I don't have any friends, I screwed that up. I have BPD, depression, I weigh 300 pounds; no chance of having a stable relationship with people, no chance of being in a relationship.
I failed college twice, put my parents in incredible debt. Have moved back with them 5 times now. Because of my BPD, I have a tough time holding onto a job. When employer finds out about my illness, they require me to go to mandatory therapy or be fired. Oh and I have to pay out of pocket for my own sessions or be fired.
All I have is music and film in my life. I don't have any other skill sets other than jerking off and extended bad hygiene.
I'm still a virgin, I'm turning 29. I just feel so lost. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have anyone that really cares about me. The ones that do are all gone today. Busy, vacations, work. I don't have anyone right now and I can't stop crying. My eyes are red and they really hurt to close. I don't know what the point of this post is.
I just desperately want to be normal. I just want a friend. I just want a happy birthday.
>>17363175
Listen, you keep looking for other things to help solve your problems. When you can't find those things, you try to escape. Fantasy, film, etc.
You need to start dedicating yourself to something greater. A goal, an ambition, a dream. Something that you need to sacrifice for.
Because it doesn't seem like you really sacrificied for anything in your life.
You already know some of the problems in your life. You are monstrously obese, you constantly jerk off and seek pleasure, etc.
What you need to do is develop good habits. Motivation comes and goes, but it is discipline that makes mountains into molehills.
I want you to find one problem in your life, one serious problem, and dedicate 2 hours a day to just working on that one problem. Rain or shine, 2 hours. You have time.
I would select your weight. Get your weight under control.
What you have to realize is that this will take a while. You've spent 30 years getting yourself into this mess. It's gonna take a while to unfuck yourself.
I made this for you, OP. My kitty makes me very happy. I hope he can make you smile too!
>>17363175
>>17363200
And I want to add:
>I don't have any friends, I screwed that up. I have BPD, depression, I weigh 300 pounds; no chance of having a stable relationship with people, no chance of being in a relationship.
>I failed college twice, put my parents in incredible debt. Have moved back with them 5 times now.
The reason you feel people don't care about you is because you don't care about yourself. A person who cares about themselves doesn't balloon up to 300 pounds, or constantly jerk off, or fail to wash themselves.
Start legitimately caring about yourself, and you'll find other people start to care too.
>>17363175
Have you ever thought about adopting a kitten and to learn how to take care of it?
>>17363175
maybe you should stop having bpd.
think about it.
Just because you're 29 doesn't mean you can't turn your life around. You still have about 45-55 years left (assuming you lose weight). So don't give up on yourself just yet, that also means don't neglect your hygiene. You'll need that if you intend to make friends anytime soon.
Can you get paid therapy for your BPD, or maybe at least get medicine prescribed so as to diminish the effects the sickness has on you? I really don't know much about BPD so I can't help you any more with this, unfortunately.
You definitely have to control your bad habits, like jerking off etc. Concentrate on your more productive habits and try to add new ones that let you improve yourself, for example sports, as that would help with your weight too. Make attainable goals for yourself - nothing too fantastic, but don't shoot too low either. When you accomplish a goal its okay to reward yourself, but try to minimize the indulgence.
During your day you have to recognize the situations and settings that make you succumb to quick pleasures and actively avoid them. When you feel like you're about to give in to a bad habit again force yourself to do something else. This is hard and takes a lot of discipline but it will pay back thousandfold.
I would wish you a happy birthday but I guess that's somewhat cynic considering your situation. I hope you're going to be okay though
Whenever I feel bad, I read threads like this to remind myself I'm actually doing well.
Thanks OP.
