Hey /adv/.. I'm sad. I'm really upset over the relationship that I am in.
I think a major part of it is my expectations of what a relationship should be.
Okay so. I'm a very physical person. I love to flirt, cuddle, sexually tease, and have sex with the person I am with.
Here's the issue. He is not all that physical. He definitely likes me a lot. I can tell. But, recently I've been wondering if he just wants to be friends or if we are actually a couple?
I mean, we just started dating, it has been about 3 months and I feel like it should be exciting and playful and fun and sexual.
But, he gets really emotional and I'm there to support him. However, there is nothing that makes my feet colder than having to talk about my past. Makes me want to just drop everything and run.
"I don't know anything about you, Anonina."
Fuck. Like.. i tried to talk to him about my past and then he talks over me about his and I never get to finish. What the fuck? I'm trying so hard. But, i feel the most connected when we are close and focused on one another. I've never cried in front of him, mainly because I feel uncomfortable crying.
I have a lot of feelings for him. He is always on my mind and I'm always thinking about the great times we have had together. So many in such a short time.
I also feel like porn has something to do with it. I watch porn everyday, pretty much. But, i never do it to the point where i can't get off to a real person.
Am I doing something wrong?
Should I keep on working on it or end it?
I'm really conflicted, rn.
>>16987290
> i tried to talk to him about my past and then he talks over me about his and I never get to finish.
my boyfriend is the same way wtf lol. he's also very emotional and says the same shit about how he doesn't know much about me. (meanwhile, he's more than happy to talk everything about him...) also, we don't have sex very often, but that's mostly a medical issue on his part. still makes me feel like shit sometimes but it's not something he can help.
honestly op, i've been with my boyfriend for 11 months now and i feel like bailing everyday. but the only reason why i haven't yet, is because i'm very busy building my career, so getting in and out of relationships is kind of the last thing i need right now. my boyfriend is something i'm just "dealing with" until everything settles down.
it's nice how he tells me he loves me every day though. we've also shared a lot of wonderful memories together, so it's harder to let go. but it's a pretty unsatisfying relationship. it's a relationship mostly about his feelings and his needs... i don't even get sex out of this.
i'm not really happy. but i'm not super miserable either. but maybe i can be an insight for what your future with your boyfriend might be like. 3 months isn't very long. so if i were you, i'd bail before you develop any further feelings.
>>16987321
You are an evil women. I hope you burn in gem for using your bf like that
>>16987341
*burn in hell
>>16987290
It's incredible how women don't seem to grasp their selfishness, it's hardwired in them, but if your boyfriend wants to have some beers with his pals somehow he becomes a selfish cunt. This is really a horrible epoch to have a serious relationship.
>>16987355
Exactly. Both the op and rhe other girl talk so selfishly.
I dont know the situation or anything.
But him asking you to open up and you bitching about him leading by examlple.
Wtf he is opening up emotioanlly to you, so he atleast cherishes you and you both say they ask you to tell about yourselves.
Seems like you two girls only think of them as sexual objectz: "it should be more playful, fun excitening"
"I dont even get sex out of this."
Seriously, you mention having good memories together
You say he tells you he loves you everyday, seems like a guy you dont deserve.
You girls are worthless except for excitement and fun. Go to a player for that. Go fuck niggers
>>16987341
using my boyfriend? in what way?
all i ever do is listen to him and support him about how life is so hard for the guy. and i honestly do feel for him.
but does he ever listen to me? nope. it's supposed to go both ways... but like op and i have pointed out, whenever we're trying to put ourselves out there about our past or situation, it gets dubbed over by their own voice and it just goes back to being all about THEM.
and physical intimacy is extremely important in a relationship.
>>16987362
i don't know op's situation fully, but
1. op and i have both mentioned how our boyfriends DON'T FUCKING LET US FINISH TALKING ABOUT OUR SITUATION OR LIFE and go right back talking about THEIR situation and life.
i'll give them the benefit of the doubt that most people don't know how to listen to other people without making it about themselves. hell, by reading your post and some other anons, it's plain to see that some people don't even bother reading carefully.
it just shows they aren't exactly that willing to really get to know us.
2. physical intimacy is extremely important, and i don't care what you say. i doubt you would get into a relationship with a girl without being touched or having sex with them. pretty much the point of a relationship.
3. yes, there are good memories. yes he says i love you every day. but that's the only thing that he has going for him. but what's the point if your actions contradict what you say? i just feel like i'm a female friend who will listen to him and sometimes eat out together with.
>>16987290
It sounds to me like they are very needy and unstable. They care more about the gesture of caring about your past than your past itself and would rather tell about their own so you can give them attention. Also I find it hard to believe they don't want sex, are you sure they aren't just being shy? Have you made any moves?
>>16987341
>>16987355
>>16987362
Woah, woah white knights. OP here. Calm the fuck down. I haven't even said the word "love" yet because I'm trying to get to know hom instead of jumping blindly into something.
I never said that i hated him opening up to me emotionally. I hate that he contradicts himself by wanting to hear about my past and then not letting me get a word in. That isn't selfishness. It's me wanting open and equal communication.
I care about him a lot and I understand my fellow femanon as well. I feel we relate very well in this situation.
I came here for advice not a god damn flame war with men that have been burned.
Before you make a fucking assumption and risk yourself looking like some meck bearded piece of shit, you'd better go tip your hat at some chick that you think you can get an easy lay in. You fuckers.
You think all women are the same? I obviously care about him. I want to see him everyday and I miss him every moment. I cherish the moments he lets me learn about his past. But, I get fucking irritated when I start opening up about something that has been difficult and harmful and he cuts me off to laugh about a memory of him slapping his friend in the face by accident after he had handled a fish.
I remember even these little fucking memories he has given to me and I cherish even those. But, I feel as though he shouldn't get upset at me for not opening up when he cuts me off like that.
>>16987364
>>16987399
I make moves all the time. Sometimes he's just so blasted that he cant do anything but cuddle. Which is fine bc i love cuddling. But.. he is high all the time then tells me how good his wank off time was earlier. Like. Wtf dude.
Then, he teases me and gets me going, then just drops it. Making out, petting, the whole thing... then stops? It's messed up.
>>16987409
Well, I'm not trying to be mean but, there is always the possibility he isn't attracted to you. He could just be using you as an emotional vent.
>high all the time
I'd find a new bf.
>>16987428
Yeah. That crossed my mind. I'm def not offended bc people are attracted to what they are attracted to. I've gotta talk to him, then I'll make a decision from there. Thanks, meng.
>>16987290
>I watch porn everyday, pretty much.
Dafuq?
just found out my girlfriend of a year has cheated on 4 multiples times in the past month with my best friend. quick fucks
i was in a deep depression and she read my depression that i was breaking up with her soon.
we would be out a show for example and they snuck out for a quick fuck shit like that
she tells me she was blackout drunk everytime, she was sad and he initiated enabled and led her
he'd buy her shots and get her piss drunk
she's begging me to stay
she's threating to hurt herself if i leave
i don't know what to do
everyone knows
even our parents
her mom is sweet and supportive with me
the dude won;t even reach out to me. i keep calling him and ignores me.
he claims hes either at work or asleep
what should i do with her, him, everthing?
i've never been through something like this
>>16987464
OP here. I may have an issue with not getting enough sex but I would never cheat on my boyfriend. I get the opportunity often but I know where my heart belongs and it isn't with anyone but him.
Think about it. This is making you feel like shit. I wouldn't put up with that. All thay fucking disrespect! Fuck that. Get out of there. Fast.
If I found out he was cheating on me I would be gone in a second.
It's different if he just wants to be friends though.. that is fine with me because I have genuinely built a good friendship with him.
A relationship without friendship is even worse. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. No one deserves this behavior.
Do the right thing and protect your heart.
I'm trying to do the same thing, but I need feed back as to why he is acting the way he is because sometimes I can overthink. Overthinking, for me, is always wrong. Which is why I came to /adv/. Not the best place but, damn, are people honest here.
I need that.
>>16987464
Find new gf
>>16987402
You didnt mention earlier you actually tried telling about yourself. And i thought he continued telling about himself about deep stuff.
If he is making a joke i understand you are flustered.
Seriously though have you tried talking ti hin about these feelings? Have you asked him (without being rude and in a polite way) if he would be interested in your past? After he makes jokes.
He might be very disrespectful or he might be trying to make you feel better and lighten things up when he jokes. I believe talking to him and finding having better communication is key here
I see that you really like to victimize yourself. Thats why i replied in the way I did. Instead of building up frustrations and agitations why not try understanding each other?
He might have cut you off if he saw you were giving signals to have a hard time opening up. You seem very judgemental and selfish to give up and build anger over such a thing.
And fyi im nkt a burned neckbeard, jn fact i found a respectful girl that does know how to solve things instead of making drama over nothing
>>16987381
"physical intimacy is extremely important, and i don't care what you say. i doubt you would get into a relationship with a girl without being touched or having sex with them. pretty much the point of a relationship."
>slut, listen to the other guy and find yourself a player. You are unsatisfied but you are playing with a mans heart here. Dont do that you both have very diffrent images of what a relationship means.
"yes, there are good memories. yes he says i love you every day. but that's the only thing that he has going for him. but what's the point if your actions contradict what you say? i just feel like i'm a female friend who will listen to him and sometimes eat out together with."
>Try imagining that love really means alot to someone. And you will understand how short you doing for him.
I understand you are not happy and unsatisfied. And you should break up. But dont be selfish and think about his feelings too.
>>16987290
I've sort of been going through the same thing, but on the place of your boyfriend. The girl is really trying to make it work (physically, i mean) but I just... don't feel it and can't muster the courage to ask us to be just friends in fear of breaking her heart. It's a sad thing to think about but maybe he's not that into you... I know asexuality is supposedly a thing but...
Anyway. The best way to know for sure is to ask him upfront. "Are you uncomfortable when I touch you?" "Would you think it would be better to stay just friends?"
You may not like the answers but on the long run it's better than living with the doubt
>>16987464
>>16987485 quite frankly. There's no guarantee that she won't do it again and you'll just grow to resent her for betraying you and yourself for sticking around to suffer through it. Also a best friend doesn't fuck your missus (certainly not multiple times). He can fuck right off too and you'll find another best friend. The fact that he's avoiding it means he knows he fucked up but won't face the music.
I go through depression too, and having human refuse like this causing issues such as these don't make getting through it any easier.
We're all going to make it Anon.
>>16987600
Yeah. You are right. That's probably the best answer that I've gotten. I'm gonna ask tonight because I definitely don't want to hurt him or make him feel uncomfortable being near or with me. Thanks for this.
>>16987549
Yoh, I'm not the only judgemental person in this. You're pretty judgemental yourself.
I'm not rude to him. I don't want to hurt the one thay i care for, which is why I came onto this board.
I do try and explain myself. All the time. But, he just gets distracted and drifts away.
Maybe we really are just not compatible?
Also. I only attacked you like that because I really felt harshly attacked by you.
And me feeling like a victim? A victim wouldn't be actively trying to solve something and get constructive criticism to try and fix this. I'm totally willing to talk, support, and solve this.
I never said I was giving up, either. Seriously, stop assuming things.
>>16987611
Good luck, anon!
