>22-year old "soon-to-be-ISIS" europe-faggot
>First world country, middle class
>Overprivileged as shit just as anyone else in this faggot country.
>Depressed over the fact that I'm depressed (first world problems are great)
> Trying to prevent this fucking loop from happening but it's like a mental cycle.
> Social work internships gets me in contact with tons of less-privileged people
> Was hoping to become a less self-absorbed faggot by doing this
> Instead feel even more fucking depressed over how privileged yet unhappy I am
> Don't deserve to fucking live but don't want to go out the faggot way either
> Realize everything I wrote above is making me sound even more like a whiny privileged white faggot.
> Spend over an hour fidgeting with a post on /adv/, realize that I'm not achieving shit by acting like someone I'm not
> Fucking post it anyway without even having an actual question. Hope for someone to pick everything apart and remind me of how much of a faggot I am.
> SELF-ABSORBED FAGGOT used SELF-VALIDATION, it's super effective.
> Realize that this sarcastic shield is really fucking pathetic
> Hope someone sees some retarded pattern in my behaviour / acting / writing
> Secretly want to hear that I'm a narcissitic douchebag for that sweet validation
> Probably going to hear that I'm a whining faggot
> Gonna feel like I deserve it
> The cycle fucking repeats..
How do I stop this.
get into music bruh
>>16610929
Find a list of the great works of literature in the western cannon. find something that looks like it could be pertinent to your sensibility and situation. READ IT. THINK ABOUT IT. MOVE ON TO THE NEXT BOOK.
Although I do not know you personally I would suggest that you might want to start the books that have IDENTITY as one of it's central themes.
also... Anon is right.. listen to some good music also.
Find a happy place. I get very depressed and have similar thoughts, and honestly the only thing that takes my mind off my thoughts are the time wasting distractions.
For me, videos of river otters calm my thinking and makes me feel happy. I don't know why, I just really like these little guys and seeing them play makes me smile and forget my depression for a while, every single time.
I don't know if you have something similar, but it might help.
Wish I could give you more long term advice, but I don't know of any.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLVf8lWISqE
>>16610929
stop the self-hate.
you need to practice self-love.
you CHOOSE to think negatively about yourself.
sure it's some generic new age hippy druggie bullshit, but it's true. why would you refer to yourself as a white faggot? as a self-absorbed faggot? as 'really fucking pathetic'? why are you talking yourself down? for what sensible, logical reason? stop talking yourself down, and start talking yourself up. and do the things that your gut says you should.
>>16611115
>you CHOOSE to think negatively about yourself.
Not him, but I don't think that's true. Thoughts aren't that easy to control, especially ones that are ingrained into you.
>>16611121
it is true. its not easy to change, but it is possible. i used to be suicidal and i am now relatively okay, but i do have periods where i feel useless and powerless and just let the horrendous thoughts enter my mind and wash over me.
then i remember i can think about something else or think about going to the gym, and then go to the gym.
To the following posters:
>>16611066
>>16611096
>>16611115
>>16611121
>>16611174
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your advice and words. I was regretting posting this since I 100% realize what I sound like but your kind words have inspired me. I'm definitely picking up western cannon literature, I have a strong interest in reading and I can definitely work up the discipline to pursue myself in it. I'll start researching a reading list after writing this..quickly.. then rush the papers and start torrenting PDF's... and then finally get in bed so I can read with a clear mind. I can summarise the movies and thoughts in a journal for better introspection.. that's actually a great idea. I'm definitely looking into identity too.
And I'm definitely trained in putting myself down. It feels so fucking natural to me.. it just makes me feel at ease almost. Like its easier for others to accept me if I just spill shit like a teenage brat. Holy shit there I go again. Choosing to be positive is going to be really fucking hard for me.. I really like the idea of creating a happy place... I think I can realize that for myself (and find new music too..) . Holy shit those otters are cute though... I think I'm going comatose..
Thank you all a ton. I'm going to be busier tomorrow then usual.
