Don't be hard on her. Probably her self esteem issues are eating her up and she may need some time to find herself. You could help her.
If you like her, let her know it, be there for her
She had a terrible emotional past so maybe it isnt easy for her too see it all good and with rainbows now
She needs time

It's a shit situation. Your girl is obviously a mess and needs help, but I don't think she can really change or heal. Maybe when she's 50+ she'll calm down but it's not even sure.

I'm quite an old fag and have this obsession with hearing people's troubles and have talked with many many women from 15 to 50+ and those issues are life long.

You can be here for her for a while, she'll trust you that you love her but there'll be many crisis like this one and it'll eventually be too much for you.


Also maybe you just want to hear that but at 20 I wouldn't have wanted to stay with a girl that slept with a ton of guys especially older men, it feels disgusting.

>>17117872
So much this. I know that sort of girl well OP. You can try to help, you can mean well, but the harsh reality is that some people can't be fixed how we wish they could.

She might eventually leave you at the drop of the hat as well. I'm assuming bipolar from the sounds of it. All the words in the world you reassure her with won't stick

Part of being a man is being in control of your emotions, being stoic when you have to be, things like that.

You pretty much have to be a rock for her, tell her to stop worrying, console her.

>>17117872
its hard for me to gauge just how much sex she had and how many men

it was at least 2-3 age 30-40+ men over a year

she said that with her previous boyfriend that lasted 3 years she only had sex with him around 5 times, and I believe her about that

I actually dont know if she had full sex with them or just fooled around, but she definitely fooled around

now that I've mentioned that it bothers me I dont think I'll ever know the truth

how long do you guys think should I wait before I look at my phone

I feel like I should leave it until at least tomorrow

>>17118083
Check now dude, youve probably made her sad.

Severely damaged goods. Return to sender. Oldfag from before had a lot of good points and you'd do well to listen to him. Grill like that is habitually symptomatic of one or more daddy issues. If she's got BPD, just fold without a second thought.

>>17117980
Why do people really care about what's happened in someone's past? Or to go so far as for details about their previous sex life.
If they want to share that then they will eventually, without being coaxed.
I had an ex who cared about everything I ever did with any other guy, and it was emotionally draining.

I understand being so insecure about men's intentions.
I cried the first time I had sex with my boyfriend. It was super unromantic and seemed like all he cared about was his own pleasure and I felt used.
You never really get over bad experiences.
The only thing you can do is if you think the relationship is worth it, is to take everything slow, listen when she wants to talk, and build up her trust.
If she thinks you're so good and she really cares for you, these problems won't stay always.

But at the same time, if you can't get over something she opened up to you about then you should break it off.
She will need someone who actually accepts everything she's been through and isn't bothered or judgmental about it.

>>17118178
I never asked her about her past at all she offered everything up and this is my reaction to what she's said, it seems to me that it's pretty natural to wonder what the extent of something like that is now that I've found out about it

I dont care what she did with boyfriends or people her own age in normal relationships. I dont expect a pure virgin or anything crazy or unreasonable

but frequent casual sex with much older men is not something I really feel ok with and it makes me question the kind of person she is as well as our future together. sex and physical intimacy is something that means a lot to me

>>17118124
theres no way she isn't upset, she must be crying again. but I dont think I can talk to her right now while I'm also upset and I think it would probably make things worse. I dont want to wait forever but I dont think I can go less than a day

I feel like I've done a lot of damage by reassuring her that I'm okay with who she is and that I like her but then turning around after she opened up to me. I dont want to do even more damage by saying something I truly regret

I dont regret telling her I had a problem with it because I think she needs to know, but there are a lot of other things I could say that would just be hurtful

>>17117847
I can give her time and space as well as my comfort and reassurance but I dont know if that will ever be enough

these people
>>17117872
>>17117877
>>17118145
ring true to me and make me think of the red flags. maybe the least painful and cruel thing for both of us is to end it before we both get even more hurt

>>17118240
It's nice of you to be so considerate of her feelings but I'm fairly sure she won't be as devastated as you'd presume. The crying is not a big deal to girls like this. They switch emotions like gears and get over this faster than you or me would. Their own melodramatic reactions (the crying) are really not representative of their true mental state. It's even worse/more fake when they're incapable of empathy or tenderness. How do I know? Dated a bipolar for many years.

What you can do is say that you're unready for commitment, or something similar. You know, something along the lines of it's not you it's me. Or you can be honest with her but that might not be for the best overall.

>>17118282
there's two ways she could be, it could all be manipulation and meaningless to her or she could legitimately be in emotional distress

in the case its manipulation I don't think it matters as much what I do and I need to get away from it somehow

if its legitimate distress it seems to me that its very important for me to be considerate to her feelings

then I think it only makes sense to act as if its legitimate and to deal with it being fake only when its clear that it is

>>17117833
RUN

>>17117833
>dating a literal slut

>>17118483
THIS HOLY SHIT THIS

>>17118483
the thing that confuses me is that she isn't what I expect from a slut

she's shy, introverted, reads a lot, very intelligent, almost never parties or drinks

she's such an amazing person but knowing she let herself get used or sought out to be used like that really really bothers me

I turned on my phone and I have 20 messages but I didnt read them I just turned it off again

>>17117833
The fact that she made mistakes in the3 past is not her real problem or yours.

The fact that they continue to haunt her and get in the way of her functioning now is the real problem.

She needs help in fighting the feelings of guilt and worthlessness. As one who loves her , you can play a role in that process. But she probably needs counseling (not therapy or judgmental treatment) focused on helping her come to grips with her past and forgive herself and move on.

>>17118753
I'm fine with helping her through problems and emotional issues, I'm more than willing to be there for her when things are tough

but I really don't know if I'm actually able to get over what she did in her past

I don't know if I can help her get self respect if I dont respect her myself

>>17118240
>but frequent casual sex with much older men is not something I really feel ok with and it makes me question the kind of person she is as well as our future together.
>>17118282
>I'm fairly sure she won't be as devastated as you'd presume
>>17118356
or she could legitimately be in emotional distress
>>17118569
the thing that confuses me is that she isn't what I expect from a slut
>>17118724
>I turned on my phone and I have 20 messages but I didnt read them I just turned it off again
This whole thread makes me laugh. I'm 29. Last year I slept with multiple 19 year olds. I would be doing that this year too, and have no doubt I will continue to do that well into the future, because I have a girlfriend.

I think your girlfriend's behavior is natural for her and that the real problem is that people are making her feeling ashamed for being curious about older men.

Women like older men. This is just a biological fact. *Some* women REALLY like older men. It's not like they woke up one day and decided it; they just REALLY like older men. Their mothers might have even married a much older father. People have preferences, welcome to life; it's not a moral issue like you're thinking it is.

Why are you turning your phone off and hiding like a little girl? Tell the girl that you're there, but that you need some time to think and won't be responding for a bit while you think. How hard is that?

As far as the "you can't fix her" crowd, that's absolutely true. You can, however, still treat her like a human being and stop judging the shit out of how she wanted to use her vagina. What if you had lost your virginity to a married older woman who was gong through a divorce? Does that make you a monster? C'mon. 2-3 older guys over a YEAR is nothing. Plus, she learned her damn lesson. If you can't handle it, cool, that's your choice but don't act like SHE'S a monster; you just can't handle that. I would be fine with it and have been fine with it in the past.

>>17118940
well, we have very different views on sex. it clearly means a lot more to me than it does to you and I want to be with somebody who has the same feeling about the importance of sex as well as what I consider to be self respect towards it

I could have had much more sex with random women if I wanted to as well but I choose not to because that's not the way I want to live

its fine that people want to have different norms about it but they aren't people I want to be with romantically

I didn't make her out to be a monster, I sent her a very kindly worded text saying that it bothered me and then I spent some time away from it so that I wouldn't say something hurtful out of consideration for her

I read her texts, they are a mix of saying that I don't understand and got the wrong impression, wanting to call on the phone, and apologizing