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Anonymous
Should I see a shrink?
2016-07-10 20:39:45 Post No. 17344054
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Should I see a shrink?
Anonymous
2016-07-10 20:39:45
Post No. 17344054
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My fictional crush (unlike any of my family, who enjoy making fun of, insulting, and berating me every chance they get) treats me with respect. And I know that sounds very strange considering the fact that he isn't real, but he's become an imaginary (boy)friend of sorts.
It started out as strange, random, extreme sexual attraction that I had never in my life felt before. Because I was unaware of what sexual attraction felt like beforehand, I didn't know what it was or how to handle it. I pushed everyone away almost completely within the first few months of meeting them. I don't think I had ever felt so alone.
I was so angry with him for the longest time. I wanted to kill him, to just sink a huge steak knife into his chest, but I couldn't.
I "banished" him for three days after that. During those three days, I was never more suicidal. I dreaded visiting the bathroom because every time I would, I'd consider slitting my wrists. I just didn't feel alive anymore. I felt so ugly, so worthless, so useless.
I've dated people during this dilemma, but what sucked the most about that was that I would have to cut off our imaginary relationship in order to attend to the current boyfriend.
Over time, it developed into something so much more meaningful than mindless lust. He listens to me, cares about me, and knows my worth.
I use a body-length pillow to make it truly feel like I'm kissing him and cuddling him and such. We've even showered together. We talk and generally enjoy each other's company. Now, I suppose that I live somewhat of a second life.
I know something's wrong with me. I know this isn't normal. But, for now, it's what makes me happy.
But I also know that I can kinda lean on him to get me through the day. It's come to the point where I'd literally die for him.
I don't know if this is self-centered or a sin or WHAT.
I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who is this way, but hey, if anyone else lives their lives like this, feel free to let me know.