TL;DR - Girl likes me, I like her, she suddenly cuts things short, I think she wants this but she's just scared.
Ok here we go -
A girl I liked approached me to tell me she liked me back. She didn't feel comfortable talking to me though and wanted to only text. When I was around her in person it was like she was physically running away from me all the time - like she couldn't face me. When we were in public, she would act like nothing was going on, but then she'd text me with really deep stuff.
She basically said we were "going out" or in some kind of relationship in one of those texts. Unfortunately, we had to leave our college and go home for the weekend, then her texts got sparse, and when I saw her again on Monday she was fine around me but still refusing to actually spend time with me one on one or avoiding it. I asked her best friend if I was doing anything wrong, she said she was having regrets about having told me, that she wasn't sure if she liked me after all. That didn't quite ring true though because she was indicating that I wasn't taking things far enough and she clearly wanted to be more intimate, even though I was trying to take things one step at a time so she didn't get overwhelmed.
I just wanted 5 minutes to talk to her, but I asked her on a date, she said she was busy. I told her I could take things as fast or as slow as she wanted but she told me then we should just stay friends and refused to see me, shutting herself in her room and not talking to me, even though I just wanted 5 minutes for the sake of closure.
I wrote her a letter telling her I understood what this thing "was/could have been" is dead, and although we would have practical problems the real issue was probably that I didn't have it in me to be the kind of guy she wanted and she probably didn't like me as much as I liked her.
>TBC-
>>17112267
She looked terrible when I saw her around the dorm and I didn't speak to her. I texted her friend on the train home to ask how she was, but I get a text back from the girl -
Telling me:
"Look I'm sorry it all happened this way but nothing ever actually happened it was better to get out before anything did, nothing lost"
When I asked if by "nothing lost" she meant she was worried if we had something and it didn't work out after college ends she said:
"No it means nothing happened so there's nothing to get over"
So I told her when she told me she liked me I gave it a day before she would realise I'm an idiot. She replied;
"It wasn't that. I don't think I can do a distance relationship"
So I told her I had thought it through and I was going to have one anyway, and I offered to explain but that she knew what she could/couldn't do. She says:
"It really doesn't matter, I've tried it before and I don't want to sorry"
So I told her the one thing I wanted was to go on adventures with her, gave a few examples, and asked if we could still do stuff like that even if we couldn't have a relationship.
I get a text from her friend replying "She is absolutely fine but wishes you stop bothering her"
I take the hint, but get a text from the girl an hour later saying
"I don't know we'll see how things go"
Right now I am giving her the space she clearly needs/wants at the moment and I'm gathering my thoughts.
>>17112271
People are going to tell me to move on, that's exactly what I'm doing, but this girl... I fully expect her to get back to me at some point. Even that last text. She did this before - I asked her out in February, she took a day to think about it and told me she wanted to stay friends but then said "you never know where the future will take you anyway."
I think she does want this, deep down, but someone has hurt her and she's afraid of intimacy and letting her guard down. I don't think she's not attracted to me anymore, she's just scared of us actually moving into reality and doing bf/gf type things. I think she has attachment problems of some kind, ambivalent attachment or whatever they call it, she probably got hurt young - she told me about her "scars" once.
She does this push/pull thing with things she really wants but doesn't feel confident with. She drops out of things a lot and I think she has low self esteem.
I'm going to play this like the horse whisperer in that movie, where a horse that got traumatised in an accident has to get broken in but it keeps bolting from the stable out of fear of the saddle because of memories. The main character just waits with the harness for the horse to come to him.
If she's scared of this, I can't reach out to her because I'll overcrowd her, I'm just going to be her friend no matter what and end things on a good note. In my letter I told her it meant a lot that she still wanted to be my friend after what happened before. I am also prepared for her approaching me again like she did before. If she doesn't, I guess I won't have to worry anymore.
Am I on the right track here?
Bitch...be...CRAZYYYYYYY HOLY SHIT FUCK THAT CONFUSEDBRAINED LIL HOE
>>17112278
My parents are both trauma counsellors, and I guess I have a kind of instinct where I can see she clearly has problems and I just want to make her feel better. I'm all about the crazy girls man
The thing that worries me the most was that rewriting history shit:
"No it means nothing happened so there's nothing to get over"
She's trying to shut down the conversation there, but still, I know nothing really "happened" but she never let it happen because she's scared. I'm kind of worried about going back to college because I don't know what I've got in front of me now, thank fuck I'm only there for one more week.
If she approaches me again, I could explain how the way she's behaving is giving me mixed messages, but I'm not upset, it came across at first like she doesn't know what she wants, but I think that's because she doesn't really know herself or what she's capable of. I told her she's special once, and I meant it, I'd like to be able to show her why I think she's special and why I think she's capable of so much. This is one situation where she clearly wants something a lot, i.e. a relationship, hell, any kind of relationship, but she doubts herself and what she can manage. All I can ask her to do is trust me, relax and let me take charge and I'll make it work for her and for both of us, but I'll only do so with her permission - I'll never overcrowd her. I think it's worth it because I think we'd be great together, she just has to give into her feelings and trust me that I won't hurt her. I've never hurt her before, I've only ever shown utmost respect for her and her feelings, probably too much - I may need to be more decisive in the future.
>thread music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_5O-nUiZ_0
>>17112391
Actually, wait, no, back to the drawing board - That's how I understand the situation but I wouldn't tell her 5% of that shit because it's psychoanalysis which fucks up interactions with people and there's a weird "teacher/pupil" control drama in there somewhere. I'm just going to be like the sun and shine my brightest and she can come round if she wants, it worked before.
