People nowadays seem to have this feeling that humor and comedy never existed before the modern era. Even thinking back to the relatively recent past (like the 1800s), lots of people seem to think nobody ever laughed. This is especially true of Medieval times, or Ancient Greece and Rome. It's like everyone was just pissed off, apathetic, or sad 24/7
So, to help illustrate this to not be the case, I thought we could have a thread dedicated to the things that made ancient people kek. It really brings a smile to my face to see these people in a new light
>After invading southern Greece and receiving the submission of other key city-states, Philip II of Macedon sent a message to Sparta: "If I invade Laconia you will be destroyed, never to rise again." The Spartan ephors replied with a single word: "If" (αἴkα).[28] Subsequently neither Philip II nor his son Alexander the Great attempted to capture the city.
>When an Athenian accused Spartans of being ignorant, the Spartan Pleistoanax agreed: "What you say is true. We alone of all the Greeks have learned none of your evil ways."[11]
>Following the disastrous sea battle of Cyzicus, the admiral Mindaros' first mate dispatched a succinct distress signal to Sparta. The message was intercepted by the Athenians and was recorded by Xenophon in his Hellenica: "Ships gone; Mindarus dead; the men starving; at our wits' end what to do".[22][23]
>After the Greeks ended the threat of the second Persian invasion with their victory at Plataea, the Spartan commander Pausanias ordered that a sumptuous banquet the Persians had prepared be served to him and his officers. "The Persians must be greedy," he remarked, "when, having all this, yet they come to take our barleycakes."[19]
Some provincial man has come to Rome, and walking on the streets was drawing everyone's attention, being a real double of the emperor Augustus. The emperor, having brought him to the palace, looks at him and then asks:
-Tell me, young man, did your mother come to Rome anytime?
The reply was:
-She never has. But my father frequently was here.
A little Medieval humor next
>A Friar, who was but moderately considerate, was preaching to the people at Tivoli, and thundering against adultery, which he depicted in colours of the deepest dye. “It is such a horrible sin,” said he, “that I had rather undo ten virgins than one married woman!” Many, among the congregation, would have shared his preference.
>The father of a friend of ours had an intimacy with the wife of a downright fool, who, besides, had the advantage of stuttering. One night he went to her house, believing the husband to be away, knocked on the door, and claimed admittance, imitating the cuckold’s voice. The blockhead, who was at home, had no sooner heard him, than he called to his wife, “Giovanna, open the door, Giovanna, let him in; for it does seems to be me.”
More Medieval jokes. I think I'll post some more ancient Roman jokes next. I would try ancient Chinese humor too but I'm not sure if they laugh
>A man who had given his wife a valuable dress, complained that he never exercised his marital rights without it costing him more than a golden ducat each time. “It is your fault,” answered the wife, “why do you not, by frequent repetition, bring down the cost to one farthing?”
>A Florentine I was acquainted with was under the necessity of buying a horse in Rome, and bargained with the dealer, who asked him twenty-five gold ducats, too high a price; he offered to pay fifteen ducats cash, and to owe the rest; to which the dealer agreed. On the following day, when asked for the balance, the buyer refused, saying, “We must keep our agreement: it was settled between us that I was to be your debtor; I should be so no longer if I were to pay you.”
>>427681
>>After invading southern Greece and receiving the submission of other key city-states, Philip II of Macedon sent a message to Sparta: "If I invade Laconia you will be destroyed, never to rise again." The Spartan ephors replied with a single word: "If" (αἴkα).[28] Subsequently neither Philip II nor his son Alexander the Great attempted to capture the city.
top banter desu
Mix of ancient Roman and Greek jokes coming next
>An intellectual, falling sick, had promised to pay the doctor if he recovered. When his wife nagged at him for drinking wine while he had a fever, he said: "Do you want me to get healthy and be forced to pay the doctor?"
>An Abderite saw a eunuch talking with a woman and asked him if she was his wife. When he replied that eunuchs can't have wives, the Abderite asked: "So is she your daughter?"
>An incompetent schoolteacher was asked who the mother of Priam was. Not knowing the answer, he said: "It's polite to call her Ma'am."."[17]
>A man with bad breath asked his wife: "Madame, why do you hate me?" And she said in reply: "Because you love me."
Spartans were expert shit talkers
>>427770
indeed
>When Leonidas was in charge of guarding the narrow mountain pass at Thermopylae with just 7,000 Greeks in order to delay the invading Persian army, Xerxes offered to spare his men if they gave up their arms. Leonidas replied "Molon labe" (Greek: Μολών λαβέ), which translates to "Come and take them".
>After Agesilaus was wounded in one of his many battles against Thebes, Antalcidas remonstrated, "The Thebans pay you well for having taught them to fight, which they were neither willing nor able to do before."
>Demetrius I of Macedon was offended when the Spartans sent his court a single envoy, and exclaimed angrily, "What! Have the Lacedaemonians sent no more than one ambassador?" The Spartan responded, "Aye, one ambassador to one king."
ROMA
O
M
A
>>427781
>When Leonidas was in charge of guarding the narrow mountain pass at Thermopylae with just 7,000 Greeks in order to delay the invading Persian army, Xerxes offered to spare his men if they gave up their arms. Leonidas replied "Molon labe" (Greek: Μολών λαβέ), which translates to "Come and take them".
and I also believe Carthage must be destroyed
t. Cato the Elder
>>427681
You forgot the part where Sparta rebelled shortly after Alexander crossed into Asia and got btfo by the Macedonia regent and the home guard reserve troops.
Sparta was a paper tiger after the Peloponnesian war.
Slavery aint free. The city of Sparta gotta be litterd with the blood of helots and hoplites. The city of Athens aka "merchant whores" is not my hegemon. It is cowardly boat people and probbably run by Persians as well :DD. LYCURGA and LEONIDAS not THESEUS and PERICLES ok. praise Ares
isn't Ancient Greek sense of humor supposed to be pretty base? There's literally a guy who died laughing because he got his figs eaten by a donkey
>Athenian barber: How you want your hair cut king?
>Phillip II: In silence
>>428010
JUST
>>428017
ASSASSINATE
>>428022
MY
Taken from La Cazzaria (The Book of the Prick) by Antonio Vignale (1525).
>But this is true: Brother Angelo dei Servi, discovering in confession that scented ointment was the best thing to use in place of saliva, went into the convent, and not finding any minor brothers, fell upon Brother Paolino, a friar about forty-two years old.
>They conferred briefly, and locked themselves in cell.
>After Brother Angelo had enough of fucking Brother Paolino's ass with a well-oiled finger, he put a little ointment on the head of his cock, and then he put his proud shaft into Brother Paolino's asshole, which, after it had been oiled, seemed to him like a ring of iron.
>Brother Angelo, eager to see the proof, pushed in without any discretion and ripped Brother Paolino's asshole, tearing a hole more than four fingers wide.
>Brother Paolino, feeling his asshole torn and sore, began at once to scream.
>Hearing the noise, several of the friars that were in the church came running, and when the asked what was causing it, poor Brother Paolino cried: "Brother Angelo's Cock!"
>The rumour of this spread about so much that even today some are still ashamed of it, and they speak of the cock of Brother Angelo dei Servi, which tore the bell ringer's ass.
>But don't think that because of this those fools have abstained from following their loutish behaviour!
Why would people think they lacked comedy? Comedies were invented by greeks, as were tragedies, which I think are usually attribute to shakespeare...
>>428035
SHIT
>>428047
It's just that modern day kids don't really have a grasp of history. Shit, I'll admit I'm guilty of it. When I think of ancient Roman people, or ancient Greeks or medieval Franks, I don't think of just normal people. I think of statistics, numbers, hordes of peasants who lived miserable lives. I really have to stop sometimes and tell myself "these were people just like we have today. They spoke a different language and wore different clothes but they laughed, loved, and lived like anyone else"
Graffiti from Pompeii (~80 AD?)
>I.2.20 (Bar/Brothel of Innulus and Papilio); 3932: Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!
>I.2.23 (peristyle of the Tavern of Verecundus); 3951: Restitutus says: “Restituta, take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates”.
>I.4.5 (House of the Citharist; below a drawing of a man with a large nose); 2375: Amplicatus, I know that Icarus is buggering you. Salvius wrote this.
>II.2.1 (Bar of Astylus and Pardalus); 8408: Lovers are like bees in that they live a honeyed life
>II.2.3 (Bar of Athictus; right of the door); 8442: I screwed the barmaid
>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1882: The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
http://www.pompeiana.org/Resources/Ancient/Graffiti%20from%20Pompeii.htm
>>428078
top fucking kek. It warms my heart knowing there existed shitposters even in the first century AD
King Henry II of England had a jester that farted a lot and it entertained him so much that he granted the dude estates.
>Fourteen hundred years ago a monk named Fraimer was plowing a field about a mile away from his monastery and broke the plow on a rock-hard clod of dirt. Then he accidentally cut off his thumb while he was trying to fix it. Don’t feel too bad for Fraimer: his abbot will eventually re-attach the thumb with God’s help. But before that happens, our narrator—a monk named Jonas who saw Fraimer’s thumb personally, he insists—swerves the story into a cartoonish kind of reality. Jonas tells us that when Fraimer’s thumb was severed from his hand it fell into the dirt like it had gotten its own funeral. He says that Fraimer ran the whole way back to his abbot and prostrated himself on the ground to “confess” what had happened, as if he’d done something wrong. He tells us that the abbot’s only follow-up question was “So where’s the thumb?” and that when Fraimer said he’d left it in the furrow where it fell, the abbot yelled at him for not having the sense to bring it back with him. We’re still not to the miracle yet: we’ve got to traipse back with Fraimer down the winding path, along the rushing river, around a steep mountain—in order to get his buried thumb home. - See more at: http://www.cambridgeblog.org/2014/09/dark-humor-in-the-dark-ages/#sthash.HnatTiWw.dpuf
>>428078
>I screwed the barmaid
If only my blogs could be seen in public.
>>427997
You're halfway there, where's the image?
>>428037
dude what
>>428037
>>427681
Nobody has mentioned Lysistrata yet.
Pathetic, all of you.
>>427960
And he almost lived long enough to See it happen, so fucking close
>>427681
Being wry is not the same as being crude. And unfortunately, crude things that make it into history like behold-a-man, also have their wry aspects to them.
>>428190
shut up faggot, that's what ur mum said last night
>>428190
Not exactly some mainstream humor, but this is the crudeness people don't expect when they think ancient people were uptight because no one recorded crude shit. Wry shit like what OP posted is why people think ancients didn't laugh, it's clever, but dry.
>Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!
>Restitutus says: “Restituta, take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates”.
>Lesbianus, you defecate and you write, ‘Hello, everyone!’
>Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.
>On April 19th, I made bread
>To the one defecating here. Beware of the curse. If you look down on this curse, may you have an angry Jupiter for an enemy.
>Defecator, may everything turn out okay so that you can leave this place
>I have buggered men
>Secundus likes to screw boys.
>Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they every have before!
>The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
>We have wet the bed, host. I confess we have done wrong. If you want to know why, there was no chamber pot
Diogenes was the biggest shitposter in Ancient Hellas
>As Diogenes was sitting in his pot, Alexander approached him and asked him if there was anything he could give to the philosopher, who lived an existence in willing poverty. Diogenes, glancing up, exclaimed "Yes, get out of my sunlight. Do not take willingly from me that which you cannot give me freely"
>Alexander continued to lavish Diogenes with praise, exclaiming "If I were not Alexander, I would wish to be Diogenes". To this, Diogenes responded "If I were not Diogenes, I would also wish to be Diogenes"
>Upon entering the home of a wealthy man, the master asked Diogenes not to spit on his house or his possessions. Upon hearing this, Diogenes spat in the face of the master, claiming he could find no other place to expectorate.
>Diogenes was once seen walking through the agora at day carrying a lit lamp. When asked about his actions, he claimed "I am looking for an honest man"
>>428325
glad to hear there were NEETs even in ancient Greece
>>428245
Is this public privy graffito? Top banter
>>428331
He was one of the main figures in Classical Cynicism; only then you could live like a NEET and still be worshipped as a genius. But I guess being a philosopher actually paid in those days
Too drunk to copy it down, but I was reading a book on Polish history and there was a story about a folk story about a guy telling a girl about a :dragon" who was actually describing his penis
>>427691
This one went over my head.
>>427691
SAVAGE
A
V
A
G
E
>>428346
Augustus's dad was cucked.
>>428346
Some guy who lived in a tiny village or something went to Rome for the day. Everyone remarked on how he looked just like the Emperor. So the Emperor asked to see him and asked if his mother ever came to Rome (implying that the Emperor's father knocked up his mom).
The man responded no, but my father did (turning the joke back around on the Emperor and informing him that he is actually the bastard son of his father and they are half brothers, hence the similar appearance).
>>428245
>>To the one defecating here. Beware of the curse. If you look down on this curse, may you have an angry Jupiter for an enemy.
The angry Jupiter of pooping curses has visited you! your colon will be struck with soreness and runny poops for seven summers unless you post THANK YOU BASED JUPITER! in this thread!
>>428344
He was a hobo and a beggar. He would sit outside whore houses, and insult and berate people who entered until they gave him money, and when he had enough money he went and used them himself.
>>427681
I have noticed that the most closed-minded and humorless generation to have existed in a long while, the millenials, seems to think that previous generations were far more humorless and closed-minded than themselves.
Monks were pretty silly.
>>428471
medieval art is just the best
>>428481
Indeed, nothing comes close to it.
>>428471
JoistFvckMyneShiteVpFamilia.jpg
>>428493
>>427710
Supposedly, pantsing started with a certain Chinese official. I believe it was someone in the Sun Wu court, maybe Sun Quan, who pantsed various people because he thought it was fucking hilarious.
>>428505
Monks are pretty much solid proof people had a sense of humour.
>>428513
i just wish drawing silly shit like we do today was as easy to them as it is to us now
>>428513
that's literally a bag of dicks, gathered from a dicksprout by dickfarmers
>>428438
brilliant.
>>428519
The giant snail wasn't enough; he also had to draw the knight with a club and a shield with a face
Martial and Juvenal had some good shit. I remember laughing at some of their verses.
>>428438
>classical era NEETdrachm
>>428438
Living the dream
Also there's the heavy shitposting that was recovered from the Roman city that got BTFO by a volcano
Read the Canterbury Tales, it's full of cuck jokes.
>>428469
>muh millenials
/pol/ pls go
>>427681
Are you suggesting that anybody dosen't know what a jester is?
Methinks OP doth be projecting.
>>428245
History may come and go, but shitposting is eternal.
>>429165
pepe is not a toad!
>>428174
Well, no, that's what you're here for, mate. You're supposed to mention that.
>>427681
>People nowadays seem to have this feeling that humor and comedy never existed before the modern era.
Like who?
Just because people don't think about it, doesn't mean they don't think it happened.
>>427681
>People nowadays seem to have this feeling that humor and comedy never existed before the modern era. Even thinking back to the relatively recent past (like the 1800s), lots of people seem to think nobody ever laughed
Not really, no one thinks that. In school we study authors like Boccaccio who was a master banter
> medieval humour
See also: most of the Canterbury Tales
>>427681
>People nowadays seem to have this feeling that humor and comedy never existed before the modern era.
They do?
If that's the case, people clearly haven't read Don Quixote. I rarely laugh out loud at a book, but that is some funny shit.
>>429407
>>429367
>>429237
>>429048
I should have worded it as "nobody thinks about historical peoples' sense of humor" rather than saying they don't have it. Although I will add, in my first year classical history course, some girl expressed a lot of shock when the professor opened with an ancient Greek joke. She genuinely thought they didn't laugh.
>>428037
What...?
>>429736
Wonder how she would react if you told her that a Greek once died from laughing.
>>428037
This one is a gem.
>>429811
the original Russian shitpost
From Usama ibn Munqidh's "Kitab al-I‘tibar" :
>One day this Frank went home and found a man with his wife in the same bed. He asked him, “What could have made thee enter into my wife’s room?” The man replied, “I was tired, so I went in to rest.” “But how,” asked he, “didst thou get into my bed?” The other replied, “I found a bed that was spread, so I slept in it.” “But,” said he, “my wife was sleeping together with thee!” The other replied, “Well, the bed is hers. How could I therefore have prevented her from using her own bed?” “By the truth of my religion,” said the husband, “if thou shouldst do it again, thou and I would have a quarrel.” Such was for the Frank the entire expression of his disapproval and the limit of his jealousy.
>>428001
>It's supposed to be the other way around! The ass! The ass ain't supposed to eat figs! Ahahahah oooooh my heart.
>>428078
>Graffiti from Pompeii
Came here to post exactly that. It's marvelous.
>Gaius Valerius Venustus, soldier of the 1st praetorian cohort, in the century of Rufus, screwer of women
>“Secundus defecated here” three time on one wall.
>Defecator, may everything turn out okay so that you can leave this place
> R O M A
> O L I M
> M I L O
> A M O R
>>428513
Nuns did that one and the other dick trees. They were having a joke about how men are simply penises that literally grow on trees they're so easy to come by. It was a reply to the objectification of women. Heard it on some podcast. There were other funny ones but the dick trees stuck in my memory. Them sisters had a silly sense of humor. I wonder how many drawings were done by nuns. Everyone just assumes it's brothers making these.
>>427770
Spartan training included philosophy, logic, and rhetoric.
So they either worked out, or sat around being educated all day.
And didn't have to chase women because wife sharing.
What do you think they did with downtime?
>>433328
>What do you think they did with downtime?
Admired each other's natty gains, buttfucked, and bantered.
>>429811
>tfw I came in here just to post theReply of the Cossacks
Egnatius, because he has bright white teeth,
always smiles: If someone comes to the defendant's
bench, when the speaker arouses weeping,
he grins; If there is weeping at the funeral pyre of
a dutiful son, when the bereaved mother laments her only son,
he grins. Whatever it is, wherever he is,
whatever he is doing, he grins: he has this disease,
neither elegant, as I think, nor refined.
Therefore I must warn you, my good Egnatius.
If you were a city man or a Sabine or a Tiburnan
or a thrifty Umbrian or a fat Etruscan
or a swarthy or toothy Lanuvian or
a Transpadane, to touch on my own people as well,
or anyone you like who cleans his teeth with clean water,
I still should not want you to smile on all occasions:
for nothing is more silly than a silly smile.
Now you are a Celtiberian: in the land of Celtiberia,
whatever each man has urinated, with this he is accustomed
in the morning to rub his teeth and gums until they are red,
so that the more polished those teeth of yours are,
the more urine they proclaim you to have drunk.
I recommend everyone reads Apuleius' The Golden Ass, shows a lot about Roman humour. Also the dinner scene from Petronius' Satyricon which is a hilarious depiction of the Roman nouveau riche stereotype.
There are also some great stories from Juneval and Martial. There's one complaining about traffic on the streets, people throwing piss pots out of 8 storey buildings and homeless people stealing his shoes at the baths.
>>428069
Read some social and cultural Histories then, and read some of their literature.
>>428078
>>428037
So were monks just horny all the time then?
I mean if it only took a brief conversation to get a 40 year old friar to fuck...
>>427781
>After Agesilaus was wounded in one of his many battles against Thebes, Antalcidas remonstrated, "The Thebans pay you well for having taught them to fight, which they were neither willing nor able to do before."
SHOTS FIRED
>>428471
dumb snail posters
>>433350
>no homo
>>427691
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh.
>>428078
>i screwed the barmaid
Kek
>>429811
>steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ
But according to Islam Jesus never even died in the first place.
This guy was a terrible Muslim.
This shit right here.
>>433350
ALL CORRECT!
>>428001
That's rustics for you. They have a very earthy, simple sense of humor.
And before you go thinking we're so much more sophisticated, consider how effective the simple fart joke or knee to the testicles remains.
>>433526
damn
I know a few medieval sayings.
Twee ghesellen, die houden kijf
Om een onghestadich wijf,
Den welken dien si dan verkiest,
Dats die ghene die meest verliest.
(If) two guys fight
Over an adulterous women
The one she chooses
Is the one who loses most.
And
Daer twee hanen sijn in een huus,
Ende een catte ende een muus,
Ende een oudtman ende een jonc wijf,
Dat huus steet selden sonder kijf.
There where two cocks live in one house
Or a cat and a mouse
Or an old man and a young wife
That house is seldom without trouble.
Rest of medieval humor revolves around cuckholds and dead beat dads really.
>>433447
>tl;dr
spaniards have nice teeth because they drink pee
>>428001
I thought it was because the ass got drunk off fermented figs.
>>433447
Catullus best Roman poet of them all
>>428001
Ancient humour is in a lot of ways very different from ours, which leads to much of it being notoriously unfunny to modern people. Romans thought slaves being beaten up was super hilarious, for instance.
>>436838
>Romans thought slaves being beaten up was super hilarious, for instance.
But it is
>>428001
>Chrysippus of Soli (Greek: Χρύσιππος ὁ Σολεύς, Chrysippos ho Soleus; c. 279 – c. 206 BC[1]) was a Greek Stoic philosopher. He was a native of Soli, Cilicia, but moved to Athens as a young man, where he became a pupil of Cleanthes in the Stoic school. When Cleanthes died, around 230 BC, Chrysippus became the third head of the school. A prolific writer, Chrysippus expanded the fundamental doctrines of Zeno of Citium, the founder of the school, which earned him the title of Second Founder of Stoicism.[2]
>He died during the 143rd Olympiad (208–204 BC) at the age of 73.[1] Diogenes Laërtius gives two different accounts of his death.[13] In the first account, Chrysippus was seized with dizziness having drunk undiluted wine at a feast, and died soon after. In the second account, he was watching a donkey eat some figs and cried out: "Now give the donkey a drink of pure wine to wash down the figs", whereupon he died in a fit of laughter.
It was a false flag so that his students would always remember to be stoic, in case they die of laughter.
>>428078
The funniest thing about ancient grafitti is that a lot of it was in peoples homes. Like people, either residents or guests, just scratched dumb faces with "ROMA" under them, or their name shaped like a boat, into hallways in their house. It's pretty fucking dumb.
I don't know whether this counts as humor, or just more as wit:
In the city of Phyrgia, located in Eastern Anatolia, there was a legend that, long ago, the men of Phrygia needed a king,and the oracles had predicted the next man to enter the city in an ox-cart would be king, so that dude was made king. In thanks, the man dedicated his cart to Zeus, tying it up with a particularly intricate knot. An oracle foretold that he who untied the knot would rule all of Asia.
As Alexander the Great was expanding his empire east, he came to Phrygia, where the knot remained tied. Upon being asked to see if he could untie the knot, Alexander struggled with the knot for a while, before crying "What does it matter how I loose it?" and simply cut the rope in two with his sword.
Thus, Alexander was a cheater and he conquered Persia.
>>436848
I'm just thinking of rest area walls where you see the same thing now. The Romans sound like they treated every place they went like it was one giant truck stop bathroom.
>>436983
Spartans were a different warrior class than hoplites and they were all hella rich from their slaves.
>>436930
I'e heard that story, but more dignified towards Alex, showing that he would not do as others before him.
>>436962
So the modern chinese are the closest thing we have to romans today.
>>427681
Entertainment became a thing widespread as work gradually got easier they were able to enjoy themselves a lot more.
Aristophanes is my favorite Greek playwright.
>>438347
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assemblywomen
Before 64 BC Servilia became the mistress of Julius Caesar, and remained so until the dictator's death in 44 BC. Caesar was very fond of her and, years later, when he returned to a chaotic Rome after the Gallic Wars, he presented her with a priceless black pearl. It is also said that she offered him her youngest daughter Junia Tertia once his interests began to wane.[5] Cicero wittily referenced this in remarking of a real estate deal: "It's a better bargain than you think, for there is a third (tertia) off."
>>438537
Ancient humor reminds me of dad jokes.
'This is one of the two marching-ballads recorded by Suetonius as having been sung by Caesar's troops:
Home we bring our bald whoremonger,
Romans lock your wives away,
All the gold that you have lent him
Went his Gallic whores to pay.
The other, recalling Caesar's earlier indiscretion with the King of Bithynia, was:
Gaul was buggered by our Caesar,
By King Nicomedus he,
Here comes Caesar, wreathed in laurels,
For his Gallic victory.
Nicomedus wears no laurels,
Though the greatest of the three.'
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nasreddin
Nasreddin was walking in the bazaar with a large group of followers. Whatever Nasreddin did, his followers immediately copied. Every few steps Nasreddin would stop and shake his hands in the air, touch his feet and jump up yelling "Hu Hu Hu!". So his followers would also stop and do exactly the same thing.
One of the merchants, who knew Nasreddin, quietly asked him: "What are you doing my old friend? Why are these people imitating you?"
"I have become a Sufi Sheikh," replied Nasreddin. "These are my Murids [spiritual seekers]; I am helping them reach enlightenment!"
"How do you know when they reach enlightenment?"
"That’s the easy part! Every morning I count them. The ones who have left – have reached enlightenment!"
>>438579
kek
>>438579
"Nasrudin, your donkey has been lost."
"Thank goodness I was not on the donkey at the time, or I would be lost too."
Nasrudin walked into a house and exclaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun."
"Why?" he was asked.
"Because at night we need the light more."
Nesretten Hoca's Wife: In our society, they treat us as if women have no names of their own—you are always so-and-so's wife. I mentioned this to my husband once—and, believe me, I didn't do it to blame or scold anyone. He was deeply touched and saddened. He said to me: "You are right, my dear wife. From now on, whenever they ask me what my name is, I'll say 'I'm the husband of the wife of Nasrettin Hoca.' "
Nasrudin used to take a donkey across a frontier every day, with the panniers loaded with straw. Since he admitted to being a smuggler when he trudged home every night, the frontier guards searched him again and again. They searched his person, staffed the straw, steeped it in water, even burned it from time to time. [...] One of the customs officers met him years later.
"You can tell me now, Nasrudin," he said. "Whatever was it that you were smuggling, when we could never catch you out?"
"Donkeys," said Nasrudin.
"I can see in the dark."
"That may be so, Mulla. But if it is true, why do you sometimes carry a candle at night?"
"To prevent other people from bumping into me."
"Mulla, I want to borrow your donkey."
"I am sorry," said the Mulla, "but I have already lent it out."
As soon as he had spoken, the donkey brayed. The sound came from Nasrudin's stable.
"But Mulla, I can hear the donkey, in there!"
As he shut the door in the man's face, Nasrudin said, with dignity, "A man who believes the word of a donkey in preference to my word does not deserve to be lent anything."
>>427681
>If
I don't get it.
>>429015
Given how often they thump muh feels, and how they've repeatedly demonstrated they don't understand the importance of free speech, the millenial generation deserves to be mocked.
>>428245
>Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.
Muh dick.
Sumerian humor!
"Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband's embrace."
"The name of the city is Idibi. Its king's name is Didibi. Its queen's name is Nudugduga (No-good-at-all.)"
""If the boat sinks, I will pull out the cargo." When it was all over, what had you gained? It is still floating: it did not sink."
The fox said to his wife: "Come! Let us crush Unug between our teeth like a leek; let us strap Kulaba on our feet like sandals!" Before they had yet come within a distance of 600 uš from the city, the dogs began to howl from the city. -- "Geme-Tummal! Geme-Tummal! You ought to go home! Wicked things are howling from the city!"
"An ox with diarrhoea -- its dung is a long trail!"
The lamentation priest {hurled his son into the water} {(1 ms. has instead:) gave his son to the water}: "May the city build like me! May the Land live like me!"
The horse, after throwing off his rider, said: "Were my load to be like this forever, how weak I would become!"
The donkey, after he had thrown off his packs, said: "Now I can forget the burdens of former days!"
The lion had caught a helpless goat: "Let me go! I will give you my fellow ewe in return!" "If I am to let you go, tell me your name!" The she-goat answered the lion: "You do not know my name? 'I-am-cleverer-than-you' is my name!" When the lion came to the fold, he cried: "I release you!" She answered him from the other side: "You released me, but were you clever? As for the sheep, none live here!"
http://etcsl.orinst.ox.ac.uk/edition2/etcslbycat.php
>>438631
That was a big "if".
>>428245
Graffiti are one thing, but there is no excuse for ignoring Martial:
http://www.poetryintranslation.com/PITBR/Latin/Martial.htm
[spoiler]http://martialis.blogspot.com[/spoiler]
http://artfuldodge.sites.wooster.edu/content/joseph-s-salemi-martial
>>438652
awful tbqh
>>438631
"If I invade Laconia you will be destroyed, never to rise again."
"If"
>>438683
Please forgive them, they didn't have 5000 years to practice comedy.
>>435236
Ive been toying with the idea of going full cynic in the city of london. I would probs miss you guys the most but ill make up for it by shit posting in public instead
legit lol'd at the graffiti from Pompeii
top banter. would like to pinch a log in public and brag about it
>>428405
THANK YOU BASED JUPITER
>>438592
Holy shit, this is gold. I researched a bit about the guy. You can find these and some more here
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Nasreddin
http://u.cs.biu.ac.il/~schiff/Net/front.html
>>438631
>If I win I'll destroy you and enslave your people
>"If."
>ephors face when
>cambrai and teutons jointly invade italy
>gaius marius BTFO the teutons
>cambrai chief tells marius that when teutons get here they'll destroy Marius and take their lands
>marius basically says "don't worry, we already gave your teutons land. Permanently, in the ground"
>marius brings out Teutonic chiefs in chains
>>438552
well, they're our ancestors
>>436983
You tell me. That the agoge included and actual education isn't in dispute-wealthy foreigners would't have sent their kids to sparta to take part if it would produce a musclebound retard who didn't know how to make money or engage in politics.
>>438879
This guy is pretty good, and surprisingly relatable.
Well even manchildren have seen people laughing in historical action series and films
>>438374
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lopadotemachoselachogaleokranioleipsanodrimhypotrimmatosilphioparaomelitokatakechymenokichlepikossyphophattoperisteralektryonoptekephalliokigklopeleiolagoiosiraiobaphetraganopterygon
>>427681
Spartans were a bunch of pussy bitches who were too scared to join Alexander in beating Persia
>>428325
>Diogenes was once seen walking through the agora at day carrying a lit lamp. When asked about his actions, he claimed "I am looking for an honest man"
what did he mean by this ?
Quote from Sjt.Morris of the 73rd, regarding a loveable drunk in his company. Peninsular war
‘Poor jack was so fond of drink, that he was always getting into some scrape, and passed a great deal of his time in the guard-room, as a prisoner. His frolics however, when inebriated, were of so perfect good humoured and harmless …When any of the men were to be deprived of their grog, it was generally spilt in the front of the company… to save, at least a portion of it. Turning his eyes in a direction behind the officer, he said “Here's the general coming, Sir”; the officer turned sharply round, to see where, and in the meantime Jack had both hands under the canteen, receiving as much as they would contain, and conveying it to his mouth. The officer could not help laughing at the ingenuity of the trick, and generously returned him the canteen, with a portion of the spirit remaining in it.’
