He's a great guy. He's handsome (to me), intelligent and funny. He has a kind heart and he's exactly the kind of person I want to be the father of my children one day.
The only problem is, the bedroom.
He has a large member, and seems convinced that that's all he needs to get me off. Sex is usually exactly the same. He flips me over, tells me to put my knees on my mattress to reduce creaking, he shoves my shoulders down and adjusts me. He then removes out clothing and just penetrates me. I am of course at this point very dry, but he does it anyway, often hurting me, which I just bear with. He also just uses lube.
I've tried hinting in a million ways that I'd like him to caress me, to kiss my breasts, to finger me or do anything really. I've never received oral, but I give it to him all the time. He says he doesn't like vaginas, and is a 'clean freak' which is why he doesn't want to touch mine...Even though I keep it super clean with a special (outer) pH soap and everything. I shave and epilate religiously, I try every trick I can think of, as far as even sending him links on pleasuring a woman. He just ignores it.
Please help me.
>>16807600
I even made a thread like this once before. Some anons convinced me to show it to him, and he simply became angry with me. Not changing anything in the way we have sex.
I've tried awaking things a bit, since I like adventure and fun sexual things...But he doesn't want to try anal, he doesn't want to tie me up or be tied up, he laughs when I try to dirty talk (which makes me feel foolish) and generally makes me feel suicidal when I just think about our bedroom.
I guess I'm just a very sexual person, and I've always dreamed that having a boyfriend would mean him desiring to evoke pleasure in his partner. He's my first real boyfriend, so he's all I've ever known. We are supposed to get married soon, so I guess I should be calling him my fiance...But I keep pushing the marriage papers away. I don't know why.
>>16807620
He's also rather...Crass. When I put my head on his lap while he was reading, he held my face down and thrusted. He does this sort of thing all the time as a funny 'joke' and I guess I'm not assertive enough in letting him know that I don't appreciate it because he just does it again. Over and over again.
I'm sick of feeling like this, I'm sick of reading shitty romance novels to feel 'loved' in the bedroom. I'm sick of hearing my friends tell me what they do in the bedroom, and having to pretend like I know what they're talking about.
Sometimes I just want to kill myself, but I can't and I won't. Too many people would get sad. I have a family and many friends who would be stricken with grief if I were to do that.
When I bring it up, he acts like it's no big deal, like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. But if it's indeed not a big deal, why can't he do it? I take immense pleasure in making him feel pleasure, but he doesn't do the same to me. He doesn't even attempt to.
I feel like a fleshlight when we have sex. I want to feel like a lover. I can't help but feel like this is somehow my fault. I've been eating very little lately, to make myself sexier for him, but that hasn't helped. I'm considering a boob job but at this point, I know how stupid I sound. A boobjob won't help. He just doesn't care for whether I get off or not. He doesn't look to my face to see my pleasure, to catch my gaze He just pumps and dumps.
Sounds bad. Are you sure his selfishness doesn't extend beyond the bedroom? I would get out of that relationship ASAP, if he's really that stubborn and resistant to changing. It sounds like him not being attentive to your sexual needs says things about how he's not very concerned about your emotional needs either. :(
I know I'm screaming into the void here, but it feels good to get it all off my chest. I guess this is what they call writing therapy.
I even have a contraceptive implant, so he dosn't have to use condoms. You'd think that would make him more lovey dovey in the bedroom...But nah.
I just want to cut out my genitalia at this point. He says they're gross, and I agree. I'm sick of everyone else being happy, I'm sick of feeling jealous and angry. I'm sick of crying.
Life is a piece of shit and I'm crying over something as trivial as this when there are children shitting themselves to death in subsaharan africa. When there are people with real problems out there.
But those comparisons only assuage me for 10 minutes. I can't help but feel like I want more out of life. I want a fun sex life. I want to talk dirty, and be fingered, and have a man who stares at me as I orgasm. I want a man that gets bored with repetition just as much as I do.
>>16807679
He's not selfish at all outside of the bedroom.
He's very introverted though, and acts like going grocery shopping counts as a date, whereas I'm more action oriented, so that's kinda lame. I wouldn't say that's him being selfish though, that's him being an introvert that doesn't want to go skiing, hiking, to parties or whatever other thing I'm badgering him on about. I can see how some could interpret that as selfishness, but I don't.
So no, overall he's not selfish at all. He's more empathic than me and far kinder.
>>16807690
Your problems are real. They're not trivial. If I were you, I would uhhh run and never look back. He's being a piece of shit. If any guy says your genitals are gross, especially with you taking care of yourself so well, leave him. Leave him so hard and fast. At the very least, have a serious discussion with him and say that this is important enough to you that if he isn't willing to try and improve the sex, you will leave him.
Sad, it seems like he doesnt care.
Maybe you should be atrached to his beaty amd just move on.
>>16807715
shouldnt* and *
>>16807600
I am sorry to hear he makes you feel this way. Maybe everything is great on paper but addressing sexual needs are important for a healthy relationship. It sounds like this is really bothering you. Maybe you should more assertive and force the conversation. If he really loves you than he should be happy to discuss your concerns seriously and respectfully. But the behavior you describe makes him sound like a child emotionally. I'm not sure he capable of having a mature conversation regarding this topic. But if it's bothering you this bad, you should at least try. If he is unwilling to have an adult conversation, change his behavior, and satisfy you then maybe you shouldn't marry him.
>>16807664
This guy doesn't care about your needs despite what sounds likes repeated reasonable attempts to communicate what those needs are.
Decide whether you can live with someone who doesn't care about your needs because it doesn't sound like he could/would change.
>>16807711
I agree. In an ideal world, I'd love to be the kind of girl that does that. Problem is that I'm averse to change and weak willed.
1- I don't want to lose him. I love him dearly and I'm scared that fi I give him such an ultimatum, he might just follow me up on it.
2-I'm scared of damaging my sex life even more. Once when I told him via facebook (it's less confrontational that way) about this and what I'd like him to do, he stopped having se with me alltogether for nearly a month. I had to come crawling to him, and after the act he explained why he had done this.
>>16807600
>>16807620
>>16807635
>>16807664
OP I dated a guy like this. It was one of the worst relationships I'd ever been in. He would want me to do stuff to him and have it be exactly as he wanted but when it came to me, it was little or nothing at all. Outside of this, he was a decent guy but there were more negative things than positive things about him. He's being selfish and I want to tell you to be upfront with him and tell him but I get the feeling he would ignore you again. If you want to keep trying, then be direct. But my biggest piece of advice to you is to get out.
>>16807734
>I'm scared that fi I give him such an ultimatum, he might just follow me up on it.
That's the idea, sweetie.
>>16807734
Please leave him. This is not a healthy relationship. For him to not have sex with you for a month when you tried asking for stuff in the bedroom, and then turn it around on you like it's your fault? That's fucked up. Also, this whole environment where you feel like you can't openly speak with him is also fucked up, especially for a man you're about to marry.
Please leave him.
>>16807726
>maybe you shouldn't marry him
I'm an emotionally and intellectually weak person. I already live with him, and we have many years under our belt. I can't just leave him over something as trivial as this.
>>16807600
>I am of course at this point very dry, but he does it anyway, often hurting me,
>>16807664
>feel like a fleshlight when we have sex
>>16807600
>He just ignores it.
>>16807635
>he held my face down and thrusted
>>16807620
>became angry with me.
I don't see how all of this is true, yet "Oh he's so kind"
Do not marry him while this problem is outstanding. You will regret it.
>>16807741
>trivial
>feeling suicidal when talking about this to your boyfriend
>hating your genitals because he thinks they're gross
>not being able to improve an aspect of your relationship without him being emotionally immature
>>16807741
First: it's not trivial
Second: of course you can, so cut that retarded mindset of yours. You are effectively hurting yourself, you realize that?
>>16807741
It's not trivial.
>>16807741
SO not caring about your needs is not trivial.
>>16807728
I want him to change. Damn I sound like those wife beater's wives now "I CAN CHANGE HIM"...
How do I even start a conversation like this? Do I sit him down when he gets back from work and tell him we need to talk? Do I tap his shoulder while he's playing vidya and tell him I need to talk?
And then what?
He will say "We've already talked about this anon. If you want me to do something, you should just tell me while we're having sex." Well I've tried that, and he simply says no, or ignores what I timidly said. And it is timid, because there's no easy way to say "hey can you finger me?" "I'd rather not"
>>16807737
I love him.
>>16807741
>trivial
m8 you're talking about your emotional and sexual wellbeing, this is actually unhealthy. please get out of this relationship.
>>16807763
Would be a start, at least. If you know all the arguments on your side and how he's going to counter them, write them off on a piece of paper that you are going to read from.
Right now, you seem to be begging for arguments to actually stay with him. Only /r9ks would advise you to do so.
>>16807690
Have you tried getting a different boyfriend? Someone who has a touch of decency and tact and isn't a complete and utter moron? He doesn't sound kind or loving or gentle to me when you describe him. He sounds like he's got a head on his shoulders, but he doesn't know how to use it. Much like that oversized sausage he likes to pummel you with.
>intelligent
>doesn't know how sex works
Not -that- bright, is he?
>>16807772
Just because you love him doesn't mean you should stay in a relationship that makes you feel shitty.
>>16807772
It doesn't matter. It really doesn't. He does not care about what you want and is willing to hold it over your head as leverage to get you to back down. That's borderline abusive. He is not a good person.
You're being used. A person doesn't have to hit you to be abusive.
I'd love to hear what you think you love about him. All I've heard are problems.
There are so many good men who'd love a woman like you. Stop letting him push you around. Get help if you need it, but if he cares so little for you then it's time for you to move on.
Can't you just not have sex? Why are girls so slutty
>>16807789
We all want to get laid. Girls too.
>>16807747
He didn't mean to be unkind. He just thinks I don't mind or he's being a bit childish. He's kinder than me.
>>16807753
I think the suicidal thing is probably a collection of a whole lot of other things. My father died very recently, as did one of my friends (she wasn't super close, but still, I went to the pub with her). I'm very depressed and had a very tough childhood filled with neglect.
I just want to curl up into a ball and disappear. This is not the life I wanted. I don't know what I wanted, but this is not it.
>>16807789
Go back collecting good-boy-points.
>>16807600
>which I just bear with
>I've tried hinting in a million ways
>I'm not assertive enough in letting him know
^^^ These are your problems here. You wouldn't have this problem with him or any other dude if you put your foot down, opened your mouth and told him what the fuck you want like an adult.
You bear it and take it and hint and poke and prod but you never open up and say "Listen, mother fucker, you want to keep dating me and having sex with me this is the shit you need to do and this is the shit you need to cut the fuck out."
Start behaving like a real, grown woman and maybe your man will start treating you like one.
>>16807776
That's actually a really good idea. I've got a piece of paper and a pen in front of me right now. I'm going to write down the issues, how I propose we resolve it, an empty column for how he proposes we will resolve it, and then maybe another column for 'was it resolved'? as followup
nah sounds too autistic. I think I'm going to scrap a lot of pages tonight.
>>16807779
If I left him he would be depressed and miserable. I doubt he would be able to find another woman like me. He also attempted suicide when he was much younger, and I don't want to be what causes him to relapse.
Also I love him to bits. Love is blind.
>>16807805
Since I am in a depression as well (I assume you are on the verge), I am going to tell you one thing: just do it. Don't think about how autistic it is, just fucking do it. Anything is better than just scraping paper the entire night.
>>16807782
I feel like I owe a lot to him. He taught me how to be happy, he makes me love myself (to an extent) and is a really positive force in my life. I feel like leaving would be betrayal. To him and to myself. He feels like my other half.
>>16807785
We all make mistakes. I sure am no angel myself.
>>16807786
I feel like I can't move on.
>>16807815
Oh my god, cut that bullshit.
I HATE people who think that they are responsible for the suicide of another person. If he offs himself - so what? It's not your fucking responsibility. Everyone is responsible for himself in that regard.
You CANNOT tip-toeing the feelings of all these hurt people who'd otherwise commit suicide. That NEVER goes well. Read up some stories if you don't believe me - keywords "girlfriend boyfriend suicide leaving". You CANNOT be hold responsible for that, so grow a pair of balls!
>>16807826
You don't sound happy at all (most people aren't when their needs aren't met)
>>16807792
Nothing you've described about him makes him seem kinder than you (or kind at all).
You let him know it's a problem, and you've been ignored and blown off.
I really hope you don't proceed with the marriage before resolving this serious issue.
My last ditch effort would be couples counseling . You say you are timid so make a list of the things you want to discuss/have heard.
>>16807789
Sex is an important part of my life to me. I have a naturally high sex drive, always had one. I'm not slutty though. He's the first and only man I've ever been sexual with.
>>16807804
I agree. I'm actually going to include your comment in my collage of useful comments. I feel like this is what I need to do, as much as it goes against my nature and feels insane.
>>16807834
I know...But it's different here. I really do think he would off himself, and there's no way I'm going to allow this beautiful man to just die because of my selfishness and lack of assertion.
>>16807837
Yeah, I'm going to try and work on that. I want to save our relationship.
>>16807867
OK, then I am giving up. Enjoy your abusive relationship; I have said everything there is to say, the rest is up to you.
>>16807635
Was about to give advice to op but fuck off
If I die today no one would care
Or be at the funeral
Stop dating asshole then asshole
Mcfuckingkillyourself.gif
>>16807826
>He taught me how to be happy
Really? Because everything you say sounds like the opposite
>he makes me love myself
Again, absolute opposite
>I feel like leaving would be betrayal
Because he wants you to believe that you need him and clearly, he succeeded with that.
>We all make mistakes. I sure am no angel myself.
Yes, this relationship that you're in is a mistake.
>I feel like I can't move on
Believe it or not, there are others like you who have gone through this. Do not allow him to be the center of your life.
>>16807877
Damn this is either a troll thread
Or women already would stay with a abuse asshole because he's got a cock and looks good
Congrats on perpetuating a stereotype
Faggot cunt nigger
>>16807867
Actually it sounds like you need individual therapy too.
Plenty of decent advice here... hope the scales fall from your eyes and you act on it.
Tell him up front he is bad at sex and should feel bad.
>>16807904
That would destroy his self esteem.
>>16807895
Yeah, some of us are silly like that.
>>16807897
Can't afford therapy. I can hardly afford to buy necessities, therapy is out of the question.
>>16807877
I'm very sorry to hear that anon. I'm sure many people would weep for you, you just don't see them, or know them well. Maybe they think you're not interested in being their friend or pursuing a relationship with them.
Have you tried explicitly telling him you hate the way you have sex right now? You mentioned that you've tried hinting at it. Maybe he's just not aware that you feel terrible about his put-downs and things like that. Some guys can be pretty unaware of this stuff. Show him this thread maybe.
>>16807958
I already showed him a thread like this I made long ago. No effect. I've made him a thing now, where I wrote down stuff I want to change in our relationship, how and with a followup in a month. I made the same for him, since it's only fair.
I'm just so tired.
>>16807815
You're not responsible for his suicide. Just fyi. You can call the cops and let them know that he might be suicidal, but killing himself is not your fault.
Also threatening to suicide over a breakup is manipulative and abusive as fuck.
>>16807959
Then stop having sex with him.
>>16807961
He didn't threaten suicide...I just know he would try it, very likely. I mean the world to him, and he'd be alone for a very long time without me.
Is he a Muslim
>>16807966
If you mean the world to him, why does he not give a fuck about fucking you properly?
>>16807966
>Means the world to him.
>can't take care of one of the most basic needs.
>>16807962
That's the way it's been going. He tried to today, you know, on the anniversary of my dad dying, and I just stayed limp. He tried to enter me and I said "You should try warming me up" He understood that as I was cold, so I explained that I need foreplay to get wet. He immediately went limpish, but kept trying to force it in, regardless. I sighed and buried my face in the covers. He stopped and hugged me for a long time. He then apologised.
He's not a bad guy, I'm just approaching this the wrong way. The other party always sounds like satan when you hear one side of the story, but you have to trust me in that he's a great guy and truly good deep down. He loves me and cares for me, he just has this vaginaphobia and weird detachment from my sexual pleasure.
>>16807971
Nah. He's a white western european dude. I'm a white eastern european lady.
>>16807972
I have no idea. I've tried everything on my side. I know his whole life story, and there's absolutely no reason for him to loathe vaginas like this, but he does. He doesn't like /d/ickgirls either so that's not the issue. I'm really at a loss here.
>>16807981
He doesn't see it as a basic need. To him sex isn't as important I suppose.
>I just can't leave him over something trivial like this!
>We're not sex compatible
>Our ideas of a fun date are radically different
>We have zero common interests
>But I've been with him for so long!
You're pathetic OP. Jesus christ. Leave him or resign yourself to "it's going to be his way, all the time and every time".
>>16807959
Lady, I know it's something that you really don't want to consider, but I think it's time you break up; especially if he doesn't respond to this latest attempt. A "decent" boyfriend would also consider what his girlfriend wants, especially in bed, which is a mutual thing. You keep saying he is the sweetest and kindest man that you know, but then you mention how he doesn't listen to you and even breaks earlier promises (like treating you nicer when you're having sex)
You say that you're afraid he's going to take you up on your ultimatum of breaking up, but you also say "you mean the world to him" and that he would kill himself. You say he wouldn't "be able to find another woman like me". A lot of the things you say about him seem very different from what actually happens.
I'm really sorry, but now is a good time to assert yourself. Do you have friends outside of this relationship? Any other socialization or interaction? You absolutely need to confront him about this. I really feel you have rose-tinted glasses on, and you need to try and see this from an outsider's POV. If even a "cathedral of misogyny" like 4chan is recommending you break up with him, then there's something wrong. Please read this link as well.
http://www.lapdonline.org/get_informed/content_basic_view/8877
Do you feel like you are doing any of the above? I can see some instances in this thread where you seem to.
(also i'm sorry for falling for it guys, if this turns out to be a b8 thread)
>>16807995
>>16807995
>Nah. He's a white western european dude. I'm a white eastern european lady.
probably considers you an animal or something 2ph
>>16808000
Nice trips, and thank you. You're bumming me out anon. I don't want to break up with him. I am indeed a lot of things on that list. And so is he. That's the point though, if I broke up what would my family think? I'd lose my friends, my support, I'd have to move back to my mother's. I'd lose a lot, and most of all I'd lose him.
It is indeed funny that I'd get such advice from 4chan of all places. It really makes me wonder if I'm completely nuts, when I have over 20 replies telling me to run for the hills.
I'm young, I don't want to waste my life, but I also want him to be in my life. I'm going to try really hard. I'm going to approach him with the "issues" list I made tomorrow.
Things will get better. They have to.
And thank you anon for your kindness. For taking the time to respond. I hope many blessings and good things come across your path, and that you yourself never have to face such relationship issues.
>>16808017
:(
>>16807600
your bf is a closet homosexual
im sorry, op
not trolling
>>16808024
i was js sorry. eastern euro women > western euro (well at least muricans that is) tho.
thread is tldr, cant give you any advice. seems weird that youd fall for him this hard without addressing this first. how long have you been together
>>16808024
Why would you lose your friends and support and your family would think you're being weird when he doesn't even have the decency to give a shit about your sexual desires, which although they comprise a small part of you, are still very much a part of you. Still important, still needs to be treated with more than just "ew you have a vagina I don't like those but I really wanna put my dick in one a lot" which makes no fucking sense.
This whole situation just sounds weird. He's sweet and smart and nice and at the same time doesn't listen, doesn't seem to care, can't get over imaginary issues because he'd rather stick his dick in your dry and get himself off and then go back to play video games. You sound like you're more of a disposable toy than an actual partner. Something he can spend time with, but also completely disregard, and there will be no difference in how things go.
The pieces don't fit together. If he loves you and cares about you, don't think you think he'd have made an attempt in the last several years of you two being together to be like "hey, maybe I should try touching that.... that pink fleshy opening you have. Or learn about it and how it works. You've already made multiple attempts to get him to face it. Maybe leaving is the only thing that will wake his ass up. And yes, you'll have to give up some of your comforts, but I think people would understand that someone being absolute shit in bed and having no REAL reason for being that way, and many, many attempts made to shake things up with no results is something that people can sympathize with.
>>16808024
>I don't want to break up with him.
Why?
>if I broke up what would my family think? I'd lose my friends, my support, I'd have to move back to my mother's. I'd lose a lot, and most of all I'd lose him.
Guess what? Your family isn't dating him. You're friends aren't dating him. You're "support" isn't dating him. You're dating him. So fuck what they think. They don't know the first thing about what you need in a relationship. You do, and you've made it clear that this guy is not meeting those needs. Also, what kind of "support" would be mad at you for choosing not to be with someone? That's the opposite of support...
>It is indeed funny that I'd get such advice from 4chan of all places. It really makes me wonder if I'm completely nuts, when I have over 20 replies telling me to run for the hills.
anonymous advice is probably the best way to get advice. We don't know you. We ultimately don't give two shits what you do, which lets us be honest about what we think about the information you provide.
>I'm young, I don't want to waste my life, but I also want him to be in my life. I'm going to try really hard. I'm going to approach him with the "issues" list I made tomorrow.
I hope it goes well and he changes. I just don't think it'll happen from what you've said about his behavior.
>Things will get better. They have to.
It's good that you're not settling. Do you really want to be in your 30s or 40s and look back on how long you've stuck with a relationship that isn't working for you? Of course not. But so many people do it, thinking it "has to get better". My mom didn't figure this out until she was 50.
>>16808056
Why did I go from "your" which is correct in that context, to "you're"?
Ignore my terrible spelling. I'm a little tired.
>>16808038
No, he hates men, cocks and gays and loves women. He's a stereotypical hetero.
>>16808044
Kek, it's cool. We've been together for nearly 5 years now. I met him online (on 4chan of all places) when I was 18, he's 10 years older.
At first I thought it was stagnation, but he never did this stuff in the beginning either, so it can't be that. I also try and take care of myself, I work out (fitizen) I watch what I eat, I dress well and change up my haircolours for him. I try and make it interesting, but it's like he's just not interested in me beyond relieving tension, like I'm a fleshlight.
>>16808024
There are lots of battered women's shelters and other support lines in general, if you feel it must come to that (regarding the lack of support or a place to live and stuff). They can also help you get back on your feet and stuff. There are also some free therapy sources you can look into.
Your family should support you regardless, unless they're abusive (are they abusive? or do they put you down? you mention "moving back in with your mother's" like it's a bad thing). In the end he's just some dude who's only relevant to them based on his relationship to you, their sibling/daughter/ect. They are not likely to reject you in favor of him.
Also, thanks. What are you going to do if he refuses to listen to the issues list you show him?
>>16808048
Also, what this guy says. Breaking up is often a wakeup call, for shitty men and women alike
>>16808048
You're right. I need to face him and this. I need to be braver. It's base and it's disgusting bedroom stuff, but to me it's important.
I'm this close to leaving him over this. I've had enough. I'm not ugly, I'm not fat and I'm not entirely stupid. I could get someone better.
Thank you for taking the time to write all that. I really appreciate it. It's what I needed. You should be a therapist or something
I'm overwhelmed by all the responses in this thread in general. I've already PDF saved this thread, and I'm going to update those PDFs. There's just so much stuff in here that I wanted to tell myself, but didn't have the words to say it. To make those ideas make sense.
Thank you anon.
>>16808068
I'm an illegal immigrant, I can't go to a support shelter where I live. I'd have to pack my bags and go back to my home country. I'd lose all my friends. And him. I can't bear to think I wouldn't be able to see him again.
>>16808056
> Also, what kind of "support" would be mad at you for choosing not to be with someone? That's the opposite of support...
Recently one of my friends left her husband, and because she had nowhere to stay she stayed over with a friend my other friend hates...This has resulted in her literal expulsion from our social group. "How can she leave her husband? He's such a nice guy" "Why didn't she stay at my place? I bet it was because she was having sex with XYZ" even though her husband was KNOWN to be sickly jealous and abusive.
I think my family would support me thoroughly though.
>>16808099
Not to mention that he could just throw me out into the street, or even take my credit card or passport. He promised he would never do such a thing, and that if it came down to it, he would allow me to grab a plane home, but it still worries me. As a possibility, you know? People get crazy when they're angry and sad.
Have you considered that perhaps he's gay? He doesn't want to look at your face during sex, won't go down, and isn't interested in anything else either. Just saying.
>>16808099
Recently one of my friends left her husband, and because she had nowhere to stay she stayed over with a friend my other friend hates...This has resulted in her literal expulsion from our social group. "How can she leave her husband? He's such a nice guy" "Why didn't she stay at my place? I bet it was because she was having sex with XYZ" even though her husband was KNOWN to be sickly jealous and abusive.
Your friends are fucking morons and should be brought out back and shot. Get new ones. I'm serious. They support known abusive, have zero self awareness. ritually backstab each other and then gossip about it like they can't believe it.
>>16808117
You're right. I wouldn't miss most of my friends all that much.
You see peoples true faces not when they talk about themselves, or their work, or even what or who they love. It's when they talk about others that their most vile side comes out with ease.
>>16808115
No, he's very straight. He hates men and homos. He's the most hetero man ever.
>>16808130
>hates gays and men
>implying it isn't self hatred and shame
>>16808127
If you have a friend who gossips to you about someone, especially another friend in the circle, then you can bet your bottom dollar that they gossip about your secrets too.
>>16808130
Hating homos is a sign of homosexuality, or at least an attraction to homosexual behavior.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8772014
Why would a straight man hate a gay men who's minding his own business? He wouldn't. If anything, he would be happy at the less competition. But he's not. Why?
>>16808099
All I have to respond to your illegal immigrant fear is this:
https://www.domesticshelters.org/domestic-violence-articles-information/protection-for-undocumented-victims-of-abuse
http://www.vawnet.org/print-document.php?doc_id=132&find_type=web_sum_GC
You won't be deported because you're illegal. You are protected under VAWA (which I personally have problems with because it doesn't protect male abuse victims in the same way but this isn't the place)
>>16808146
>>16808149
Well I can't just ask him "Hey Cootie, are you gay by any chance? I mean you hate gay so much and aren't interested in me"
I'm going to tell him "If you're not interested in pussy, then why are you with me, since I have a pussy" tomorrow.
>>16808157
That's good to know. Makes me a little less scared. I'm not a beaten woman though. The most he ever did was throw me on a bed and restrain me. That was pretty frightening since he's a lot larger than me, but that was years ago, and he was mortified about what he did.
Whenever he gets physical it's because I instigate it with having a bad tone or being rude. I have a lot of anger issues and can be quite the sourpuss if I'm having a bad day.
It's 4 am and I'm so tired, but I don't want to sleep. I'm going to have a long day working and cleaning the flat tomorrow, but I guess I'll drink some coffee. I have horrible insomnia and need sleeping pills to sleep.
I'm sorry for offloading all these issues on you anon. I'm sure you have your own, and you've already spent a lot of your time and energy helping me, with your links and kind as well as useful words. Thank you for your help.
>>16807959
Hello anon! Your boyfriend sounds like this dude I used to know. The bits about finding vaginas gross and the whole "I gotta big dick that's all you'll need" sound just like him.
You need to take all this good advice and just dump him and find a better person with who you can be in a healthy relationship and have better sex.
>>16808181
>Whenever he gets physical it's because I instigate it with having a bad tone or being rude. I have a lot of anger issues and can be quite the sourpuss if I'm having a bad day.
yeaaaah
>>16808184
The funny thing is, everyone talks about big dicks like they're this awesome amazing thing, but I'd GLADLY have his penis be half the size it is (8 inches, he never lets me forget it) if he could be a little more considerate in the bedroom.
I'm this close to dumping him. I will if he rejects my "problems with our relationship" discussion tomorrow.
There will be a followup, there's no way he's weaseling out of it this time.
>>16808181
2baity4me
>>16808159
I wouldn't ask that. It's stand-offish and will just upset him. Ask him to have a serious talk, lay out what you're not ok with and what needs to change. And go from there. Make sure to mention that you don't expect him to change overnight, but there are some things that need to change.
>>16808185
I'm a very crazy and angry person. I drank toilet cleaning fluid once, I tried to break my arm, I tried to jump out of his car on the highway. I just sound like this poor lamb because people have this prejudiced idea of what a woman in this situation should be like...But he puts up with a LOT of shit. I've calmed down a lot over the years and I'm more normal now, but there are good reasons for him to restrain me sometimes, so I won't hurt myself.
>>16808194
Life is stranger than fiction anon.
>>16808197
I'm working on a script of what I'm going to talk to him about. The not expecting him to change straight away thing is good
Jesus christ OP, I have little sympathy for you now. Have some self-confidence and stop being a fucking doormat. Otherwise have fun ruining your life by letting some asshole walk all over it, while internalizing all of your relationship problems into self-blame.
>>16808157
Actually I double checked the illegal immigrant thing for the country I live in, if you're an illegal you get deported. Which is fine I guess, but I don't want to have issues with the police. I don't want to have a criminal record, so women's shelters remain a nope area. Police here is very trigger happy with kicking people out.
So I see this chick sometimes; she calls and texts me and says she wants to be with me (in person too) and calls me her best friend and her boyfriend knows about us too.
Why are you talking to me about this shit that would get him pissed but being half secret about it? Why flirt in front of your boy when he becomes a beta orbiter when we do?
She pays for shit when we go out and I know shes nuts about her ex, even says she only talks to him because she feels bad about how he makes him jealous.
Should I be the temp for her? I told her I'd keep her as my side chick if she keeps her boy. Also, she says she's afraid of being with a real man.
>>16808240
Maybe her boyfriend has a cuck fetish? You should make things a little more clear, or else the boyfriend might end up caving your face in.
I think you should temp her if you like her, why not. As long as you're both happy and the bf knows, I don't see the issue. I mean it's weird, but whatever floats your boats.
>>16808245
Lol, dude knows about her flirting with other guys in our group and he's a cuck for real until he snaps and kills us.
I honestly think she just wants to be desired by somebody that means it, but keeps feeding off thjs drama shit until somebody tells her fuck that bullshit.
She says she's never done it, so maybe she's looking for someone that can make it wet and go back to attention whoring where and when she wants it.
It feels like high school bullshit to me ao I'll give her a chance to prove she wants somebody actually, and then wait for her to shut of her past drama.
>>16807600
He's gotta realize that sex is a mutual thing. Without the mutual, you might as well just masturbate.
So you gotta tell him you want to have sex "together" or he's gonna be having sex "alone"
>>16808261
I think you should indeed be careful if she isn't actually after a relationship with you and is just looking for attention.
That can't be good. It doesn't sound normal.
>>16808265
Another good one. Going on my script. This was a pretty productive sleepless night, I must say.
Goodnight. Thank you for all your help anons. You all have beautiful souls.
>>16808199
You are like an abuse victim. Blaming yourself for things you have to endure. Have you ever asked the question why are you crazy? Are you sure it has nothing to do with being a doormat to an unloving asshloe who keeps you practically as a slave exploiting your situation and technically raping you, and being unable to communicate your feelings so the stress builds up and makes you insomniac and "crazy"? You are way too quick to judge that we see the victim in you because you're a woman. A few months ago a guy came here with similar story practically enslaved by a horrible bitch and we told him the same thing what we do to you, leave that fucking asshole. He sounds like a selfish prick and you should dump his ass as soon as possible.
