GAINS GOBLINS
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
You are currently reading a thread in /fit/ - Fitness
You are currently reading a thread in /fit/ - Fitness
Here we discuss about our gains goblins.
>be me, going to gym for 6 months, less dyel than my friends
>finals ended
>Friend1: "Anon I want to go to the gym with you and get swole like you are."
>wellshit.jpg
>"Sure, why not? But you'll have to be consistent about it."
>Teach him the basics and everything but can no longer properly time my rest periods because of this whole hassle
>3 workouts in, he's coming along and is no longer that big of a burden
>Friend 2: "Anon I want to go to the gym with you and get swole like you are."
>FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
>And now friend1 wants to bring in friend4 as well
At this point I seriously feel like mama duck with her ducklings tagging along behind her everywhere. Heck I sometimes go at 7AM just to do my workouts undisturbed.
>inb4 autism's a bitch kek
I seriously hope one of them quits soon, I can't put up with this shit.
PS: Only one (ONE!!!1!) squat rack in the whole gym, of course I'm god damn mad.
>Do fuck ton of squats at home with shite form.
>Fuck up knees.
>Be own GG
>>37554798
At least in theory you can use the squat rack.
>>37554925
>At least in theory you can use the squat rack.
And live to be
>that group of 4 guys who hog the only available squat rack for 2 hours straight?
Yeah, no. I'll leave that to the happy three friends who'll most likely go together because "anon is obsessed lol who can wake up at 6am to go as soon as the gym opens?" and just tag along with them from time to time.
>>37554953
Any chance you could be like "hey guys, let me give that a try so you can check out my form", then rep to failure and pass it on?
that looks like a nice goblin tho
Girlfriends are the ultimate gains goblins avoid getting one at all possible costs.
>anon just skip lifting today we can stay in bed
>anon just have some pizza with me (inb4 chad)
>do you really have to go cook i wanted to do X with you
>just have some popcorn with me
JUST
>>37555548
you are REFUSING when your gf offers PIZZA to go to the gym, meanwhile CHAD eats some PIZZA with her after they FUCKED
>>37555548
Ditched mine for trying shit like that. It was at that moment I found out how crazy she is.
>break up, but stuck in same place
>few months later
>wake up one morning with dried spunk all over crotch
>think nothing of, maybe wet dream
>2 months later
>"anon I'm pregnant with your baby"
Tried reporting her, no prior problems and her cunt of a mother vouched for her that we only broke up after the pregnancy so cops didn't believe.
Whelp, GG guys.
>>37555548
It's easy: If you've never put up with her shit there's no precedent for her to use against you. Don't cuck yourself and always do your thing.
>>37554798
You cannot rest too long between sets.
Stop bitching.
It is a myth that you get more growth if you rest less.
>>37555548
You can eat pizza and make hella gains.
Carbs and fats are just as crucial as protein.
>>37555675
Go for a 4th trimsster abortion
> Girl invites me to the hotel for night of sex
> Ask her when
> "Saturday night"
> Instantly decline as I have gym on Sunday morning and I can't make it back in time.
> "Nah, can't got gym. Book it next weekend on a Friday"
True story happened last weekend. After fucking a fair share of women I genuinely like gym more.
Best part was she booked and paid for this coming Friday - K E K. I never thought I'd actually have this control over women like this 3 years ago.
>go to gym with two friends
>I really hate crowds at gym
>every week try to push friends to go 15 minutes later so it's less crowded
>used to go at 8:30
>friend one stops coming after 10pm
>friend 2 stops coming at 11pm
>go to the gym by myself at 12-1am every morning
>friends too codependent to go alone, or with each other earlier in the night (I was kind of the bridge between them, they aren't that great of friends with each other but both good friends of mine)
>I am the gains goblin
Weekends.
If I can choose between drinking all night or working out I choose drinking, only because the gym closes at 1.
>be me, NEET
>+9 kg in 8 weeks
>have work since two days
>wasn't lifting since
>eating almost nothing
>tfw hungry skelletor
I guess i am my own gain goblin.
>>37555675
Is this real?
>>37554798
You have underage written all over you post.
>>37555675
Feed her orange juice and abortion tea while pretending to support her
>>37555888
Checked. What's that?
>>37556127
Real as can be son
>>37556225
Tried, she knew all the tricks (biology student) and called me out on them.
>>37557308
> Tried, she knew all the tricks (biology student) and called me out on them.
are you walking up to her and telling her the literal ingredients?
>>37557330
Nope. But she had already don't research into the dos and don'ts before she even told me she was pregnant. Caught on when I tried giving her orange juice and then got really suspicious and wouldn't touch anything I made for her
>cutting
>work in a kitchen
>>37554798
you should be happy that you have friends
>>37557308
>be a man
>get raped by piece of shit girl
>get raped by legal system, have to give tens of thousands to girl so she can "raise your baby" (i.e. spend the money on herself)
You better punch her in the stomach.
>>37554798
>Friend1
>Friend 2
>friend4
wow, you killed friend 3 already! warn the others, they will leave you alone
>>37557825
That anon should get a side bitch, make her pregnant and let them meet each other. Pic related is bound to happen and the problem will solve itself.
>>37557732
How many red flags did you ignore, honest?
>>37557825
I wish anon. I wish
>>37558360
A fair few. Put a lot of time and money into supporting her. Finally snapped and said I was done. Slept in separate room and everything. I mean she was a piece of work, but I never expected this from her.
>>37555548
Is there a sauce on this webm?
I saw it YT once
>>37555675
Honest question
How did you not wake up with her riding you?
>>37558143
GENIUS
E
N
I
U
S
>>37559475
Heavy sleeper. As in, if I'm tired I don't wake for anything. At least not consciously. I had also been working a long stint of double shifts at the time too
Drinking and sleeping are my Gains Goblins. I love me some booze on the weekend, and I end up drinking a good 1200+ calories per weekend. Not to mention smoking a pack of ciggy's and eating PIZZA.
>>37556019
I hate having and being friends like that. I have some friends that I get along really well with when we're out as a group but we almost never hang out alone. It would be so awkward if we did.
>>37554798
Sorry m8 but sounds like you shot yourself in the foot there. You are your own gains goblin.
On a serious note though, just be like nah I gotta focus on my own lifts. If they understand what it means to be /fit/ then they get it. No harm done.
>>37555548
>avoid getting one
N-no problem a-anon. I don't need to try.
H-ha ha.
>>37557760
How do you do it bro? Like if you were a professional chef, how agonizing is it on a cut.
The biggest gains goblin is definitely exams
>unable to sleep properly for weeks on end
>unable to find time to lift and if you do it's ruined by the lack of sleep
>need to eat a lot for revsion energy, ruining cuts
>feel drained and weak after you finish
Exams are a measure of ability to cope with stress, very little to do with intelligence or knowledge of the unit, if we all had infinite time we'd be able to understand every concept and 100% every exam, no matter how stupid we are. I don't understand why heads of unis continue to think months of internal work is worth ~1/4th the amount of 4 hours in an exam room.
>>37555548
??? that's not a problem just do it anyway mate
>live above a restaurant
>cleaning crew moving shit around at 2am
>construction bullshit often around 8am
NO
FUCKING
SLEEP
>>37560002
Just drink liquor, u can't store ethanol cals as fat
Just drink fasted otherwise fat oxidation slows way down while ur liver metabolizes the ethanol and u start storing fat and shit
Absolutely avoid beer and wine at all costs
Drinking on weekends won't hurt your gains
>>37554798
>Warm up sets for squats
>Only at 185
>Hear some shuffling behind me, think nothing of it
>I breathe in to set my core, I notice a faint but distinct smell
>As I drop into the hole, I can't see it due to having my head and vision angled down as to keep proper lumbar support, but I hear a fast pitter patter towards me
>I feel a push on my lower back, causing me to buttwink
>My lumbar support is gone, I drop the weight and lurch forward in pain
>Gains goblin appears in front of me, ready for the killing blow
>Gym bro steps in and starts shouting "SHOO SHOO GAINS GOBLIN"
>He saved my life, and in return I give him a blowbro in the shower while in a wheelchair
Will I ever recover?
>>37555675
Give her a fuckton of orange juice to induce a miscarriage
>>37555675
You have two options, depending on what you prefer
Do you want a life in prison, or a life in an eternal prison of dread and despair? If the former sounds better, murder her
>>37560751
this, you don't even have to "murder" her, just figure out her route and then catch her at night alone, kill her and make it look like a mugging gone wrong
>>37560751
what? he'd get 18 years if she has a kid. maybe not even that if he skips the country
>>37560641
you're lucky brah, had your nohomobro not been there it would have been a one-way trip to snap city
>>37559732
looks like you'll need to work a lot more double shifts in the future :^)
but for real though it's too bad that happened to you
>>37555905
You made it brah.
>>37560639
So spiced rum is fine with diet coke? Fuck yes.
>>37557732
so push her down the fucking stairs and be done with it then
>>37560876
>not drinking rum neat
>not drinking quality rum neat
it's like you don't enjoy nice things
>>37560556
I love exams.
>tfw plenty of sleep every day because no 8 years of classes
>no assignments are due
>lab courses are over
I just get to sleep in and then go to the library and learn lots of cool shit/review stuff I already know.
Exam time is best time.
>>37561748
100% this.
Though stress does take the piss out of enjoying anything really
>do 6 sets of deadlifts yesterday
>followed by a new 1RM
>back is sore this morning and not the good kind
Looks like I BTFO myself, hope it heals fast
>>37560641
> blowbro
>Not a brojob
U gay or something?
>>37562365
>your gains
>your back
>BTFO
Pick 3.
my wallet... food is expensive.
Great workout... then starve myself to sleep...
never gonna make gains.
Might as well go to gym to maintain what I got and enjoy my occasional 2-5 kilo upswing. fuck.
>>37562794
Jesus christ I don't shill for supplements but I swear tubs of whey are the most cost-effective way towards calorie and protein intake. Heck, grab a massgainer if you're extrastingy on the foodspending.
>>37555675
You should have gone for rape and do a whole shitstorm on social media getting the MRAs on your team
>>37557308
Literally go to the police and say yougot raped anon goddamit
>>37562816
protein is a meme. if this dude wants to eat more calories on a low budget he's better off eating something like potatoes (normal ones are as good as sweet potatoes) or rice instead of some jewish powder.
>>37557308
For real man cause a MASSIVE FUCKING SHITSTORM like the world has never seen. Bring in MRAs and stuff, if that doesn't get you out of it AND promote our rights just go ahead and kill her
>>37559475
Not Op, but I she probably masturbated him and then inserted it into herself.
My wife is slightly overweight, but it's like 8-10 lbs, so it's not a big deal.
Although ever since I lost weight and got /fit/, she's become insecure about it. Nothing bad, but funny. She jokes about how I'm going to run off with someone or that I'm fucking some girl while I'm out on my runs.
She offers me sweets and whatnot, but I always politely refuse.
But regardless, at the end of the day she's a lot more enthusiastic about fucking. Not too long ago we had a spat and she said that even though I pissed her off, she still wants to squeeze my balls and fuck me to death.
Just proves that women never know what they really want, lol.
I lost my thumb while squatting.
The gains goblin got me, I can barely curl or bench.
>>37555548
Yup. Just started lifting and I can tell my gf is worried I'll ditch her if I get hotter, seeing as she's kind of a bitch. Tries to bring me down all the time, tempting me with candy, pizza, etc. and trying to get me to skip work-outs, talking about how really swolle guys are unattractive and how she prefers "realistic" male bodies, and so on and so on. I mean, common, be supportive woman.... I'm trying to improve my life here.
>>37555675
Do her own shit back at her. When she is asleep above a coat hanger up there.
>>37560639
>Just drink liquor, u can't store ethanol cals as fat
You can mate, ethanol->acetaldehyde->acetate->acetyl-CoA->fatty acid synthesis
>>37563467
>>37564074
Keep going lads.
>>37561492
Mein neger.
Zacapa 23 or Ron Diplomatico Reserva Exclusiva for me.
>>37563467
>I always politely refuse.
I literally explained to my gf what a gains-goblin is and how she is one. When she offers me candy I just go "shoo-shoo".
>work with a hippie, yoga instructor, vegan, dyke
>workout in the same gym
>tries to get everyone to be vegan
>I'm busting 2.5pl8 bench, 1pl8 OHP
>her class mires, she tells them that men have stronger arms etc etc
>gym got new equipment, one of which is a leg press
>she's never seen me do leg work because she's only in the gym every wednesday (push day for me), she thinks I skip leg day
>"it's great that we have this now since all men in our gym have chicken legs" as she walks by me
>my fucking face when I set the pin at the bottom most (max was 150kg) and did 3x12 on it
Fuck vegans who force their shit on everyone.
>>37564373
Seriously, fuck 'em. They don't even give a shit about animals, or health, or the environment, or any of that: they just want to feel like they're better than everyone else. Absolute trendwhores who would eat literal shit if it made them "cool". They almost make me wanna eat bacon.
t. vegan who doesn't preach
>>37564373
>150kg leg press
wew lad
>>37555548
GF can be good for bulking. Then when you start cutting if she doesn't like it, you can dump her.
>>37554798
Charge them.
>>37564074
>I mean, common, be supportive woman
She's trying to sabotage you, you idiot. Cheat on her to make her feel the fire rising, or if even after that she doesn't change, leave her.
>>37564464
That's the plan, brah.
>>37564373
I'm actually embarrassed for you, thinking that any amount of weight on a leg press is impressive.. Fuck off man.
>>37554798
you´re now a personal trainer and should >>37564433 according to how many hours you spend coaching them. Turn it into a company since they try to benefit from you.
>>37555548
>>37555548
Started seeing my ex again. We've been spending more time together and I got really drunk and pissed him off last night and he hates me now. I totally fucking blew it. On the upside it's the one thing that gets me back in the gym. Went from going 5 days a week to three shitty workouts last week to none this week. I wanted to be under 130 by July. I guess I'll get my wish in that respect. I wanna die though. Any tips on hyping yourself up for a good workout when you're depressed as fuck? Pic related... My decline
Pls respond
>>37555675
JUST
FUCK
MY
SHIT
UP
>>37565587
hook up with a fatty on tindr. pity sex for them, motivation to not ever end up like them to you
>>37564371
>When she offers me candy I just go "shoo-shoo"
>>37565587
idk im pretty dead inside i just follow the whole "just keep going" mantra.
if that doesn't work idk probably kys?
>>37560556
This anon knows what's up
It's even worse when you're studying out of you home, virtually no time to eat, you also can't really down the disgusting stuff like peanut butter because there are actually people around and you have to make the time for lifting whereas otherwise I have all day
>>37563047
No he should get a shit load of fats in since they don't fill you as much
>>37564371
Autism, I feel so stupid for talking about 4chan with my gf but its quite literally the only constant in my life.
>>37564373
I never did legpress but from what I've heard 150 kg is baby weight
>>37560556
the amount of stress free time you have in college leading up to finals leaves me with no sympathy for you guys. I got through it easy as pie.
working and living independent is by far a greater gains goblin than a week of college exams twice a year.
Our gym only has one power rack so this group of 4-7 dudes and one chick hold it up all day just doing deadlines and squats.
>>37560556
Sounds like a shitty excuse. Learn better time management. If you paid more attention in class you wouldn't have to cram so much for finals.
>>37560612
try working nightshift like me and having to sleep during daytime in a downtown apartment in the city. if i have the window open for air i literally get woken up every 20 seconds from some kind of noise. so i sleep with the window closed and get cooked alive in the summer.
>>37567056
eat a dick
>>37560289
lol no i'm the dogsbody
but i work with mostly women who are always offering me food
doing IF so i can't eat till I get home. makes it easy not to break in there
>>37558604
It's not your baby most likely, stop worrying and demand a paternity test. Most importantly, tell her you will demand a paternity test. If shitstorm ensues, you know the reason.
>be 24
>co-worker is into me
>she's pretty fat
>walk into work one day
>"So anon, when are you going to take me out on the town?"
>what is this the 50's?
>tell her i'm not going to
>she gets offended and asks why
>tell her the only use she has to me is that everytime i see her i remember my squat goal
>mfw she never spoke to me again
>>37568331
bullshit but ok
>>37568331
this never happened
I just need a woman like Widowmaker
>>37563032
how young are you to think the police will not laugh this off?
>>37568331
>Pulled from another thread on this exact board and trying to play it off as OC
Fucking hell.
>>37568331
BS but similiar story.
>21
>overweight 5"1 coworker is into me.
>works out/eats better since i started
>Kinda really hope she looses that weight since she'll probably end up pretty fit, shame about the height though.
>Would fuck her but pics related.
>>37560798
>don't even have to "murder" her
>kill her
Do you know what murder means?
Women are gains goblins in not just fitness but ever walk of life.
>>37568109
19yr old college baby detected
>>37567056
LMAO gender studies major detected
>>37555548
>tfw got gf yesterday
>tfw she lifts
>mfw motives my dick even harder
Clawing through all the things that are the preventers of gains is a liberating struggle
>>37560639
So that's why alcoholics are always so lean
>>37560639
ethanol = calories. A handle of vodka is like ~4K calories. Alcoholics that don't gain weight from alcohol like they should have cirrhosis.
>>37555905
>gym on Sunday morning
>>37572293
>not going to church on Sunday
Never gon make it to heaven, but sure as hell gon make it to gainstown. kek
