How do I get her back?
We're nearing our 2 year anniversary and things have been getting increasingly bad. I have severe depression and as I've spiraled within the last year, our relationship has deteriorated some - and I've hurt her (emotionally). The love we share for one another hasn't faltered, but I've neglected the relationship and not been very good to her. We took a break seeing no other solution, and within just a week she's decided it's over.
We both agreed that we should have taken it much sooner, because in this short period of time I have evaluated things and gained a wealth of perspective. I know I need to improve on my own and that it can't happen immediately, but I've never been as committed to change as I am now. She just feels she can't justify and reconcile with herself if she were to stay, even if she does believe it will work out.
I'm a wreck. Best thing that's ever happened to me. Just finished uni and we had plans to get a place in the near future. Plans to do so much.
I know I should have wised up sooner, but the point of the break was to see how we can heal our relationship. I don't even have the opportunity to show her change.
>>16622484
>but the point of the break was to see how we can heal our relationship
Er.. might have some bad news for you there mate. See, there's only two reasons women will suggest a "break" in a relationship.
The first is because they actually want to break up with you but either don't have the nerve or are trying to let you down gently - it's like your boss suspending you on full pay then sending you a "services no longer required" letter a week later instead of just calling you in his office and telling you to gtfo.
The second is because they've found someone else, but they want to test the water and make sure that person is interested in a relationship and not just getting his dick wet. The "on a break" part in that sense means "keeping you on the back burner in case things don't work out with chad thundercock". If he pumps her and dumps her she comes running back to you, and if you find out what happened she claiims it's not actually cheating because you were on a break.
I wouldn't like to say which one it is in your case, but the fact that she's decided it's permanent is probaly not a good sign for you. Better start making plans to improve for yourself or for your next gf rather than her.
>>16622537
It's not that black and white, dude. Not all women are the same.
Anyone else have a different opinion?
>inb4 move on she's just one girl
I've dated and loved plenty. Of course soul mates are bs, but this is the closest I'll ever be to "the one"
>>16622598
Sorry to hear you feel that way
I lost my "the one" a few months ago. She still messages me as friends now which for a while I would have preferred over complete silence...now it just hurts. But I let her do it because I want to be there for her, I want her to be happy, and I have no spine. But I'm happy enough where it's totally okay. And now, I'm moving on, fully.
She's not "the one" and there will be others. I remember going through the same shit during my first breakup and I had a much better gf after.
As I said though although it hurts my ex messages me, its still also really nice in a way. For weeks she wouldn't message me. So, I gave her space. After over a month I finally messaged her letting her know she is still on my mind. More time went by and I deleted her off my shit... and she added me back crying, and here I am now.
So idk. Give her space. Tons of space. Not a week. A month. And even then do not expect to get back together, but maybe a friendly conversation which can turn into reconnecting, and then anything can go from there, but it's obviously a very dangerous path.
Sry if I rambled but basically saying...idk. It's so complicated. I'm constantly torn between wanting her to message me or not, wanting to get back with her or not... Just try and relax, take it day by day, and don't put all your eggs in her basket.
>>16622699
Thanks so much for sharing anon. It's just hard for me to view her as anything else because I have loved before. I've felt even worse in a more naive state of mine. But any love I had prior paled in comparison. It's just hard to imagine my life without her, and I am so filled with regret. She didn't ask for much in return. Just kindness and love, and my depression has rendered me incapable of showing her. I just want another chance...
>>16622716
I understand, trust me I do.
I wish I had more to say but I'll just say what everyone here kept telling me when I made threads... keep your head up, keep trying to move on, work on yourself, and work on yourself FOR yourself, not in the hopes to impress her.
Seriously, I've been doing these things, and that heartbroken sinking feeling has been all but erased. Now, when my ex gf messages me...as I said it still hurts but I am still able to talk to her confidently, and happily. I wouldn't have been able to do that if I was still obsessing over what went wrong in the relationship and stuff.
