Do you believe in contacting an ex for closure ? Especially when you think you have moved on.
Do you believe every person deserves an honest communication, even when they weren't communicative in the first place ?
>>16605707
Not at all.
Life isn't a Hollywood movie. Many of your relationships, prospects, and dreams aren't made or broken in climactic yet satisfying milestones.
If you try to pursue that, you're going to wind up less satisfied than you are now.
Having said that, I'm presuming that there are no circumstances warranting a follow-up.
>>16605707
Yes and no... I have contacted exs for closure, but it was hard and sometimes I'd get mixed feelings like I want to be with them again.
A few years after, I was in a relationship and it was going great. I found out he didn't have closure with his ex. They literally got into a stupid, escalated argument, and stopped talking to each other, too stubborn to even apologize or make up for argument. And they didn't speak to each other for five years. She came in contact with him. They had "closure," but somewhere along the line, it turned into "I still love you." and yea, he cheated on me and left me for her. I'm still pretty heart broken. They were only together for 7 months several years ago. I was with him for 3 years...
Ex contact is a danger zone. From this personal experience, I wouldn't get into a new relationship until what you had with an ex is dead and buried.
Although Lucas is stupid, listen to what he says in this movie about moving on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8hQVlRgFlU
It's going to be very difficult and hard, but you need to do it. Just move on, welcome new things.
>>16605713
>Having said that, I'm presuming that there are no circumstances warranting a follow-up.
Nah, she was cold to me out of the blue. I wish she confronted me with whatever was wrong. But then again, having already gone through the "grief stages", what's the point. I have no interest in cowards.
I just wish she told me whatever I did wrong.
>>16605718
Sorry to hear that. Sounds like what your relationship and his ex was a pretty big deal. I guess it's hard to judge how strong are feelings from another perspective.
>>16605772
Did that. Almost. Kept following her twitter (and vice versa). She said something mean, I said something meaner. She came back harder. I stopped there. My anger ended weeks ago.
Not all contact are definilty cut and loose.
>>16605867
Meant to say "NOW all contact are definitely cut and loose."
No. God no, in fact, for men.
Look, exes become exes for a reason. They're practice, nothing more. You may be scarred by them, in denial about them, or legitimately going through the whole grieving process about losing them... but the point is that from the moment the relationship ends, your focus, your potential for learning, happiness and peace MUST come from inside you for there to be real growth as a man. To seek closure via validation is to remove the focus on your own self-reliance to build a better future for yourself.
You can rephrase that in any one of a hundred trite ways, about being focused on the past and missing the present, and failing to grow for the sake of your future, but whatever.
You need to find meaning in a relationship that went tits up, or you're not going to have learned from it. It's just like learning to walk. At some point you have to do it on your own, or you're not going to learn it at all.
And, finally, as a man, you need to learn to accept failure. We need to fail spectacularly sometimes, to learn how to start over and succeed. Seeking external validation for that is robbing yourself of the opportunity to toughen up and learn how to do it correctly.
>>16605867
If you kept following her twitter, you didn't do it. Cut all contact, no more phone calls, no more social media, no more driving by her house, no more walking in to her coffee place. It's hard and all your instincts will tell you it's a bad idea but you have to go through with it, you have to move on. Like >>16605892 says
