What's the best strategy to feal with bullies?
My son is 5 and there are some girls in the neighbourhood who think it's funny to call him "little baby" or even stuff like "asshole" from afar. I have never had to deal with such stuff as a kid so i have no idea what to tell him on how to handle this. I know that it's silly and will only make kids laugh at him if i tell him to tell them to "stop that" or tell an adult. I also don't want him to fight fire with fire and yell back mean stuff. So far i told him that it annoys them the most if you ignore them. He does that and it works fine. I'm now worried about learning him to not stand up for himself or get help. Or to encourage him to not acknowledge his emotions by acting as if it doesn't affect him. I'm probably overthinking this, but i can't help it. He's my son, i don't want him to get hurt.
if you involve yourself too much, you will make the bullying more of a problem.
I dont have a lot of experience from the parent point of view, but shoe him, that the kids that do things like that tend to have little success later on in life and that their oppinion isnt worth shit.
>>17329764
Yeah, i figured. That's why i didn't tell them to get lost.
I told him that those girls must know very weird babies that can walk and talk, write their name and ride a bike.
And that they don't seem to know a whole lot about what's a baby and what's not. (implying they are pretty dumb...)
I didn't make it a big deal and went inside with him.
I just want him to have some tools to deal with this on his own that actually work and that won't make him lose respect for himself.
>>17329774
Honestly? Talk to the girls if you can yourself. Little kids become terrified when a parent calls them out for something. Then, if they complain to their parents, you have a perfectly plausible reason.
>>17329751
Go buy your son some sun glasses a pair of AJ 1's and a hummer, proceed to watch him sitting pretty on those bitches.
>>17329751
That's a tricky one. I've dealt with bullies all my life but my solution has usually been violence, an option obviously closed to you considering the age of the people involved. The only things I can think of that might work would either be talking to their parents or failing that blackmail can work well too if you can get access to their information (be careful with this method tho, it can sometimes backfire really badly if you don't be smart about it). It's risky but it's one of the more effective methods for dealing with bullies who you can't/won't just curbstomp till they bugger off.
>>17329751
Tell him to throw rocks at them with his friends or some nasty shit like a 5 year old might do.
>>17329751
You sound like a single mom. Tell him to defend himself and dont punish him for it, or he will have homosexual tendencies and difficulty with women his entire life. Im not even joking. If the girls are way older dont punish him for it but explain why he shouldnt hit women. But you know. Let him defend himself.
Nothing a good kick in the cunt won't fix. Either of you can deliver it, but if it's your son there is added benefit of no jail time.
>>17329751
>I'm now worried about learning him to not stand up for himself or get help. Or to encourage him to not acknowledge his emotions by acting as if it doesn't affect him.
Your solution was probably the best option, and while you're probably overthinking a bit, this concern is valid.
That said, part of learning to stand up for yourself is learning to pick your battles. By telling him to ignore these insults and making them silly as you describe in >>17329774 is a good way to show him that he doesn't need to let them be important. This is conducive to much healthier confidence than a kid who's taught to flip out over every minor slight to constantly prove that he's tough.
The reason ignoring this kind of thing works is because the bully wants to get a reaction out of you. If it genuinely doesn't bother you, they'll get no reaction. Which is all well and good. But a lot of parents make the mistake of encouraging their kids to simply MIMIC not being bothered by it, ignoring and shaming the fact that they ARE bothered.
As said, I think you've got this more or less covered. You're not just telling him he shouldn't be bothered by it, you're helping him to actually not FEEL that way by taking an unpleasant thing and turning it into a fun joke between the two of you. Making something silly is a classic way of taking away its power over you (like the 'ridiculus' spell against bogarts in Harry Potter. Good metaphor to explain if he reads/watches it). You're not just telling him what to do, you're teaching him a valuable coping mechanism and encouraging him to question if and why something matters.
I guess just be mindful and try not to invalidate his feelings. Joking over the top of someone when they come to you with something sensitive can sometimes do this, so make sure he's always in on the joke, and don't shy away from having a straight-faced talk about it just to check in.
In junior high there was this one girl who kept trying to trip me in the hall and generally being a nuisance. One day i met her in the empty hall, so i smiled and winked at her. "What the hell are you looking at?" she demanded, so i said "You. You're so beautiful." She got visibly embarrassed and she stopped bothering me.
Just an anecdote. Don't know if it applies to anything.
Part of life, I grew up being the weird stinky kid, but now I'm doing fine, and most the people I went to school with already have children, and are drug addicts.
Meanwhile I'm making a middle class salary, planning summer vacations with my fiance, and habitually smoke marijuana.
Sure I coulda been cool then, and gotten a blowjob in the bathroom from the whore in 7th grade. But, it worked out in the end I think.
Ever considered the fact that these girls are just crushing on your son and your son doesn't care cause he's not into girls yet and you're being the overly protective mama bear convincing himself that 5 year old girls are going to traumatize your son.
>>17329751
>So far i told him that it annoys them the most if you ignore them. He does that and it works fine. I'm now worried about learning him to not stand up for himself or get help. Or to encourage him to not acknowledge his emotions by acting as if it doesn't affect him.
This is what adults have to do, because chances are, it's happening in the workplace. When you're a kid, at least you can punch the bully out. You won't go to jail over it. When it's bullying across sexes though…then this doesn't work.
Your son needs to develop a sharp wit. That will shut them up, if all they're using are words. Wit requires good listening skills.
