Is it better to be extraordinarily picky in finding a relationship, or settle for someone and be aware in the back of your head that they're really not what you want?
How can you find true love with out trying out different relationships?
You will never , ever find exactly what you want. Or what you think you want.
>>16958661
Well, I've been in different relationships, I've dated many women. My last girlfriend was sweet and loving, but boring in my perspective, and like a 6 or 7 out of 10. I broke up with her.
I know looks aren't everything, but part of me feels like I need to be with someone that gets the attention of everyone in the room when she walks in. And someone who doesn't just want to sit in the house and watch Netflix, cook a sensible meal, and cuddle. That's boring.
But at the same time, I question if I'll ever find what I want and if I'm just fighting a losing battle with that mindset. I don't want to waste anyone else's time, though. I'm pretty shallow, but not intentionally mean.
>>16958649
>>16958680
forget about love fairytales, relationships are hard work.
Think about what kind of person you want to be and what kind of person you want to be WITH. work towards that with your couple, if it can't be done, then move on.
But it's always to have realistic expectations.
>>16958671
This. A million times over.
This goes for everyone, at all times. Even during those rare instances when you find some who, at first glance, seems perfect it's only a matter of time before something happens that makes you think otherwise. then the whole illusion of perfection comes crashing down and you start thinking about what else is out there.
you know what's out there? conflict, struggle, compromise. that's the nature of human relationships and the nature of the species writ large. not that you should stay in an abusive or toxic relationship, but you should know that real relationships require work.
just a guess, but i'd be wiling to bet you're grossly overselling your own qualities. get real, son.
The problem you have isnt that you have to settle, you have a long ass checklist for what you want in a relationship and if one out of the hundred checks isnt crossed off, then in you mind you are "settling". You should be picky and have dealbreakers, everyone does, but you are the type of person who isnt happy with what they have or can get, you always want more or when you can get what you want, you find out there is something better and you go after that. Just find a person you find attractive enough that you wanna marry (and if you want a 10/10, make sure you are at least a 9/10 or very rich, you can be girl or a guy same thing) and focus on the good sides of the person and bad sides of the person, and if you really cant stand some bad qualities, then get out of the relationship, but if the good qualities are amazing (loyalty, listens to you, works for you, 100% effort to please you) then you should stay with this person. Dont settle for an ugly person, but dont shoot for a model, if they are good looking and single, there is a reason for them being single, because if they are good looking and have a great personality, there is a long line up for those people (there is a how i met your mother episode as an example, the one with joanna garcia guest starring)
On the flip side, what if you do find a person that looks exactly like you want, but they treat you like an asshole, or they are selfish, isnt that settling for their looks? you will have to settle at the end of the day, nobody is perfect and everyone has their flaws
>>16959173
Honestly? Maybe part of the issue is that I don't seem to actually like some of the personality items that you listed. Loyalty is important, but honestly, being listened to, worked for, or having someone that puts in a ton of effort to please me doesn't sound all that alluring. That just sounds like they're my slave or my puppet.
I've been with some extraordinarily attractive women in my time, I'm generally considered handsome, and I make good money.
It's not that I want to check off all of these arbitrary items on a list - I basically just want attractive, smart, independent, a sense of humor, and a sense of adventure.
To your other point, what's wrong with there being a long line up of people going for someone if you're the one who wins? It's like going to Disneyland - would you rather wait in line 2 hours to go on Space Mountain for 5 minutes, or see Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln 46 times in a row with no wait?
Don't stay with someone you don't want, but be honest about what's absolutely necessary and what would just be nice to have. If you find someone good enough go for it, life's too short.
>>16958649
When you find the right person you'll know, without any preconception of them.
if you are at a point in your life, where you believe you have exhausted yourself and that special someone just isn't coming your way, I suggest you settle before someone settles for you
>>16958649
Let's turn your question on its head. Is it better/fairer for the other person to be your one true love or just someone you're using until something better comes along?
The OP talks about his possible significant other like it's a new iphone or something inanimate.
Lasting relationships probably depend much on shared experience, habit, dependability and mutual decision to stick with each other.
>>16958649
Everyone is telling you not to believe in fairy tails and that relationships are tough, but I have the opposite experience.
You can literally date anyone if you work hard and talk through all your issues. But that doesn't mean you should. I had a relationship like that for 2 years and I wish I had broken up way sooner.
The dude I'm dating now is fairy tail mode. It's totally possible, though not likely.
>>16959643
tru
