ITT: Dumb shit you did when you were younger/first learning how to cook
>Cooking everything on the highest possible setting
>Pressing burgers
>frying something in a pan
>use plastic slotted spoon
>ruined both the pan and the spoon because that fucker melted on contact
It was okay though, I think my mom laughed so hard it cured her cancer.
>>7640017
Ohgod, all the time. That's how my dad taught me to cook them. I had to learn on my own that it's a retarded way to do it.
>>7640024
>melt on contact
jesus what were you frying, a porterhouse?
>>7640015
SEAL IN THE JUICES
>>7640043
I honestly don't even remember. I probably had the heat set too high on top of everything else wrong with what I was doing.
>>7640024
I've used a plastic cooking utensil once or twice in a bind, but it never melted. The only time it did is when I left it propped on the rim of the pan for over 10 mins.
>>7640015
>making meatballs
>recipe says to add a cup of water to a pound of meat
>add cup of water
>meat becomes meat soup
>check recipe again
>clearly says 1 pound ground beef
>clearly says one cup of water
>scroll down
>no comments
>google other recipes
>it says one spoon instead
i was lucky i had another pound of meat and a ton of breadcrumbs tho
How bout dumb shit my roommate does?
>everytime he cooks I notice a burnt smell
>"Hey Roommate, is everything okay?"
>food is fine
>later on he throws his frying pan out because all the teflon had melted off
>realize that that burnt smell was the smell of toxic teflon gas that was seeping into my nostrils
Fuck you Peng, also, get your damn honey out of the refrigerator, you nitwit.
Watching this thread cause I'm a fucking retarded college student who didn't know the difference between clove and bulb and wound up with a skillet of 4 bulbs of hand-chopped garlic
>>7640015
Peanut Butter Cookies
>1 cup of salt
>1 tbs of sugar
Going to pee when frying stuff
>>7640069
i actually ruined a teflon pan in one use by frying chicken there
i still use it tho but i need oil on it
>>7640074
That actually sounds pretty dang good.
>>7640074
Everyone has to learn sometime. And more often than not that's how you learn when cooking. The hard way
>>7640075
Ugh, I could almost taste it when I read that
Wondering why I was having to saw through things with my knife.
>>7640082
since he's Chinese he tried to stir fry on his piece of shit Ikea pan but he wanted to get it really hot...
So what does he do? Just let it sit on the coils for 5 minutes with nothing in it and the heat cranked up!
Well the pan was only 15 bucks so might as well just throw it away and buy another one!
>recipe lists a specific amount of oil in ingredients
>put it in
>finish assembly, continue reading
>"Thoroughly lubricate the grill with the oil"
>>7640077
I did this today!
Heating up a pan with butter to make an omelette, suddenly, I have to pee. Won't take long, right?
Pee sitting down, all of a sudden, a wet fart. All good because I'm on the toilet, but then waves of shit start coming. And I hear intense sizzling in the distance from the kitchen.
Pinch and wipe as quickly as possible, run back to kitchen to find butter smoking and brown as chocolate. Prevented a fire by mere seconds.
Never again. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR POST, SOLDIER!
>>7640100
Some fucking idiot did this at my old restaurant. I'm in the back prepping shit and this dude is supposed to be manning the grills and he decides its a perfect time to take a piss without telling anyone. Fucking fire alarms went off and shit, had to use the fire extinguisher to put out his mistake
Once when I was new to cooking I decided to make a metric fuck ton of fried rice when my mum was away for a few days.
It all went relatively fine except I fucking undercooked the rice. I'm talking a lot of rice. Don't ask why I didn't add more water and cook it for longer.
Tried to endure one or two servings of it but just ended up throwing most of it away before she came back.
Also not cooking but food related. Once when I was a kid I was having laksa at a malaysian/indonesian restaurant and I had a can of fanta and a glass. I was going to pour more fanta into the glass but my autopilot fucked up and I poured a ton of it into the soup. I still ate it because I'm not going to waste laksa.
Also more recently I poured orange juice instead of milk into my tea because they have the same shape bottle. Tasted like arse.
>>7640117
>friend over
>anon im hugry
go to the kitchen and make a sandwich or something
>no anon, i want you to come with me
ok
>go to kitchen, sit at table with my laptop while he cooks something
>he sits next to me at the table
>talking to him, i guess he is taking a break or already ate
>look at stove
>holly fuck
>fucker grabed big as fuck pot
>fucker filled pot with like 4 litters of oil
>pot has no handles
>he left it on the stove at the bhigest setting
>unattended for 20 minutes
>pot is on fire
>no way to move it, no way to stop the fire
>can only wait it out
>air extractor catches on fire
>black smoke everywhere
>whole kitchen starts catching on fire
>he grabs a dishcloth and starts beating the fire with it
>run to the security guard on the end of the block to tell him to call the firemen
>while friend handles fire
>come back and turns out he freaked out and pushed the pot to the floor
>managed to stop fire somehow
>half of the kitchen is black
>air extractor is ruined
>he melted his shoes, which where mine but wathever
we just grab air extractor between the both of us, carry it to the window and throw it to the garage 4 metters below
>mom comes home, sees half melted pile of shit in garage and freaks out
>fucker was 20
>he now tells the story like it was both our faults
>>7640151
Why did you run to the security guard (gated community I guess?) instead of calling them with your phone?
>not adding water to the noodle's spice
>>7640160
i remember there being a reason but i dont remember what it was, it happened 3 or 4 years ago, i actually didnt get a smarthphone until two years ago and i was phoneless for a while before that. I have no idea why my friend didnt have his phone with him.
Not exactly a gated community, its an old area filled with big old houses and even some mansions.
>>7640151
I'm curious now. Did he say what he was trying to do? Did you not notice him doing it?
>>7640191
>I have no idea why my friend didnt have his phone with him.
Going by what I know about him so far he was probably trying to deep fry it.
>>7640203
it may have been that he had it but spent two hours looking for it and couldnt find it that morning because that happened often.
Worst part was he was making fucking mozzarella sticks, why the fuck did you need that much oil and that size of a pot for fucking mozzarella sticks?
>>7640074
No such thing as too much garlic.
>>7640075
reminds me of the peanut butter cookies from when /ck/ was still a baby
seemed like a normal recipe but they would burn in the oven and smoke up the place
New Cook General? New cook general.
Here's things I've seen beginners do and why kitchens are hard to work in, bad habits need to be broken.
>Everything highest setting
>constantly touching and moving things in the pan
>not setting timers and burning shit
>not seasoning
>pressing on cooking meats
>lighting oil on fire
>dirty knives
>plastic on burning hot metal
>wet rags, hot pans
>glass drinking containers on line
>tasting with fingers and not spoons
>not properly securing cutting board, this gets gruesome
>mixing up salt and sugar
>mixing up msg and salt
Some of these can be hilarious, mostly just dangerous though.
Cheat sheet for new cooks, what not to do in a professional kitchen.
>>7640036
smash burger
google that shit. make it. understand the curst.
smashing is fine if done right..
I'd make a lot of chicken in sauce with rice type meals. I wouldn't brown the chicken, I would just dump it in the sauce with greens and go from there. Even worse I would get it straight from the freezer, cut it up frozen and then dump it in. It was like eating little cube f flavourless leather.
>have to use nothing but expensive, non-local ingredients
>olive oil for everything
Thanks, Jamie Oliveoil
>>7640249
We don't do general threads on /ck/, newfag.
>>7640015
>tried to make a meatloaf
>wasn't cooked the whole way through
>cut into slices and sear them as i take a piece to eat
>>7640015
over seasoning
>>7640225
this
>>7640015
under seasoning
I have a tendency to over salt. Been cooking for well over a decade, likely pushing two now, and it's still a problem. Not nearly as bad as it used to be however. I get the feeling it may just be my family though.. what tastes fine to me is over seasoned to them, but when I've cooked for friends they seem to be fine with it. I even get asked to cook for them on occasion because they enjoy it. Could just be my family is overly sensitive to salt, but I still want to find a balance between what they like and what my friends and myself find good.
>>7641316
my dad used a ton of salt cooking, it was so salty it was often unedible. He never notticed how much he used and would downplay it every time, now he has to take pills for the rest of his life because he fucked his body
