/adv/, my boyfriend is whip-smart, handsome, and honest. He has always been kind and gentle to me.
The problem is that he's kind of childish and doesn't handle adversity/being frustrated very well. For example, one time he couldn't get his computer to work. He had to spend a long time tinkering with it, and as that process went on, he got more and more upset and ended up raising his voice. He almost seemed on the verge of tears. The more he escalated over a minor problem, the more my heart felt like a cold stone.
Or another time, he ordered food and it came hours late. Same as above, he was stomping around and yelling and loudly sighing while I sat on the couch and begged him to calm the fuck down, made silly jokes, etc. Reader, I could almost feel myself dry up.
I don't want to be around someone who can't handle problems and stresses me the fuck out over stupid shit, because I'm going to feel a chunk of what he feels. I explained the above to him and hopefully it will help, but what if it doesn't? Would you dump someone over this?
Yes. Why on earth would you want to live with a petulant emotional powder keg? My step-mom is like this. Going out in public with her is almost painful when she starts verbally abusing people over stupid shit. It's a wonder my dad is still with her.
>>17360677
When you explained the above to him, did you also explain that if he can't display some maturity in the face of minor frustration, that you're going to drop his childish ass? Because that's a threat he needs to hear and you need to mean.
>>17360690
I would just feel bad about it because he's such a sweetheart, and he would have long-term potential in spades if he didn't do this stuff.
>>17360677
>Would you dump someone over this?
Have you broached the subject of therapy yet? Some people are just petulant children, but others just need to sort out the stress in their life. If you have true feelings for him, give him a chance to improve himself before you split.
>>17360699
I'm not sure threatening to break up with your partner is ever really a good idea and if you do have to threaten to break up clearly the relationship isn't healthy enough to bother putting that much effort in.
>>17360701
>he has long term potential in spades
>can't resolve simple conflicts with strangers without massive drama
Do you really expect he's not going to take it out on you the very first time you guys have a serious relationship issue? Hell, he might have similar breakdown just addressing the problem itself.
>>17360711
This. Relationship ultimatums are just as childish.
>>17360719
Ah, he did use a louder voice when he was talking to the food people on the phone, but he didn't belittle them/say or do anything mean.
He gets maximum butthurt but he doesn't hurt other people. Otherwise I definitely wouldn't deal with him.
>>17360733
Small consolation. But like you said, his emotional state is, to some degree, tied to yours. That's what happens in a relationship. Do you really want to devote your own well-being to someone who is going to regress to a 4 year old who dropped his ice cream every time something untoward happens?
>>17360744
That is definitely a huge concern. Do you think people can change? I don't want to write him off because I've been dealing with such monstrous garbage men who didn't care about me and only wanted to fuck me. At least this one loves me.
>>17360755
People can change. But it's fucking difficult and requires an honest evaluation of your own faults and shortcomings so you can thoughtfully move forward and implement change. Someone who can't or won't even acknowledge that they have a problem, let alone that it's bad enough to require serious attention, are not going to change. Ever. It depends on what kind of person your boyfriend really is.
>>17360765
I'm honestly not sure how my boyfriend felt because I talked to him over the phone (won't get to see him in person for three days).
He just went really quiet and alternately said "Yeah" and "Okay" in a heartbroken voice. I tried to hammer it home that we were having this discussion because he has a lot going for him and I care about him, otherwise I wouldn't bother, so hopefully it'll work.
I kind of feel like a bitch for basically saying "Stop having feelings so much because it tires me out".
>>17360677
a smart girl would actually break up with him for a little bit, tell him he needs to learn a lesson and he will figure it out, just wait for him to come around and don't be spiteful, then contact him in a month or two and see how he's doing if he misses you but has been working harder to become more mature an seems hopeful get back with him and help him do even better, my ex used to say i had the same problem, but she got with someone else because she was selfish and i've learned alot but now im alone and sad alot, if you really caare about him i think you could help him alot by sticking it out for a couple weeks, be patient practice restraint and put him first, im sure in the end you two will both learn alot..... damn im lonely xD
