So, around 11 or 12 years of age, I started considering my future. Up till then, I was like every other kid. First I wanted to be a geologist, then an astronomer, then a minister. I jumped from thing to thing. But around that age I had the realization I had to pick something normal, and what I saw for my future was, nothing. I did not imagine myself with a future.
The following years, like a lot of teens, depression set in. As it did, that nothingness I saw became the idea that I didn't see a future, because I won't be alive to have a future.
Well, fast forward 6 years and here I still fucking am. The feeling hasn't left, and I don't get it. I feel like I'm living on borrowed time, and I hate it. Life isn't even /that/ shitty for me. Like everyone, it's easier to focus on the bad, but there's some good there. But, I'm just so done with it all.
Now, you might ask, Why not an hero? Because of my fucking morals, that's why. See, I'm a christfag, and I believe that we're on the Earth to serve God's will, and once we've done with everything he needs us to, then we pass. Well, I was kinda hoping that by now I would've done what he needed me to, but nothing. I can't kill myself, because why ever I'm still here isn't done, but I just can't fathom what is going on.
That's all for this thread. Thoughts or advice?
>inb4 ditch the religion
That'd be like me telling you to ditch science. We've both seen enough of what our choice has to option to stick to it, so, no.
>>17339223
Dude you got 60 70 years left. The past 6 years, basically the first 6 years that are kind of adult like sort of, is nothing in time. It sucks now, but things can change quickly
>>17339234
I get that, but that makes everything so much worse imo. Like, I have another half century of this bullshit? Half a century that, unless my God has other plans on, I /have/ to live through. I just don't want that.
About a year ago, I went into status epilepticus, a life threatening series of extended seizures. I sometimes wish I didn't come out.
>>17339238
You're stuck in a rut right now. So if you are asking how to get out of it? It sounds lame, but you have to find at least one thing you like, and get good at it. At least you will have something to look forward to doing to pass the time
>>17339261
Yeah, I know that's right. I like my job, but it's long hours in retail, so eh. I enjoy programming, but as I have no real training, or job in it right now, everything I do is directionless, and mediocre. Im currently trying to learn Japanese, and I'm pretty good at it, but again, I'm directionless because I have no reason for learning other than I want to.
I want to do these things, but whenever I try, I get the overwhelming sense of "why am I even trying?" You know?
>>17339269
Cmon Japanese? You could be a translator and make real $$$. YOU make the thing that you look forward to do, you make the goals. Schlogg through each day and aim for the goal or thing you need to finish. It gets easier to do in time, and you will find what interests you out there
>>17339291
Well, thanks for the kind words, I'll be sure to try and push through those feelings.
>>17339293
Thats the only way to do it, do you know of any other?
Feeling are yours, you feel them, and you also control them. You can refuse to cry if you ignore someone putting you down. If someone makes you feel bad, they are a piece of shit, and don't care about you anyway, so why care about how or what they think?
>>17339298
You know, I wish I could control m feelings. Like, I can stop myself from getting mad, but keeping myself from being depressed is another matter. I guess maybe some part of me wants to be depressed. I feel it'll help me somehow. But it's gone on too long.
I've lost track of my where I am in life.
>>17339269
I feel the same. I guess I'm going through babby's first existential crisis, but nothing has purpose unless you give it some... But that still feels kind of lame, like you're just pretending what you do is important. It feels like you're deluding yourself to feel more comfortable, because it's hard to deal with having no purpose.
I wish I could be a superhuman trying to protect humanity, or an exorcist whose purpose is to free akuma from their suffering, etc. I wish the world would be split into black and white, and everyone would have a clear enemy to fight and a definite purpose to exist.
Similar to >>17339319 I want to help. I want to save people. I want the power to help people. Not some bullshit soup kitchen work, but actual power. Be it political, or otherwise, I ant people to look up to me and think that they're okay, because I'm there. But that's called a Savior complex, I believe, and apparently it's something other people should avoid.
>>17339313
Life sucks generally, no matter how much $$$ or women or whatever, everyone has problems
Work with what you have. People locked up in jail make it every day, by tv, push ups, dominoes, cards, magazines. So find something out there where you are that makes it better. Learning a language is awesome, use it for something that will keep you busy. Programming can pay off if you want to work at it and hopefully land a job creating something.
I've been there, life sucks, I should die, blah blah blah. It was maybe 2 or 3 years like that, but it went away. I'm happy with my few hobbies and my days are pretty filled with things I do, and i'm pretty happy now overall
>>17339325
Hey OP, I'm also like that, having a bit of a savior complex. I'm not a christian tho so my world views may vary a bit.
My plan is to make a lot of money while helping society, then use that money to try and steer humanity to a future I think is best for everyone.
I won't go deeper into my theories about the future, but yea what I'm trying to say is, imagin how you want the future to be (yourself or others) and try to work so that becomes a reality.
Yea I guess it sucks to be a christian and thinking that it doesn't even matter anyway, try to get rid of that, try to change while still be morally correct in your own perspective, there are a lot of different christians and they all think they are doing things the right way, even though it is contradictory if you compare them.
There are a lot of paths you can choose from and they all have the potential to be the correct one, so find one you're comfortable with.
>>17339371
>>17339327
Well thank you all for hearing me out. I'll try and take what you guys said to heart.
Now, I'm heading to bed. Peace
