Going to prison for 5 years. Need recipes i can make out of ramen.
Who did you rape? Was it worth it?
Boil the noodles till they turn to much for a quick and easy lube for the ass raping your gonna be getting
>>7179812
it was burglary. didn't hurt other people
>>7179809
look up kali muscles hyphee meals, start with the burrito it's good introduction imo
You should be starting packing your anus with glass 2bh famille. Imagine the shock on the other inmates' faces when they try to put their dicks in there
Guaranteed chuckles
>>7179809
Don't lie we all know your just poor
>>7179809
Why don't you just kill yourself? And I don't even mean it in an edgy sort of way, I've seriously thought about this for a long time, if I ever had to go to jail for anything, for any period of time, I'd just kill myself instead. Think of how hard it's going to be from now on to get any half decent job once you get out. Think of how shit it's going to be to basically be put on time-out and disconnected from the progress that society will make without you. Think of the re-integration process you're going to have to go through. Wouldn't suicide just be an easier answer? Rather then be branded a degenerate fuck-up for the rest of your life?
>>7179820
>I broke into someone's home ornresidence, destroying their feelings of safety and security for my own selfish ends
>but I didn't hurt anyone!
>>7179835
i did not broke into someone's home. it was burglary of coin-based machines. i am a good person, just made a bad decision
>>7179842
>I'm literally a convicted felon
>I'm a good person
Friendly reminder that this is what the bottom rungs of society actually believe.
>>7179842
Jesus, 5 years for that? I did that when I was young and stupid. Didn't even think anything of it.
>>7179847
thank you. can you shoot me some recipes now?
Learn how to make hobo wine/mead
This will increase your value in the eyes of your fellow felons. They'll be less likely to rape you then.
Hmmmmm, this might a downside for you though
>>7179847
Shut the fuck up. Someone unironically using the term "bottom rungs of society" is infinitely more fucked up that someone hitting an ATM with a hammer.
>>7179842
>5 years
>stealing coins
Okay, so either you got a shit load of them or you're a nigger, which one?
Also, did you get caught by fucking up or was it a matter of time?
College usually only takes 4 years for the vast majority of people.
>>7179867
>Being a criminal
>Not being an outcast from society
Pick one, Jamal.
>>7179862
This.
At the very least you can drink it and forget you were raped for a little while.
Spices, yay
>>7179867
Sure
You hold on to that when you're snuggled up with Bubba at night
Don't forget to get these done before you're locked up
You wouldn't want to look like a little faggot, right?
>>7179879
>using split infinitives
Pay attention in high school; you'll learn about this
>>7179885
>being this much of a tardking
Kill yourself.
>>7179809
Here is handy instructional video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFWHNuLhwSY
>>7179870
underrated post
>>7179894
well, at least I'm not a felon
>>7179908
Me neither.
>>7179906
No. Not underrated, reddit. It's tired and overused. No one was acknowledging it because it belongs in a reddit thread, along with you.
>>7179916
>being this assblasted when people aren't folling the "rules"
No anon, you are the reddit
>all these anons obsessively posting about reddit
looks like we know who the real reddit here is
I've always imagined it would be possible to make a short spiked dildo that you could cram into your ass so that anyone trying to rape you would hurt their dick. As somebody going to prison, would you purchase one of these if they were commercially available?
It would have a twist locking cap, so when you need to remove it you just shove the cap in your butt and twist to safely pull it out.
>>7179916
>no
>not underrated
Fucking what?
Go back to your containment board.
OP was obviously just making a variation on a loser ramen thread...
>>7179929
Wouldn't hurting the person trying to rape you just enrage them?
So now bubba is trying to kill you instead of just fucking you.
>>7179820
You deprived someone of their sense of security and stole their property, which equivalent to their labor and time. Thieves should be executed immediately after trial, worthless parasitic filth.
>>7179945
Said the NEET
Google "prison spread"
Good luck.
>>7179947
Hardly, you nigger tier scumbag.
>>7179947
uh-oh
I think we touched a nerve
>n-no y-you're t-t-t-t-the puh-puh-parasite
>>7179916
I typically just assume people who throw around "reddit" are crossboard shitposters, but I honestly don't understand the obsession.
The few times anybody has linked anything to there and I've checked it out, the first thing I did was try to look at the OP pic, which always sent me to some other site, at which point I said "fuck it" and gave up.
Anyone care to explain what the big deal is, and why shit boards obsess over it?
As far as I can tell it's just a more popular/mainstream site, so meme spammers think they don't understand board culture (while the only people who say "reddit" obviously aren't from /ck/).
>>7179911
Same
>>7179942
>never been to prison
>doesn't know that showing weakness is equal to a death sentence
>>7179954
it's a boogeyman. like a newfag, but worst
Joke's on them though, most "newfags" are oldfags who've give up on life
>>7179842
>i am a good person
lmfao
>>7179958
You're correct, I've never been to prison. So help me out here, you're bent over the bed about to be fucked in the ass. How is this not showing weakness already? You've let yourself be put in that situation. You've already submitted. That's weakness, no? How is a spiked reverse dildo going to fix that? It's just going to make your attacker angry.
Maybe I just really don't understand prison life enough to "get it.".
>>7179980
Don't forget to add that you graduated top of your Navy class
>>7179987
Nope, I went to a small highly selective school in the northeast. I'm not much for the military lifestyle
>>7179994
you forgot your pic
>>7179998
Wrong picture little buddy, I have a fedora and I'm wearing a Reddit shirt with che Guevara on the back ^_^
>>7180011
Ah yes. You switch it up with with the anarchy T-shirt you bought at Hot Topic, I hope?
(Does Hot Topic still exist?)
>>7180022
Yes, I was just there today after I got off work as a hip cool barista at the cool new Starbucks. I tumbled about it on my ipod ^_^
Boil Ramen
Drain water
Don't add seasoning packet
Crush up a bag of Cheetos
Add to Ramen
Jail House Mac And Cheese
>>7179828
Not OP but I think about this a lot. Subway's Jared just got 15 years. I don't mean it to sound mean, but he really would be better off offing himself. Pedos get the worst treatment in prisons and get raped the most often. They are made the #1 target by literally everyone, even guards abuse their power to shit on them whenever they can get away with it. Even if he survives (which I have serious doubts since he's a cream puff) he will never be able to reintegrate into society since EVERYONE will know what he did and he'll probably just end up homeless and on drugs. His life is figuratively over already.
Now for OP, 5 years isn't really that bad. And if it's just for burglary he could still get some construction or manual labor jobs (certainly nothing involving handling money). But personally if I had to do much more time than that then I don't know. There's a point where you just have to realize your future is over. I've seen shows with inmates who are in for life and they still find a way to enjoy themselves. One guy was in his 60s and built doll houses since they trusted him enough to let him work in the prison's wood shop. But I don't know how he can endure day after day knowing that he will never, ever set foot in society again. All he has is the doll houses and his cell. If I was in his situation I'd break.
>>7180053
good post
You people all realize Op is going to one of those low security prisons based on the fact he's asking about Ramen, right? He'll have a bed, maybe even a kitchenette. Otherwise, when you go into Prison it is 1. A sudden surprise and 2. you don't get to take or buy shit.
>>7180056
thanks familia :^)
>>7180058
You do realize Op is trolling, right? You do also realize that all the ramen threads up right are probably the work of some bored /b/tards, right?
You can't possibly be this new, right?
>>7179870
Maybe if you major in women's studies or something equally useless. Try getting out in 4 years pursuing a hard science degree. Those lab courses will fuck your schedule over six ways from Sunday.
>>7180073
>he didn't finish in 4 years
No excuse shitlord
Ask your brain doctor for some pills if you're too addicted to 4chan to concentrate on studying
>>7180053
>But I don't know how he can endure day after day knowing that he will never, ever set foot in society again. All he has is the doll houses and his cell. If I was in his situation I'd break.
All most of us have are our 4 walls and a computer
>>7180101
>mfw we build our own cages
>mfw I have no face
>>7180118
after getting what? Don't leave us hanging anon
>>7180127
whoops, what I meant to say is would you expect somebody to chase you after getting kicking in the
>>7180134
you know what? I ain't even mad. You're alright, anon.
>>7179969
I was doing the fucking.
Sweet & Sour Pork
Ramen
kool aid
pork rinds
slim jims
>>7179842
> it was burglary of coin-based machines.
Wow
>literally trying to pull the Big Dirty in real life
Try to bring drugs or something, swallow them then shit them out. Smokes are like currency, try to bring a carton in with you. Mind your own business. If someone tries to fuck with you stand up to them. Even if you can't fight take the beating. Don't be unsure of yourself when you talk, if you are not 100% sure of what you are saying keep your mouth shut. Workout, if no weights do bodyweight shit. A good thing to bring in is the nice, soft, thick toilet paper. Jail paper is thin and rough. Don't let anyone take food from you.
Google prison food learn some shit. Like another anon said learn how to make wine from fruits and shit. NEVER spit in the sink, people make soup and wine all kinds of stuff in the sink. If the mexicans got their boots on, watch out there is gonna be a big fight. If you hear lots of grinding/scraping noises at night then people are making shanks cause shit is gonna go down.
That's all I can think of for right now. Seriously though, mind your business and smuggle some pot or something in. Bring cigs with you too.
>>7180207
Different anon but depending on the prison you might have a shared space with toilets or showers/sinks. Make sure you use the right one that's meant for "your people". Like if a white guy uses a black's sink it's go time for a stabbing. Saw it on TV.
>>7180207
>Try to bring drugs or something, swallow them then shit them out.
I've tried this but I just end up getting really high.
>>7180224
You have to wrap them in some plastic dumbass.
You could try a condom, just cut off the extra rubber and got to chow town. Tie the condom off btw senpai
>>7180232
Wouldn't it hurt as it passes through your intestines? Mine hurt just from eating carrots if I don't chew them enough.
>>7179809
believe me, you'll be thanking me for this recipe when you get sick and tired of salty ass ramen the 2ed year.
>>7180181
kek
>>7179945
Lol, someone is butthurt they got their lunchmoney stolen. Get over it faggot, while i loot your shit.
>>7179842
>5 years for stealing from vending machines and parking meters
Your lawyer must have sucked
>>7179929
Assguard lol
Crush dry noodles into small bits, add half of the spices otherwise it gets too salty. It's more of a snack than a meal but it's quick, easy and satisfying. Good luck out there.
>>7179929
> twist locking cap
So you would be popping a cap in your ass?
>>7180556
>lawyer
Probably a public defender. 99% are literally worthless
>>7179820
good.
hope you get raped.
When you think of prison you get pictures in your mind of all those old movies with rows and rows of guys behind bars. It wasn’t like that for wiseguys. Dinner was always a big thing. We had a pasta course, then we had a meat or a fish. Paulie was doing a year for contempt and had a wonderful system for garlic. He used a razor and sliced it so thin it would liquefy in the pan with a little oil. It’s a very good system. Vinnie was in charge of the tomato sauce.
>>7179842
>5 years for stealing coins
>actually doing that trailer park boys tier shit
>five fucking years
>>7181188
He's probably black, a white person would have just been ordered to get counseling
>>7181188
He forgot the "theft under a thousand" rule
Look out homie i went to prison for 14 months and let me give you the skinny (texas). I wont bore with common sense etiquette like dont spit in the sink, when youre in a new dorm dont break ice with ppl unless theyre your race. Refuse free shit. Whatever. Let talk about how to make a jailhouse pizza.
Take a bag of chili and put it in hot water. Cover with some old newspaper or a notebook and let it sit
Take about 2 oz of squeeze cheese, 1 heaping tablespoon of mayo, chop up jalapenos and a small amount of pickle juice. Add a tiny amount like a spoon or two of hot water. Stir vigourously. This will be your cheese topping.
Take one of those empty large 8 oz bags of chips. Slam 4 soups into smithereens, and add to the bag, with one seasoning pack. I prefer the chili top ramen for this. Throw in 1/2 cup of refried beans. Fill this bag with hot water just so it barely covers the noodle bean mixture. Twist the bag so that there minimal air and let it sit. Make sure the bag doesnt become untied.
5 minutes later the noodles should be done. Knead the bag to thoroughly mix the noodles and beans. Flatten this mash to the span of the bag. You shoukd have a flat rectangle of this mash. This will be your dough. Spread the chili over the dough, and pour the cheese sauce over the top.
This shit will serve about two hungry people. Which is anyone in the unit lol
>>7181187
VINNIE ALWAYS ADDED TOO MANY ONIONS
FUCK VINNY
>>7181221
I didn't put too much onions, uh, Paul. Three small onions. That's all I did.
>>7181211
A white person wouldn't have stolen coins from vending machines in the first place because they're not a thieving nigger.
>>7181242
I'm white and I did that once, decades ago. I just wanted to prove that I could.
Glad I'm not black and didn't get caught.
>>7179809
Don't get smart with the guards and take advantage of the educational programs (it looks good for the parole board even if you're educated, but if you're a useless shit it could actually help you out). Most guards are good guys, there are those who will exploit you if they want to, find a couple that seem to care and just form a relationship. They will look out for you.
Rape is only a reality if you're in for some crazy shit, which depending on where the corrections department choose to send you could be a crap shoot.Unless you're some super imposing figure you're almost undoubtedly going to have to jerk some guy off or at the worst suck his dick. I only had to do it once, but it was worth keeping my teeth. If you're a huge beta bitch, find a john and just let him set the rules. You'll get fucked, but it's better than getting slammed around. Project force, but don't pick fights you can't win. Do not do any drugs or drink the shit wine. Keep your head down, do your time and work out, it makes time pass faster. Avoid the Mex gangs; they're fucking insane.
For me the hardest part was taking a dump in front of the whole world while your bunk mate decides to rub one out.
>>7179849
>Jesus, 5 years for that
OP is black. That's what happens if you're not white, shit gets medieval quick. Any white kid would get community service and probation.
>>7180058
moron, even supermax has a commisary
>>7181252
Since you were white any passers-by probably assumed you were there to repair the vending machine with your trusty crowbar.
>>7181242
>confirmed for not knowing any white people
white kids are fucking thieves with zero respect for anything
>>7181300
>white kids are fucking thieves with zero respect for anything
so your saying white kids are having sex with black people, which is fine but not relevant to the matter at hand
>>7181219
>dont break ice with ppl unless theyre your race. Refuse free shit
this is the right stuff. also don't fuck with the TV for any reason especially if someone asks you to.
in prison anyone that asks you for or to do anything has a reason and that reason is not good for you EVER
>9 mos in OPP here
>>7181303
I have no idea how you even got there from that guy's post but maybe you should take your race-defilement sex fantasies to /pol/
>>7181327
>white kids are fucking thieves
>fucking is slang for sex
>white kids are having sex with thieves
>other person is being prejudiced towards white people, but that's okay
>>7181337
>not taking the sjw creed
>>7179809
This nigga gonna be raping you lolollol
but he has ramen recipe for you as well his big black cock
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooGLzqDGd0w
>>7179809
Thats nice honey have fun!
>>7181337
you forgot
>thieves with zero respect for anything is slang for black people
Look at all the suffering malcontents trying to feed off this guys misery. This is just a peri-suicidal circle jerk.
>>7181481
>not peri-peri-suicidal
you fucked up
http://wkbca.xankd.servertrust.com/v/vspfiles/downloadables/PRISON_RECIPES.pdf
>>7181574
>http://wkbca.xankd.servertrust.com/v/vspfiles/downloadables/PRISON_RECIPES.pdf
Was going to help OP out, but that link is all you need to eat well. Work out as much as you can if you are eating so much junk though.
ITT: scared children
You'll be alright.
I did a year in county (not a big deal), and mostly I was bored. State prison has a lot more "amenities" (seriously). but also comes with a lot more politics. Be safe, take care.
>there are people alive right now in almost 2016 that actually give a flying fuck about the law
holy shit, how can you be such an intellectual sloth?
>>7181188
Some guy in the UK just got 3 years for post a "mean" tweet. This world is going to hell.
>>7180058
>kitchenette
wtf?
