Killing myself in a month.
I hang out with people I dislike, I wear clothes that I wouldn't even look at and say things I don't really mean. I just wanted to have friends and be happy. Society taught me how to be successful but I'm not satisfied. I don't love my girlfriend - I have her because I don't want to be a loser.
My personality has died a long time ago - I no longer know what things I like and what do I want to do. I'm pretending to be an extroverted narcissist and it's extremely exhausting. It's more tiring than my job.
I'm scared about people's opinions of me. Every insult hurts even though I try to hide it. I can't do stuff like dancing or singing because I'm scared.
My body is a piece of shit - I managed to get fit but I still have a lot of acne and scars on my back. I have phimosis and there's no hope of losing virginity for me, even though I've already fingered my gf.
I'm extremely envious of other people. I can't endure the fact that someone might be more handsome or have more money. It hurts.
I might sound like an edgy teenager but I hate almost everything. People around me, media, music, movies, video games, programming, art, sports and my future. I'm embarrassed by the fact that I was born in Europe and I will always remain a peasant in foreigners' eyes. Pretending to be a different person made me hate everything I loved.
Is there any hope for me? I was thinking about moving to US but I'm scared of the fact that I will be a lonely yuropoor with bad english in a giant city full of americans.
How old are you?
There is hope for you. I'll state the facts:
1. You're going to die, no matter what
2. If there is an afterlife, you will have indefinitely wasted your life on earth.
Basically, what I'm saying is, stop giving a shit about other people's opinions. Some people are going to think highly of you and others won't. You can't impress everyone, and you can't depress everyone.
Also, let's assume for the moment that you become a ghost when you die. Another ghost asks you, "So, what did you do with your life?". What do yo want to respond with? This? No. No you don't.
Don't play it the way social barriers tell you to. Don't play it safe. Don't repress yourself. Be you, and do what you want to do. As long as it doesn't break the law.
>>16916068
Turned 20 in February
and you posted this why?
If you were going to kill yourself you would do it but seeing how youre posting here something is keeping you from doing it.
in a way you are literally trying to find comfort in the very people you are trying to get away from. you are wanting attention, thats fine everyone needs it.
but posting here about killing yourself is the wrong area to find it in. volunteer for something. or go to the gym. you will end up talking to people who will introduce you to things in life.
>>16916019
Find things to love, m8. That's the non-biological reason to live.
you hate everything around yourself and yourself. So you might as well try to fix it or find something better.
>>16916074
[spoiler] My biggest motivation to kill myself is to influence other people. If afterlife exists I'd like to see their reactions. I want attention so much that I'd like to see people crying after my death or being surprised that such a positive and enthusiastic person commited suicide out of fucking nowhere [/spoiler]
I know, it's really immature.
>>16916084
I'm trying to convince myself that I can change my life.
I have no interest in doing anything. I don't even know what I want and being forced to do things I dislike is a pain.
>>16916096
I'm thinking about a fresh start. Where should I move to?
>>16916112
I loved the Netherlands, Japan and America. I don't know, up to you m8
>>16916112
you need to find interest in doing something or else this will only spiral to you becoming more disconnected with your peers. which you kinda have already delt the mortal blow to that.
find something fun to do. i used to be like you and i started to garden. it looked easy and fun. when i went to homedepot i met a cute asian girl picking out a tomateo to transplant into her garden.
since then shes introduced me to her family, asian meditation, eastern video games, music, etc. and this all started because i went to homedepot to get soil for a hobby i just chose to do. just literally make yourself do something and people will come to you. its just how humans are mate
>>16916019
>killing myself in a month
>id do it today, but you know I really wanted to finish watching the season finale of pretty little liars, and then i gotta spend three weeks talking about how it didnt answer any questions on imdb
>If Ian's the one with the twin im going to kill myself (lol was planning to anyway)
this is what you sound like when you threaten to kill yourself 'in a month'.
>i have a girlfriend cuz i dont want to be a loser
i don't think you realize what a loser is.
>i have acne
take accutane. on it for two months now and my face has never looked prettier.
>phimosis
that sucks but isnt there surgery that fixes that? and if absolutely not isnt it possible to just enjoy everything else life has to offer?
>i might sound like some edgy teenager
>might
seriously though
>lonely yuropoor
you have a sexy accent you'll do good here.
>is there any hope for me
it depends if you want any. sounds to me like you just wanna threaten to kill yourself for the next four years.
>>16916112
I don't think people in the afterlife give a shit. I mean, you're all on the same level by that time anyway. The only thing to keep you up was what you did in life.
If you want a fresh start, just move anywhere. As long as it's at least half an hour away, it's good.
Also, step out of your comfort zone. Do things you wouldn't normally do. You'll like 'em.
>>16916019
I guess if I did a bunch of shit I hated, I'd want to die too. Hypothetical question: if you were able to stop doing all these things:
>I hang out with people I dislike
>I wear clothes that I wouldn't even look at
>say things I don't really mean
>I have her because I don't want to be a loser
how would you feel? Would it feel empty or would you feel like there was a weight off your shoulders? Maybe both? Neither?
>>16916135
I posted the same shit without 'killing myself in a month' and I got no replies, that's why
I don't know if I'm that jaded to commit suicide, I'm too much of a pussy.
>i don't think you realize what a loser is.
Loser in other people's eyes.
>>16916137
>just move anywhere.
I'll probably do it whenever I'll be able to.
>Also, step out of your comfort zone.
I'll try, but I can already feel how hard it will be.
>>16916145
Both. I can't endure being lonely.
>>16916019
>I have phimosis and there's no hope of losing virginity
circumcision tbqh
>>16916155
>i didnt get any attention SO I HAD TO THREATEN TO KILL MYSELF
congratulations, you are now a 12 year girl.
>>16916155
>I can't endure being lonely.
You sound lonely as fuck now though. Nothing's lonelier than being around people you can't stand. Been there done that. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but could it be more like you're afraid to be alone with yourself?
>>16916162
It's called a clickbait
>>16916159
Is it really worth it?
>>16916172
I'm afraid that I won't get attention from people around me, even though I can't stand them.
>>16916182
>is it really worth losing my foreskin to have sex
>as oppose to just never having sex
>i mean id lose nothing but a bit of sensitivity during sex... but consider im already densensitized it would only enable me to have sex
>everyone else is circumcised and they dont mind all that much
>And again its better than being unable to lose my virginity (Which renders the foreskin useless as is)
>BUT IS IT REALLY WORTH IT?
in what sense?
>>16916182
>attention
>clickbait
>KILL MYSELF IN month
thats all you already care about, and this thread isnt about finding a way around it. its just about more attention. go ask daddy to fuck you so you can get the attention you so craved as a kid.
>>16916192
Uh, that was a really dumb question I guess
Anyway, thank you all for advice.
>>16916182
Why do you want attention from people you can't stand? Usually people want attention because it's validating. But if you can't stand someone, their validation is confederate currency to you. It gets you nothing. You want someone's attention, I'm sure - just about everybody needs some - but not from these people.
Try this experiment. Since you've already decided you're gonna die anyway it can't hurt right? Get rid of everybody in your life that you can't stand. Obviously if you can't stand your boss but you need your job, keep your job, but if you don't like your gf, friends, acquaintances, just stop spending time with them. I know you're afraid of not having attention, but do it anyway. What's the worst that can happen? You'll feel lonely? Like I said, you sound lonely as all hell now. The only difference is that now you will have tons of free time to find out what you DO like. You said you don't know what you like, well here's a chance to find out.
Then if you can't stand it, you can go ahead and kill yourself anyway. It's always an option. You're a grownup, nobody can stop you.
When I was reading this, I felt and identified with every fucking word of this, except for perhaps the phimosis part. No joke.
Although I still feel like this, it's helped to remember that in a few years I will never see any of the people I know again, and that a good percent of them are assholes anyway.
That's my two cents; I couldn't say if it will help you at all, but I hope things get better soon.
>>16916019
>I'm embarrassed by the fact that I was born in Europe and I will always remain a peasant in foreigners' eyes
fucking lol!
kill yourself now, fuck a month
>>16916019
>My personality has died a long time ago - I no longer know what things I like and what do I want to do. I'm pretending to be an extroverted narcissist and it's extremely exhausting. It's more tiring than my job.
I know how that feels. Felt like Atlas getting the load off my shoulders when I stopped. Still see some people I met in that time on FB and cringe internally.
>I'm scared about people's opinions of me. Every insult hurts even though I try to hide it.
Same. After every conversation I can't stop thinking about the shit I said and did wrong, and how much of a fuck-up I am.
>I have phimosis and there's no hope of losing virginity for me, even though I've already fingered my gf.
Man you're sounding more and more like me, I'm basically in the same boat. I have frenulum breve. I went to a urologist a month ago, and have the surgery scheduled for this summer.
I would say "i know how you feel" here too, but I can't. I don't even have a single fucking friend, and you have a full-on GF and you're saying you'll die a virgin. What the fuck? Go get the damn surgery. It'll heal in 2 weeks or so and you'll be losing your v-card in no time.
>I might sound like an edgy teenager but I hate almost everything. People around me, media, music, movies, video games, programming, art, sports and my future.
Anhedonia does that to you. We see everyone around us enjoying all this nice shit, and when we try for ourselves we don't get anything from it at all. Like Midas's curse: he couldn't eat, drink, hold his wife, etc.
>>16916019
I was thinking about moving to US but I'm scared of the fact that I will be a lonely yuropoor with bad english in a giant city full of americans.
Your english is good enough. Already better than an uneducated American.
The US is great if you have a good career (eg doctor, engineer, etc). If you're a construction worker or something, bad idea.
