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>Be me. Have this girl come over late one night
>Start making out, move to the bedroom. Get naked
>Feel stomach burblin' with turbulence
>Can't tell if latent fart stepping up to bat from the on-deck cage doing practice swings or if I'm just hungry
>Stop banging and say "Excuse but my gains", go to the kitchen just to be sure
>She asks where I'm goin and say I'll just be a sec
>Crack 8 eggs into my mouth and gulp em down fast just in case I was going catabolic.
>Race back into the bedroom and start making out again real quick because I was about half-mast at that point
>Girl says something muffled about a weird taste
>"No it's just aesthetics stop worry"
>"What?"
>"It's cuz merlin dont fret my pet"
>Stomach starts gurglin' up a storm again, decide to just ignore it and go for the gold.
>Start banging hard, she gets into it and is about to climax.
>Suddenly, intense stomach pain
>Shit cant go to the bathroom she'll be grossed out
>"Oh goodness brb love don't worry just a sec"
>Run to the kitchen to take care of binuss
>Sounds like she's upset and I hear her stomping towards me
>"No no please my sweet just go back to the bed I'm just ensuring my swole"
>She rounds the corner to the kitchen
>starts screaming at the sight of me blasting liquid shit into the dishwasher
>"What the fuck bitch I told you I have mass"
>Runs out, clothes back on, slams the door
>Text her, call her, don't hear from her for weeks, months
>One day at the store, see her.
>apologize for whatever I did that offended her, and told her that I've missed her ever since.
>She tells me that she knows it could never work between us.
>I ask why
>She tells me about the night she walked in on my in the kitchen, and asks me if I remember.
>I say yes, what about it?
>"When you had your ass out, door swung open, blasting that mud geyser from your anus into the dishwasher that was built into your kitchen counter?"
>"Yes?"
>"Your heels were off the ground."

I have no one to blame but myself.