Why is it when I try harder to be friends with people, or try harder to establish a relationship with a girl, it seems to push people away?
I was trying tonight to have things to say because I know people hate when you're boring and don't talk, but I then say repeating stuff or stuff that doesnt have much context, or I just say bland stuff.
And then guys aren't really friendly, girls aren't really friendly, and there's no girl that wants to fuck me later that night, when other guys around me are hooking up.
Basically I feel like a failure as a guy and a person.
How do I fix this?
>>17139034
If you're talking about a party where people are drinking they probably aren't going to notice that you've repeated something more than once, if it's interesting just do it. The reason other guys are getting sex is because they are actively looking for sex while you're probably too consumed with your insecurities to bother chatting up a girl or two.
Take a drink, relax, if they don't find what you say interesting they won't remember and you can basically restart the convo anytime.
>>17139034
I'm hearing three things :
1. Social anxiety : always try to remind yourself that other people are human beings too. They do not "know something you don't", they also have their fears, their worries. If you often find yourself impressed by pretty girls, always keep it in the back of your mind that somewhere, somehow there's been (or is, or will be) a guy who's fed up with her shit. She's human, just like you, no need to freak out other than fear of abandonment (which once it's identified will slowly but surely fade away).
2. Awkwardness that stems from social anxiety : the thing is that you FEEL awkward because you're not being yourself, you're trying to hard. If you can feel it, others can feel it too (since we're very social beings that can read minuscule emotional cues). I know this may sound corny but being yourself is the only way to get people to actually like you.
3. "Pushiness" (don't know what else to call it) as a result of fear of abandonment : stop trying to get everyone to like you, it won't happen. If you succeed at being yourself around others, some will like you, some will dislike you, some won't even bother talking to you and one day you'll realize that some even love you.
Bottom line : chill out buddy, any balanced individual will recognize you for what you are: an interesting individual just like all the others (I know I already do) !
>>17139045
Ill try.
>>17139076
That's the spirit. Hope this helps.
If you have any other questions feel free to ask, I'll answer to the best of my abilities.
>>17139045
>>17139084
Not the OP but thank for this.
It somehow gave me a little hope. I recognize myself in "pushiness" I don't want to be like that anymore, I can't.
>>17139222
You're welcome buddy. Good luck out there
>>17139045
Great post anon!
Yep, chill out.
Trying to be interesting by saying things forcefully sounds bad, and repeating yourself sounds terrible. I heard you the first time, if you're telling me the same thing again slightly differently, instead of listening I'll be imagining murdering you. You could sing nyan cat and I'd find you less annoying, at least that would be less boring.
Do things you like (or need to do), you'll find actually interesting things. There must be more for you than just trying to get liked.
>>17139045
Not op but what if i dont want to be myself? Is there a way I can change myself so one day it will feel natural?
