>this man walks into your kitchen
>what do you cook for him?
>>6387201
a frozen meal
if he's too stuck up to eat it and enjoy it I'll stab him in the neck
Hit the mcdonalds drive thru
This.
>>6387201
Red beans and rice with fried pork chops.
He'd respect a traditional Creole meal, but I'd have to make the portions smaller.
Also, I think he'd dig all the awesome smoked meats. Andouille, ham hocks, tasso, etc.
>>6387201
scrambled eggs :^|
>>6387201
i braise him some chicken thighs because theres no way i can fuck that up
unless im you
>>6387201
A knuckle sandwich.
>>6387252
RAW ITS FUCKING RAW
>omelette du fromage
only option
I would give him a plate full of nothing
If Cage can make 4'33" then I'll be damned if I can't do it too
>>6387201
I'd let him bend me over a table and fuck me angrily.
>>6387201
He'd be feeding me his glorious cock.
>>6387201
i just made some bitchin' kimchi tacos, i think i'll go with that
Gently fried egg over a bed of lightly cooked spinach, and slices of kosher italian sausage. with a creamy basil sauce.
>>6387201
wrinkles on a forehead with a side of puppy dog's eyes
>>6387201
If he's in my kitchen then he can cook.
I wouldn't call a plumber to come over and watch me fix a leaking tap. Like seriously, wtf.
I'll cook him whatever I was going to make anyway. he can critisize me and learn me how to do it better
>>6387201
Tendies obviously
>>6387201
scrambled eggs
Halibat and Shrimp
PURPOSELESSLY under cook them
Fried shit. Fuck that guy.
A well done steak because he bitches about everything being RAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW
>>6389162
>not beef wellington and scallops
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Because if he turns his nose up at that, he truly is from another dimension, and I will have done the world a service by exposing him
Why bother, nothing will ever be good enough for that fucker.
Steamed Hams
>>6387259
that's all you can say
Oatmeal.
I love oatmeal.
>>6387201
Garlic bread, garlic cheese pizza, chicken kiev with garlic butter inside.
I'd just wait until he gave up and cooked for me instead
>>6387201
In this order or it's garbage.
I would cook him a big 'fuck you' cuz nobody invited him to my fucking kitchen.
Just order some take out, maybe get a pizza delivered. It's a special occasion, it's not every day a celebrity walks into your home. Also it'll give me enough time to get on my knees and take in his magnificent girth into my mouf.
slowcooked ostrich egg
>>6387201
Cockmeat Sandwich
Humble pie.
A whole bunch of lions to see if he can swallow his pride.
>>6387256
I kek'd
One of these with ketchup on it.
>>6387201
Scrambled eggs served raw
>old skool
what are new skool pepperoni pizza eggrolls?
>>6387201
Tendies.
Sorry, couldn't help myself.
>>6390764
>pepperoni pizza eggrolls
tell me this is a shoop
>>6387201
baloney sandwich
A face full of birdshot
>>6390764
>4 pepperoni pizza eggrolls
>5 on the box
why would anyone ever buy this
scrambled eggs, if I do it properly he knows I can cook as stated in his video. It's the only valid answer.
Baked ham, cheese and tomato sandwiches, beef flavored ramen, a beer or three and ask if he would please stop saying fuck every other word. He seems like an OK guy, and decent cook (pardon me, always hated the term "chef", self appointed masters of their "craft" Only chef I know is "chef Boyardee" and a very few others, mostly whores, hookers, pimps, fags, never to well, con artists and alkies or young dishwashers pro tip- I.am not the last young anyway.seriously, it takes a special kind of person to take that stuff every day or night.Gordon Ramsey is ok, pretty good in fact, but ya shouldn't encourage him too much.End up with George Patton in the world of cooking.
probably just whip up some smorrebrod
Eggs, the way I learned from America's Test Kitchen. Scrambled, a little wet, but with big curds. High heat until it starts to set, then take it down to low.
And I'd look him straight in the fucking eyes when I served them to him.
>>6390727
underrated post
>>6387201
Why would I cook for some stranger trespassing in my house? I'd tell him to get the fuck out of my house.
tamago kake gohan so he can complain about the egg being raw.
>>6387201
I dont know. curry rice probably. he's going to hate it anyway.
>>6390764
In what world are pepperoni pizza eggrolls "old skool"
Bacon Pancakes!!
>>6387260
iunderstoodthatreference.gif
Im a povertyfag atm, so i could share some of my apple pancakes with him i guess?
Ceviche
Cool-aid Ice sandwich on Wonder bread. If I'm feeling fancy, I'll toast the bread and add margarine.
Well, if I take the current contents of my fridge, I guess I could make some bastard ground chicken thai green curry over egg noodles.
He can have half of the last can of cheap shitty pilsner too.
>>6390818
>what are new skool pepperoni pizza eggrolls?
Totino's pizza rolls.
>>6387201
Nothing.
I kidnap him at gunpoint, chain him to the stove, and force him to cook for me for the rest of his life.
>>6387201
Nothing.
I'm obliged to give him a glass of water if he asks, according to tradition, however.
heat up a can of corn, drain the juices, and then cover in mayo
My best grilled cheese.
tough question to answer
I'm tempted to say chicken sashimi because fuck him
I'm also tempted to say an ass fucking, because maybe that's the one thing he can take raw
But I would probably just settle on a pad thai just to remind him of when his entire island saw his ass getting handed to him by a stuck up Asian motherfucker on national television
pea risotto
>>6387201
let him eat my raw cunt
ortolan
>>6394781
oh wow that looks vile.
I'd make him a crabby patty. We got the recipe online and it's objectively the best thing I've ever cooked according to my son.
All I have is shit to make fajitas tonight, so that.
He should enjoy the taste, but the presentation is a disaster since I mix it all into one pan and add half a packet of the seasoning. It tastes amazing but it looks like shit.
>Cook chicken in a pan with some oil while I cut veggies
>Break chicken up in the pan, I don't cut them into nice even strips, I just mash it the fuck up
>Dump in onions, and green, red, orange, and yellow peppers
>Add a little bit more oil and let the veggies cook
>Add in some generic fajita seasoning
Comes out delicious, I'm sure someone will say I'm a faggot for now making my own seasoning or something like that.
Raw pork
Luu; pic related. A raw soup containing pork blood.
Rancid scallops
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8yVAxkmYPE
>>638725
Omelette AU fromage. ... americunts learning french from Dexter's Laboratory
A high quality steak, well done with ketchup on the side.
>>6387260
Underrated post
A lovely scotch creme egg poutine
>>6395258
[beetus intensifies]
>>6387201
I hope he likes it
>>6395273
>not knowing that gordo prefers the cock
>>6392313
IN THE WORLD OF FLAVORS
>>6390090
kek
>>6394814
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KofI6ocTLE8
Better be this recipe
My world famous chocolate chip pancakes
>>6395452
>check out his other videos
>see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VaaM9tGngQ
I knew it that /pol/ was full of aspergers
Water
it's hard to fuck that up
>>6387201
Jambalaya!
>>6390764
Basil encrusted lam with roasted potatoes in rosemary.
>>6387260
So much this
>>6390932
>Baloney sandwich
>Baloney
Go back to /b/.
Well, I'd probably make him either my braised beef shanks, or my Salmon with Thai yellow curry sauce.
If he complains, I'll yell at him like a raging donkey.
As Gordon leaned in closer and put his strong Scottish arms around my waist I could feel the insisting bulge of his weenus against my lower back; he wanted this as much as I did.
His hot wet breath hung in my ears like a freshly slaughtered pig, pulsing faster and deeper while he guided my hands in assembling the sandwich.
"I will always be your Hamburger Helper" he said.
I'm only allowed to cook non-starchy vegetables with condiments under 10 calories because I'm a fat fuck
I find fucking up fried, breaded pork chops is nearly impossible. Mashed potatoes with a scoop of sour cream added during mashing. And a tossed salad.
You literally have to be retarded to mess anything up, and everyone love pork chops, nigga.
>>6395831
You kidding me? Pork is easy to fuck up--get the internal temp just a little too high and it's dry as fuck.
If you bread it well enough, it sort of seals the inside of the pork chop. I dunno, man, my chops are based as shit.
>>6395847
>If you bread it well enough, it sort of seals the inside of the pork chop
Yeah, but what does any of that have to do with the fact that protein firms up once the magic temperature is reached. The presence of moisture doesn't affect it one way or the other.
>>6387229
That looks like a pile of vomit next to a pile of diarrhea.
Seriously. Not even winding you up that's what it looks like both from the thumbnail and full size.
eugh
>>6395741
hehehe
>>6393926
IMGUR pls go
![[Glass Him].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/wxxOHsi.jpg "[Glass Him].jpg")
>>6387201
Carbonara.
With cream, obviously. I don't know his stance on this, but if he tries to tell me not to use cream, I'll fucking glass him.
>>6390764
>>6392313
>new/youngfag detected
its a reference to the "pepperoni pizza power" line, which is a ninja turtles reference(turtle power). pizza is the favorite food of the turtles and theyre basically asian americanized anthropomorphs.
which fits the snack perfectly as far as metaphors go.
also notice power is green and guy is a faggot bringing back shit from the 90s.
id try it out though, cause TURTLE POWER!
>>6387260
Plate of Nothing is a dish of air that tastes exactly like dill and cucumber, made by the chef Denis Martin
considering what i have around, scrambled eggs done his way, two slices of toast and grilled tomato with rosemary and garlic, and a cup of tea.
>>6396025
I came here to remind everyone that the best turtle is Donatello.
why does everyone on /ck/ either hate Ramsay, or have some sort of strange sexual attraction to him? Sure, he can be a loud, angry taskmaster who demands perfection in his kitchens, but that's his right. anyone who is willing to put out sub-par food doesn't deserve the three michelin stars he has attained. outside of the professional kitchen and his highly scripted and dramatized television shows, he seems like he would be a pretty cool guy to be around, if not a bit of a shit talker. i'd enjoy his company for dinner, and would love to hear some of his opinions on food and the restaurant industry.
oh, and if he was hungry, i'd make a simple pasta dish with peas, lobster, and a white wine sauce finished with butter.
>>6396418
he has 15 michelin stars, more than anyone other than Robuchon
>>6396482
goddamn! that dude is just a machine.
>>6396482
>he has 15 michelin stars, more than anyone other than Robuchon
This is the thing that I never understand about the people he deals with on his restaurant shows. If you've worked in a restaurant, let alone opened up your own restaurant, you should have some idea what having Michelin stars means, whatever your opinion on Michelin stars may be.
He's obviously not just celebrity chef who likes to yell and get all hot and bothered. Seriously, I've seen him go into places run by chefs he used to work with that have been in the industry longer than him and they act as though they know better and aren't going to be talked down to (editing, blah, blah, blah...).
If he came into my kitchen I'd take every bit of advice he offered. If it was the kitchen I work in I'd give him what I thought was are best dish (currently between jobs), and if it was my home kitchen I'd probably do something simple like gumbo or chili (which, despite yuropoors thinking otherwise, has beans 99% of the time), and Gordon would appreciate a well made, traditional home cooked meal done well.
>>6387201
chilli
>>6390944
Th-thats your problem?
>>6395974
I was gonna say that he'd be obviously opposed, as it's poor form in the professional cooking world, but then again he's shown time and time again that he has no idea how foreign cuisine works
>>6387201
did he srapped my grillbriends ars?
>>6387218
Would you be able to live on a Banquet?
Nutrition summary:
Calories
480
Fat
21g
Carbs
56g
Protein
17g
There are 480 calories in a 1 meal serving of Banquet Chicken Fingers Meal.
Calorie breakdown: 39% fat, 47% carbs, 14% protein.
https://www.fatsecret.com/calories-nutrition/banquet/chicken-fingers-meal
current dietary intake
The current dietary intake of Americans has
contributed to the obesity epidemic. Many children and adults have a usual calorie intake that exceeds their daily needs, and they are not physically active enough to compensate for these intakes. The combination sets them on a track to gain weight. On the basis of national survey data, the average calorie intake among women and men older than age 19 years are estimated to be 1,785 and 2,640 calories
per day, respectively.
http://www.health.gov/dietaryguidelines/dga2010/DietaryGuidelines2010.pdf
On my badly researched advice if you were to throw in an apple, a carrot and 4 glasses of water with 2 of these everyday i believe you could survive pretty well.
Can anyone with a worthy nutritional knowledge way in on my research?
I don't cook shit for him, I ask him what he needs and go get it so he can cook for me. I also apologize profusely for how absolute dogshit all my cookware is. If he insists I cook, I would make him fried rice.
I make him some real fucking scrabled eggs and while that smug cunt is eating and JUDGING me, I'll split his head open with a blunt fucking object.
Maybe I'll shoot him up with some of that foul goop he calls 'scrambled eggs' while he's out cold.
>>6387201
jack daniels honey with cola
>>6387201
Hey Gordon!
Love your food man, I was about to have a steak and some veggies, you want one? I eat it rare is that good for you?
>>6390664
unappreciated post.
>>6394766
>ortolan
wow had to google it. Sounds intense.
>>6394811
All that cheese and 3 crackers, what hell is this?
>Ramsay's antipathy towards vegetarians is well documented. In 2003, when Ramsay was asked about his most recent lie, he replied: "To a table of vegetarians who had artichoke soup. I told them it was made with vegetable stock when it was chicken stock." He followed this up by feeding meat to a vegetarian during National Vegetarian Week. Passers-by were invited to sample pizzas at a struggling Italian restaurant and, when one of the volunteers mentioned that he had been a vegetarian for eight years, Ramsay offered him a slice of "special veggie pizza". After he had eaten it, Ramsay told him – wait for it – that the pizza had ham on it! Ramsay was then filmed laughing and telling the restaurant's chefs they had "converted a vegetarian". As the volunteer hurried away, Ramsay called out after him, "Good luck with the Vegemite!"
based ramsay
>>6397311
there is fruit to pair it with too
>>6397342
That's kind of misleading witht he pizza thing. I saw that on tv and the chef hadn't told him that it had ham in it, and the customer hadn't mentioned to the chef that he was vegetarian. Ramsay assumed the pizza was vegetarian, because it had all vegetarian toppings and the ham was hidden underneath the cheese.
>>6397360
The total lack of fucks though.
>>6397425
Vegetarian/Vegan is just Kosher/Halal set to 11.
Who fucking cares anyway?
>>6387289
Don't use adjectives instead of correct cooking terms, it makes you look like a 12 year old trying to talk up their chicken nuggets.
>>6394766
>ortolan
you been watching Hannibal my man?
scream "EATING'S CHEATING" then glass his faggot face with my 19th morning beer
>>6387201
Amyl nitrate poppers
>>6390944
cannot unsee
>>6390944
if you're the waffle iron guy you must be like, a savant or something. sheeit
>>6390944
>not going to flavortown
>not tasting the herbal flavors
>>6395549
Well thats adorable.
>>6395452
Hahaha that's gold.
Nope
The one I got was just a normal cheeseburger. Just an excuse to bond with my kid in the kitchen
>>6389539
> With a cold risotto
![ezgif-604021085[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/DIxvd7r.png "ezgif-604021085[1].png")
>>6398256
>no fucking lamb sauce
Herewegoagain.gif
>>6396603
>>he has 15 michelin stars, more than anyone other than Robuchon
>This is the thing that I never understand about the people he deals with on his restaurant shows. ...
Of course even Gordon sometimes overlooks the talents of a magnificent chef.
>>6387201
I would love to prank him, and cook a tv dinner and then slide it onto a plate just to see what he has to say about the quality of the tv dinner, with him thinking that it's something that I cooked from scratch.
>>6396268
He's dead, Jim.
>>6398342
Oh Amy, they need to make a reality tv show where Amy and Sammie try to run a restaurant with the owners of The Burger Kitchen (can't remember their names but they are equally as nuts).
>>6398342
I'm just going to leave this here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfD8L1euBuk
>>6398344
You'd have to be a literal retard not to know that the shit from a TV dinner was at least pre-made frozen shit, whether you knew it came packaged together or not.
>>6387201
hotpocket
>>6398416
>when 3 retards collide
>>6398416
Holy shit. Watch 17:22
>do you have battletoads?
>fucking kek
>>6395960
kek
>>6387201
>what do you cook for him?
He's a rich as professional chef, he's cooking for me or we're going out for dinner.
>>6390727
Now that's a proper joke. Well played.
>>6398552
I don't understand that meme, why are people calling Amy's Baking company asking if they have Battletoads?
>>6398590
Because they were all out of mudkips.
>>6398344
>I would love to prank him, and cook a tv dinner and then slide it onto a plate just to see what he has to say about the quality of the tv dinner, with him thinking that it's something that I cooked from scratch.
That's essentially what the shitty restaurants on his show often try to do, but they're trying to be sneaky and cheap, not pranky. He is adamant when he thinks specific ingredients were frozen, like seafood, pasta, whatever. He's only angry if the proprietors deny it; otherwise he's just diappointed. I'm not sure I've seen him actually advocate frozen ingredients; I assume he must...there is a cost/benefit tradeoff, and for certain markets and climates it would have to make sense.
>>6398591
What are mudkips and what do they have to do with Amy's Baking Company? I don't understand why people are calling her and asking her about Battletoads...
>>6398608
poor bait. your newfag roleplaying needs work
>>6387201
Ask him to leave.
>>6394766
>ortolan
Why is this bird protected in the EU, when it's conservation status is that of "least concern"?
>>6398812
>Why is this bird protected in the EU, when it's conservation status is that of "least concern"?
Because it's population has been dropping in half or more for each of the last three decades, demand remains very high since rarity just means it's a more expensive delicacy, in certain areas it's already disappeared completely ("least concern" is the global, not regional/local, designation), it's migratory so hunting in one country affects the populations and ecosystems of other countries, and the methods of capture, fattening (typically to double its natural weight), and transit are considered by many people to be cruel for a wild animal.
>>6394814
Why would you trust the palette of a child? Assuming you're not ancient.
>>6387201
>ITT: American kiddies that have only ever watched Hell's Kitchen.
You know any head chef yells at shitty apprentices like that, right? He hams it up for Americans audiences. Try watching the series where he goes around helping failing restaurants. The guy knows his shit.
To answer OP's question though, some sort of good honest pub meal. No scallops because he's a bit autistic about those.
>>6395679
Bologna sounds like shit
>>6398929
The most ridiculous episode of Kitchen Nightmares America is the one where there's a literal fedora guy in the episode and he's the least fucked up person in the restaurant.
>>6398977
It's because he's bald man.
I'd just wear a goddamn baseball cap or shave it myself. Looking like him though he'd be like a super depressed Mr. Potatohead if he shaved it.
>>6398929
You know what's up.
Head French chefs (I don't know if they still do) fucking throw kitchen appliances at you when you fuck things up. Never mind being yelled at.
>>6387201
a mouth-watering francesinha
>>6387201
baked peaches
I don't do very many dishes well enough to impress anyone that actually knows food but I won a small competition with these and they're easy as dirt
