>old woman has a pet python
>feeds it regularly
>it's big enough that it can leave its cage, but the woman can still put it back in for bedtime
>she often lays on a couch with the python
>at some point, the python won't eat for a few days
>the woman goes to a vet just to talk about it
>vet says to get rid of the python because it's preparing to eat her
Is this story bullshit or what? I heard about it the other day, but it just doesn't sound plausible.
>>2138356
>What on earth is Snopes?
>>2138356
You're only supposed to feed it every few days anyway
Let me point out all the dumb shit about this story that myself and any snake keeper has heard no less than 60 fucking times.
1. >old woman
Snakes "big enough" to "eat humans" (which I'll go ahead and point out has NEVER FUCKING BEEN DOCUMENTED TO HAPPEN EVEN ONCE) are going to be African/Indian Rock pythons, Burmese pythons, reticulated pythons, and green or yellow anacondas. Not a single one of which can be handled or lifted without extreme difficulty from a single fit human, much less a little old lady. They will weigh upwards of 200-300 lbs in adult females. So little old Gammy here won't be handling or moving shit. Leading me to:
2. >it's big enough that it can leave its cage, but the woman can still put it back in for bedtime
Snakes require consistent heat and humidity. You don't just let your Burmese python slide around your living room all day long with its dick out, then put it back in it's cage at night. That's not how it works. They are tropical animals for the most part and will be in shit health without a regulated environment. They won't shed properly. They won't digest their food. They won't even eat if they don't feel they can reliably warm themselves. They aren't potty trained, they would leave massive shits and urates on your rug if you let it loose all day.
3. >at some point, the python won't eat for a few days
A few days? Really? This is the dumbest part. Snakes that size are going to be eating prey like very large rats, rabbits, guinea pigs, chickens, or even young pigs at intervals of a fucking month or so. They can easily go a fucking year without eating and often do. They don't eat "every few days" and anyone who takes their snake to a vet for missing less than like 6 months of meals is a retard. Breeding seasons, shit husbandry, and general pickiness lead to feeding strikes months long. Everyone who has a snake knows this- or at least should.
Continued below because yeah I'm salty.
>>2138410
4. >vet says to get rid of the python because it's preparing to eat her
Which vet would that be? Which fucking vet looks at a snake that hasn't eaten for "a few days" and advises you to get rid of it? Which vet thinks snakes "prepare" to do anything? Snakes don't plan. They are reptiles. Which vet thinks a snake even recognizes a grandma as food? About 80% of ball pythons hardly even recognize rats as food and have to be tricked into eating them at first.
Also you forgot the part where it lays next to her in bed every night, "sizing her up" to make sure it would be able to eat her.
9/10 got me to reply.
>>2138414
>Also you forgot the part where it lays next to her in bed every night, "sizing her up" to make sure it would be able to eat her.
That was done on the couch.
>>2138416
I sorta figured that, but to really sell the story you're supposed to emphasize how it would stretch out alongside her every night from head to toe, making sure it was big enough.
Oh yeah, don't forget it's always a woman, either young or old who owns it. In some versions, the vet advises euthanasia. In most versions, whoever is telling it to me insists it was someone they knew indirectly (their friend's friend, their aunt's coworker, etc.)
I can assure you, I've heard literally every version.
>>2138418
That part about laying beside and presumably using body as some kind of ruler is the best. How smart do people think snakes are? A snake's entire sizing gauge is can i fit this in my mouth, determined AFTER mouth is already biting thing; and can i swallow it, determined by attempting to swallow. That's it. This story makes it sound like bespectacled science snek it up there with a compass and protractor measuring the angles.
This thread reminded me of the centipede parody, so here it is:
>It was a dark and stormy night. The sinister centipede slithered up from the deepest bowels of hell into the dark corner of the little girl's bedroom. She was sound asleep, the evil Scolopendra noted, but the girl was not on tonight's fiendish activity list.
>The cat was.
>A flawless example of a Siamese feline, the new mother cat had given birth to five tiny kittens just the day before. Tragically, four of the cuddly kittens were stillborn, with only a single precious one surviving.
>With deep, diabolical thoughts firing across a synapse or two, the centipede stalked toward the pillow by the side of the girl's bed where the mother cat lay innocently sleeping. Her kitten lay asleep on her soft belly. The only sound the horrible creature made was a slight hissing as some of its razor sharp claws brushed across the fibers in the rug. It reached the sleeping cats.
>Digging its last four pairs of legs into the carpet with malice, the centipede began to lift its head up, up, and over the felines. One, two, three feet it hung, swaying back and forth slightly, above its unsuspecting victims.
>Clacking its venom injectors together in hatred, the looming centipede aimed at the mother cat's neck and struck like a mad cobra. Its aim held true. The mother cat's carotid artery was violently pierced and over an ounce of deadly venom coursed into the wound, killing the defenseless animal instantly.
>The evil centipede casually grasped the now mewling kitten and sauntered back toward its den of iniquity for a leisurely meal.
>It had enough to eat for several days, so a dark plan of what to do next for amusement began glowing red hot in its menacing mind. Its barbarous jaws spread in a smile of evil anticipation.
>Tomorrow the girl.
>>2138410
>>2138414
>sizing her up
lol like when you swim next to fishes in fishy eat and become the biggest games
>>2138523
Shop
>>2138523
http://wafflesatnoon.com/snake-eat-human/
Much like the anon above I have heard many different bullshit variations of this story all with the "sizing up" part and much like above anon its always someones sister's cousin's boyfriend or some shit that it happened to
People get pissy more often than not when I tell them its utter bullshit to
