today it's Independence Day for my country so i thought of making a thread retelling the story of my people
questions are welcome and also banter about the Triple Alliance vs. Paraguay war, why not
>>1134445
Why did you guys go full retard and kill a third of your population that one time?
>>1134445
greentexted story raccount:
>once upon a time, fertile jungles full of trees, snakes, piranhas, birds and natives
>Spanish crown still obsessed with reaching the Indias via the west is still looking for a way to go across the newly discovered continent
>fuck it, there's gold and silver here
>oops gold & silver 404
>nevermind that, there's plenty of good injun booty here
>poorest colony
>fuck you spanish monopoly, we want out
>Napoleon strikes Spain, they have to pull back but it's too late, Spain is absorbed by them
>King George III kicks Napoleon's ass, he therefore has rights over spanish territories
>British invasion of the Plata, Buenos Aires and its provinces kick them out (they still got ahold of Falklands and Sandwich Islands tho)
>Buenos Aires realizes they don't need Spain at all, declares independence
>Paraguay says "uhm.. no we gonna stick with the crown". Argentina tries to liberate us
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraguay_campaign
>Paraguay realizes they don't need Spain at all, Brazil is on the verge of annexing us and Argentina is still butthurt
>swift coup, only lasted one night
>based Jose Gaspar Rodriguez de Francia assumes since day 1. odd because he didn't even pull out a gun, Vicente Iturbe was the one who did the ultimatum to province governor Velazco
das it mane. no blood spilled, no vicious bloody revolution. by May 16 there was a Junta whose first act of government was sending letters to everyone and receiving little to no reply (Argentina only recognized our independence in 1856, Brazil in 1844 and Bolivia in 1843)
>>1134452
honor before reason
>>1134445
Congratulations Paraguay. You're the autistic kid surrounded by no-merit bullies.
>>1134501
>is not even able to do greentext right
>thinks he can take on argentina and brazil at the same time
You deserved it tbqh
curious facts about Paraguay no one ever cared to ask:
- no, Paraguay isn't to Uruguay what North Korea is to South Korea. we were NEVER neighbors. the reason for the similarity in names comes from its etymology. "guay" means "river" in Guarani
- why yes, Paraguay did survive the Triple Alliance war. many POWs returned for the rebuild and repopulation. doesn't mean incest is common tho: there's plenty of foreigners that came to help sustain genetic diversity: argentinians, brazilians, germans, italians, polish, ukranians,
- no, Paraguay isn't completely devastated because we did won a war. it was against Bolivia (everyone defeats Bolivia anyway) in the so-called Chaco Boreal war or Standard Oil vs. Royal Dutch Shell war
- no, Paraguay isn't fully amerindian, just because it still speaks a native american language. Guarani is both the nation's identity but also served as war code for both wars. it was pretty convenient back then
>>1134557
thanks bro
well whatever disputes there were, they were all settled with those two wars
>>1134587
>Standard Oil vs. Royal Dutch Shell war
That was meme, by the way.
>>1134592
indeed, but you know that those socialists say
maybe some of it is true
>>1134587
thank you TIL Guarani is the dominant language in paraguay
Why do you and Argentina have that stupid red hat on nation symbols
>>1134445
daily reminder that this "Mariscal" is a murderer piece of shit
saludos
>>1134587
>we did won a war
>literally empty land they thought had oil
curious facts about the best dictator to ever live that everyone should know about (and probably does):
- his grandfather was portuguese, hence his name was "de França". born and raised paraguayan, he knew french tho and read a lot of French Illustration philosophers, upon which he made his political-administrative experiment
- however, the first thing he did as full-empowered "Temporary Dictator" was kicking out the (spanish) schools and church. only paraguayan priests allowed. so much for illustration there
- he made all land a property of State, and determined himself which crops should be planted and rotated. this was 25 years before Karl Marx even dream of communistic concepts
- he was under such pressure of not passing for a king-wannabe (since he loathed royalty) that he didn't marry and had no inheritors except his sisters. that or he was gay. his titles were: Secretary of State, Consul, Temporary Dictator and Supreme Dictator
- also, he was BATMAN: rumors would be spread that at night he would roam the roads dressed in a black cloak and black tricorn, checking if the patrol guards were doing their job and punishing smugglers and thieves
>>1134623
frenchmasonic influence desu
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phrygian_cap
>>1134666
Satanic Dr. Francia checked
Anyway, fuck that guy.
>>1134658
mind you that bolivians died more of thirst and overheating that from our bullets and machetes. most won battles were actually sieges. fucking up their supply lines were vital too
>>1134677
why tho
>>1134694
>however, the first thing he did as full-empowered "Temporary Dictator" was kicking out the (spanish) schools and church. only paraguayan priests allowed. so much for illustration there
>he made all land a property of State, and determined himself which crops should be planted and rotated. this was 25 years before Karl Marx even dream of communistic concepts
>>1134445
Paraguay was a white country. Pedro II unleashed his negro and mongrelized Brazilian hordes into Paraguay which, together with Argentina and Uruguay, killed off the entire white male population. The surviving women married and crossbred with the savages, giving rise to another unsolvable Latin American amerindian clusterfuck. End of story. At least they aren't negroes or Muslims.
>>1134700
ah yeah, there's more even:
- forced each and every single spaniard residing here to marry a native or mestiza, so there would never be any chance of a "white elite" to exist
- denied leave of country to all inhabitants except appointed ambassadors. everyone was able to get in, no one was able to get out. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jos%C3%A9_Gervasio_Artigas and https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aim%C3%A9_Bonpland died trapped here during Francia's dictatorship
- killed each and every single founding father that wasn't him, under charges of conspiracy. no one was able to prove they were guilty as charged tho, it was plain paranoia. a true Stalin of Southamerica
and yeah remember he didn't even know what cultural socialism was when he made these resolutions. a man out of his time
>>1134694
My grandpa was in the war. He told my family that the army recrutide miners from the Altiplano to fight in the desert. Most of them didn't even speak spanish.
>>1134735
This.
Brazil as usual fucking it up for everyone else.
And I'm not even paraguayan nor argentindian.
>>1134735
>Amerindian
Why do people call them that? Why not Indians, I mean assuming the context of the thread I think everyone would get it.
>>1134751
This.
>>1134746
>the army recruited miners from the Altiplano to fight in the desert
it was the hardest for them, the difference between athmospheric pressure and the climate change
>>1134751
>Why not Indians
because POO IN LOO had the name first
West Indias was a popular mistake. if anything, calling them "native (south) americans" is best
>>1134741
I remember reading that Paraguay under Lopez was considered the Sparta of the Americas, because it was a self-suficient, militarized insulated nation. It was somewhat feared, but at the same time nobody new exactly what was going on in there. No wonder the eternal anglo-jew wanted to genocide its entire white population so it could never rise again.
>>1134755
>assuming the context of what we are speaking I think everyone would get it.
>>1134755
>calling them "native (south) americans" is best
in latin america they do not suffer from that political correctness in naming people
>>1134757
that was thanks to Dr Francia and Carlos Antonio Lopez (Mariscal Lopez father), Lopez only make us go to war.
Also Paraguay never had that big white population, we were already very homogenous back then.
fun fact: most foreign people from europe actually came after the war
>>1134757
you read wrong, it was during Francia
it had obvious reasons for militarization btw, with Brazil always wanting to annex and so many territorial disputes
but that army only got modernized during C.A. Lopez era (the dad, not the son)
btw Francia never kept a single penny for himself. when he died and a Congress voted CA as president, he had enough surplus to buy a railroad, several printing presses, build factories and universities and hire foreign teachers
if that doens't make Francia the best dictator ever, i don't kknow what would
>>1134762
>>1134771
alright, alright, they're injuns
>>1134755
Yeah.
A lot of them used to cry once in the battlefield. Besides their training was usually incomplete or deficient.
>>1134783
what more your grandfather told?
my grandfather was sent to work at Yungay Death Road and he NEVER mentioned what he went through
btw, and i'm sort of ashamed of saying this, he was a sailor and got captured in one of many succesful Bolivian Navy incursions
>>1134798
>Paraguay
>sailor
Wew.
>>1134813
we've got big rivers
that was supposedly the excuse for Bolivia's incursion btw, access to the river that will connect them to the sea
>>1134798
We have this food called chuño and mote. According to my grandpa, for those recruits that didn't speak spanish, the officers put a bag of chuño on their left and a bag of mote on their right so they could say "chuño" or "mote" insted of left or right. They used to stand there while shooting and ithey were easy targets. I am not sure if that is true though.
He was very critical by many officers and goverment decissions. And he hated most of the books that were written about the war because they were inaccurate and propagandistic.
>>1134735
>Paraguay was a white country
It's actually the other way around, Francia outlawed same-race marriages and created an almost 100% mestizo country. After the war, Paraguay got repopulated by european immigrants and argentinians from Corrientes. Rape was quite uncommon, if anything the Brazilians who stayed after the war became priests and shit. (Paraguayans still call their priests "pai" which is portuguese for "father")
Fun fact, there is a french comic called Jhonny Paraguay but i don't think it has something to do with Paraguay
>>1134884
https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Paraguay
great, it's only a stub
>>1134445
Argentinian here. How the fuck did you guys ended up speaking guarani? I understand bolivians speaking quechua or aymara but that's because they're full blown indios, many paraguayans i know are very white looking yet all of them speaks guarani.
>>1134903
it's our mother tongue so to say. our Landesidentität
it's funny because many government measures were taking to impose spanish and, at least, abash the use of guarani. none of them worked
the guarani we speak now is an attempt at the Centenary (1911) to regain our roots, the Academy of Guarani Language was formed in '10 and its grammar is dubious. but Guarani was only officialized in the 1992 Constitution. ONLY THEN school books and others were published in full bilingual
so it's a matter of patriotism i suppose. most of the population that speaks it is from the countryside tho
>>1134445
What can you tell me of the Guaranis? Their preocolumbian society, way they dressed, military, mythology etc. Or if you know any good books on the subject. I can read Spanish too if that helps.
Congratulations from worst guay my bro.
>>1134925
They were vikings and shit, spaniards described them as tall and fair-haired.
>>1134445
Why the fuck do you use Guaraní for?
For what fucking purpose?
>>1134925
>What can you tell me of the Guaranis?
what can i tell you is that Guarani is not an homogeneous cultural but a bunch of them. many have a language totally different from Paraguayan Guarani or Tupi-Nheengatu
also that Tupi and Guarani are (NOT) the same, but the spaniards that made alliance with the Tupi first were told of fearsome warring tribes ("warani") that were attacking them at the time. the name got stuck even tho they were (genetically) the same people
>way they dressed
feathers and loincloths. most tribes would resort to bodypainting and scarification as their "uniform". also each tribe would have sort of their own hairdo. in Brazil they still follow this custom
>mythology
http://www.projectparaguay.com/myths.htm
http://web.archive.org/web/20120207115500/http://www.bvp.org.py/biblio_htm/colman/indice.htm
http://www.portalguarani.com/627_girala_yampey/8238_mitos_y_leyendas_guaranies_por_girala_yampey.html
>society and military
http://lucy.ukc.ac.uk/EthnoAtlas/Hmar/Cult_dir/Culture.7843
>>1134943
thanks my man
>>1134947
because fuck you, that's why
>>1134947
You aren't very intelligent, are you? Cause that question wasn't very smart.
>>1134947
To talk shit about foreigners without them noticing.
>>1134946
>Guairá runes
>dating 5000 years ago
>the work of vikings
it was ayyliums bro
http://www.solarmapproject.com/2013/07/ita-letra-rock-art-near-villarrica-in-paraguay-south-america/
36 anios
Why did Brazil, Uruguay and low-quality Uruguay decided to gangrape you again?
>>1134977
We were the ones doing the raping, then our best general died after the first year and we dun goofed
>>1134977
abridged story:
>Uruguay got independent from Argentina
>Uruguay got fucked by Brazil
>Paraguay got treaty of defense with Uruguay
>Paraguay also wanted to fuck Brazil since forever
>LEEEROOOOOOOOY JEEENKINS
>motherfucking Duke of Caxias
>"ok Argentina let me come through so i can help Uruguay" "fuck no"
>LEEEROOOOOOOOY JEEENKINS
>3 vs 1 handicap match
>"we're totally doing this to stop Lopez and his kingdom of madness, we swear"
>Lopez dies. they actually stop
>Britain comes in, fuckes everyone in the ass and still ask for fees and debt payment
>>1135008
If Paraguay was so much "the shit" of SA back then (no external debt and food for everyone etc) why didn't you try replicate that system again and instead became another SA shithole?
I mean, besides the fact that the country's infrastructure was almost entirely destroyed and more than half the population died
>>1135033
we actually got a huge external debt because of that war (and others)
also: Rodriguez de Francia was the first and last good dictator. each and everyone after him (Franco, Morinigo, Stroessner) and their buddies got full dedication to get rich from stealing the State treasury and other shady business
this was a nice thread
thanks for joining everyone!
SOON
Cartes is a sellout.
>>1134445
We are sorry from fucking your shit, land of glorious cheap electronics
>>1136331
well, you're sorry and i'm sorry, so
>>1134995
>He takes prides in invading a almost uninhabited backwater province.
>He takes pride in invading and looting undefended villages and farms
You fuckers deserved everything you got.
1st of January 1869 best day of my life!
>>1134445
We are not giving Cristiano back by the way.
>>1136686
No takes pride about the war, we see Lopez as the villain here too.
>>1136813
But I hear so much talk about you guys prasing Lopez?!
Are you guys still trying to figure it out?
>>1136813
>we see Lopez as the villain here too
where?
everyone praises FS Lopez as a tragic romantic hero here
