Also, let this be a message to anyone who is interested in threesomes: DO NOT FUCKING DO IT.

I've spent a handful of years fantasizing about sex with 2 men at once or having a woman help me take care of my man.. It was seriously the most stupid decision I've ever made in my life, and easily my biggest regret so far. This has seriously completely destroyed my relationship for me, and I never should have been selfish enough to push someone I loved to do something they didn't want to for a stupid, unrealistic and childish fantasy. It was NOT worth it.

You did mess up very badly. You need to have very open communication and profusely apologize with him to start. Don't jump immediately to therapy but keep it as an option, first thing needs to be to talk with him about it, a lot, ask him if there's anything that can be done to repair the relationship. Ask him if he's still interested in pursuing a relationship with you. You as a person are also very broken, bad ideas turn into bad mistakes, repent. Seek restoration for yourself as well.

>>17362139
>You need to have very open communication and profusely apologize with him to start.
I have. And he forgave me for it. I can't even believe that he's been so forgiving and nice about this. And the worst part is that I'm not even sure I would feel that bad FOR HIM if I had enjoyed it as much as I thought I would. It's like I was completely blinded by being a selfish cunt.

>Ask him if he's still interested in pursuing a relationship with you.
Yes, he has already said that he intends to stay with me and that we can work past it. The problem is that I don't think I can.

I want more than anything in the world to be with him forever and have everything the way it has always been, but I fucked up so badly. It's like a nightmare that I have to keep waking up to every single day. I keep wishing and praying that I'd somehow be given a chance to take back my stupid decisions.

I know that this is my fault and that I deserve this pain 100% and then some, but he doesn't. I should've protected our relationship and I didn't.. I'm the one who doesn't feel like we can make it through this. Is there any hope for me to be able to have a real relationship with him now that I feel I've ruined it?

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>>17362124
So you couldn't please your man properly and saw how another girl could swallow your bf's load?

Bitch you brought this upon yourself. I'd suggest breaking up or taking time apart from each other. Maybe then you can have threesomes with strangers and not feel guilty about being a cockgobbling slut.

>>17362124
Listen OP, if you hadn't done it, you would still be shlicking about the thought of a threesome with your man and finding it incredible. Now you know.

I had the same issue as you, I thought it would be hot, went along with it, then at some point I had to go for a bathroom break and when I came back up and saw her ride him, I was juste like "fuck this, it's not fun and I hate this".

I never talked about it anymore with the guy because he was a douchebag that kept pushing for it and eventually cheated on me, though I'm still friend with the girl.

At least you seem to be able to talk about it and discuss that sort of things, so that's a good point. Think about this OP, imagine if you had been having the hots for anal sex and had been pressuring your boyfriend for a long while. And at some point he obliges and you sit there with a cock up your ass thinking of how horrible this is. Well, it's the same sort of deal, you made him do something you didn't end up liking, he didn't like either. You learnt that it's not your thing. It's not the end of your relationship. Maybe one day he'll ask you to do something sexual you aren't really into and experimenting is fine, and you're not obliged to like everything you try.
Tbf with all the mindfuck about consent where you need to have a triple signed form that everything is mapped out beforehand and no hand will land on a place where it hasn't been consented to, people forget that sometimes, sex isn't fun. Sex is about experimenting and going out of your comfort zone once in a while, "just because", just to see what it's like and yes, just because you want to please your partner. So that's what happened.
You still have a loving relationship and you both seem to have learnt your lesson. Don't let this get bigger than it is, but if you find that you can't let it rest, then the issue is something more deep seated in you and that's a couple counselling thing yes.

Monogamy works for a reason.

Consider this a learning experience.

>>17362153
Well you have to think of it this way. If he still loves you and he didn't want it at all and you pushed him to do it and he came FOR YOU, he is more than likely not going to cheat on you or chase other women. That man is yours and he isn't going anywhere. I'm not saying be clingy, but he's the same man that you've been dating.

If your problem isn't jealousy and rather feeling bad for the fella. There is no need. He came, he probably had a little bit of a good time, but he more than likely won't do it again.

>>17362153
>The problem is that I don't think I can.
I can see that, forced threesome feels very similar to cheating, and from my perspective it would always be much more painful to be on the end that did wrong, for the shame and self-bitterness.
>I keep wishing and praying that I'd somehow be given a chance to take back my stupid decisions.
You and I both know that isn't possible.
.>Is there any hope?
Yes there is always hope. You need to be open with several close friends, as well as your boyfriend, with the burden of shame that clothes you and the feelings of hopelessness that you yearn to overcome. There can be comfort in others standing beside you. I also believe that if you and your boyfriend had a season of celibacy, possible one that lasts until marriage, you would recover together.
>Praying
I don't know if you were serious in this, but I am. Pray for hope, that comfort and solution in your situation would be made realistic, pray that your burden would be lifted from you, that you would have relief, pray for forgiveness, that you may come to forgive yourself. You do deserve what you're dealing with but you don't have to remain stuck in it. That is why Christ died, there's always a way out.
>>17362164
People come here because they know they fucked up and recognize that they need help, don't shit on this this thread faggot.

>>17362185
>>17362169
I don't even know what exactly the problem is. I'm not jealous, I know that he was only interested in having sex with me. He didn't want to have that threesome, and he was very nervous, even when I agreed to have a woman as the third and let him choose if and when we had another, and if it would be a woman again.

It's not just that I feel like shit for making him do something he didn't want to. I just... do. I feel fucking terrible. It's all I can think about all day, every day. It's like I'm burning with regret. Our relationship just doesn't feel the same. I hate the thought that he's had sex with another woman, right in front of me. It's almost like I walked in on him cheating on me, but I fucking made him do it, even though he didn't want to. Fuck. I hate myself for not putting a stop to it the instant it started to feel wrong. I felt so stupid in the moment, I didn't want to stop him or her from having fun because I pushed for it so hard and ended up hating it.

Forgive me if it seems like I'm fishing for a pity party here -- It's actually quite the opposite. I think I feel even worse because he won't be mad at me for it. I know that it hurt his feelings for me to have kicked what he wanted aside because I so selfishly thought that I NEEDED a threesome even if it was at his expense. I put him second. I am just completely beside myself over how stupid I've been

>>17362192
>You need to be open with several close friends, as well as your boyfriend, with the burden of shame that clothes you
Do you think that a support group of some sort might be able to help me work through this? What you said made sense to me, and I think I would like to go to couple's counseling, but I don't feel like the solution to my problem is isolating it in a small room with one other person.

> I also believe that if you and your boyfriend had a season of celibacy, possible one that lasts until marriage
I don't even know what to think about this. I WOULD consider myself Christian even though I obviously do plenty of things that are explicitly condemned in the Bible. My boyfriend doesn't totally know what he believes, but our relationship has already taken shape and formed with us having sex as a regular part of our lives.

We haven't had sex since that night, but I feel like it would be really unfair of me, at least when it comes to the relationship itself, to tell him that a boundary we crossed years ago is now off limits. Who knows, though.. I can barely look at him without feeling sick and panicked, let alone have sex with him. This is something we'd have to have a long talk about. I know that he has needs, and I don't think any man would like being asked to not get any.

>>17362215
You need to learn to forgive yourself and be free of shame. If you need counseling for that then don't hesitate, and don't be afraid to lean on your loved ones, they're there to help you.

>>17362153

>I keep wishing and praying that I'd somehow be given a chance to take back my stupid decisions.

As a person you are defined by your experiences, choices, desires and wants.

If you went back in time not knowing the consequences, you'd do it again; That's the person you are.

Use your experience to improve yourself.

>>17362232
Well. What if I went and spoke to a pastor? I don't expect my boyfriend to take 100% of it to heart, and even I am very skeptical that I'd be able to follow their advice completely, at least at first, but I do respect a pastor's advice on family and relationships. They're usually very spot-on with living in good relationships. Do you think a pastor would agree to have a sit down with me and help me work through it?

I should mention that I did spend my early childhood in church -- It's not that my beliefs have left me, I've just distanced myself from that life so much over the last handful of years..

>>17362235
I get that. And I agree with you. It's just that I'm suffering over this. I feel like this could've been avoided if I had just been reasonable and respected what my boyfriend wanted. My main regret is just that I was so careless towards him. I feel stupid for ever being interested in a threesome, but I think the ultimate problem is that I disrespected someone I love. Someone who's treated me so great and never disrespected me. He didn't deserve this. Fuck.

>>17362230
>>17362261
Nearly everyone, including Christians, act in some way which is considered ungodly. The Gospel and the instructions within it don't exist to condemn those that stray from the narrow path but to provide freedom from the sorrows of this world, freedom from falling into your current situation. Even after coming to your current position, you're not too far to receive grace and learn how to forgive yourself. I don't mean to take your post and Jesus it up but I fully believe that this is the only path to true recovery.
None of your anxiety, your shame, your regret, your hurt, and anything else that now encumbers you is able to dim the light of Christ, dampen His love for you, or inhibit His ability to restore you. I don't think speaking with a pastor is a bad idea, but if you do you should ask about how to receive God, and the provisions He has in store for you, rather than what you should do.
Now what He he has in store for you, and what you should pursue, can be found here.
Philippians 4:6 and 1 Peter 5:7 are clear on anxiety with, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." And, "Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."
In Psalm 34:4-5, David speaks of the relief from shame found in God's love. "I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed."
Forgiving yourself and allowing yourself to be loved comes with seeing how God views you, and shifting your perspective to allow His healing in. 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
All of these things are found in the Holy Spirit, in allowing God to be with you.

>>17362124
>I hate the thought that he's had sex with another woman, right in front of me. It's almost like I walked in on him cheating on me

I t seems that in your mind it's not "almost like". He enjoyed it. He cheated on you. No matter that it was entrapment. If he could do it in front of you he could do it behind your back.

He had a choice and he made it. You don't like what that says about him. You probably don't like what that says about you either and are angry at him for making you realize it every time you see him.

I doubt you are going to to get "counseled" out of this. Move on.

>>17362261
Jesus anon stop with the self-hate. It's like you're just looking for a stick to beat yourself up with and fuck everything up. Your relationship is still solid, your bf still loves you, where the hell does that need to hate on yourself come from? Why can't you forgive yourself?

As an aside, you aren't responsible for other people's feelings. You nagged and nagged at your boyfriend but in the end HE DID IT. You didn't pull a gun on his head and went "now we're having a threesome". It's not ALL your damn fault. At some point he went through the motions and got his dick sucked by a person that wasn't you. Also, rule number one of the threesome is that you check in once in a while with all participants that everyone is still cool.

As far as my psychological insights go, especially when you say stuff like "it was as if I walked in on him cheating", you didn't draw your own boundaries. What it comes down to is that you didn't respect yourself. You let someone do something that waltzed over your boundaries and rather than stop it, you let it happen. Rather than being able to get angry at the person doing the boundary busting (which indeed, you can't do because you were the one suggesting it BUT said person isn't entirely blame free) you hate on yourself now. But you have hate and it needs to come out. Emotions aren't logical and you are trying to make sense and stay logical whereas your primal brain is triggered to the moon and back and wants you to hurl feces at the other girl.

Get your ass to relationship counseling.

>>17362283
How is it his fault if she pressured him into doing it? Jesus, you women find every excuse possible not to accept responsibility for your own actions.

>>17362285

I'm not a woman. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. Pressure isn't an excuse.

>>17362285
If he truly didn't want to do it he could have told her to fuck off.

If it's not rape when a girl is just pressured into sex because in the end she gives in and consents, then this guy is also a consenting party and can't just hide behind "muh muh but in fact i didn't want to".

>>17362230
>>17362261
>>17362280
Speaking with a pastor may be a good idea, but if you do then ask about how you would be able to receive the Holy Spirit and come close to God.
In Luke 11:13 Jesus speaks of His promise of the Spirit to all who ask. "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
Acts 2 is a of the first time the disciples of Jesus received His Spirit, and of how everyone is to receive it and all that comes along with it. Too long to copy pasta.
Galatians 5:22-23 speaks of the fruit of the the promised Spirit with, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." And 2 Corinthians 3:17 of the freedom aforementioned, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
I hope this is landing, I know I'm mostly throwing scripture at you, but this what God has promised to you. This is peace and recovery on the supernatural level that your heavenly Father wants to give to you.

>>17362283
No part of me consciously blames him. I still love him to pieces. I really can't even describe exactly what it is that has me so upset and hurt, but I don't have any anger towards him. It wasn't his fault.

>>17362284
> You nagged and nagged at your boyfriend but in the end HE DID IT.
>If he truly didn't want to do it he could have told her to fuck off.

This is where I disagree with you. It's true that I didn't hold a gun to his head and force him to do it, but within the realm of our relationship itself, the only reason why it came to this is because I put it on the table and wouldn't let it go until he gave in. If he wanted a threesome, or was even partially interested in one, he would've said yes the first or second time. It took a LOT of convincing to get him to do it, and I feel like a disgusting person for that. I made him feel insecure about our relationship, and he started to worry that he might not be enough for me alone. He started to worry that he'd lose me if he denied my childish desires. If we're not together 20 years from now, he might look back and think "I shouldn't have done that", but right now in this moment, this is completely my fault. I put our relationship in grave jeopardy when I made him feel like he had to do it in order to keep me happy, and is no one's fault but my own.

>>17362363
And I forgot which trip codes I used.

>>17362366
One more try. Then I'm going to jump ship..

>>17362297
>>17362284
>>17362280

Well. Thank you so much for your input. I know it probably doesn't matter much to you, but I feel like you guys have helped put my mind a little more at ease than it was. I truly do appreciate it, and hope that something good comes around to you in return for helping someone you don't know.

I'm going to seek out counseling and see about talking with a local pastor. And talking through this with my boyfriend. At least for now, I'm not going to give up on the relationship.

>>17362363
>No part of me consciously blames him
>consciously

See how you you reveal yourself?
You are not being honest with yourself.
It will fester and fester.

I hope I am wrong but is seemes pretty apparent to me.

You can only lose trust once.

>>17362153
>And the worst part is that I'm not even sure I would feel that bad FOR HIM if I had enjoyed it as much as I thought I would

honest with us now but you are correct, had you done the two men first, let that guy pound away and cum in your mouth and swallow your bf could have been devastated. First because it was you berating him to make it happen and second because you loved it and third it would not have stopped despite his discomfort

>>17362153
so wait a minute. You convince him and now you will punish him by breaking up and moving one to some other guy?

I think it might help if you think of that girl like you would an ex-girlfriend of his: in the past, long gone, never to return.

What exactly bothers you? Does the image of another girl sucking his dick make you feel jealous? Insecure of your own sexual abilities? Betrayed? Unloved?

Try to pinpoint those feelings and work to counter them.

>>17362283
I agree anon. I think OP is more angry with her bf because he didn't stop and should have loved her enough not to enjoy being serviced by another woman. That is why she feels different towards him.

Had it been a man, as she fantasized about for years, (and I bet she knows who the guy was she wanted to bring in) she would have enjoyed this because her bf would have been the third wheel and she would be setting the next marathon fuck session up right now.

Question for OP is have you thought perhaps one way to get over this is to have a threesome with a guy now?

It's your fault for being a slut J

>>17362297
I fail to see what all this bible shit has to do with a threesome

>>17362363
>made him feel insecure about our relationship, and he started to worry that he might not be enough for me alone
he will always feel that way now OP and I bet he knows while there will be no more threesomes at some point when you want to do something like this again you will but he will not be invited

>>17362283
> please please please have sex with another woman in front of me
> oh shit /adv/ he actually did it :(
> he cheated on yo ass, gurl

Do you even logic?

I also suggest you two agree to spend some time without seeing each other to calm your emotions. Then you should be able to clear your mind and better understand how you feel and how to see if you can fix it.

Why are YOU feeling anything negative in the first place? You do not like him because of what YOU made him do? That's not even possible unless you're suffering from some heavy issues.

>>17362445
She really wanted a threesome with another man but used a woman as incentive the first time because of her bf's reluctance.

>>17362445
>Do you even logic?

Do you? Do you think feelings are about logic? Had she been logical, she wouldn't have done it in the first place.

>>17362483
she has wanted to fuck other people throughout the whole relationship, finally couldn't contain her lust and was willing to destroy her bf to make it happen.

While I feel bad for the bf I also believe him a fool and surely would never wife someone like OP.

>>17362480
>>17362483
It's still not cheating, he did it because he asked her. He wasn't in the wrong if he enjoyed it, I can't see any way he was in the wrong in this situation. He finally accepted to do something he didn't want to to please his girlfriend and now he's the bad guy? Come on.

Your boyfriend most assuredly plowed other women before you. How does that make you feel?

This is the same. That woman means nothing. Stop stressing about retarded shit like this. I don't understand how you can 'see him differently' - all he did was give YOU what YOU want. Plenty of women would be happy to have that, so cut the shit and be happy you have someone.

For real, all you did was fuck another person together. Quit getting so twisted about it. Sex is just sex. Love is the important part. He loves you. Calm the fuck down.

>>17362512
>It's still not cheating

This isn't a court of law or a debating society. I she feels it was cheating... at any level... than it is for her.

Woman: Does this dress make me look fat? Tell me honestly.

Man: Yes.

Woman: Boo Hoo! You bastard! How can you say I look fat?

>>17362522
>This is the same.

No, it's not. They weren't in a committed relationship before.

>>17362512
He is. He made a choice to have sex with a woman who was not his girlfriend. Nobody forced him. Nobody raped him. OP is absolutely in the right to feel cheated on, and she should very much end the relationship. Nobody should stay with a cheater.

OP is off to see the pastor. He'll fix it.

That could happen.

>>17362372
>I'm going to seek out counseling and see about talking with a local pastor

I'd love to be a fly on that wall.

OP: "Pastor, I'm living in sin, fornicating with one guy and I invited another girl in to fornicate with him also. It didn't go so well. How can I get back to just fornicating with one man?"

>>17362573
now don''t forget she really wanted to fornicate with two men at the same time but settled for two women to ease her bf into the threesome scene

>>17362573
She wants sympathy and someone to help her not to feel bad but she had no empathy. Notice even now she isn't really concerned about how her bf may really be struggling only that she is. She even said had she enjoyed it she wouldn't have given one thought about her bf or how he was feeling. A pastor cannot fix a lack of empathy

>>17362180

Lmao