How do I deal with the fact I'm a monster?
I hate, hate myself and have good reasons for it.
I wish I could say "I'm a good person".
Is there a way to change myself without being someone else?
Is there a way out when you think everything's so fucked up it is irreversible, even if things magically changed to be perfect out of the blue? If yes, what is this way?
What is it that makes you such a monster?
>>17000673
Its possible to change. But what do you think makes you a monster?
Hating yourself this much requires you to already have an inflated sense of self-importance or relevance to the world.
I'm gonna tell it to you straight. There are a lot of people who are better than you, and a lot of people who are worse. You're probably just average.
And beyond that, every sinner, every saint, and every bland average person, no matter what they cause or contribute to the world, ultimately it's not going to matter because everything is going to end one day anyway.
Try opening your mind to different experiences. Get out of the echo chamber that is your everyday life, that has colored your perceptions of yourself to make you feel so infamous. Go someplace new. Try something your first instinct is to not try. Meet new people with different opinions who make you think about things in a new way. Study history or current events to see REAL examples of monsters.
>>17000755
>>17000785
Destructive behaviour, I'm annoying, short tempered, always find a way to fuck up things, am dumb, absent minded, feel entitled, special. I'm so repulsive I've been rejected by my entire family. I reckon work mates don't like talking to me. My biological mother and my father also have the same traits so it's possibly something that runs in my veins.
I don't care that much about being rejected, I'm just not fine with being so bad that I even fuck up my own life.
I also have nothing in life, except for a computer with acess to internet, a cellphone, three shirts, one jeans, two bermudas, one pair of tennis shoes, some socks, underwear, two dakimakura covers, some old higschool books, 300 dollars worth of cash and a pendrive with a 4chan folder containing ~10 000 files. Aside from that, I have no other belongings. No people, things, etc.
The only non violent communication I have in my life is with people on the other side of the internet, ergo, I have an emotional dependency for 4chan, which can justify anyone in this thread to yell "OP is a faggot".
I don't even have a home to stay and might end up homeless at any time.
As you can see, I'm so pathetic as to make a blog-like thread on /adv/ expecting someone to meaningfully cheer me up, if not, somehow make things just a little better.
>>17000826
Apparently, I also seem to expect other people to read huge walls of text. I'm human filth,. A walking pile of organic trash. Scum.
