we laughed about it and watched a movie
>>1324771
>sometimes shit happens
obligatory:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNIfJL6oF9M
from 'Adam and Steve' a movie every gay boy should see at some point.
http://www.adamandstevemovie.com
>>1324771
You sound like a fantastic boyfriend.
>>1319733
>That's not real, By the way, Is it? He's just so still, It's jarring.
It’s still because it’s optimised (de facto manual lossy video compression).
>>1319739
>the dick is just altered in size
I don’t think it is.
i have never understood why anyone who is into anal isn't also into scat. like if you love ass, you should love everything that comes out of it.
getting shit on your dick is part of the natural experience of fucking someone's ass
>>1325157
You don't have to be into it, but you do have to not be a whiny little queen about it. Which is why you shouldn't fuck with whiny little queens.
>>1325176
This.
>>1325157
getting shit on your dick doesn't happen that often.
and scat is gross.
i mean i would let a guy piss on me but take a dump on my chest? no.
>>1325261
Hypothetically for $500?
>>1325268
Yeah, I'd pay someone $500 to shit on me, sure, who wouldn't?
>>1325381
Hot.
happened to me once.
Met up with a guy from Grindr, it was our second hookup, I cleaned myself out (water up the pooper, clean my inside) before, he topped me and after a while of riding his dick, i got off it and a blob of brown water-mucus stuff came out and got all over his crotch. He was cool about it, but I was SUPER ashamed....
>>1325504
You should probably douche a couple times and then even try to evacuate your bowels (naturally -- not with water) once more before getting fucked if you want to make sure none of that brown goopy stuff is still in your rectum
what do you expect when you use an asshole as a shitty substitute for a pussy?
>>1325504
don't use so much water next time.
you only want to rinse the rectum, not get water up into the lower intestine - that will loosen feces and before you know it you've got a mudslide.
>>1325504
Really wana get fucked in the ass but have no idea how to make sure pooper is all clean.
>>1325675
don't worry about it too much. shit coming out when you get fucked in the pooper is perfectly normal
>>1325544
there's no need to get all pissy about it
>>1325675
It's all about diet, eat high fibre, and favour large meals over continuous snacking. As a result you should have poop near your actual butthole less frequently, and you'll do mostly easy, low mess poops that don't leave you too dirty on the inside.
It's not perfect, but its worked for me much better than douching. I find douching, if anything, sometimes upsets my colon and makes me dirtier
>>1325835
This is the first time I've ever seen someone post good advice about keeping a clean ass on /hm/.
Degeneracy at its most hilarious.
>>1319561
>Go to a party in the city
>Meet a hot guy, we make eye contact
>Lead each other to the bathroom
>High on pot/tipsy
>Douched beforehand
>He starts feeling me up
>Ready to take that dick
>Puts dick in me, starts fucking me.
>He pulls out, face changes
>Tells me to clean off his dick
>Thought he just meant lube and cum
>Start blowing him
>Dick tastes weird
>Still blowing him
>Someone knocks on the door and we leave
>Eventually get to bathroom by myself
>Make sure I'm clean
>Use toilet paper
>Huge stream of shit comes out
>Realized I sucked shit off of dick
>MANICPANIC
I'm sure theres a lesson to be learned here.
>>1325675
if u wanna do the same as that anon, i suggest u clean ur inestines first. at the shower, force water inside u with the shower head, might take a little practice, and basically u fill urself with water and shit it out. at first it will be brown and have chunks of shit in it, but just keep doing it untill it comes out clean. once you are clean, wait a few hours, so that whatever water is in ur intestines gets absorbed, and you should be good to go.
>>1326036
that lesson is dont be a slut
>>1326036
>>1326095
the lesson is that god hates fags
>>1326116
EAT DA POOPOO
>>1326116
>implying straight people don't
>>1326036
i lold hard
I didn't clean out well enough the lat time I was with a guy and he got my shit on his fingers when he was trying to loosen me up. I got nervous and left, should have just let him fuck me...
>>1326698
Shit is actually a great natural lube, you really should have just gone for it
>>1326140
To be fair though, almost all the gay guys I know have had their tongues in someone's ass and/or someone's tongue in their ass before, versus almost no straight people. Like even the straight people I know who have tried anal, they don't usually "eat out" the same hole that shit comes out of
>>1327220
Several of my close female friends have admitted to having been rimmed by multiple boyfriends. They make it seem pretty commonplace, even if it's all on the DL. I think a lot of guys want to eat ass, gay or straight, but it seems much less common for women to want to do it. Anecdotes aren't very useful though, since everyone seems to have such different experiences.
>>1327245
Anal sex in general is treated as an unspoken special event in relationships these days. I've been willing gay test run to 4 straight friends before and while we were talking about our last std screenings and sexual histories the conversations eventually lead to their past experiences with anal sex. All 4 confirmed that anal was a very common birthday gift from past girlfriends, and that they'd preformed analingus.
