Help /adv/, I'm really anxious in this period.
I'm a 24 years old kissless virgin and I want to get some experience in this field, but I litterally don't know how to meet knew people (and with people I mean girls).
I already do things, go to university, study, a little bit of running, a little bit of another sport, but there are always the same guys.
I don't understand how some people on the internet just say "just go outside and meet new people, you will find some girl to hook up with".
It's like I'm missing some key element here.
I feel I'm running out of time.
>>17157423
>"just go outside and meet new people, you will find some girl to hook up with".
Thats incredibly labour intensive. You know there are meeting services and dating sites set up just to help streamline people looking to meet other people.
>>17157423
I might be able to offer help, would you be comfortable posting a picture of yourself (you can edit out your face if you're uncomfortable) and tell me a bit more about yourself?
>>17157429
I feel online dating is lots of work too. Online coaches and articles on the internet don't talk about online dating as first thing to do. Moreover, normal people don't use online dating I guess (my friends never did).
They just met their girl "by chance". Every single one of them say this. Like it's the most natural thing that could occur.
This makes me feel really, really angry sometimes.
Why can't I be like normal people?
>>17157453
I will as soon as I get home, in 2-3 hours.
You need to go on dates and not give a shit
Date the fatties and the uggos
They're literal stepping stones for you to walk over to get good at this shit
>>17157453
That's me. I'm a student, in a city that is quite far from my hometown, I return every two weeks or every weekend.
My hobbies are all kinds of non-social things like videogames, books, film, anime/manga, ecc.
but I have been going free climbing for 6-7 months. I recently started running to get in shape because I'm currently taking a mountaineering course.
I don't what exactly say about myself, feel free to ask.
I'm willing to hear any advices you can guys can give.
>>17157655
I would feel extremely bad in dating someone I don't like at least one bit.
To the point that maybe it would be counter-intuitive. I feel sick to the thought of dating some of the ugly fatties I see around
Maybe I'm nit-picking too much?
>>17157767
*counter-productive
Go up to a girl compliment her appearance. It helps to be unique with this compliment although it's really just a numbers game. Be confident. Introduce yourself. Say something along the lines of "I think we should go out and get coffee/dinner sometime. What's your number?." Repeat until you get a number. Attractiveness and confidence are the only two factors at play in this initial stage, if you do this with ten different girls I can guarantee one will give you their number. After that, text her get to know her, and go on a date as soon as possible. That's really it. Just be yourself.
>>17157921
should I go out alone in random pubs then?
>>17157423
Externalize your activities. Join study groups, running clubs, sports clubs and expand your social options. It's way better than meeting girls at a bar. Just make your intentions clear and straightforward if you find someone you want to date. And be okay with rejection. Most guys get rejected at least 10 times before finding someone. By waiting you're not bettering your chances, you're just prolonging the amount of time you will be rejected.
Anywhere where there is people. If you see someone you are attracted to, go talk to them. The advice I gave is strictly for picking up women.
More advanced would be just striking up a casual conversation with someone. Girls will appreciate someone who is just genuinely interested in them, not necessarily approaching them as a target . If you do that you won't get replies like " I have a boyfriend" "I don't give my number out" Last thing like he said was be direct. "Here give me your number so we can do this ____" as opposed to "can i have your number"
>>17157423
advice
>dont just hit on a woman
its no secret that women are the ones who are approached, and they make decisions on which men to keep in their lives. that being said, desperately drooling over each and every girl as if they are a potential love interest is silly.
give yourself more value by not letting a woman sway you on first impressions alone. before you ever begin to say anything remotely flirtatious, talk to the girl. see what she actually acts like when you interact with her. have a normal conversation. if there isnt anything special there beyond her looks, friendzone her. or simply stop talking to her. you do not need to hit on each and every girl that looks good enough to be your partner.
doing this gives you more value, and the psychological effects are great. in addition, women will take you more seriously. instead of being 1 of 500 men in new york who went straight for the kill, you took the time to get to know them. whether it goes anywhere or not, this approach also just gives you practice talking to girls in a casual context. its less pressure than trying to impress them.
>>17158051
>only ever use dating apps as a supplement to your real life dating.
dating apps are toxic. consider the following
>people use dating apps because they arent having much luck in real life
>they go to a dating app where they are introduced to an entire smorgasbord of men who want nothing more than to bang and/or date them
>after just one day they will have seen everyone in their area
>within one week they would have talked to everyone they are interested in
so anyone who has been using the app for more than a few weeks clearly has some sort of issue. likely, they are the female equivelent of what i discussed in my first post.
they want a 'bf' but because they have a very specific idea of what a bf is, they arent finding it anywhere. instead of seeing if they have real chemistry, they are simply walking down the aisle, trying to figure out what is the ONE thing at the groccery store they can buy, based solely on pictures and labels.
if a woman is on tinder for too long, they are losing their ability to feel chemistry.
you as a man can fall into a very similar pattern here, but with the added harshness of constant rejection.
it is an app made for people who want to date, yet no one seems to have success there for very long. that should tell you something.
>>17158054
>but anon, how do i use it as a supplement to an existing dating life if i dont have a dating life.
effort. lots and lots of effort. and also, doing what you like. going out is in no way restricted to bars and clubs, though if that is what you enjoy, by all means, go to bars and clubs.
the truest way to find chemistry is to experience your life in the most enjoyable way, and see how you match with the people who come into it. interacting with someone in a casual way shows you how you ACTUALLY get along, not how you hope to get along cuz you really want this to work cuz you need a gf.
so write down a list of all your hobbies, and find a way to externalize them. most people live at least near a city these days.
go to any and all hobby shops and ask about local events. gun shops might have hunting trips. or you can just go to a shooting range. comic book stores have game nights. or live commentary movie nights. if these shops do not host events, offer to host one through them, after all it will only lead to more money through them.
you can even go to a more casual store, lets say, a book store, and stand in your favorite aisle (lets say, horror). talk to everyone who comes by looking for a book. ask what book they are looking for. tell them what book you are looking at. try to spark a conversation abotu your favorite author. maybe take some suggestions. if you really hit it off, try to trade numbers.
its okay if it doesnt pan out. this isnt a scoring system. there is no man in a cloack in space making down on a cosmic chalkboard how many failed conversations you had. 99% of interaction is dumb. you are waiting for the 1% and enjoying talking about your favorite things with strangers until then.
>>17158057
>but anon, going outside somewhere to find out if maybe they have an event doesnt suit my lazy lifestyle!!1!
and for those who simply cannot bring themselves to get up out of the house without a guarantee go to meetup.com and look for something of your interest. no matter what your interest it is on there in a group you can meet with. and if not, you can start your own meet up.
Now, some of you may argue that these sorts of tailored events are attended mostly by men. yes. mostly. but some women too. whats important here is you will be doing something you love, with people who love what you love, and when the right ladies come along you'll know they love it too. you will have that common ground.
>>17158057
OP here. What you are saying makes sense but I find it really hard to do. Maybe this is what normies do without consciously thinking about it.
Really hard to find ways to externalize what I like.
I feel lots of pressure. For example what you say about standing in the bookstore aisle and talking to everyone walking through. I never thought about it and I find it really really strange. I wouldn't know what to say. So forced, standing there like a guard.
I feel a bit retarded too.
>>17157763
you look attractive enough. bigger and more muscular always helps, but as far as skinny dudes go you are hawt as fugggg
>>17158102
>no
this is why you'll fail. you are already shuttting everything down without trying. you are essentially being handed a guide to social interaction. an easy way to make friends (and ur reasonably attractive from what i can see so it'd be easy). and yet you are already rejecting it.
>really hard to externalize what i like
what do you like? tell me. list em all
>standing in a book aisle like a guard
dont just stand there. its your favorite aisle, so go down and pick out the first title you like. read the back. that sound good? read the first page/ that good? read the first chapter? talk to people as they come. ask if they've read this one. if you like it, buy it or put it back and check out the next book. do this for a few hours.
worse case scenario you got some ideas of what books you do or do not want to buy. best case, you met someone who shares a love for your genre.
>i wouldnt even know what to say
try
>looking for anything in particular
tehy will say yes or no, you pry. you ask about that book, say you're trying to find osmething new to read and maybe should try that, whats it about? oh that reminds me of XX? of you read that too? or no? maybe i should recommend it.
if you are arguing that you cant figure out the basics of conversation when you two already have common ground, then sure you are fucked.
>i feel a bit retarded too
you can be my retard anytime mate.
>>17158116
>already rejecting it
This is a huge problem in my mind, since I was little. No matter how many times I make it conscious, it always comes back up.
Ok.
I will try it even if feels strange now.
>what do you like?
I browse /a/ and /v/, so videogames, comics, manga/anime, books, cinema and tv series. This is what I grew up with basically.
Lately I have been going rock climbing on weekends and it's great. Also interested in mountaineering in general.
I like biology in general too.
>looking for anything in particular?
I have a grasp of basic rules of conversation since I'm not a shut in and I interact with people on a daily basis.
I will be able to think of something I guess.
>>17158153
>i have mainstream nerd itnerests
>its soooooooo hard to externalize this
did you even read my posts mate? it literally caters to people who like video games, manga, comics, anime, books etc. hell id have a hard time telling you how to find friends if you werent a nerd. use the advice. its not hard to externalize mainstream nerd interests.
when super hero movies are among the highest grossing films of the year you know it means there are lots of people like you who are into that sort of thing.
good luck mate. just stop with defeatist attitude. you came here for advice, not excuses.
i believe in you
>>17157423
Im in a similar position and I thought online dating was a decent idea, but the longer I try it the less enthused I am about the idea.
I'm improving my social skills instead and trying find a girl in person. Online dating might work for you, but it seems like there is a major ceiling to it that doesn't exist for in person encounters.
>>17158177
Thank you man.
I think I have everything the internet could give me.
Maybe I have been putting of the actual action with the excuse of finding the truest right way to do this.
I will try something, I have to.
>>17158194
just remember what i said: this isnt a pass or fail system. interaction is about chemistry. some have less than others. this does not make you a poor person. this just means you ahvent found a match. no one can judge you as a person from simple five minute (if that) interactions you have.
i havent seen your face but you look better looking than me overall and I've been doing really well for myself since i started actually putting myself out there.
just remember to tlak to EVERYONE, not just hot chicks. it really does help.
>>17158177
Not the OP, but what if you enjoy videogames and anime mainly because you don't have to deal with actual people?
Like, I play online videogames much like I browse here because it lets me interact with other people in a way that lets me avoid having any long term or meaningful interaction with others. I get the boost of interaction, without the obligation of meeting and getting to know people.
>>17158203
with everyone you mean even girls that are not exactly hot or you are including even males in the equation?
>>17158209
this advice is specifically for people looking to meet people, as per OPs request.
that being said, if you want btoh you can have both.
I play silent home alone in my room cuz i like to be alone and relax.
but i can also go to a meet up and play in a smash brothers tournament when i want ot meet people.
but again, this advice is for people who do want to go out and meet people remember. remember that life isnt a 'this or that' scenario. you can easily do both.
>>17158211
i mean dudes, chicks, old people, Ravens/crows (they can learn to talk by the way) whatever. you are nervous about talking to people, and what you really want to talk to is hot chicks. consider talking to other people as practice. worst case scenario you learn social skills that you can then apply to women. you will be less nervous if you talk to all sorts of people regularly.
>>17158217
Oh, okay. I don't really want to meet people, but I do want to have sex with someone attractive at some point. Is it a case that I can't have one without the other, so my only chances otherwise would be escorts or waiting on better VR tech?
>>17158227
im surprised you are a kissless virgin at 24.
if you are looking JUST to hook up, then my advie isnt really for you. its for people who are looking to interact with a girl. if you just want to fuck try your luck at tinder and clubs, but i dont really have any hook up advice. its mostly dependant on you finding girls who want to hook up, cuz if they dont you have to play the interaction game until they put out.
meeting new people builds skills to help when you meet the right kind of girl(s)
>>17158244
Oh, I'm not OP. I'm a kissless virgin at almost 26.
I don't like the idea of the hook-up game though, the whole scene feels seedy to me (though I'm fine if other people like it) Plus I'm not attractive enough to score someone actually attractive, but my standards are warped where I wouldn't want to have sex with someone on my level or lower.
I think I'll probably just stick to anime, to be honest.
>>17158271
sounds like you have conflicting ideas yeah,.
>>17158273
I do, I'm a hypocrite. I'm also lazy and a coward. Cheers man for helping me better grasp my inadequacy.
>>17158287
good luck man. if you can find a place you are comfortable thats good.
>>17158287
I think that if you ever liked interacting (not necessarily sex involved) with a girl at least once, even in your imagination, you should ignore your negative feelings toward the hook-up game and endure until you get a girl you are satisfied with.
If you are lazy and coward, are you sure that those are not what's holding you back, in reality?
if you truly don't care though, it's fine
>>17158321
Like, it's not that I don't care. I do, otherwise I wouldn't be posting in a thread like this. It's just that I don't think I care ENOUGH to want to do anything about it. It would have to get pretty bad before I decided it would be worth putting effort into my appearance and personality and trying to meet someone.
While I don't mind talking to women, I have conversations with female co-workers etc and those can be enjoyable in a small talk way; those aren't in a romantic or sexual context. Nothing about flirting interests me at all, and the only way it features in my fantasies is as a prelude to whatever nasty thing is guaranteed to happen afterwards. Then again, I don't usually feature myself in my own fantasies.
I avoid the hook up game because it seems very shallow, and while I don't necessarily have an issue with that (people can be shallow if they want, I'm shallow), I imagine that being both shallow and unattractive is a dealbreaker.
>>17158430
It may sound strange but you could try abstaining from fapping, if you do that regularly.
I'm trying to reboot myself and remove porn completely. By abstaining, you may feel more attraction towards women in general, and maybe you will find yourself caring enough to take action.
Porn is a supernormal stimulus, to some people can foster laziness and non-interest towards women in general, even on a "flirty" level. The brain is constantly satisfied and has no reason to push you towards women. Even in a generalized way.
But take that with a grain of salt, it's just what I think from reading nofap websites.
I'm trying it because I want to have all the help I can get from my neurochemistry right now.
>>17158485
I don't know man, I've been off masturbating for over a week now (on holiday with family, no opportunity) and it doesn't make me really anxious to try and find a girl. Rather, the fact that doing so would be a hassle just makes masturbating the more attractive option; given that I'd probably have to exercise for at least half a year before I'd start looking good, also get more ambition, etc. Flirting seems like it'd be even worse if I really wanted to get my end away and it wasn't guaranteed that I would.
It also doesn't help that I have a weird fetish that can't be satisfied in real life so I have to rely on my imagination.
>>17158531
Well, I know where you are coming from because I'm lazy too.
But the process in itself can be enjoyable. Even the excercise by itself. The feeling of getting a bit better every day, endorphins, ecc.
Even the concept of giving a new spin to your life, trying new perspectives, is good. After all you can't possibly see everything from where you (and I) am now.
but you have your reasons and problems. I advise just to be really conscious of what you really want and what your problems are ecc. because the more I think about it the more I find literal mental traps in my mind that prevent me from what I truly want. Maybe it can be like this for others too.
>>17158614
I'm not sure I quite understand, but thank you and good luck to yourself anyway.
>>17157763
OP are you studying Biology in school? Also you said you like climbing so do you plan on doing the 7 summits? Just curious.
This is a great thread. Thanks everyone.
>>17157429
Those site are all a racket to take your money with a subscription to message girls with no intrest in meeting anyone. You'd getting better results at a strip club
>>17157423
>>17157763
Hey bud, it's me from this post >>17157453 sorry it took me a day to reply. Let me give you my two cents.
First of all, you have good attributes, as I'm certain everyone in this thread has told you. You're thin and seem tall in your picture.
Let me ask some questions:
>What kind of music do you like?
>What are your hobbies/interests?
>What do you usually talk to girls about?
>how often do you try to communicate with them?
>how do you usually communicate with them? (texting/facebook messenger/kik/etc)
To help you with your problem with girls, I can only give the advice that has helped me. Be kind. Compliment them. Make small talk. "hey, whats up?" "what are you doing?" "nice, I'm doing this." "how was (dinner with your family/work/school/etc)?" Don't try to talk about anything too deep, in my experience, unfortunately, most girls don't get it and giving your personal opinions on life, philosophy, ethics, capitalism, etc is just awkward and alienating. Keep it simple and light hearted. Text after 7pm if their not responsive, but if they're texting you first you're good. If they're responsive text them any time. don't worry about how fast or how long it takes to reply. That is obsessive bullshit. Just text back whenever your phone is in your hand.
There will come a point where you take the plunge, after 1 - 3 days of texting where you hit them with a "good morning cutie" text. See how they respond. If they respond with a "hi handsome" you're in. it is a done deal. Keep pursuing, keep making small talk and flirting. Ask to hang out. Don't take them on a date, just hang out somewhere, your house, their house, the mall. Somewhere you can walk around and don't have to spend money on. Make small talk in person. Be FRIENDLY AND POLITE but kind of goofy and confident. I'm not saying insulting them or people around them, just talk confidently and positively. It is hard to explain but I can elaborate in another post.
Next post: kissing.
>>17159412
So just comment on things around you, make small talk about things you saw like "when I was coming into the parking lot this old ass lady cut me off in the parking parking lot, I think she wanted to fight me." or say you like her nails, shoes, sweater, whatever. Just keep the conversation going. Smile and be happy/positive.
Escalate to hand holding by flirtatiously bumping into her, or like bump into her and be like "are you trying to make me grope you?" Just escalate the situation. you can gauge her interest by how giggly or loose she is. Don't be uptight and serious, but always be matter-of-fact.
so when you've gotten physical just try to slow down the vibe, bring her in close with cuddling/ hand holding and kiss her. Simple as that. I've only been rejected from a kiss once in my life and she ended up making out w me a few minutes later.
You can always try the approach where you talk about something, stop randomly and say straight forward, "do you want to hold hands?" that has worked for me too. from there kissing is easy once you are hand holding.
for sex: a lot of girls will say no for a while, but just keep pursuing it. Let her know you're interested. Don't be perverted. If she rejects you a couple days in a row then text her ask "do you like me or no? I'm really interested in you but I'm feeling self conscious because you don't seem to want to have sex with me." a lot of girls are nervous, they don't want to be hurt so assure her you're "not like other guys" and that you'll "always be there for her." don't be impatient and don't invest all your time in one girl. Also don't let the girls know about each other. (unless you just want a girlfriend then just focus on one girl.)
I'll post more if anything comes to me or if you have any specific questions. Also, are you french?
>>17159412
>>17159428
Not OP, but thank you for posting this. It's certainly beneficial for me. 25 kissless virgin myself.
I met this girl via Tinder and we've been texting on and off for about a week. She's on vacation now but when she gets back I'm really contemplating asking her to "hang out" with me. Like you said, I don't want to go on a date or out to eat, but I have the idea of going on a hike around a popular location in a nearby city / river.
>>17159444
What I would do, to frame that, is get a little romantic, and ask her if she wants to go on a picnic. You can even be like "I was at the park the other day and saw this family having a legit picnic, like in cartoons or something. I really want to try that some time." see what she says and feel it out, she might suggest you two do that. If she seems interested ask her, "would you like to go on a picnic with me?"
I think a girl would dig that. Girls like a little corniness, but not like desperate trying too hard corniness. A lot of girls just want to know you're interested.
>>17159357
I'm taking the italian equivalent of a master's degree in molecular biology at university.
I also would love to climb hard and tall mountains but those things are for experts, I'm still a noob.
In July I will hopefully be climbing the mount Ortles in Italy, with teachers. Really excited about it.
>>17159412
No problem mate, I'm still here. Thank you.
Yes I'm about 182 cm tall, that's good.
>music?
I never had a strong contact with music. In fact I don't listen to music s a habit. I only love music I hear from OSTs in videogames or anime or films and sometimes, very rarely, I open youtube and listen to that.
The genre may vary, but I think the melodic stuff is what I like the most.
>hobbies
videogames, anime/manga, cinema, literature, comics, free climbing, mountains, nature in general
>what do you usually talk to girls about?
well, I don't know, I only ever talked to female friends that I met at school, university, and through other friends. I guess we talked about anything really, small talk, sometimes serious stuff ecc.
>how often?
In this period almost everyday becuase I see my female friends at university. But for example before enrolling, I never talked to a girl in 6 months I think. It depends on what I'm doing.
>how?
texting and speaking in person of course.
I read the rest of your post. I feel these are instructions for a step ahead of where I'm standing now, because I still have to meet a new girl to talk to or hang out with.
But I will save the post for the future.
A question rises: are you saying that you should go for the kiss at the first date? or maybe at the second is better?
Even transitioning to cuddle/kiss with a girl I met from relatively a little while ago seems "strange" to me.
But I guess it's normal so I should ignore this feeling.
I'm Italian : )
>>17158666
Good luck to you too : )
>>17160138
Okay, so meeting girls? Well I have some trouble in that department, but in a sense I have no trouble in that department. You have to face rejection, as hard as that is. Now if you're a nice guys most girls won't be mean, they'll just fizzle out. one word replies, randomly not replying, etc. There is nothing you can do about it. move on.
So, I'm assuming you have a Facebook?
Go to a friends profile, look at their friends, anyone cute you add them. If you get a message saying "hey, do we know each other?" that is a girls way of coming onto you. Other than that you have two approaches once they accept the friend request.
>The deception:
Hey, sorry for the random add but I'm pretty sure I know you from some where.
I've had a little luck with this, but like i said, expect to be talking to a lot of girls that go cold. However you're taller and in better shape than me so you might have better results.
>The straight forward:
"Hey sorry for the random add, you have super pretty eyes and seem really cool. I had to introduce my self, my name is anon, how are you today?"
I have better luck with the latter because it is straight forward.
Other than that anywhere you can meet girls online. Tinder (which I despise) POF (Which I have mixed feelings about) and OKCUPID (which I also have mixed feelings about.) Tumblr, try sliding into the DM on twitter, instagram, neopets, whatever. The thing you have to realize is guys are chasing girls EVERYWHERE.
With online dating you have a problem, which was addressed in a copy pasta earlier. Online dating (tinder, pof, okc) are shit. Everyone is on there for one thing. I have better luck finding girls on tumblr and Facebook. It takes a lot more digging, but you catch them off guard and they're open and receptive. Girls on online dating are a combination of too unappealing in real life and having too high standards.
>>17157423
OP. Use tinder.
I know lots of people shit on it, but it works, and even if you fuck up, you can just hit it and quit it.
I *was* 27 y/o virgin about a month ago, so a worse situation than you. But I just started using tinder, and literally after 1 week, I had myself a fwb who started teaching me all sorts of shit about sex.
If you're not confident in yourself, literally just fake a profile. Pretend you're someone you're not. Say you're working some high paying job or some shit. No one will know.
>>17157968
Dont do this if youre a kissless virgin. Thats something for people with more self-confidence which I suppose you sort of lack since you made a thread on 4chan.
>>17160881
So you are suggesting a "shotgun" approach. Throw something to someone and hope she replies back. Repeat.
This is fundamentally different from what another anon suggested earlier, but it's legit I think.
I will try them both. The first one is way more difficult though.
Just set up Tinder by the way. Got a match with a cute girl but the she immediately removed me :D
I will try refining pictures and the profile. After all online dating is all about marketing, I guess.
>>17160138
Tip: Dont focus on girls. I know this is almost a meme by itself, but rather try to improve and do that with friends. Increase your social circle more and more, eventually you will encounter girls, and eventually you will encounter someone you like that likes you. I've recently once again seen this at a friend, the thing that stands in most peoples way is fixation on the other sex. Like, you wouldn't want a girl that basically would date anyone, right? Someone who's desperate for finding a BF. Because it wouldn't feel true. (Same goes for sex with different reasoning).
Also, friends will make your strange feeling of loneliness go away and ease the time until you meet someone. Basically that's what I did, increase the social circle, meet girl friends of friends and eventually found out that I can hook up with girls if I want and don't come off as a desperate creep. Try it, your pic didn't look so bad. It'll work. But it takes some time.
>>17161095
Yeah, I should focus on the social circle.
It's easier said than done.
But I will honestly try whatever I can.
>>17157423
nigga do it like your forefathers did it with anxiety - drink, its literally +10 charisma
>>17161088
Yeah. But don't worry about the individual girl. Like just go on tinder and swipe right (or what ever is the green check mark) on every girl, see which ones match and then message them all something nice then go on from there.
>>17161095
Hobbies are good. Keeps your mind occupied while girls aren't texting back. And gives you something to focus on when you don't feel like talking to anyone.
