![WKaOyBV[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/Vuo8sCp.jpg "WKaOyBV[1].jpg")
ITT:
Make up a useless superpower for the person below you.
You have the ability to summon 3 normal mosquitos.
>>81584906
>Instant hair loss
If I could use it on the rest of my body besides my head that would be great.
Super blindness. Can only be used once, and is irreversible
>>81584906
Reminder that invisibility in the dark and 1 second super strength are amazing. Fuck, control remove control thrown into marvel for ten years would spew out one of the most powerful mutants in the world.
>>81584944
You can summon cancer for a rondomly chosen person around you, it occurs once each day
Person below me can make one fly die on command. Which fly dies will be chosen by Lady Luck.
>>81584906
1 second super strength can be life saving even if you can only use one time
>>81584906
Bullet attraction, invisibility in the dark, and 1 second super strength are all really fucking useful though.
secrete bubble bath liquid while in water + immunity to any caustic effects of bubble bath liquid
>bullet attraction
>sit in a bulletproof box
>everyone around that box is now safe from bullets
Whoever made that image is stupid. I'm sure every one of those powers could be made useful, if given some thought.
You can pull your teeth out at will, and they will grow back within a week.
1 second strength is useful
>>81585420
I have a cavity I would love to get rid of
>>81585420
>being able to regrow teeth is useless
Make pumpkins rotten.
>>81584906
>revive bugs
>keep bees from going extinct
Whoever made this picture really has no imagination, do they?
The power to turn toast back into bread.
You have the ability to make hedgehogs appear as small porcupines to everyone within a 10ft radius.
>>81584906
>read your own mind
pretty sure are alot of people who don't have this
>>81585504
I dunno about that, at what point is hat seduction going to be useful?
>>81585522
>No longer having to fear overdoing toast because it can simply be undone if it's burnt
The person below me is getting the gift of a monkey's paw.
Because he has the ability to summon literal monkey paws
>>81584906
Teleport to West Virginia once.
Know when other people are thinking about you and masturbating.
Forget everything.
The day of your death will loop like Groundhog's Day. You can not avoid your death or end the loop though.
>>81585638
Forgot to mention: Pick one.
The guy with the last one probably wants the third one.
>>81585502
Wreak your havoc on a ton of pumpkin farms, the stocks for pumpkins goes plummeting, buy a lot of the stock on the cheap, then sell when everything goes back to normal.
>>81585638
>Know when other people are thinking about you and masturbating.
Will I have any indication of who or where said masturbation is happening? If so it could be used to find people who want to bone you
>The day of your death will loop like Groundhog's Day. You can not avoid your death or end the loop though.
This is better than a lot of afterlifes and while it would get old after a while could be pretty fun
>>81585638
>Useful at least once if you don't want to be somewhere or want to go to West Virginia...well if you don't want to be somewhere
>That sounds like a confidence booster to be honest...unless you don't ever get to use your powers
>Might come in handy if you really see some shit but don't feel like dying
>That's not really a superpower just a weird scenario
>>81585504
Depending on the range, this could be difficult to impossible though. Most of the bees in a colony don't reproduce IIRC, so manually rezzing them constantly might not even stabilize the population like it would with other organisms.
>>81585658
>prices are low when the stock is low
wew lad.....
Once a year a button will be summoned in front of you. You have 3 minutes to push the button or not. You have no idea what the consequences of the button being pressed are, but if you do not press it, it will be a tremendous burden on you. Constantly wondering what glories you could have if you just pressed the button. Pirate treasure, unfathomably good looks, Socks you never have to wash, Super strength.
But you never think about the other side of the button. the tragedies it could cause, the people it could kill, and so on, until AFTER you press the button
>>81585683
Yeah, the masturbation one is probably a mixed blessing more than useless.
>Disappointingly few pings.
>A lot of them are just creepy.
>Fantasy turns out to be a poor barometer of what folks will actually do.
>>81584906
Invisibility in the dark, can be useful if you use it right.
>>81585850
"Invisible" doesn't mean "does not emit heat"
Thermal cameras would still see you.
>>81585867
"Invisible" is a pretty vague term.
>>81585378
Kind of depends on how you define that.
If it's like bullet-centric magnetism then even bullets not in motion will make a beeline for you, so every time you walk too close to a cop you run the risk of either their gun or the bullets in them flying right at you at any given time. And that kind of magnetism would likely do nothing to stop a bullet from piercing you unless you're also invulnerable, so bullets would never exit and anyone trying to pull a bullet out of you would be like trying to pry one off a powerful electromagnet with their bare hands.
If it only applies to bullets in motion changing their trajectory to always aim at you, you'd still have to figure out how not to get killed in ten seconds without invulnerability. You could use a bullet proof box, sure, but there's also the issue that they lack mobility and there's only so much punishment even the strongest bullet-proof anything can take - so at some point you have to do when it eventually breaks. And even if you did something like a bubble car, there's also the issue of whether not the bullets will ricochet, and if so how far they'll travel before coming back at you again.
And neither of the above options factors in the likelihood that the bullets will make a straight line for you no matter what, so anybody in the way of the bullet's trajectory is gonna get shot no matter what.
Invisibility in the dark is god tier, night ops man.
>>81585231
>Bullet attraction
How?
You can travel forward in time for exactly 0.5 seconds for every one of your fingers you rip off
Invisible penis
>>81586078
Watch Haven, a guy has that power on that show
Instantly making all enemy guns useless against all your allies can come in handy, especially if you remember to pack body armor.
You can pass through objects but only from the bottom up, when you do your weight quadruples
>>81586238
What if they move to Australia?
>>81585468
you need only a second to punch someone.
>invisible to moles
>super philosopher (weakness mute and quadriplegic)
>reading between the lines (of numbers)
>>81586238
>pass through people and crush them
>pass through grains of sand so your ability easily stacks over and over until you're a super dense fucking monster
>You can spontaneously make yourself vomit but doing so will have a 1 in 5 percent chance of allowing a cancerous tumor to form in your stomach.
>>81585596
>Be an asshole and never let anyone around you have toast again
>>81586295
ONE PUNNNNNNNNCH!
You can create the best jokes ever but nobody besides you get them.
the ability to replace each of your teeth with a piece of corn exactly once
the ability to materialize 1/8 of a cup of water but only once a month and only within a bath tub
the ability to say "ayy lmao" and get socked in the nuts
the ability to teleport your dick onto your elbow, cannot be reversed
>>81586330
Become a moving black hole that only absorbs things through your head
The ability to know if anything vegetable-related you eat has been chemically processed.
>>81586446
Materialize water inside of a person in a tub, the water is so hot it kills them, insolvable serial killer
Ability to pass through doors, they must be unlocked though
>>81586423
I already laugh at my self on a daily basis, at least now I'd be funny.
The ability to read people's minds, but they'll know exactly where you are and they can hear your thoughts as well as long as you're tapping in.
>>81584906
I'm pretty sure every person already has trash detection as their superpower.
>>81586446
>starving to death? Not anymore
>assassin who makes its look like his victims drowned in the tub
>film it and become YouTube famous
>its a lot easier to pump your elbow than your hips
Not even fucking trying are you?
>>81586628
Pretty sure only that Penn & Teller guy can.
>>81586621
Be in silent contact with your buddy and they know where you are if something happens, would be OP for military and law enforcement
>>81586621
>you can read people's minds making them read your mind which is thier mind and cause a feedback loop that makes their brains explode
The ability to breath under lava.
The ability to regrow your eyeballs but only if you push your fingers into them. Not exactly useless but painful as hell.
>>81586456
Banirra Aisu?
>>81586735
You mean Cool Ice?
>>81586719
>you lost vision in your eye
>pop a bucket full of morphine and stab yourself in the eye and now you have a new one
>>81586628
>>81586656
>>81586646
>>starving to death? Not anymore
You saw the part where it said you can only do this once, right? That means the max amount of corn you can make is 32 kernels, which will hardly make a difference if you're starving, and it will leave you with no teeth.
You have the ability to look into the future, but only when you're extremely shit faced, barely capable of forming a coherent sentence. So you won't be able to tell anyone what you saw, and by the time you wake up after passing out in your own puke you will not remember it.
>>81586423
Even better, you have the greatest jokes, but nobody laughs at them until somebody else tells the joke
>>81586911
Even then it wouldn't be useless, you could get together with a close friend and just become their writer.
>>81586937
But you have to tell the joke to the people first.
You have super speed, but only on the left side of your body. the right side has super slow, and they only work at the same exact time
Here some depressing ones:
>Knowing the ending of every fictional story you hear
>everything tastes like
beet
>everything triggers a hidden trauma
>>81586953
>>81586937
Your friend will not believe the joke is good and not tell it to anyone.
>>81586982
I figure that would wreak absolute havoc on your body with fatal consequences.
You have the power of being the greatest father in history. Problem is, the courts won't let you have kids
>>81586856
yeah but the rest of them he has a point on. Round 2
the ability to draw a perfect circle but only in MS Paint and only if it's white on white
the ability to receive $0.01 if you beat yourself to near death with frozen sausages. it is distributed discreetly into an offshore account that requires a five dollar fee to withdraw from
the ability to watch a new episode of your favorite show from any location. you will immediately forget the show after you watch it and it cannot be recorded in any way including written language or viewed by another sentient creature or else your brain implodes
the ability to look at yourself in a mirror and see a circus clown
the ability to take your own temperature by sucking your own dick. this reading is not accurate but you never realize it
>>81587071
Also infertile
>>81586999
>Knowing the ending of every fictional story you hear
You become Spoiler Man, spoiling the plots of movies and shows long before they come out. You would be an absolutely fucking evil super villain. You could also maybe sell your info to news sites and magazines
>>81586078
You just have to attract bullets before they're fired.
>>81584906
Depending on the magnitude of trash detection you would potentially be able to use it for deductive reasoning to find treasure.
>>81587228
Also if that power applies to gaming as well you'll never pick up shit loot again.
You have the power to fly, but only after you eat a bucket of shit. Each bucket grants you 5 minutes of flight.
>>81584906
So many useful abilities here.
>Acid tears
organic acid is amazing. lots of chemical applications.
>Invisibility in the dark
guaranteed stealth that even IR goggles can't see. Not just at night but in dark rooms too.
>Control remote control
good if you're lazy. Also good for spies and thieves, being able to use things like gate or alarm controls from outside.
>Communicate with fruit
fruit farmers will want to talk to you. Know what infection, bug or pesticide bothers an orchard. Agriculture scientists will learn a lot from you.
>Trash detection
more useful then you'd think. Find squatters, find illegal waste dumps, prevent fires and pollution
>75% levitation
Saves you on fuel, walk/run 4 times longer/faster, and if you can extend it, lift object four times heavier then you could otherwise.
>Summon a lamp...once
will save you from being eaten by a grue.
>Bullet attraction
get yourself a bulletproof suit and go rescue hostages. or join the army and save more lives.
>Read your own mind
a psychologist's dream. Move psychology forward decades. Be able to tell when you're lying to yourself, what feelings are real or fake, know when you are being influenced.
Also limited mind control resistance, if that's a thing.
>Instant hairloss
can you control the length? Never pay for a haircut again. Also good for instant disguise.
>Abnormal armhair growth
dermatologist laboratories will love to have you.
cont.
>>81587257
finally, the power to make Borderlands 2 not unbearable
>>81587285
>Absorb bad luck
same deal as with bullet attraction. Protect yourself and go save other people.
>Super slow-mo
pretty much perfect anesthesia. Any science that studies functions of the human body will want to learn from observing you.
>Revive bugs
save the bees? You could actually use super strong pesticides for one that do kill 100% of all bugs, and then revive all the good and useful bugs. No more resistance gain for the bad ones!
>Ultra fast aging.
You can drive a car or get into a club whenever you decide to. You can age match your life partner. You do not have to suffer old age if you do not want to.
>Invisible handwriting
Good for if you deliberately want to forget something. Also never pay for whiteout; just write over any mistakes.
>1 second super strength
Really, really useful power. Throw a punch, and at the moment before impact turn on the super strength. All the advantages of super strength, without having to worry about accidentally crushing something.
>Turn into a laptop forever
Great way to cheat death, assuming your consciousness makes it onto the laptop
>Seduce hats
Be able to wear a fedora and actually look as cool as Indiana Jones wearing it. Be able to wear every hat in style, regardless of how you look like.
>Desaturation
Disguising, camouflage, or just become a magazine model. Prevent sunburn, hide zits, and overall a cool party trick.
All of these are useful. Some of them have actual super, spy or military applications. Others are useful on a personal level. Just about all of them have major scientific appeal.
>>81587285
>>81587306
This is the best kind of autism. Please do some others ITT
>>81585985
Wouldn't that count as bullet magnetism?
>>81586295
>reading between the lines (of numbers)
I'm sure a mathematician could make use of that.
>>81585231
Invisibility in the dark depends on how invisible (are you still giving off heat?), but it's still invisibility.
Control Remote Control gives you telepathy over an object, that's obviously incredibly dangerous with a bit of creativity. Keep a bunch on your person and load them up with explosives, now you've got telepathy bombs that don't rely on remote detonation - you just push the power button and boom.
Trash Detection would be really useful for cleanup efforts, and you would actually be able to figure out if a country is secretly developing nuclear weapons by detecting their nuclear waste.
75% levitation is a little vague. It sounds like it could just give you superhuman physical fitness by making you move like you're on the moon while still hitting with the full impact of your weight. Higher jumps, more nimble, never get knocked down, can stay prone and zip around everywhere while shooting an assault rifle.
Summon a lamp once is just like summoning puppies to defend Fort Knox, just make it appear in a bad dude's chest cavity.
Bullet Attraction could be really useful so long you're sitting in really thick armor, a mini-tank or something.
Read your own mind is incredible, you're capable of solving some of the greatest mysteries of psychology by just thinking a little about it. Probably going to be a lot wiser in general being able to know exactly what your thoughts are and why you think them, you immediately know when you're being irrationally angry.
>>81584906
I have 4 of these and find them useful almost twice a year.
You always get to choose the final number of your post number on 4chan, but it fluctuates and sometimes doesnt work
>>81584979
Communication with fruit would be decent to, as long as they could "see"/understand what's going on around them. Who killed the girl? The apple lets you know.
>>81584944
>being literally Daredevil is useless
WOW YOU'RE A GENIUS
the ability to understand women
>>81587870
SO, the ability to hear and interpret any language, including nonverbal? Useful.
> The ability to change the color of your nosehairs at will.
You have unusually thick snot that could be used as adhesive
>>81587954
women are useless. so no.
The ability to make shit look smell and taste like delicious cuisine
This is a passive power with a 50 foot spherical radius around you, you can't turn it off.
>>81584906
75% levitation seems like the best, sure you can't *actually* levitate, but if you're effectively reducing the force of gravity on yourself, you could potentially facillitate some interesting acrobatic feats.
>>81588057
Is it still harmful to eat?
>>81585867
That is the definition of invisible you humongous retard.
Heat radiation is still light. Deep deep infrared light, but light nonetheless.
If he can be seen by thermal cameras then he isn't invisible.
>>81588184
The ability is purely an illusion.
>>81584906
To cum bearing gifts.
Whenever you carry presents you have an orgasm.
You can listen to what bees say, but can't talk to them or cammand them.
>>81587085
>the ability to look at yourself in a mirror and see a circus clown
It's called life.
Wait, couldn't "absorb bad luck" be SUPER overpowered if used in the right way?
Also Revive Bugs, if you think of how many dead bugs there must be in any square acre of land
>>81584906
>invisibility in the dark
That's still incredibly useful.
Holy fuck this entire thread needs to be "/co/ rewrites the Marvel multiverse"
>>81584979
75% levitation means you can never fall down, and it probably has some other perks
>>81589523
That's still incredible, just understanding the efficacy of how bees communicate and work would revolutionize logistics and robotics, and bees' natural botanical senses could help redouble agrarian efforts around the world!
>>81588057
>>81588423
Breadvision. At will, anything to you can appear to be made out of bread. It isn't actually bread, and you can't turn things into bread by looking at them or anything. It just LOOKS like it's made out of bread.
>>81587085
>the ability to receive $0.01 if you beat yourself to near death with frozen sausages. it is distributed discreetly into an offshore account that requires a five dollar fee to withdraw from
yeah this might be the most useless one in the whole thread
Lactation on demand
>>81589681
Would still be a very powerful siege weapon, starve out your opponent them reduce them to eating shit of their own free will by sending in a sleeper agent. They'll eventually die from infection.
>>81589684
Same thing, could be used for siege warfare or as an assassination tool - "yeah that bowie knife is totally bread!"
can make any part of your body completely immobile. Totally paralized. There is no damage to it, it's just immobile. It's irreversible.
You need training to learn to control it and not accidentally paralize a vital organ.
>>81584906
how are inbisibility in the dark, 1 second super strength and bullet attraction bad superpowers?
>>81589697
That's because the guy who wrote it is an unfunny douche who thinks he's clever.
>>81589761
what's not funny about beating yourself to death with frozen sausages?
>>81589755
Insurance fraud, I'd just make a vestigial finger or toe paralyzed, claim my insurance and then hack it off with a kitchen knife. Repeat ad nauseum. I figure I've got enough useless toes, fingers and extea organs I can make decent money.
>>81585596
burnt bread by definition is not a toast, so it cannot be reverted
>>81589805
Because "le randumb" humor stopped being funny 10 years ago.
>>81584906
X ray visualization, the ability to visualize things on cross sectional planes.
Note: This does not mean see.
>>81589761
That's his useless superpower
>>81587285
>Trash detection
>Find squatters
kek
>>81587228
Does rubble count as trash? Because if so, you would be able to detect the non-trash voids of survivors in disaster zones.
>>81589846
That'd still be alright, you could draw those awesome cross-section books from imagination. Also, with some architecture education you could be a master builder.
You have the ability to see one millisecond into the future.
>>81589867
You'd also be able to help NASA catalogue and track space trash in orbit around earth. Probably a very lucrative job.
>>81584906
>Communicate with fruit
That would be useful for farming careers
>Trash detection
Again useful for sanitation careers
>Revive bugs
You could save the fucking honey industry with this, bees are struggling to survive.
>>81589851
He's the Joker? Oh shit!
>>81589906
That would be pretty good though, your eyes have an 8 millisecond delay so being able to visualize past that delay would increase your reaction time, with training of course.
>>81589906
We actually see into the past for the few microseconds it takes for the brain to recieve signals from the eyes.
>>81589840
>le buzzwords
I believe the humor comes from the fact that it's an impossible feat in the first place and that it would visually look retarded but it's also not like he's at an open mic night. It's not really funny, just so useless that it doesn't even have a clever loophole.
>>81589923
>Revive bugs
We could Jurassic Park this bitch if we did that
>>81589946
he made anon upset
>>81589946
Which makes it not entertaining.
I'm gonna explain this to you real simple: non-sequiter humor only works on young kids and drunk adults
Whenever you flatulate or defecate, a portal activates in your rectum. Another portal connected to the first will then activate one inch in front of a random person's face.
With practice and intense concentration, you can choose which person's face to have the exit portal appear on.
>>81584906
The ability to transform your foreskin into rusty iron.
the power to talk to ceilings but they all think you're an asshole and just insult you
>>81590044
Well tearing holes in ceilings isn't hard so you could always torture them for information
>>81589986
>only my humor is good
We're reaching wew lad territory here
>>81589990
Wait so you could shit an object to ANYONE?
Holy fuck that's OP
the ability to sneeze rainbows
>>81589813
>fraud
it's not a fraud because you will be actually handicapped.
and you don't get insurace for a paralized toe. Not any significant amount anyway.
And anyway you can replicate the effect of this power by just crushing your fingers into things and pretend it was a work related accident.
>this superpower is cool because you an mutilate yourself.
>>81590113
You already reached it when you took jokes from 2006 Newgrounds flashes
the ability to clog any artery or vein in your body.
You don't know which one will get clogged.
Decent thread.
>>81590119
This is overpowered for sure.
>>81590147
You seem mighty triggered, son.
>>81585504
It could be even more useful for paleoentomology.
>>81590147
>thread says to make useless superpowers
>an incredibly useless one is made
>someone is mad over its "humor"
ermmm
>>81590119
but also dangerous and humiliating
>shit anthrax at world leaders
>literal ASSassin
>>81590299
>only capitalizing the first ass
Shameful.
>>81587071
Easy I'll just buy a baby ot two on the black market and sit back and rake in the money when Ling Ling makes it big
>>81590321
i mean it could also be the second
but he only has one ass
>>81584933
Chick or homosexual? You decide.
>>81590276
Its simply trying too hard.
>>81584906
Abnormal armhair growth could be insanely OP. Ever seen Basilisk?
>>81590396
kind of like you :^)
The ability to stop arguing over a useless ability. Seriously who gives a fuck?
>>81590504
Sounds like a useless ability and if you disagree I will argue with you
>>81590396
You're right, here's a better one. The ability to be a gay walrus xD. This is objectively funny.
>>81590528
it's super useful you little shit shut up!!!
The ability to control a fly. Only one at a time. Controling it leaves you exausted afterwards.
>>81590683
can i make him dance and sing showtunes
or like can you see from his perspective
or is it just like "go here fly" and he buzzes affirmatively
>>81590721
Yeah, he can't do anything that defies the nature of a fly, like dancing or singing, and you don't see from his perpective. You can just tell him to go here and there, and do whatever a fly can do.
>>81589673
No, you don't get. It's not a psychic bond, you just hear what they say. Like "Hey Bee 344678, let's go to this flower"
>>81589550
>>81590829
But that isn't how bees think, they don't have a developed brain. You'd be "hearing" their basic computer-like understanding of chemicals and such.
Which, if you partnered up with a leading bee researcher, would be incredible.
>>81584906
Clock manipulation. You can control what time it says, but nothing else. I'll also throw in digital clocks.
>>81586510
Or just teleport it directly into their brain, and lobotomise them.
Or, since water is typically a solution, you could make a solution of water and something lethal. Water with a small amount of poison mixed through is still water, just tp that into someone.
Ice is technically water, you could tp a chunk of ice into someone. Have it overlap with something vital, so when it melts they have a hole in their lungs. Or just lobotomise again.
>>81590011
Get circumcised, cook your foreskin into food, serve it to an enemy, convert back to iron once they've consumed it.
>>81591250
Well, that's one way to get more iron in your diet!
Whenever you accidentally fumble with something in your hands, said object turns into a random firearm. Safety off.
Examples:
>twirling pencil in your hand
>gets caught on a finger a flies off to the side
>there's now a rifles flying off the edge of your desk
>someone passes you a set of kisses
>as you reach up to grab them in the air you don't quite close your hand in time
>keys now bouncing between your hands
>did I say keys? I meant a handgun
>>81591384
Dude, that's pretty OP for a useless power, as long as you learn some mental self-control. You'll always have a source of weapons. Also, if you fumble with someone else's body parts, could you turn those into guns?
You can switch genders with someone
They return to normal after 20 minutes, you don't
Can only be used once a month
>>81591518
Goodbye gender dysphoria!
>>81585638
That teleport can come in handy if you save it for a life and death situation.
>someone is about to murder you
>activate teleport
>>81591384
>rifles
>kisses
Thanks phone posting.
>>81591458
Well you have an infinite supply of weapons but never when you want them really. If you're anything like me you're going to go through alot of sets of car keys and pens. Keyword there is accidentally. I just like the idea of someone trying to get a wallet out of a tight pair of pants while at a bank. Stumbling with it and all of a sudden they're standing there with an uzi in their hand. Also I'll leave that to you if you want your power to effect people.
>>81585578
Big mistake, buddy.
>>81591518
I'd do it just to see what it feels like.
I wanna be a qt girl.
The power to shitpost twice as fast on 4chan
You gain the ability to make your genitals smaller at will.
>>81592025
Finally, i can be a GET lord
>>81585638
All of those are incredibly overpowered
Good job, you ruined the thread.
>>81592046
I assume you can make them normal again.
>someone tries to kick your balls but you make them too tiny to hit.
>>81591518
Does this include fake genders like mayonnaise, dragon, and Napoleon?
You have the power of dubs
>>81585694
not him but then you could just buy a ton of stocks and then make all the pumpkins rotten :v
>>81592087
True power.
When wearing a pink shirt, you can change the room temperature to be 5 degrees higher or lower than it otherwise would be.
>>81591118
Eh, I can still think of some times that'd be useful, you'd never be late to work
Once per day you can make your eyebrows grow an inch.
>>81591796
If the Bad Luck Absorber and Shotgun Fingers teamed up they'd be unstoppable
>>81592175
I actually had a scenario in mind but I was hoping that someone else would come up with something cooler. You become a villain (perhaps Clock King) and trick the hero into coming into a room with a ton of different clocks. You continuously change the times of the clocks and trick the hero into thinking you have the ability to manipulate time itself rather than just the clocks.
You have special eyes
>>81592165
metric or imperial?
>>81584906
1 second super strength is actually pretty fucking awesome. I could see that being made into an indie comic.
Like, would you only get one second of it ever? Or does it recharge over a period of time? Can you choose when to trigger it? You'd have to get really good at strategizing when to use it.
>>81592248
That's pretty unlikely to work, given that humans judge time predominantly by their internal circadian cylces.
But think like this, you could take any given dollar-store object, fuck around with it until you drop it, then Bad Luck Absorber Man sucks up all your bad luck - boom, you can get a gun into any location regardless of security, and you can then sell your unstamped ghost guns for huge profits.
>>81592283
1 second super strength is a documented superpower humans already have, it just requires extreme adrenaline.
Same with hyper-perception, especially of time.
>>81592318
Sorry, I'm missing something. What does Bad Luck Absorber bring to the wombo-combo with Shotgun Fingers?
>>81587275
not too shabby
>>81592165
If it's instant that can really fuck people up, an instant increase of 2.5 C can kill people.
>>81592087
Meme magic has killed people, you idiot. This is crazy overpowered.
>>81590380
>amount of hair on body that isnt head decides what gender you're attracted to
>2016
>>81592431
Makes sure you don't shoot yourself in the face. The gun will probably trigger and shoot him though.
You short circuit every device that is powered by electricity within a 100 foot radius.
You have super hearing, but it only picks up people having sex.
Visit your family at your own risk.
>>81592587
Mobile EMP? That has major black ops potential. You'll just be kind of hard to communicate with.
>>81592633
If they mak homosexual illegal again then it will finally be enforceable.
>>81592636
Probably would make travelling a pain too.
>>81592479
wat, source on that m8
You have the ability to make people disagree with you.
They will always know your true intentions so saying the opposite of what you agree with to get them to agree with you won't work either.
You can grow as large as you want.
As long as you keep eating junk food.
Shrinking back down will take a lot of work, though.
You have the power to transform any dog into a well-groomed Puli, but only for half an hour before it turns back into a normal dog. You can only do this once per day.
>>81592636
Have fun getting him anywhere valuable. It'd probably only be used for douchebag reasons.
>ludditeman laughs while sprinting through wall street, causing an economic crash as everything falls out of whack
>ludditeman laughs while sprinting through google, causing tons of work to be destroyed, backups erased, servers destroyed
>ludditeman laughs while sprinting through a children's hospital, sadness ensues
>>81584906
1 Second of Super Strength and Invisibility in Darkness actually sound like they could be useful.
>>81592850
Make a killing on the fetish scene.
>revive bugs
>resurrect army of prehistoric dragonflies
>unleash swarms of constantly respawning bees in someone's house
I'm not seeing how this power is useless.
>>81585058
>summoning cancer every day on whoever is near you
that's pretty cool actually, if you can choose when to summon it
When you close your eyes, you can see on the other side of the world. But the EXACT other side of the world. Longitude, latitude, right down to the elevation above sea level. You get a lot of rocks on this channel.
>>81592996
It doesn't say anywhere that you can control them.
Also good luck finding an army's worth of prehistoric insects which have been ground into base elements by the teeth of time.
>>81593025
You would literally be the most valuable resource the military has. You'd make millions.
>>81593060
>there is an army of prehistoric insects theoretically everywhere around you, just invoke your power and run for the hills
>>81585985
>If it's like bullet-centric magnetism then even bullets not in motion
shit nigger do you even science
magnetism only applies on electrons with motion
Hell, the electron's speed (and direction) is part of the equation for how much force it is subjected to
You cum twice as much, but only to the fetish you find most disgusting and only once a day.
You can always sense when a spider is near you, but you can't tell where it is.
>>81593106
Good luck weaponizing that when half the time you'd have to excavate thousands of feet into the ground or hover indefinitely at an exact point via helicopter fighting turbulence, both after performing thousands of man-hours on calculations or experimental probing all to get some third-hand knowledge about how many people are in a particular room in a already-known enemy headquarter at a particular time. Stick to satellite imagery and drones; they're cheaper and more reliable.
>>81593272
Reverse, shitty spider sense?
>>81593272
no
>>81593272
Hint: the answer is "100% of a time." I can pretty much guarantee there are at least a dozen spiders within 10 feet of you right now.
>>81591118
That's so OP is not funny. You could literally make any server or computer malfunction. Airports, banks, DNS servers, anything. By turning the clock to the last possible second, destroyed.
Even if you dont intend on destroying them, fucking up logs or making people show up too late/early is incredibly useful.
>>81593272
Where my spiderbros at?
>>81593223
So, business as usual?
You have super hearing, but it only enhances your ability to hear people eating, coughing or making irritating noises with their mouth. You cannot turn it off.
>>81593348
I'm assuming he's going by literal rules so only "true" clocks, but if not Y2K Man would strike it big in corporate sabotage
>>81593445
You'd still be a superhuman radar though, people make those noises constantly. Police, hospitals, the military etc would love to hire you.
>>81585638
>once
This is just a lazy way to do this.
>>81592930
Horses, bikes, sailboats.
>>81593508
Yeah, but imagine trying to get some sleep when it feels like that old lady inhaling coleslaw 2 blocks down is actually chewing it right next to your ears. Someone coughs while passing your house late at night and you would hear every ugly detail.
Imagine trying to work with other people? An office job would be hell.
>>81586078
>what is the role of a tank?
>>81586999
>Knowing the ending of every fictional story you hear
>your dad starts talking about how much he enjoys being your dad
>power pings
>>81592793
>commit crimes
>plead guilty
>judge and jury: No you're not!
>get out scot free every time
>>81587285
>summon a lamp...once
Doesn't say what kind of lamp, thanks for the genie. Or a lamp made of gold and covered in gems.
>>81587999
>what is bristleback?
You have short distance teleportation, but you can only use it if you are touching a pot of boiling water.
>>81589730
...like, to yourself or?
Make yourself feel like you just stubbed your toe.
Change the color of your fingernails.
Easily break pencils.
Turn coffee to water on touch.
Replace parts of your flesh with stone. It's just stone though, it doesn't magically become part of your body.
Make toilet paper wet when you touch it.
Slight resistance to mercury poisoning.
Get 5$ and a soda every time one of your friends or family dies.
Balance a baseball bat on your pinky really well.
>>81589906
"See things faster"
>>81592793
You realize this still lets you get away with crimes, you just have to be remorseless about them.
>>81594073
You realize pots have handles right? You should have phrased this better.
>>81584979
Absorb bad luck could useful if you can turn it on/off and/or control whose bad luck you absorb. Absorb the bad luck of firefighters, or good cops, or another superhero.
It's shit for you, but you get to know you're directly responsible for improving someone elses life and the improving the world trough that person.
the ability to make a low effort, zero content post on /co/
The ability to half the friction on one side of any object, but also doubles the friction on the other side.
The ability to make people think you are moving with super speed (recordings still look normal).
Telescopically extending fingers, but they can only reach half a foot.
The ability to make any object five times as heavy, but only while you are holding it above your head.
Anything you put inside your nose gets teleported into an unstable orbit around the earth.
The ability to eat the color green.
The ability to levitate, but only while both of your feet touch the ground.
Rice implosion.
You are immune to the effects of moisturizing creams and lotions.
The ability to taste anything you see. You cannot turn it off.
The ability to change the colors of the inside of your clothes, but they reset when you take them off.
The ability to open any safe that does not contain anything.
The ability to perfectly understand anything if you destroy all examples of that thing.
You can hear crime happening in a six mile radius. It sounds like a single mosquito.
The ability to invert the soles of your shoes.
The ability to telaport one foot to the right every three minuets.
Peoples perception of the volume of your voice is the inverse of its actual volume. Whenever you are silent it sounds like you are screaming.
>>81584906
You can tell the precise time just by looking at plants growing on the surface of the Earth
>>81594178
>Change the color of your fingernails
Save you a lot of money.
>Easily break pencils.
https://recordsetter.com/world-record/pencils-broken-with-forehead-30/1006
Looks like I'm about to ruin someone's day.
>Turn coffee to water on touch.
So I can turn crap into an actual drinkable liquid, sounds good to me.
>Slight resistance to mercury poisoning.
Not very useful and useless are two different things anon.
>Get 5$ and a soda every time one of your friends or family dies.
More than what I'm getting from them now
>Balance a baseball bat on your pinky really well.
See mercury poisoning resistance.
>>81594178
>raise my pain resistance threshold
>great icebreaker
>Too undefined; could I mentally break someone dressed like a pencil?
>Including coffee beans? Otherwise, fuck with work rivals by making them go through caffeine withdrawal
>can I turn back?
>large source of free water
>not really a superpower, I'd argue
>no fucking clue
>if it's achievable by a normal human, is t a superpower?
>>81593348
That's kind of nice. This is the stuff I wanted to hear.
![31[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/sEHjJ24.jpg "31[1].jpg")