Alright, so Ill break it down for you /adv/.
I'm in a 8 year old relationship that has all the credentials of becoming a happy family, problem is, it aint. We have a beautiful boy, 3 years of age, a good home, and we both have collage degree with steady jobs in the same area of expertise.
The problem, as I see it, is that I get just about 0 respect from her. Its all about doing it her way, not the other way around, no , never!
The main thing here to take in is that I have changed a lot during the years we have been together, just to make things work, while she has changed a bit... And the small sacrifices she has made regarding her person, has been both a long and hard road of me having to nag about her stopping a bad behavior!
Its gone to the point that the daily life is a constant struggle just to get it my way at all. Even regarding our Childs upbringing, everything I do is wrong, and she makes sure he hears her tell me so. This of course has led to him, not even paying attention to what I say, as long as shes around.
cont-
>>17008000
I might ad that I live in Sweden, yes I know, land of the "equal sex". So I don't expect anyone to understand who lives in a country with the mentality that "well, whats the problem, just smack her around a bit" or "What? You mean your woman is educated?!?" or "You need to man up, and make her do the woman stuff, while you stretch out on the couch!".
Its thinking like that that has made Sweden the nr1 top divorce country in the world. Because the females living here hast he exact same right as the men, and they damn well know it. They know they don't need no man to support them, they know they have just as much a free will and so on. So that just doesn't work. But how the hell do I make her respect me? I have tried just about anything to get her to stop focusing on everything I do bad, but it just wont help it seems, its seriously in her nature to just nag on me day in and day out. And I'm seriously starting to feel like a no good person, like I am less than everyone else, and all I do is try to fix this relationship by being the nice guy. Hell, I have said several times, that if I where to treat her, the way she treats me, Id be kicked out the door in less than a day, and I think she agrees on this!
>>17008000
>8 years
>3 year old child
>finished college and all that shit
>not married
Of course she's going to be a bitch to you
how has it been in the beginning of the relationship? what changed?
i get that quiet alot. the woman runs the family. they are like mini-dictators, commanding their husbands around.
i don't really know where this is coming from. probably from her being threated like a princess all her life, having the whole world revolving around HER. may i ask what her family background is? has she EVER faced ANY difficulties in life?
>>17008000
>The main thing here to take in is that I have changed a lot during the years we have been together, just to make things work
That's the problem right there. But how exactly have you changed? Did you change because of her complaints? We're her complaints about you?
>>17008049
>Married
>Sweden
What part of this do you not understand? I live in one of the worlds most un-unchristian countries in the world.
Let me put it this way, if you go to church on a Sunday here, your ether homeless or a indoctrinated fanatic.
>>17008067
I first of started a much healthier lifestyle. I was in my late 20´s and was set on starting a family. I guess I was tired on short term relationships by then, and thought it fitting to settle down.
So I started living a healthy life, I got my collage degree after getting tired working on the local factory, started being a much more responsible man I guess. Before it was all about getting out, throwing parties, getting drunk and finding someone for the night. Now I just wanted stability, and I think I changed to fill that part.
But I also changed to become someone I thought she would like, I wanted this to work so bad I threw a lot of what used to be "me" away, in trade for a family.
You bent to her will, that's the go ahead for her walking all over you.
You're not married, put your foot down and learn to say no. What is she going to do divorce you?
>>17008112
takes his son away for example, anon...
>>17008104
*un-un... ops, supposed to be unchristian*
>>17008115
So now she's saddled with a kid? With no chance of alimony? Doubtful. My point stands, if OP wants her respect he needs to put her in her place.
He's a man, he is faster stronger and hopefully more intelligent than her. There is a reason it's call "A Man's World"
>>17008133
well, you can get awefully attached to your offspring. you will be ready to sacrifice a LOT to not get separated from them.
but sure, i'm all for OP getting this relatinship on the right track again. but this might not be the right approach and could end in disaster
>>17008104
>I also changed to become someone I thought she would like,
And there it is. Women start to lose respect for you when you bend and mold yourself to fit what they say. If you are a super pleaser, any woman that has a sense of strength of her own is never going to respect you.
>>17008000
checked
>collage degree
It never ceases to amaze me, the number of people who've been to college but can't spell it properly. Anyhow...
>The problem, as I see it, is that I get just about 0 respect from her. Its all about doing it her way, not the other way around, no , never!
>The main thing here to take in is that I have changed a lot during the years we have been together, just to make things work, while she has changed a bit... And the small sacrifices she has made regarding her person, has been both a long and hard road of me having to nag about her stopping a bad behavior!
Having been in a relationship like that myself, I'd say you're probably fucked mate. She's got a core belief that the world should change to suit her, not the other way round. It's likley not her fault, rather it's what she was lead to believe ever since she was a little kid. For people with worldviews like that in adulthood it's virtually impossible to change - it's like someone telling you or me that rivers and seas have air in them and the stuff we breath is water. An alien concept that makes no sense at all.
Because of the length of time you've been together, it's not really possible for her to change /and/ stay in the relationship. You'll get one or the other but not both. Any concession she makes to you will feel like a total loss on her part. Changing her behaviour, even in an insignificant way, will feel to her as it would for you if your boss said "right, you've got to work an extra three hours a day so your colleagues can go home early, also you're getting a 20% pay cut so they can all have a raise".
I know it's not ideal not being with your daughter all the time, but it's much better for a child to have two happy parents with two seperate addresses than two miserable ones under the same roof.
>>17008133
Again, you obviously have no idea on how equal living in Sweden the year 2016 can be. Your attitude would set you out on the street bare assed, with not so much as a care in the world for the woman who kicked you out.
>No chance of alimony
Oh yes in deed she would, not that she would need it, as we both have good jobs and need not worry to much about the whole money aspect. But I would still be, by law, required to pay my end of things, depending on how much she "let" me have custody. Not a single case of child care custody in Sweden, has yet to favor the Father in front of the biological mother, not one I tell you!
The question here is not how to dominate my woman to obedience, but how to successfully live a happy life where both parts can be pleased on the situation at hand. Where we both can feel we get respected, and gets a fair chance to get it our way every once in a while. A family where everyone opinion matters so to speak.
>>17008141
Well, that was mostly in the beginning, you know, you try to fit the match. But I fear it all went wrong from the start, perhaps your right. Because, now when I'm trying to get it my way, it needs to be me; putting on the role of a politician, and argue my case for a good 20 min. If I win, she will still be sour for the rest of the day, but at lest I got it my way! Now its days of arguing basically, because she just refuses to change her attitude.
What strikes me most is that she has an attitude that reflects that she is somehow "better" than everyone else, and that shit just drives me mad!
Don't get me wrong here, we have it well enough for us to hold it together, but its just so much work to be done to this relationship if we want it to work. And every day I'm thinking about all the big questions "Is this the life I want? Whats the meaning of it if you cant be happy?".
>>17008249
>grammar Nazi
Sorry mein fuhrer, but as noted above, English is not my main language, but Ill get my shit together.
On the other part I do actually agree to some parts. Perhaps its just denial from my part, just refusing to think its a dead end, and always thinking "this will make things better", but knowing deep down it wont.
Perhaps its just the thought taking a leap in the dark when thinking on how my situation with my son would be. Nightmares of not being able to see him for weeks in a row really haunts me.
I know I could get a happy functional relationship if I got a younger less educated woman. Because she would do as I said, my ideas would be in focus, and I would be the main figure in the relationship.
It all breaks down to basic math, plus and plus equals minus I take it. And its the same in an equally shared relationship, where both parts makes the decisions. For it to work properly, you need a dominant part, and a subject to control. At the very core at least, we need to establish our core roles. Had we at least (in Sweden), male and female icons of how it should be, this would be so much easier.
