Help me adv, I have a crush on another girl. My girlfriend is incredibly jealous, and for good reason. I've always really liked female attention, and she knows it and I've been with her for almost 3 years. So to fight my urges to be flirtatious and thus respect the sanctity of me relationship(I'm no cheater and I truly love my gal) I always just stop talking to the girls who would give me this attention, or the girls I found myself crushing on.
Now, listen. I'm not rob Lowe so it's not like this happens to me all the time, but every semester of school I find there's a girl in infatuated with and who seems to be flirting with me, but I make sure to talk about my gf and never get their phone number and to generally not flirt.
But God dammit, I like this girl in one of my classes, a lot and I'm so ashamed to admit it. I know she flirts with me and it just feels so good to have this attention, wtf is wrong with me? It's even gotten to the point where I'm thinking about ending things with my current girl, but that seems so stupid and like that road goes nowhere good. Hell, I don't really know how to be single anymore or how to play the game. I doubt I would get very far.
But every time I talk to her she's quite warm, laughs at my jokes and makes physical contact with me as she does it - and I just eat that shit up. How to I stop myself from being such a shit? I haven't gotten to know her that well(since I generally try to avoid her for feeling this way) so she doesn't know I have a girl, cause I don't know how to just casually bring that up. But I talk about my gf to my friends in class a lot, so maybe she does?
I'm quite sorry for this long post, I'm just wracking my brain about this and I can't sleep. I've been infatuated with girls and it's no problem but I'm fully in a crush right here. I got butterflies and shit, and I want it to end and to stop being such a slut for girls' attention.
I'm 20 years old and in college if that helps
Grow up.
/thread
>>16926278
can't argue with that , hope i'll get there some day. this whole situation does make me feel incredibly childish, but such is life for a dumb 20 year old, eh?
>>16926304
Yes. I'm glad you understand I'm not being an asshole, its seriously the best advice anyone could give you at this point in your life.
Despite what every person has ever told you, youve decided to settle down in your prime, and stick to one person for the past 3 years. This type of commitment is realistically too big for people your age. Youre at an age where you should be out fucking every one of those girls you're infatuated with, and your body knows it. Such is human instinct.
But you love your gf, shes good to you and you habe no serious reason to break it off. After all, anything you could use as an excuse seems very small in comparison to the last 3 years of your life.
If you love her, and cant live without her, and are confident she's who you want for the next 67 years, then grow up and be the man she needs you to be.
If youre not any or all of those things, cut her off before you waste another 3 years of your life with something you know isnt gonna work forever. Leading her on for 10yrs and deciding youre sick of her then is the worst thing you can do here, and simultaneously the most likely thing to happen. You need to do it sooner rather than later, and explain to them that you just dont see yourselves moving forward together. This also requires growing up and being man enough to do so.
If you continue down your current path, you'll effectively be miserably regretful throughout most of your life. But you'll deal with it because its the bed you made for yourself.
Tl;dr: >>16926278
>>16926355
For the record, this is based of my personal experiences, along with the experiences of everyone who tried to tell me what i just told you, including professional therapists.
>>16926355
Shit anon, this really helps me put my mind at ease. I know you're right and this is a new perspective for me. I really appreciate your honesty and this is the realist stuff I've ever read. I have a lot to think about here, but it's clear to me that my relationship has to end, I know I'm immature now and that being this committed is not good for me right now.
Maybe it will be in 10 years, but for now I just want to enjoy life if I can and see if I can live life well, you know? My gf deserves a man who's really serious about marrying her, not a young guy like me who makes a post about "crushing" on girls.
I feel like now that splitting would be good for the both of us in the long run.
>>16926435
Then thats what you need to do. Its not easy, especially to do something so big, so suddenly, after such a long time, but it's. The right thing to do.
My advice on breaking it off is to be respecftully honest (brutally honest is what gives you the label of that asshole ex) and dont beat around the bush with her. Tailor what you said above, into something similar to this (adjust according to your situation, dont parrot, be genuine and mean what you say.)
>femanon, Ive been thinking I realized today that I'm not right for you. Before you respond, let me just explain. You've been an absolutely amazing girlfriend for the last 3 years. The time we've spent together has helped me through a lot and I can only hope that goes both ways. I truly want a successful relationship, but the fact of the matter is that I'm not ready to settle down yet. Im still immature in many ways, and waiting for that to simply fade away is only gonna put a wedge between us. I've come to the conclusion that it's best for the both of us to go our seperate ways. I'll still be here to help you with anything you need, i haven't stopped caring about you, but we can't continue on like this. I just feel that I need to take some time to improve myself and experience life. you deserve someone who is serious about you, and can be everything you need him to be. I apologize, but that person isn't me.
>>16926502
And whatever the fuck you do OP. Do NOT fall for the tears and "are you serious right now?!?!'s
Dont say anything that remotely implies that you intend to get back together with her, it will seriously wreck her emotionally and cause you to feel unnecessary obligations down the road. Avoid saying shit like:
>we can still fuck though
>who knows, we might even end up back together when I've grown up a bit
>im sorry baby, i didnt mean to make you upset. It's just [insert hr long explanation for why you said what you said and try to console her]
>it's me, not you, you're perfect
>its not that i dont want you still
>I love you
There's zero possibility that these things will work out well for either of you. Be a man, stand your ground. But be a gentleman. If she needs help moving out, need to split finances, if you share a pet, tv, or "our bed" you help her.
Give her whatever it takes for her to get out of your life, and dont invite her back in.
Only 5-10yrs down the road when, (more realistically IF) you realize you have never had a better life partner, or that she's a key element to your happiness, go ahead and contact her. Dont expect much, she's probably moved on and set up a life for herself with mr. Perfect. Respect that and leave her be if thats the case, if not.. Feel free to fall back in love.
These are the complications you unknowingly agreed to when you became a long term relationship. Its probably the dumbest thing yiu can do in your life, financially, emotionally, in almost every way. But its such an important part of life. Good luck OP. Don't fuck up.
dont break up with your girlfriend you scumbag
I'm 27 and still feeling the same way OP. I fuck these girls though. I love my gf enough that she'll never find out. Let a die a piece of shit but I'll make sure she does happy
OP, this other guy isn't giving you very good advice. It seems like it's good advice, and it's a level of awareness that's above your own right now (which is why it seems so wise), but it's only second-tier dating advice. You're a good person, and I can tell you're a good person because you've had opportunity to get with other girls and have fought it off. That shows a lot of moral strength. However, the dirty secret is you can probably fuck these girls and keep your girlfriend if you do it right.
>My gf deserves a man who's really serious about marrying her, not a young guy like me who makes a post about "crushing" on girls.
Here's the crux of the issue, and where the other anon is wrong and inexperienced himself: this doesn't ever stop. You don't ever stop being attracted to other women, not in your 30's, not in your 40's. Relationships that work are the ones with trust that can get past this, and those without trust inevitably fail, and that's as true at 40 as it is at 20. Nothing magically changes when you get older, and anon is setting you up with a false choice. Dropping your gf to chase tail isn't a "humane" release so she can find someone better. That's a soothing lie, better recognize, it fundamentally misunderstands how relationships work. You do that now, and then you do it again with your next serious girlfriend, and then the next after that, ad infinitum. Women don't want that carousel. Men don't want to hurt the women they love. If you can sit here and tell me that if you could fuck other girls and keep your girlfriend and you'd STILL drop her, then go ahead and dump her. The issue isn't releasing her so you can go fuck around, the issue is recognizing her place in your life, respecting her own desires, and negotiating the shape of the relationship to meet your needs. That's tough as fuck to do, but that's ultimately where you should be ending up.
Keep that bright-eyed and loyal optimism son, as that's your best asset.
