I hear fetlife is popular. You still run the risk of coming across a bad apple or two, so you should still always be a little careful, but I hear they generally have a good community going on.

>>17361915
how do I spot them?

>>17361919
It's likely they'll have a bad reputation with other community members already. You'll have to interact with an array of people and socialize to learn the general ins and outs.

>>17361926
This sounds even harder than just finding a normal spouse.

>>17361930
I really think it has a lot to do with your location. I remember visiting a friend in a big city in a different part of the country, and it seemed nearly everyone I met there was openly into kink as a part of their lifestyle. But where I'm from I've only maybe come across one or two closeted people who never talk about it.

>>17361937
I'm in a 29 000 person city. I've tried finding the "lgbt community", or at least other gays, and so far I know both of them. One of them is twice my age and the other one is female.

>>17361942
Yeah, I'm from a densely populated place myself, so it seems to maybe be a cultural thing too.

>>17361947
So I really have no way to be loved unless I both get into vocational school and make it through without collapsing, AND moving away to a big city where I don't know anyone, not to speak of finding a job there?

At all?

>>17361953
What? Who said that? It's just going to take some digging and effort. At least try fetlife first before giving up.

Here, maybe try asking the current bdsm thread over on /d/
>>6910272

I think they're in one of those periods now where excessive text discussion is discouraged in favor of just posting porn images, but at least in the past it's been a pretty helpful place to ask for bdsm advice, and there may be somebody interested in helping still hanging out there.

>>17361961
These conversations always end up going in circles and always end up there.

I'll have a look, still.

>>17361973
I think it's dead, but I'll look for the new one, thanks!

>>17361898
Find BDSM groups online. Many have regular just-friendly meetups (Some call them "munches") where newbies can meet, ask questions, decide whether to join.

Be aware that sub men looking for dom women make up the biggest group, so if you're one, competition will be heavy. And sub women looking for dom men are the rarest.