Sexless Marriage
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
When my partner and I started up, it was long distance... and a shit storm. They were feigning to be male on the internet, I was desperate to have a "safe" boyfriend because I was heckled about being a lesbo at school despite being bisexual as far more accurate.
Turns out they were female-bodied anyway, and I vehemently denied (deny) my attraction to men to try and make my partner - lets call them Andy - more comfortable. Since I just wanted them to stop accusing me of cheating on them with at least half the human population.
So time and an emotionally volatile relationship goes on... I realize I'm trans, Andy doesn't like this but Andy also insists on only having rp/phonesex in the guise of mutually male characters... they have even said vaginas are disgusting and during in-person visits wanted nothing to do with mine. One sided sex sucks.
I'm post-op now, nearly 5 years into a marriage that has not been consummated... in-school after delays from immigration and transition and unfortunately financially reliant on Andy. Andy, who was abused as a child and has severe PTSD, is verbally abusive, would sooner jab me in the ribs than hug me, who gets snappish and cruel if I look at them "wrong"... or seemingly at all.
I'm nearly 20hours drive from family, and so starved for human contact that my wires fritz out whenever someone is just a touchy-feely sort of friend. I feel like a mess...
What do?
I can't even follow your post. No wonder you're so fucked up. I'm crazy too, but you take it to another level.
>>17161015
Damn you're fucked in more ways than one.
>>17161015
First off, you're confused, not trans. That's a bunch of shit. You need to be single for a little while, figure out some shit, and grow up.
You also need a spine. It sounds like your dungeon master or whatever the fuck you call it is really renting out space in your head, making you worse. If you're an easily manipulated person with ego and self image problems (and year, sweetie, you are), a strong personality with their own issues can really, really mess with you. That's why I suggest you get your head on straight and figure out what you want. Do you want to sublimate your own personality for the benefit of another? What, exactly, does that imply about their feelings for you? That screams 'narcissism' and other things that spell bad results for anyone involved with them.
But this isn't just about your weird and inappropriate relationship and using wrong pronouns, either. You need, really need, to know yourself a little better. Only way to do that is to take some time and take care of yourself- physically and emotionally, by growing into a happier person. Self-development. You've spent your entire post talking about what the other person was and did, and little about what you do. What exactly did you get out of that relationship.
Oh, one more thing. Turn off your computer. Let me remind you that outside your windows are real people with real lives. You're in a relationship with a TV character, not the person on the other side of the screen.
Good luck, anyways. You sound like a real dumpster fire right now, and utterly unhappy, as well. Get your shit together. Your relationships won't be able to make you a happy person. You need to do that for yourself. That's the real reason behind my suggestion that you stop and do a little growing.
>>17161150
Ummm... missed that last paragraph where you mention being post-op. Please ignore that trans comment I made. As you know, most people who claim to be trans are going through a phase. You stuck to it.
I stand by everything else. You need to get your shit together and get the hell away from your friend.
>>17161015
>>17161015
I feel so sorry for your parents OP. Imagine the shame they have to go through each day, knowing that they spawned a degenerate subhuman that isn't even worth wasting a few lungfulls of zyklon-b on.
>>17161015
It sounds like, in reality, you're a straight woman who desires men, and you've just made really bad decisions because of abuse / other mental issues.
You shouldn't have to vehemently deny attraction to men, it's perfectly ok. You just HAD to deny that because Andy basically forced you to, and you were desperate.
As you have found out, no one really gives a shit what gender you are, you just need to be happy yourself.
Andy is not making you happy, and will never make you happy.
This sounds like your first real relationship, and you are very confused.
You know that a real relationship you should have love, and intimacy. You have neither.
So what are you going to do, live the rest of your life like this? That's dumb.
>>17161203
That's really helpful you mogoloid.
>>17161015
Is this bait? Because it sounds like a typical case of a relationship with an emotional abuser, except that you're completely clear about the fact that you have been and are continuing to be abused and are not trying to make any sort of excuses or explanations for the other party.
On the off chance that this is not bait - you're a fucking idiot. Andy should have been out of your life before ever having become a part of it in the first place. Get out of that relationship, immediately, and take a break from relationships in general for a few months at the very minimum. See a therapist, possibly, because it sounds like Andy's done a number on you. And finally, when/if you get into another relationship, for fuck's sake, don't lie or try to change yourself exclusively to satisfy your partner's insecurities; just tell them to either grow up or fuck off.
You need some bullet points for this shit because it's hard to follow.
If I'm reading this right Andy is some chick who pretended to be a dude to lure you into a relationship. Then you found out it was a chick and you were in lesbians with her. She's insecure as fuck so you pretend you weren't bi and didn't like men. This is all long distance? Have you ever had sex? Where does the fine sex thing come in. The Andy chick want to pretend you're dudes and I'm gonna stop now because either I am missing the point by fucking yards or this is some insane shit. Can someone make sense of this?
>>17161015
Can you just explain this in some way that doesn't confuse the fuck out of me?
you're a fucking retard who made terrible life choices. people should not pander to you, you should fuck off
