Hi /fit/, fatty here.
I'm goddamn sick of being fat. I've had a binge eating disorder since I was 11, and now at 20 years old I've started purging after binging. I'm booked in to see my doctor to then get a referral to a psychologist, after all these years, but in the meantime I want to start losing weight again rather than waiting for the appointment.
I just cannot for the life of me motivate myself. I'd been floating around 80kg for awhile, then something's made me binge like crazy again and next thing I know I'm almost 90kg again. I don't fucking get it since when I used to almost be 100kg, I cracked and lost 20kg, but now I've just totally lost the motivation.
What did you do former fatties? What was the thing that made you stop being a fatty? How can I stop this?
I'm at the point of giving up and just killing myself.
I know this is bad advice but you need to become addicted to something that won't make you fat.
Snus is a good one. I rarely if ever snack anymore because I would rather have snus in.
>>36506327
I have the self control of a child too anon.
I became vegan (pls no bully) and it reduced my cravings I'm not losing weight but at least I'm not gaining any,sorry for my bad english btw.
maybe lifting isn't made for you and you should start a cardio intensive sport like kick-boxing
Don't an hero anon, setbacks are just part of the game sometimes. I went from 252lbs to around 160 over the course of 2 years or so doing mostly cardio (every day, because I didn't know rest days were a thing and didn't know how to lift) and eating whatever my mom cooked for me. I then fucked it up when I started lifting with a dirty Ass "bulk" and went back up to around 190 in 4 months, but instead of being discouraged and quitting everything I used it as motivation to read up on more shit and get better at being fit. The key isn't to be motivated and pumped all the time and love each and every healthy meal you eat (though it is definitely possible to do so) or every workout, but to just keep at it no matter how much you don't want to (barring sickness/injury).
If you just power through a few weeks or months of dedicated effort you'll eventually develop enough discipline to make it harder to fall off the train than to stay on.
Willpower is built, not born anon.
We're all gonna make it.
Your story is the same as mine. It got to its worst points when I started abusing benzos and just ordering massive amounts of food to my dorm room just to throw it all back up
The only thing thats fixed this is lifting. Lifting forces you to stop indulging in food at unhealthy levels and start viewing it as fuel. Before lifting I would psychologically feel shame about eating because I knew I didn't actually need it, and that shame only fuels the cycle of food addiction. With enough dedication you will get to the point where you only feel justified eating food after heavy lifting sessions because your body's hunger will actually be real and necessary.
tl;dr Lifting cured my bulimia and I advocate it to anybody with the same issues. You just have to grow dedication
>>36506327
what this anon said:
>>36506434
Also you should try an EC (ephedrine and caffeine) stack, it does wonders for cravings and speeds up your metabolism, so it's easier to lose weight.
>>36506432
>>36506434
>>36506477
I know you guys have your hearts in the right place but in all seriousness cardio and stimulants can quickly become excessive behavior to someone with an eating disorder and can just turn bulimia into anorexia. It also doesn't burn calories at nearly the same rate as weight training does
Hey, OP, I'm 155cm and weigh a whopping 101 kg.
I've been running 3x a week for the past 8 weeks. I've gone up in weight, but down in inches. I use a couch to 5K app I got for free, plus I do yoga every other day.
Eventually I will start weight training but right now, I just want to focus on exercising 6 days a week, whatever it is.
Have heart, OP. If I can do it, you can.
>>36506472
Another story of mine from freshman year of college: I would always binge eat plate after plate every day in the meal plan cafeteria, and afterwards would alternate empty bathrooms in different buildings to puke it back out. I really thought my plan was foolproof.
Then one day after classes me and some dorm hall mates were all roasting each other, having a good time, when one of them said I was the "skinny ass dude with manboobs". I laughed it off and said hey you should have seen me in high school, I've lost a lot of weight. Then he said "yeah but we see you eating hella plates in the caf" and my blood ran cold. I really didn't know what to say to that, and it was when I realized I really needed to do something about my problem
>>36506506
Hot wheels dude here,
I'm not advocating pure cardio in any way (my brother is auschwitsch mode, runs an hour every sibgle day on sub 1k calories and still thinks he's fat even though his thighs are the size of my wrists), but rather that any dedicated routine is better than nothing and will get at least some results.
Thanks for pointing that out though man.
OP I wish I had discovered /fit/ before I wasted nearly 3.5 years doing subpar routines, try your best to get into lifting ASAP, you'll not only lose weight faster but will look better in the end (not to mention be stronger/ even more disciplined).
My life was pretty shit before I started lifting. I was a fat, alcoholic college dropout living at home with my folks, working bullshit restaurant jobs with illegal immigrants and drug addicts, with no direction in life.
Here's what I did: I bought a big bottle of cheap vodka, mixed it with something, got fucking hammered, and just sat in the dark and cried. I thought deep and hard about how much of a loser I was, about how I'd been given so much opportunity but been too weak and lazy to do anything with it. I cried and drank for like 3 hours. Then I fell asleep.
The next morning, I woke up and remembered how bad the last night felt, and I promised myself that I'd never feel that way ever again, and I'd do whatever it takes to keep away from that darkness. That's how I've been ever since. Whenever I feel like giving up or that things are too hard, I think back to that night and how awful it was, and I keep pushing.
Sometimes, we need to hit rock bottom before we can get back on the right track. I've had setbacks, but I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep churning your legs, and you'll make it
>>36506621
Thats true, I feel ya. And yeah its amazing how many males have unhealthy relationships with food or overexercise without even realizing it just because it's culturally known as a "girl thing".
Seriously OP, read the sticky and start a new life. It's never too late
>>36506327
>I just can't NOT eat!
>I have a disorder
just kill yourself
Hey everyone, OP here, thanks for all the replies.
>>36506434
I keep finding myself putting effort in, but then after a week I give up. It's like I just haven't been able to get over that hurdle and just continue dieting.
>>36506472
That's a good point, because I did used to lift and I can get that thought process of feeling justified when eating after lifting.
>>36506575
I didn't even realise that there are apps that could help. I've still been acting like I still have a shitty iPhone 4 that freezes when trying to open Safari. Going to look into the Play Store now and find something like that.
>>36506708
I feel you with getting like that. Unfortunately, I swear I've had like 4 moments where I've felt like I've hit rock bottom and nothing can get worse, but I seem to never learn.
>>36506752
Sorry, forgot to mention that I've read the sticky a few times. I actually was prompted to post because I read the 'Mindset' section and yet still felt like I needed that extra push.
Relying on "motivation" alone is a recipe for failure, especially for a mental case (no offense).
Do some reading about habits. Habit formation, habit change, etc. Start managing the parts of you that chug along automatically outside of direct control instead of just trying use pure will and hype to create long-term change.
>>36506837
>I feel you with getting like that. Unfortunately, I swear I've had like 4 moments where I've felt like I've hit rock bottom and nothing can get worse, but I seem to never learn.
Get really drunk. It amplifies emotions
>>36506808
>>36506808
Probably bait, but I'll take it.
It's not about just 'not eating', anyone that doesn't understand eating disorders says this. If I could just not binge, I really wouldn't be here posting this.
When I binge, it's like I go into a phase where I'm not in control of myself. I'll unemotionally grab whatever food I can find, or drive myself to whatever fast food drive-thru I can find, and gorge myself. It's only AFTER I'm done eating that I 'realise' what I've done, even though I was fully aware of what I was doing while doing it.
Yes, I know that sounds 100% crazy. Yes, a normal person would realise how fucking retarded that sounds and not do that. But that's why I'm not normal and am going to be seeing someone about it soon.
I do have other reasons to want to kill myself, I didn't mention the depression and anxiety I have, but I do feel like if my weight was a fit, or even normal range, I would not have such fucked up issues like I do.
>>36506839
I will, thanks for the honesty, no offense taken.
>>36506327
I went from 320lbs to 210lbs... I've been bouncing between 210lbs and 250lbs for the past 5 years tho... Its tough... Count your calories and hit the gym!!
Lift heavy ass weights and shit.. Whenever I gain weight now a lot of it is muscle
>>36506884
BTW I'm 6'5" tall so 210 is thin for me and 250 is around 20% body fat
>>36506859
>Obese college student jumps off bridge, blames eating disorder and internet trolls in suicide note stuffed inside empty vodka bottle
>Are Americans diet-obsessed? Tune in tonight at 6, when we'll have body image experts from from specialist organization Feminist Frequency weigh in on the debate
>>36506364
This but kill two birds with one stone & make it cocaine.
>>36506877
Shitty food is designed by food scientists to have a huge dopamine spike in the brain... Its a similar effect to cocaine or meth...
You need to control yourself and avoid junk....
It's really not your fault, you're an addict, it's a disease
You need to find a role model. Someone you can look up to when you're feeling down. When i lose motivation I just go on a zyzz-spree where I watch his videos and read his forum posts. Pumps me up and gets me motivated.
Don't let the set back affect the rest of your life. Get motivated. Good luck bby
>>36506837
The C25K app is really nice for beginners because you don't have to think about anything. You just do what the lady tells you and focus on your form. Also, learn how to run slow (google it brah) and try not to repeat easier weeks.
Use youtube for yoga routines. Yoga is nice for beginners because it's hard as fuck (dem planks) and it helps you learn how to feel your muscles which will be important later.
You may also benefit from meditation, anon. It was the first part of my recovery. I learned how to focus on specific muscle groups, how to actively relax my body, and it's where I got the drive to keep going. Tame the bull.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_Bulls
>>36506877
I also have a binge eating disorder, as well as a generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD. Hooray!
Out of curiosity, are you a femanon? (I am).
Your story sounds so much like my own (same person recommending yoga and C25K).
For me, the first step was using meditation to deal with my anxiety. I've been doing it for about a year now, and it has (by-far) been the most helpful part of my recovery. It wasn't until after I started meditating that I realized I was anxious because I was anxious, not because I was fat. I was using anxious as an excuse to be fat. I was using fat as an excuse to be anxious. I couldn't see that for a long time. It was a lesson in humility.
If you can find any way to speak to a therapist, DO IT. The support they have to offer is worth every penny you spend. The first step though, brah, is realising that you ARE normal and that everyone experiences what you're feeling right now. Everyone does. It's normal. You are not different. You are not a special snowflake. You are the same. We all have baggage, and there are enough of us on the outside that you don't have to be alone.
Another recommendation I have is to just do some studying about being humble. This was really hard for me, because anxiety/depression (for me) came from being super self-critical and egotistical.
>>36506808
>>36506913
Did you miss the part where he said he was making himself throw up
>>36506917
You said it, not me.
But that will also work.
>>36506934
There have been studies showing that if rats on cocaine have an environment where they can do things besides take cocaine, they'll start taking cocaine way less and will eventually quit.
Basically, OP needs to replace binge eating with a new activity as well. Working out is one of the things that will help, but getting some new hobbies would as well.
OP, do you read? It's a good way to pass the time.
OP, buy some DNP, it's a fat burning pill and take 4 to 6 pills a day. You'll lost 40 lbs in a week.
I lost 200lbs. Not dying before 30 was a fairly good motivator.
If you don't want to kill yourself, then lose weight.
If you don't want to lose weight, do nothing. Or kill yourself.
Either way you'll die sooner. But if you're not motivated enough to just eat less, killing yourself might be a bit of a stretch. All those stairs to the roof and stuff.
>>36506327
Again, probably not a supported idea by most, but find something to work towards, the method I used ( this will be the unsopported part) is I knew a girl and I worked out to impress her and do it for her, which worked. But just find something for you, whether it be sport or some other passion and work towards it. Cmon anon, you can do it we all believe in you.
>>36506327
I get /fit/ for my waifu, she is blue, fast, and an athlete
Call me an autist, but I've lost 70 lbs for her, and always listen to her and her friends sing while I lift
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWYeqjQZUUA
