The year is 395. You are Honorius, emperor of the Western Roman Empire. What do you do /his/?
>>342849
Become Emperor of Italy like a westernized champ
>>342849
Play with my cock.
>>342849
Trust in Stilicho.
Spend some administrative points to increase base tax around our capital
>>342849
Let in a bunch of barbarians to culturally enrich all the Latin women while I sit back and watch.
>>342872
Obligatory
>>342866
>muh mana
>>342849
Tax the church
>>342849
Move to Britain with all my troops, reconquer everything from there.
>>342886
Heretic!
>taxing Gods representative on Earth
>the absolute madman
>absolutely barbaric
>>342849
Build a wall
>>342857
see how good
>not gorgeous
>>342912
>North Africa
>Useless
>Hispania
>Useless
>Gaul
>Useless
You have a point with Britannia though
murder the royal famaily including myself, after I pass the throne to a local peasant
>>342912
Italy would starve without North Africa though.
>>342849
Call myself Holy and Roman and get mad respect from the barbarians
>>342954
Can't tell if b8 or fucking retard.
Probably spoil my toga and cry a lot, being a 10yo retard I am.
>>342962
Italy relied on grain imports from North Africa and Egypt from 1st century BC.
>>342962
he's 100% correct though, Rome was a stagnant megalapolis where the majority of the "citizens" were slaves numbering in the millions
only thing that kept them from looting fucking everything was the constant shipments of grain coming into them from north africa and egypt
panem et ludos, nigga
>>342970
circenses not ludos
>>342976
google et translate nigga
be fucked if i ever waste time learning a language that fugged my ancestors
>>342968
Shit, forgot about the retarded numbers Rome was handling inside the city. I always thought Sicily was Rome's granary, but never took into account just how huge the fucking thing was for its time.
>>342962
6 And there the centurion found a grain ship of Alexandria sailing into Italy; and he put us therein.
-Acts 27:6-26 Authorized Version (KJV)
>>342849
Build gas chambers and ovens for all germanics
>>342970
fixed
Collapae.
>>343029
Africa is another granary.
Prosperous enough to allow Heraclius to took Constantinople.
>>342849
Scorch and burn the earth
>>342912
Italy was probably the most useless part of all of Rome.
All the culture was coming from the East, the food was coming from Africa, and the Western wars were happening in Gaul. Italy was just a mostly abandoned field of ruins.
>>343046
got it
>>343067
Odd for what Italy became later on
>>343061
Geats what are you doing, go home you're drunk
>>343079
A place where tourists go look at said ruins?
>>343074
but spain had mines for all sorts of minerals, desu
>>343374
>>342849
>buy a shitload of hash from north african parts of empire
> a lifetime supply
>get a massive harem
>go live on the coast of spain and get some other dude to run shit
>>343386
so taking away "portugal" which was just included in the two spains, it's still just two below the heartland of the western empire which makes it useless?
what does this prove
First thing I would do no matter who I am or what ancient era I'm in would be to develop germ theory, vaccination, and find penicillin. Disease can fuck right off.
Beyond my no doubt trying obligations as emperor I would institute the Norfolk Four-Course crop rotation system, single highhandedly invent physics and calculus, take a crack at chemistry, fund some other people to develop clearer glass for optics, invent the printing press, and draw up some schematics for steam engine pumps and other mechanical devices.
I would probably adopt Christianity as the official religion of the empire. I might try to impart more humanistic and perhaps even secular ideas into Christianity but I'm tentative of trying to skip all the bloody lessons humanity had to learn in order to bring about modern sensibilities. Without the blood the lessons might not stick in the zeitgeist.
>>342875
>that uncentered black box
>the uncentered text
>".com"
>>342912
>t. someone who knows fuck all about the ancient world.
North Africa around Tunisia was the richest part of the Roman world, Spain was pretty damn rich, Gaul was heavily urbanised especially in the south and brought in vast amounts of tax, Britain was mediocre though.
>>343061
whats going on in this
>>343491
the former Carthage territory?
>>343486
>I critique the quality of memes on the internet
>>343374
all for you baby
>s..ss..pain d..es..uuuu
>>343306
you got me
>>343587
Isn't there a lot of coal near the lowlands and in England?
Don't you want to jump start the industrial revolution?
>>343731
rather not
>>343568
The former carthage territory literally nurtured Italy.
>>343587
Why do you need Illyria again? There is nothing there except masses of wandering Goths.
>>343067
source?
>>343779
That overall region was the main source for latinized yet not gay soldiers in Late Antiquity.
>>343739
Your loss.
Raise new Legions from Roman citizens. Expel the Goths/Germanics to Germania. Establish Germanic state for them. Trade deal that bolsters my economy and develops the german goth state. To keep the goths happy in their lands and refill my coffers.
End the senseless brutal nature of Roman interactions with non Romans. Justice reforms through out the empire.
Turn palaces owned by the empire into public buildings for the poor. Public infrastructure projects to bring water, sewage, refuse collection, and green space to the masses.
End slavery.
Economic reforms. Make large land holdings owned by wealthy families productive and competitive.
>>343824
what about the slaves
>>343804
workin on it
>not wanting the prosperous copper cornwall
>>343777
#savecarthage
>>342849
>The year is 395. You are Honorius, emperor of the Western Roman Empire. What do you do /his/?
Eat fruit and fuck slaves. Its a matter of time before someone kills me anyways.
>>342849
Reform the Army. Get instakilled
>offer the Barbarians help in conquering their neighbours, keep them out of invading Rome
>bring the military under centralized control and secure the economic heartlands
>implement Napoleonic/Frederician strategies
>offer tax breaks for people living in Rome to move out and spread the population among the Empire
>withdraw from areas that aren't of strategic interest to Rome
Most importantly >hope to god I don't get assassinated.
Create best form of marxism. Cultural Marxism.
Barbarians will be disgusted and leave Rome alone.
step down as emperor
gather a meeting with all the powerful families and try to work out how to rebuild our borders
>>344471
>gather a meeting with all the powerful families
*and be convinced by your mother that they are all working with Barbarians to overthrow you and then execute them all
>>343824
Roman citizens don't want to be in no fucking legion
Probably because the currency by this point was shite
Embezzel everything and run.
>>344597
>has no fucking idea how heavy real money is
>>342920
But Gaul was useless wasn't it? Litetally only conquered because the Gauls were always a thorn on the Romans side.
>>343477
>Four crop system
>On Latifundas
>Increasing population when you can't sustain them
>Humanism
>In a dark age
Fuck off reddit
>>343824
Slavery in Rome was there for a reason.
Haven't you read your Spengler?
>>342912
>what is auxilia
>>342849
Make beautiful women fight eachother. The winner goes free and gets to pee in my mouth.
>>345980
A true 4th century Roman right here.
>>344657
>increasing the productivity and sustainability of farmland
>bad
>implying that disease kept humans from population collapse
U wot, nigga? History isn't on your side.
personally sack rome before the barbarians can
Hang out in my palace fucking whores while slaven take care of my every need until my inevitable assasination
>>344638
they had small settlements all over the place they weren't barbarians like the guys in germania
Retire and move to Capri. Don't even have to worry about getting assassinated like Tiberius
More aggressively colonize, ejecting citizens from the well populated regions to the frontiers. Accept stilcho's hand.
>>344638
Southern gaul was great for farmland.
Start working out my butt so that germans can enjoy it more
>>343533
The little ruined buildings are settlements that have been "razed" preventing the Mongols taking over Europe as their is nothing to take over. Scorched earth.
>>343731
England and Wales had coal, tin, gold, lead, copper and iron
Fuck my harem cause we screwed.
>>346913
That seems excessive.
>>346923
No one island should have all that power.
>>346932
>>346927
Legendary difficulty as Western Roman Empire on Total War: Attila is honestly the hardest thing I've ever done in a video game. This pretty much is needed.
>>343477
Is there a larger version of this or do I have to pay them money for a real one?
>>346951
Why? I'ts still readable. Or do you want to print it out?
And no, I don't see any higher resolution version of it online. Take this though.
>>346964
It's a little hard to read with my 20/500 vision. Thanks for the other poster too.
>>342849
Invent the external combustion engine, create the first railroads, conquer Gaul, germania and anywhere north of that before all those pesky barbarian sack rome.
>>347021
How are you going to make railroads with shitty hand-made iron?
>>346983
Have another. I've got a folder full of infographics. I've even got one on how to make a shotgun out of piping. The internet is a magical place.
>>346947
I think it's artificial difficulty to some degree. 80% corruption with almost no way to reduce it to a manageable amount is basically just the developers pinning your head to the guillotine. Not to mention the barbarians just naturally hating Rome so that they would invade you, and not having the barbarians react to the Hun invasions.
>>347059
you cant paly the barbarians off against each others
>>347059
>muh artificial difficulty
That's a really juvenile complaint for a video game. Difficulty is difficulty. Shortcuts for improving difficulty save on coding and processing power by simply approximating what the game would be like if the AI was "smarter".
>>346549
It's where "province" came from, after all. Their original "Provincia".
>>347048
Invent steel.
>>347092
How about I describe it as "lazy game design" then. What they did was take the superficial layer (barbarians invaded Rome and dismantled it) and implemented that into the game. They didn't go to the deeper layer (barbarians were generally fleeing the Huns), which means that even if the original cause of the barbarian invasion is taken care of, the barbarians will still hate and invade you. The 80% corruption is part of this too, it is used to force history to go down the path it did. In addition, the tech tree also assumes a Christian Roman empire that lost much of its technology during its decline. Even if the player manages to get the WRE out of the hole it dug itself into, you still lose the ability to make concrete if you research Christian techs. It would have definitely taken effort and thought to come up with a system that would accurately reflect history if played normally, while also allowing the player agency to change history, but it would have made for a more realistic and engaging game.
>>347092
>That's a really juvenile complaint for a video game.
No, it isn't.
Compare Demon's Souls and Dark Souls to Dark Souls 2 and you'll see what I mean.
>>347092
Harder difficulty should make the game more challenging, not frustrating.
The increases in difficulty should be thought out and introduced with care, not butchered and shoved in blindly.
An example would be instead of giving AI in an fps instant aim and can kill the player within half a second, give them proper intelligence so they take cover and use advantages that the player can work around.
>>347241
I'm talking about strategy games.
Take Civ:V as an example. The AI can't into the hex grid combat system. You can significantly improve the combat AI with mods, but it ruins turn length because the AI takes up so much processing time.
Instead of expecting the player to wait 10 minutes for the AI to finish its turns, Fireaxis simply gave the AI bonuses. The game is still playable and legitimately harder.
>>342849
I die because I'm pampered and stupid. Maybe trust in stilicho, but he'd probably kill me with the eunuchs after he was done with the barbarians
>>347261
Galactic Civilization has better AI than its contemporaries without the down time but I don't know whether other games have caught up.
>>347276
I think Galactic Civilizations AI either doesn't have as many CPU hungry problems to solve or hides its the shortcuts better.
>>347268
Arbitrarily forcing large empires to deal with 80-100% of their income to disappear isn't "in my head". It makes the game unplayable.
>>343061
What game is this?
>>347366
Total War: Attila.
Give positions and lands to leaders of different Germanic tribes in far off or strategic parts of the empire like an early feudalistic society, while maintaining strong centralized rule. Mix barbarian tribes up themselves and among the local peoples, so as to prevent new emerging cultural identities from forming. Set up a system to easily call up levies to easily check my vassals against each other in case of rebellion or in case of invasion from the east.
And of course, adapt Germanic culture and Arianism, while maintaining core Germanic values. Let only the Germanic men breed out and kek the locals for the next generations to create a predominantly Germanic society.
Then gradually create networks of strategically placed defensive fortifications to check the eventual Islamic invasion in alliance with the Eastern Roman Empire (who become eventual tributary states and source of shitskin slaves and resources)
Sail out west and colonize the Americas
>>347388
Thank you
>>347059
Yeah, because unmanageable corruption and shit relations with barbars weren't things the Romans actually faced.
>build a wall on the northern border and the eastern border of the empire
>grant citizenship to high-up non-citizens within the existing empire
>introduce conscription for all male roman citizens
>start expanding the granaries in north africa
>expel the christians and return to pagan roots
>introduce tax reduction for roman citizens that have multiple children
and i have just officially fucked up western roman empire, how the hell do political leaders come up with good ideas
>>347602
>introduce conscription for all male roman citizens
You have now just armed people who are pissed at you and under the control of ambitious generals
Whoops
>>347413
>And of course, adapt Germanic culture and Arianism, while maintaining core Germanic values. Let only the Germanic men breed out and kek the locals for the next generations to create a predominantly Germanic society.
Why would a Roman emperor adopt pathetic forestnigger "culture" and the satanic heresy of Arianism?
>>347785
I dont think this emporor is even roman at all guys
>>342849
Invent guns and introduce modern sanitation to the legions. Reclaim everything lost to the east, conquer Persia, and put the entire population of Arabia to the sword so that Islam can never happen.
>>347826
>Reclaim everything lost to the east
Nothing was lost to the east. In fact, warring the east would, if not instantly turn everyone capable of assassinating you against you, destryo both empires.
>>342849
I would teach mathematics up to Calculus to the roman and greek philosophers thereby advancing mathematics by about a thousand years. TAKE THAT PROFESSOR THOMAS PASSING ME WITH A C- YOU STUPID ASS WHO ADVANCES THE WESTERN ROMAN EMPIRE NOW????
>>347999
>up to calculus
Set theory would be far, far more valuable at this point in time.
>>342849
Enforce the Lex Julia laws to increase the birthrate.
Let barbarian women and children into the Empire. The men can join them and get land on the condition they serve in defence of Rome first.
Try to settle as many in Britain as possible. Maybe at a rate of 20:1 barbarians to Romans.
This way the empire still romanizes them, still maintains presence, and suddenly a big number of angry, tired, celts are settled and the native British have to shutup or putup and both have to deal with whatever Legion.
Crack down on all illegal enterprise, or find a way to tax it. Tax everything else more effectively.
Maybe look to reinstituting a sort of polis system. There were enough giant towns and cities scattered and medium sized ones all over the place. All men 18 - 39 can be called into service by the city in defence. Cities answer to the provincial level but just defence. Rome proper gets to field legions for expedition and fortification.
>>348026
>The men can join them and get land
Wasn't a large factor int he decline of the empire the fact that all good land had been given to earlier legionaries?
>>348035
I'm sure there would be a way to work it out. I am not well versed in the land ownership and land rights of the Western Empire though so good point I guess.
>>348055
You could just give them a cow instead
They are just barbarians, they wont know better.
>>348830
Yeah, I'll agree with pretty much everything except the corruption, unless there's absolutely no way to remwdy that later on. In which case, that's kinda bullshit.
The Roman tech tree is absolutely retarded though, yes.
>>343779
Most of Western Rome's manpower came from there.
>>343486
>>".com"
I don't think you get the reference.
>>343061
Me too. Abandon the whole empire except Italy
>>348063
>horde of upset barbarians walking the empire shouting "WHERE'S MY COW?!"
>>348901
There really isn't. If you're playing a late-game large empire, every city you conquer makes you lose money, because the added tax you get from each city is less than the amount you lose from the corruption everywhere else. A few techs will lower corruption by a few percentage points, but there is no real way to solve the problem.
>>348976
Italy is all that matters
>anything but great italia
>>342849
invite all the aristocrats, landlords and senators to a feast in rome, poison them all like borgia style, and seize all their lands, redistribute it to loyal subjects and peasants and create a new conscription and tax system
Probably try to organize citizen militias in the major provincial cities, in the hopes that they won't be such easy targets without comitatenses to protect them.
>>349002
>roman empire collapses becuase all the cattle was given away as payment.
Invent pasta and make mea soma spaghetti mama mia!
Also force everyone to speake italiano
>>348971
None of the ad logos have ".com" in it, senpai.
>>342875
>I have posted the superior, actually original image and people still use this piece of shit
poor form tbchwy family
>>350772
yes they do, since its for a pornographic website. Part of the joke is that there would be a website for this shit in ancient times.
>>350867
I want this to be an actual porn site.
>>350879
No, the joke is that the Gauls were big manly invaders who cukked Roman men. Blacked is about big black men cukking white men, and the website doesn't have ".com" in their logo. The only people who think it's better with the ".com" are the people who didn't get the reference in the first place.
>>350910
>>347413
>eventual Islamic invasion
Why not just send a legion around irrelevant Arabia and raze everything?
>>350921
It turns out I've been misinformed and I apologize.
>having an argument about a website solely centered around Negroid men having sex with Caucasian women
