You come home, and see this.
What do you do?
>>83645740
Call my wife.
>>83645740
>Dude, I was aging that brandy!
Dig a hole.
Hide in hole.
Darkseid cannot find me if I'm in a hole.
*unzips dick*
>>83646120
Darkseid is the hole in all things.
I let him keep the comfy chair. I know it's why he has come
>>83645740
Punch that fucker in the face. He's not so tough without his Infinity Gauntlet.
>>83645740
Tell him the anti life equation.
Die for Darkside.
>>83645740
Hail dread Darkseid and ask how I might assist his plans for eventual take over.
I also prepare for my immediate destruction for I have no such spacious, comfortable couching in my apartment to accommodate him.
>>83646563
>>83646721
cucks
I like to imagine for all his power that darkseid has hemeroids. So his love of comfy chairs is based on a medical condition. And he has to have demand or someone carry around that little donut shaped pillow for him to sit on sometimes
>>83646721
I have a nice couch, but by only single seat is an office chair. Will the couch be alright?
>>83645740
Call up Orion so he can slap a bitch.
>>83647257
>>83645740
He's always just sitting
COUCHSEID IS
Yell "JEEEEEAAAAAANNNNNN" for no apparent reason
>so is your name pronounced darkSEED or darkSIDE?
>>83645840
Once alcohol is distilled it no longer ages.
>>83645740
Realise that I'm Mister Miracle and celebrate.
>>83645740
Call the Justice League to deal with the dump he left in my toilet.
>>83647547
He enjoys being comfy.
>>83648710
>>83648778
>why Orion wakes up screaming in the middle of the night
>no art of D-Side n a couchcar
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kj9wZ9rsqY
>>83648778
dat upskirt
>>83648778
>>83648790
pass that nigga the blunt
I find the idea of Darkseid so much more terrifying than any other fictional character. An indestructible demonic god whose only purpose is to control all things, and destroy what he cannot? Who twists and perverts the banal and comforting into unspeakable terrors? Who just shows up in your house from across the universe and makes whatever demands he pleases? That's fucking horrifying.
>>83649021
>even in the Turpin skin suit, Darkseid cannot resist a comfy chair
And then when he finally leaves your chair is fucked.
>>83645740
Realize that the chair is always going to have a massive ass print in it, and will probably always reek of sulfur from his Omega Farts.
He's going to monolog at me, and I'll just look terrified whatever, he'lll fuck off after that, but goddamn that chair is fucked forever. I'm going to have to try to off load it on craigs list,
Having the simple act of sitting in a comfy-looking chair as a really solid aspect of Darkseid's character over the decades is just really dope.
It gives him depth in a bizarre way.
An evil God who likes to lounge
>>83649111
>I'm going to have to try to off load it on craigs list,
I'm sure AnimatedJames will buy it
>>83645740
Shit brick.
>>83649340
>>83649111
You just know someone on CL is going to be like, "This is my fetish."
>>83649368
Somewhere in the DC universe there is somebody who has an extensive collection of chairs that they have bought solely because Darkseid has sat in them before. How will Darkseid ever know which chair to sit in if he ever pays this guy a visit? They're all chairs that he would clearly enjoy sitting in, but there's hundreds scattered throughout his house, yard and even in the middle of the street.
This man will not stop buying Darkseid chairs, no matter what happens.
>>83649456
"Darkseid dares anything. ...anything but visiting that guy."
So if you don't ever want to be attacked by Darksied, only buy bizarre, uncomfortable chairs that he would never lay in wait in while you walk in the door.
>>83649669
>Not just putting a "NO CLOTHES ALLOWED" sign on all of your furniture and doors
>>83649691
I don't see why Darksied would feel uncomfortable sitting naked in your comfy chair.
Post femseid chair sitting edits.
>>83648900
underrated post
>>83648907
>>83648812
Wait what?
>I have shown myself into Anon's meager apartment. I will wait for him here so that he may witness my menace the moment he returns home. Now to find a chair...
>Oh. Ugh. This will not do. No matter, I will find another chair.
>They're all like this. What the fuck.
>Nevermind, I'll find another person to intimidate.
>>83645740
Offer him some light snacks before cooking dinner.
>>83648891
What the shit is going on there?
I ask him if he wants to hang out and watch my wife's porno with me.
>>83652183
Swamp Thing is traveling the universe, finds a guy in need of help, and agrees to become Metron's chair so he can help the guy out.
Turns out he's someone trying to do research for Darksied. They end up seeing the entire universe all at once and Swamp Thing goes crazy, so his mind is wiped by Metron and he goes to tell Darksied what's happened. Darksied has some a chuckle at the whole thing because apparently they encountered some random magical anomaly that just shows an imagining of the universe and not the real universe.
Swamp Thing is not conscious in that panel there, he's knocked out and still in chair form.
Tell him that if he doesn't hippity hop his ass out of my chair he's going to catch these hands.
>>83649456
What the fuck would this guy do if Darkseid sat in a chair twice?
Does that happen?
I guess if Darkseid visited him in particular...
Does Darkseid even sit in the same chair twice?
If Darkseid did sit there a second time, does that become the king chair? Is that chair suddenly superior to all other chairs?
>>83645740
Order some pizzas, I guess. I bet he'll eat pineapple-ham and not even complain.
>>83652295
And I thought the Werewolf was trippy.
>>83652691
Thats the question isn't it?
Does Darkseid choose to sit in the same chair because he's worthy of him?
Or does more of his godhood rub off on one chair than another and he instinctively is drawn to it?
>>83652777
okay better question
What would this guy do if Thanos visited him and sat in one of his Darkseid chairs?
>>83652842
In the only crossover with both of them I've seen, they both stood all the time.
>>83652842
My theory is the chair would simply explode from the conflicting power.
Maybe that's why DarkSeid never sits in a chair twice. His power seeps into the chair through sweat or farts and too much of it and the chair explodes.
I mean, If I was trying to make people shit themselves by sitting in their chair it would be counter productive to have it explode and fall on my divine ass.
Maybe that's why that guy is collecting chairs as well? To attempt to harvest the secondhand god residue.
>>83652886
So this is what life was like for the ancient Greeks.
>>83652928
Ah it makes since now.
The Chairman of the Gods is a terrible foe to face.
>>83645740
chairs for the chair god
>>83652928
But his folly is in attempting to bring those chairs together in the first place. The divine residue on them would cause the chairs to be attracted to each other, and if left unchecked, the chairs will come together so that the power may merge to resemble the greatness that once sat upon them.
Soon they will no longer resemble their original forms as the contort and fuse together, forming a Darkseid made entirely out of chair matter.
A Chairseid.
>>83648941
>he's reading Mein Kamph
>>83653096
The dreaded Chairseid has but one goal: to find Darkseid, and sit on him.
>>83653127
im fucking dying
>>83653127
But what happens when this comes to pass?
>>83653185
Pray we never find out
>>83653096
CHAIRSEID!
>>83653201
My money's on universal implosion
Post YFW Darksnyd has a shot of Darkseid sitting comfortably in DCEU JL
>>83653244
Not dark or edgy enough though.
>>83653185
>Darkseid: Who dares stand in the presence of Darkseid
>Chairseid: Who dares question the doings of the god of comfort Chairseid
>Darkseid: Do you really dare to challenge Darkseid
>Chairseid: the anti-discomfort equation. Standing + boots x time - energy x entertainment + snacks / waiting= Darkseid. You Darkseid are the most comfortable seat in the universe.
>Darkseid: What nonsense are you speaking you... hey, hey what the fuck, get the fuck off me man.
>Chairseid: my work is complete. I have completed the anti-discomfort equation
thus both chairseid and darkseid were destroyed, a resulting ripple echoed across the universe, causing all forms of life to take a seat. Billions of souls were lost due to sitting in dangerous areas, those that survived described a comfort that was out of this world.
This chair
>>83653324
Better than Rebirth.
When was the last time Darkseid got comfy? I don't think he sat down once in the whole New 52
either I'm already dead or he doesn't care about me
I slowly and calmly leave
>>83651756
Backup story for one of those Legends comics. Quietly did art that essentially just re-made that Orion story, maybe more from the perspective of one of the humans than in the original.
>>83653358
If Darkseid fell asleep in this (assuming he were ever to lower himself to such peasantry) could he wake up?
>>83652886
I could not help but laugh when Darkseid started eating the cake. Not because of the anguish anon would feel, but because of the fact that Darkseid would be eating a cake filled with laxitives not meant for him.
Inform him how many times I've ejaculated onto it.
>>83648778
>When you see your dad's upskirt
I show him the new Ghostbusters trailer and watch him perish.
>TFW female busters is the anti life equation.
>>83653752
>Giving Darkseid the Anti-Life equation
YOU FOOL! YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL!!
>>83653752
>People were actually upset that James Rofle didn't want to see it because it looked like shit
>>83653806
When he realizes what it is, he'll probably just cringe and walk away.
>>83645740
Summon Thanos and laugh when he vaporizes Darkseid.
>>83653842
>I-It's sexist anon!
>>83653868
>Darkseid forgets why he's even there, doesn't care either.
>Just starts walking away.
>Going back to Apokolips.
>Passes the Justice League, their in utter shock.
>As the others stand in confusion, Super spring into action.
>"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE DARKSEID" He bellows to the bohemoth.
>he keep walking.
>"Uhhh Darkseid?"
>Just keeps walking.
>"Aren't you gonna, you know, conquer us?"
>A sigh escapes the god's lips as he slowly turns his head to look back. "N-No, you guys have enough on your plates. Who the hell would even want to own a place like this anyway?"
>>83653880
But can Thanos beat Darkseid? Can the copy beat the original?
>>83654114
If thanos doesn't have the cube or gauntlet, Darkseid slaps a bitch.
>>83654160
It's already established the gauntlet doesn't work in DC verse, so I'm guessing Darkseid is going to slap a bitch.
>>83654160
>>83654178
Bah! Thanos doesn't need shit like that to deal with a light way like Darkseid.
>>83654241
*weight
>>83654241
Thanos, please. We all know you want to get beaten up so you can get Death to kiss your booboos.
>>83654241
>Darkseid
>lightweight
Fuck off already, Marveldrone.
>>83654241
>>83654178
>>83654160
You know, I'm honestly surprised screw attack hasn't done the death battle yet.
>>83654110
>He boom tubes back to Apokolips
>Desaad asks how his conquering of Earth is coming along and he doesn't answer
>He just sits back in his throne, thinking to himself
He lets out a small mumbling "But, why?"
>>83654295
>stop disrupting my DC echo chamber!
>>83654320
>cut to 10 years later
>no one sees Darkseid very much anymore
>he spends his time with the simpler things of life
>like growing a garden and staring off into the distance, with a look of forlorn sadness on his face
>>83648812
Jesus, Kirby was some kind of crazy genius.
>>83648941
>I'll send for some food
Whatever will they eat? Chinese? Thai? Kebab?
>>83645740
>>83646339
Here ya go Darkseid:
loneliness + alienation + fear + despair + self-worth ÷ mockery ÷ condemnation ÷ misunderstanding × guilt × shame × failure × judgment n=y where y=hope and n=folly, love=lies, life=death, self=dark side
Also here's the life equation:
hope, fear, rage, compassion, avarice, will and love
>>83654340
>marveldrone
>accusing DC fans of being in an echo chamber
That's rich
>>83653842
Those people didn't even know who James is. Half of them were calling him Mike. If you ask me the world must be a fucking Utopia if the thing that makes people rage is a guy not wanting to see a film
>Reading Darkside lines with Michael Ironside's voice
So good
>>83654518
Please stop arguing over fucking nothing.
>>83654521
>Mistaking James for Mike
How could you ever do that? James is a balding cuck and Mike fucks a couple dozen women a day with his 15 inch long cock.
>>83653842
I will never in my life understand this. I've never found him all that entertaining but all the guy did was the most adult thing he could have in the situation. He realized something was going to make him angry, took a step back, and decided not to do the thing he knew would make him angry. And people lost their shit. People that have more relevance in society than he could dream of having. Fucking why?
>>83653185
>Charseid becomes a multiversal threat, as heleanrs of the existance of other darkseids he hasn't yet sat upon. He travels universe to universe, sitting on darkseid's, but never on the same one twice.
>A fool multiversal traveller collects all the sat upon darkseids, until he amasses enough, and they form together into the darkchairseid, who's only goal is to sit on all the chairseids from all universes.
>>83654576
Can we somehow spin this into being about Constantine? Seems like an anthropomorphic chair would be more up his alley than the Justice League.
>>83654570
I think the video said "Uploaded by Mike Matei"
>>83654370
>Supes eventually comes by, a bit worried.
>"Hey, look, Darkseid, I know your evil and all, it's just that, well, I'm just a bit worried. What's gotten into you."
>Darkseid just sighs, turning off his hose. Without a word he goes inside, coming out with some sort of comupter.
>Trailer plays.
>"Oh, uh...what is this? Wait, what is this?!? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!"
>Supes flies to Earth with red eyes filled with hate.
>He knows what he must do
>We don't deserve redemption.
>>83654619
It was uploaded by Cinemassacre.
>>83654622
>in a mercy, superman pushes the earth into the sun
>the multiverse becomes a much happier place
>Darkseid looks to the skies, a smile on his face for the first time in a decade
>superman retires to apokolips
>spends the rest of eternity growing crops on a farm with Darkseid
>pic related
>>83654708
>Destroying the entire Earth
>Not just murdering anyone that has ever had anything to do with the making of that shitpile
what a dick
>>83654762
when it comes to something as bad as the ghostbusters trailer, you can never be too sure
>>83654762
It's an infection, we'll never get it out of our minds. Like putting down an injured horse.
>>83645740
I'd wonder where I got that chair from and whether or not I could keep it. Then I'd offer him some food, even though I haven't been to the store in a while.
>>83648564
Once distilled alcohol is removed from the cask it stops aging.
>>83654622
>Fembusters trailer manages to pacify Darkseid and convince Superman to wreak merciless havoc earth
>>83654801
>It's an infection, we'll never get it out of our minds.
>Literally anti-life at work.
somewhere out there, Grant Morrison has a smile on his face
>>83654861
*on earth
>>83645740
GED OUTTA MY CHAIR MEATHEAD!
>>83654471
Maybe he enjoys pizza?
>>83645740
Call the cable company. The tv's out.
>>83654933
Lol
>>83645740
Submit to antilife
>>83649305
It really is great that they have managed to keep this aspect of his character so consistent.
Even dc editorial would not say darksied doesent sit
>>83653390
I would check that that would likely mean reading darksied war again
>>83654241
I don't know much about marvel but I do know they don't make villans bullshit enough that there version of darksied can call darksied a lightweight he could maybe beat him but it would be a Titanic battle
>>83655559
I think when he said "Bah!" he meant to imply this post was from the viewpoint of Thanos himself. An RP boast, if you will.
>>83648778
>And they call me The Flash.
>>83655572
Ah carry on then anon
>>83655440
Come to think of it did he sit in Supermans pal Jimmy Olsen 134
>>83654548
Why has every animated darksied had a great voice actor
In the DCU they will probably hire Micheal Cera to do it
Odd they don't have the original new gods stuff on comiXology I would have thought it would sell like hotcakes
>>83655703
Nah, they'll get Jack Black. Michael Cera will be Brainiac.
>>83655752
"HEY SUPA MAN MY MORTAL ENEHMAAAAY!" *air guitar riff*
>>83655813
With Kyle Gass as Desaad?
>>83655813
>>83655824
Oh, and Tyler Perry as Granny.
>>83645740
Ask him to please don't drink my milk and eat my pie
It occurs to me that if Darkseid can't sit in the same chair twice, what do they do with the toilet? Is it enough to change the seat?
>>83645740
Show him my collection of cartoon animal dolls. They are all I know of the anti-life equation.
>>83653109
>>83649075
I don't really understand what his deal is. He just seems to sit about and is fairly relaxed. If he shows up at your house, why wouldn't you just tell him to fuck off and go out for a bit? He never seems to leave the sofa, demanding tendies be brought before him. Get a damn job, Darkseid.
>>83645740
The more often I see Darkseid sit in a comfy piece of furniture, I want to have some kind of lifesize stuffed Darkseid that I can put on my couch. Then I would always have the couch slightly face the door.
>>83648778
>>83648790
does he wear undies or does he go commando
>>83645740
>Im calling the X-Men, and get your ass off my favorite couch Apocalypse
>go to the fridge
>fill a bowl with eggs
>tell him he doesn't need to tell me why he is here but he needs to eat all the eggs
is all this couch sitting a repressed desire to sit in the mobius chair?
>>83648941
Did Darkseid bring Mein Kampf with him or has Oberon a copy on his coffee table?
I take a moment to wonder what the hell I did to catch his interest. I mean why the fuck did Darkseid bother to show up in my house? Have I somehow become special. I'm probably so stunned I just sit there for a minute and stare until he breaks the silence. But irl if I actually did walk into "Darkseid" sitting in my house, I'd compliment my buddy Davis on the great cosplay, then beat the shit out of him for breaking into my house.
>>83648812
>no one will ever write like this, ever again
>>83655917
He is a god, his loyal subjects get him a new tiolet every time or they face his wrath.
Actually he probably just breaks into random people houses and uses theirs, because he can
>>83658419
I think it's just because being made out of rocks is uncomfortable, and standing up for very long makes it even worse. So, he has to sit in order to find some sort of equilibrium.
>>83658896
do it yourself you lazy bum
>>83658594
This is actually Darkseid's living room on Apokolips. So he was sitting in his own chair for once.
Don't think too hard about it, this is from the wacky era of JLI.
>>83657298
>If he shows up at your house, why wouldn't you just tell him to fuck off and go out for a bit?
It's Darkseid. He could kill you as easily as blinking! Although he's much more likely to just laugh at your effrontery. Darkseid is usually pretty chill to his non-subjects before he conquers them. When the Forever People foiled him, he just smacked them around a little and lectured them.
SUBMIT
>>83645740
What did you did to my cat?
>>83645740
Make some popcorn and get ready to watch Superman fuck my wife.
>>83658395
>Darkseid does not NEED to eat all the eggs! Darkseid is FREE to choose! And Darkseid chooses... to eat all but ONE of the eggs!
>Let the remaining egg sit forever in the bowl as a symbol of the Anti-Life that will soon hatch and devour the universe!
>>83645740
I wouldn't enter for my house has become acursed.
>>83645740
Not worry, that's for sure.
Apocalypse's superpower is jobbing, so I would end up winning.
>>83645740
briefly wonder why he dragged an old tv set into my room.
ask him what he wants.
the answer probably going to be anti-life or something along those lines but whatever, gotta stay polite.
he can keep the chair if he wants it.
>>83653468
Someome would save him
>>83646231
When a new crater appears where the Twin Towers once were, there is also Darkseid. When you get shot, He is also lodged carefully in your wound. When you buttfuck her in the pussy, it is Darkseid that you will see
>>83651522
>>83653096
>>83653127
>>83653222
So, what Earth will be the Chair universe?
>>83662123
>when you buttfuck her in the pussy, it is Darkseid that you will see
I love it.
Kneel before him of course, and state my loyalty to Darkseid.
>>83654494
They really should've kept the anti life equation vague instead of explicitly stating what it is.
>>83658935
>Come home from work
>Head into the bathroom
>Toilet is caved in and covered in ash and soot
>Smell of brimstone in the air
>Inside of the toilet bowl is perpetually on fire
>All eight rolls of toilet paper you had are gone
>>83662395
that's really hot. I wouldn't stop until I saw her smile or died.
>>83664620
enjoy death, then
>>83664659
I'd request death by crushing by that thicc booty
>>83648778
Darkseid is daddy af
>>83664659
that's the whole point of dying for Darkseid
>>83655831
Tyler Perry is Glorious Godfrey.
Honestly I wouldn't mind chilling with Darkseid on my couch. Get some booze and cigars and shoot the shit.
