Let's play a game /his/
Vaguely describe a war in 5 greentexts or less and try to guess which war it is
I'll start with a relatively easy one:
>Democracy vs. Oligarchy
>Democratic state is very ambitious, forms an alliance
>Democratic state tries to get more allies
>Fails and allies turn against them
>Oligarchy wins
>>971400
peloponnesian war
>let's help this nearby town
>shit, those other guys are backing the other town
>b-but muh regional influence
>time to learn to play a whole other ballgame
>we naval hegemon now
>>971447
First Punic War
>>971449
Das right
>hey guys let's expand into this new area
>oh hell now they're invading us
>there goes a couple millenia of work
>>971436
Yep
>>971468
Battle of Gaixia?
>>971498
Don't know that it really has a name, but it was the Egyptian-Assyrian conflict of the 7th century BC
>>971400
>Hey wait, aren't those islands ours?
>This is a terrible idea, no one wants this
>Lets go fight them anyway we haven't waved our navy dick around in a while
>1000 dead
>Too many fucking birds
>Ah shit we scared them, try the machine gun
>Fuck we only killed a few
>Shit we wasted a lot of money
> wow these new alliances are the best thing since sliced bread
> what do you mean he got assassinated?
> fuckingbalkans.gif
> wars declared
> bullshit peace agreement drafted at end of war
>>971722
Malvinas war
>>971722
Falklands?
>>971722
This triggers the Argentinian
>>971733
scrub tier m8
>wow, we and our friends have been massacring this ethnic group for over a century
>Now that our big brother is gone, their ethnic separatists want independence? oh no you dont
>We have huge advantage in manpower and supplies, we will easily rek them
>gets rekt
>>971748
Kebab war?
>>971733
Could not possibly be ww1
>>971748
Any war in a post-Ottoman country.
>be good boys who dindu nuffin
>neighbours turn up
>get BTFO
>get eaten
>Damn, my favorite cocksleeve has to go get a real job now
>wtf... Cocksleeve is rebelling... Better show him who's top...
>HOLY FUCK WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE ACCIDENTALLY THE ENTIRE ARMY I SET ON HIS ASS
>lol good thing his friends are assholes... Glad that's over...
>brother is at war with this cuck for years
>dumbass gets hit, dies
>kingdom is mine
>cuck attacks
>lose all my holdings
>>971730
Emu war
The general of the Emus was a genius
>>971775
Any fight between maori tribes?
>>971777
King John?
>>971785
Close enough
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moriori_people
>These people lived by a code of non-violence and passive resistance (see Nunuku-whenua), which made it easier for Taranaki Māori invaders to nearly exterminate them in the 1830s.
>>971788
he dindu nuffin
and yes
>>971790
Yeah I wondered if you meant them. Thats what they get for being shit cunts who wont play with everyone else
Here's a hard one with a preliminary hint: it was only a war from one side's perspective.
>exiled businessman still a businessman
>goes to brown-people land cause people in 1823 said it was okay
>steals all their shit
>brown folk get mad
>"if you get mad, i'll just hate fuck you"
>exile somehow returns to the country from which he was exiled, who then gives him a bigass militia to go introduce to the browns
>"fuck" - brown people
>the oppressed end up winning because some random lanky kid threw a torch on all of the militia's ammunition
many of these are literally redit tier, i expected something better from /his/
>>971911
This has got to have something to do with Rhodes.
>>971738
10/10 filename
>hey we're free now
>let's kill eachother
>fucking turks
>>972539
The whole middle east post ww1?
>>972563
Nah, Balkans.
Arabs were pretty much kept at bay by their new euronigger masters until independence & Israel and all those failed wars over there.
>OK lads, we'll keep this together
>shit, are those fags trying to leave?
>well our troops aren't fighting so let them
>you fags can't leave!!!
>OK, fuck you for leaving
>BUT YOU FAGS WILL NOT LEAVE WE'LL KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU IF WE HAVE TO
>oh, OK, they left
>no, you fags are not leaving fuck you that is the cradle of our nation
>n-no, stop hitting us
>you tho? you can go and fuck you
>>972576
Yugoslavia?
>>972613
Yes
>>971400
>Fucking Romans
>Constantly annexing shit
>getting fed up with them
>recruit bros from various regions
>Pray to Hercules for strength
>Get some elephants
>Lesser numbers but I don't give no shits
>Got a plan figured out.
>Tactifully buttfuck them
>Two snide Romans start toying with me
>One is wearing down my forces, and resources, the other is going back to my base to try and disrupt my shit.
>Torn between two fronts.
>Wind up losing everything.
>But fuck it, I had my moment of glory.
>>972103
>Everything I hate is reddit.
Speak for yourself, edgelord.
>>972622
This guy or le ebin Fuck this shit victories REEEE greek man
>I was just pretending to be retard
![windows-explorer-stopped-working[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/lOLRB5O.jpg "windows-explorer-stopped-working[1].jpg")
Too subtle?
>>972636
This thread was about wars, not human history in general.
>>972637
Shackleton?
>>972627
The former.
>>972622
>five greentexts or less
Oh well you did your best
>>971776
Caesar vs Pompey?
>>971400
>JUST
>FUCK
>MY
>SHIT
>UP
Should be easy
>>971748
Battle of the little bighorn?
>>972695
Chief Brendan of the Celts?
>>972695
Battle of cannae?
>>972695
WW2 france
>>971400
>local tribes agree I'm the new prophet
>lead them
>kick the shit out of the british
>die a few weeks later
>British return a decade later and kick my successors ass
>>972747
Mahdi War? The one that got Brits and Egyptians into Sudan?
>>972753
That's the one
>>972695
Operation Bagration?
>fighting countrymen
>oh shit here comes the new kid on the imperialist block
>hit pause button and put aside differences
>get btfo anyway
>bigger state invades smaller state
>gets absolutely BTFO
>>972807
Nope. .gif related.
>>971733
Australian genocide at the hands of a bunch of birds. That general was the greatest military tactician of the milenium.
>>972863
FUCK THAT WAS MEANT FOR THE EMU ONE
>Yeah sure you guys can get your own land, we won't invade again
>Woah there pal those are some nice gems there
>*War declared*
>Get ass handed to iinitally, then bring in reinforcements
>Put civilians in concentraton camps
>>972640
Nah, the second defenestration of Prague.
>old guy evil is bastard to islanders
>new guy gets ship blown up
>new guy wrecks old guy
>new guy is evil bastard to some other islanders
>the war in the south just ended
>still have a large army of mercenaries why not continue using them
>go east
>succeed at burning down half their country that wasnt already occupied
>still ended up losing
>>971733
My guess is ww1, described in a weird way
>>971748
The kebab get BTFO war
>>972539
Serbia and friends
>>972622
The elephant part was a dead give a way. Hannibal v rome
>here's an ultimatum
>btw regardless of what your reply is we will declare war anyway
>here's a different ultimatum
>oops, we mistakenly gave you two sets of reactions to your reply to our ultimatum, both of which say we will declare war, regardless of your response to our ultimatum, tee hee
>here's yet another ultimatum
>hand over your border defenses you set up because you were afraid of us declaring war on you, or we will declare war on you
>What? Shots fired? But we don't even have artillery in that area!
>Oh god they're coming and we don't even have guns of jeez oh fuck
>Cheesing tactics commence
>Lmao get rekt our democracy stays right where it is
>Grave losses in the peace treaty, a reason for a millenia of shitposting
>>972883
Boer war
>ayy was dis sum pagans or sumfin
>lmao git gud scrubs
>oh snap they rebelled
>punk ass pagans
>stab em ded keep em ded I'm a good boy dindu nuffin
You should be able to solve this.
>>972937
total war diplomacy
>be at hundred years war with your eternal rival
>finally gets the upper hand
>local barbarian starts up shit
>wait who are these people again
>both of you gets wrecked at the same time and your empire absorbed
>>972695
Waitling street
>>973029
Byzantines v Sassanids get rekt by Muslims
>>971722
falkland islands
>>973051
Byzantium didn't get absorbed though
>FUCKING NORMANFAGS
>GET THE FUCK OFF MY ISLAND
>GOD FUCKING DAMN
>he's harboring WHO?
>fuck it whatever Perseus quit quick
>let's just steamroll the rest of the world
>where did his cavalry go?
>why are his elephants behind his pikes? is he retarded?
>>973062
north africa and the levant did
>>972622
Is that you Pyrrhus?
>>971748
Yugoslav war?
>>971400
>We crusade nao
>Meme decisions.jpg
>We empire nao
>Let's attack those guys, it should be easy, we have knights and shit
>WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY USED HOOKS INSTEAD OF SPEARS???
>>971911
Was this in Latin America? I remember hearing somewhere about an American who tried to found a sovereign state in Central America or somewhere around there and the natives got pissed and managed to stop him.
>>972906
Spanish American War.
Or the Philippines War
>>971400
>fighting vs the rest of europe; round 02
>lose the war
>actually gain the thing everyone was fighting for
>This couple of guys were bros and created a country
>One wanted central government the other wanted federal and then their followers start shit with each other for the following century
>Centralists/conservatives gain power and gallantly proceed to shit all over the federalist/liberals causing war
>Country gets run to the ground, no one really wins, everything gets destroyed and people are poorer than ever
>War ends and country loses a vital territory to separatists so everyone ends up so damn butthurt the conflict would restart 50 years later
>>971911
Five greentexts or less.
>nice document would be a shame if i rewrote and publish it
>"muh honor"
>"what his allies helped him after i declared war for no fucking reason at all
>oh shit they captured our king - fuck it we are republic now
>I MUST
>>971400
>We pay big bucks to keep fighting the same war over and over
>Enemy gives us the bird and hides in swamp
>Takes occasional pot-shots at us the next 100 plus years
>Enemy shakes The Mayor's hand
>Enemy now runs casinos
>>975585
German-French War of 1871
>>971400
>"Help me "
>Done, now pay denbts
>"No"
>Absolutely BTFO
>Dismembered. jpg
>>975685
After the first three I wanted to say American Revolution, but nobody really got BTFO'd there. One side lost, but it wasn't a masdive curbstomp.
>>975621
>deluge
correct
>>975621
>Something from South america. Columbia?
Yes, but you gotta name it
>england is butthurt that france is kicking down some country on the other side of the world that dindu nuffin and stops them
>5 years later they urge them to start exactly the same war again and even join them this time
>still lose
>attempts to send fleet halfway around world
>antics and hilarity ensues
>lose the war
>take out anger on civilians
>those southern lands will be ours, we'll finally cross the mountains and connect with the Atlantic
>annoying natives getting in our way, cut their tongues and their eyes as a warning message
>It's been years and the brute natives won't fucking retreat, since they do not have government, we can't "take power"
>my native slave boy just escaped and is teaching the rest how to fight, how to use our weapons and all our strategies, its getting out of control
>fuck it, it's been centuries now, give them autonomy. We'll never reach the Atlantic
>>975785
Russ-jap war
>>975826
Rome in iberia?
>>975837
No, but it includes Iberians
>Country is in bad shape, suffering from both civil and external wars
>Some skilled general seize power and restore peace and order
>Neighbours are butthurt because a commoner shouldnt rule a country
>They attack and get raped
>The skilled general takes some small pieces of lands from them, but offer generous peace hoping they'll stop
>He was wrong, instead they keep attacking and getting raped again and again for the next 10 years
>>975849
The conquer of Chile
>>976041
Napoleonic Wars
Vive L'Empereur
>>971911
Literally any filibuster attempt from the 19th century.
This one should be easy
>Shaky truce with enemy
>Did someone say gold in Sicily?
Oh shit, enemy breaks truce and is backed up by bigger enemy
>Occupation
>>976119
Fuck, that's supposed to have a greentext arrow
>company moves into region to halt slave trade
>arabs get uppity and revolt, in order to keep slave and ivory trade going
>company calls on its home country
>hammer comes down
>arabs get to keep slaves anyways
>>975627
Seminole Wars?
>>976119
Godfather III
>chillin', vivisectin'
>find out our homies tapped out
>uh oh, doesn't that mean that...
>other dudes use some scifi shit on you
>dudes across the border want a piece of that ass too
>they come and take it
>>976275
Nips in WW2
>>976161
>After centuries of being a backward irrelevant shithole, we did it! We're the most powerful country in Europe!
>But what do now?
>Oh, looks like our Southern brother is having some feud with a small irrelvant non-country
>Maybe we should help...no, I have a better idea, let's attack the two next most powerful european countries for no reason and invade a neutral state allied with the world's largest colonial empire
>???
>Fucking kikes I swer!!!!
>>976330
Germany becomes stronk, Italy invades North Africa and Ethiopia, attacks Poland, starts two front war, blame it on the Jews and deny holocaust while majority of Germans will punish you severely for doing just that.
>>976356
Basically WW2 in the European and African orchestra.
>>976356
Almost
Germany becomes strong, Austria shits on Serbia, and Germany reacts to it by declaring war on Russia and France and then invades Belgium thus angering the British Empire
>>971400
>be freemasons
>start a revolution
>another freemasonic country declares war on our colonial masters
>BTFO the colonials
>"brother" country's men shoots one of our soldiers
>What no. We freemasons too, see.
>"brother" country: NO!
>turns out secret dealings we got sold off.
>get betrayed
>>976401
US Revolution
>>973107
1066 best year of my life
billy the conk's invasion of england
>>976275
Japan getting BTFO.
>>971400
>better do some police work or "that" ideology will spread again
>wow we're doing shit, how is the new regime president we're backing?
>he's too mean, let's pay some people to oust him in a coup aaaand he's dead
>oh no the media triggered our populace and they're all opposing the war
>welp the enemy is using our homefront situation to bolster their propaganda
>might as well pack up, go home, and pretend this never happened
>>972622
>Fucking Romans
>Constantly annexing shit
>getting fed up with them
>recruit bros from various regions
>Pray to light for strength against darkness
>Get some cavalry
>Fight Romans
>Lose
>repeat two more times
>Fuck, Ima an hero by poison
>Cannot an hero cause I'm immune
>Have slave an hero me
>>975785
Obligatory
>>971400
>eh. Not my problem
>CHING CHONG DING DONG BANZAIIIII
>Aaaaand now it's my problem.
>>972695
Just Schlieffen my plan up.
>>973006
I KNOW THIS ONE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvKRbi2ovDY
>>973108
>worstfuckingdayofmylife.jpg
>"BROTHER!!"
>"BROOOOOTHER!!"
>and the winning side lost after the king they were backing was seen riding with his vanguard through the enemy lines just to try stabb his brother
>Get sneak attacked by rivals
>Win
>Their faces when
>>971911
It was that one time an American businessman retrieved a militia and invaded Costa Rica.
They were saved because most of the American troops were only garrisoned in a single fortress. They knew approximately where the magazine was in this fort, but no one wanted to try and burn it except for some 18 year old kid with no reputation, who ran in with a torch and burned their munition stores, escaping unscathed. He became the country's national hero afterwards. I believe this all happened in the 1900's.
>>977127
Yep!
RIP Christopher Lee
>country is invaded by the big bad
>resistance movements spring up
>one resistance movement that is dominated by a particular ideology overpowers the rest
>some resistance movements side with the enemy
>get massacred after the war along with thousands of civilians and left in the woods and in caves
>I want to be the kings best friend
>So does some other guy
>The king is worthless
>Queen is fierce
>War time
>>976487
No.
>>972813
Chinese civil war, kmt side
>>977718
Wars of the roses
>need to go to one place to help our m8s
>to get there we need to go somewhere else
>cant go there, go other place, pointy hat men get upset
>welp they were heretics anyway
>>971400
>yo, greatest enemy to my dynasty, im about to be usurped hard and i need one of your sons to marry. im a girl btw :)
>fuck you its a trap
>no it isnt im srs pls respond
>ok
>your son got rekt on the way by my usurper
>>977059
Mithridates of Pontus, and it was the captain of his guard that killed him
The Pelopennisian War?
>>977697
Vietnam War
This is going to be a hard one for you guys
>Spartans removing kebab
>Ottomans cucked harder than Knights of Rhodes
>Albanians and Turks piling up on the land named after a mulberry
>>977718
Despenser and Mortimer fighting for influence over Edward ii and ultimately leading to Mortimer cucking Edward by invading England and fucking the queen
>>978289
Is this about the Greek War of Independence?
>>978452
Not exactly, a thing that predated the Greek War of Independence
>A bunch of terrorists from [muslim country #1] hijacked our planes and crashed them in our towers
>Their leader is hiding in [muslim country #2]
>Let's use it as an excuse to invade [muslim country #3] and hang its leader. The pleb will buy in it anyway, because they're ignorant faggots and all the three countries share the same religion
>Oh, and of course, let's be kind to [muslim country #1]. It's our ally in this region
>>978621
World War I?
>>978621
The war for spanish succession?
>>978460
Other than the Maniot rebellions, I don't remember when Spartans fought against kebab.
>>971447
Kek
>>978689
That's the Orlov revolt, before the war for Independence, but bingo
>Guys, it is your duty to kick out the army we don't like
>We'll tell you where we are coming and then you'll retreat, deal?
>We are seeing what you're doing, stop that and kick them out properly
>Hey Hans, go write a polite "fuck you" on that billboard up there!
>One city burned and that's about it
>>971733
A total idiot's understanding of WWI
>>977133
BINGO
>>972622
go talk to that roof tile why don't you?
this one might be a tough one
>germans being lazy fucks decide to take a break from fighting to celebrate christmas
>red army's a bunch of atheist fucks and start slaughtering them on christmas morning while they're drunk/hangover
>germans fuck off only to return with reinforcments and to dig in deeper with their machine guns
>meanwhile soviets have no reinforcments and siberian regiments not doing what they're told
>they still win because human wave tactics on machine gun positions is the best tactic ever
>>978263
You're off by a few decades and a continent.
>>977127
Based Saruman. That video was pretty cringeworthy though.
>>980924
You don't even know where cringeworthy begins.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nhq1uWY9wHg
>>978621
Peloponnese?
>woah we got independence, guys
>no we didnt want that Independence, we wanted this independence
>civil war before constitution written
>lose war but still manage to be president of country for 30 years
>oh no, this other power is creeping up on our colony
>better invade the territory between us
>succes initially
>get BTFO afterwards
>send punitive force to avenge BTFO'ing
>My ship! I cannot believe what you did!
>Never forget. You are going to pay for this
>BTFO the other country
>Now all your island are belong to us
>What do you mean when you say that you have nothing to do with the ship? What ship are you talking about?
>>981071
FRCA civil war?
>Haha this is cool
>Whoa what do these do? Oh shit RIP my brothers
>Ow, my eyes
>Oh fuck my foot
>>971733
underage detected
