Is there any acceptable way for someone who's transgender to approach you in a romantic context? Is there any way to NOT make it weird, or should I just wait to be approached at a bar or something, and take a wild guess when it's necessary to warn them ahead?
>>17327367
you should go see a therapist/psychologist.
>>17327367
If a transgendered person tried to convince me that they were female and led me on for awhile before telling me of their status I'd be pretty upset. I already don't agree with what you're doing to your body and definitely don't want to be intimate with whatever you got going on down there. Plus you're being pretty deceitful by conveniently avoiding telling me.
>>17327384
I have seen so many shrinks and psychologists that some of them were still in school when I started with the first.
They do agree that I can be allowed into treatments, it is only a matter of time now. I'm not going to go for some conversion therapy nonsense.
>>17327386
How long is "a while"? Let's say someone comes talk to me in a bar. Should I say it before we head home, or before I introduce myself? How do you make that not-awkward?
>>17327408
Don't try to date people.
You don't deserve love. You don't deserve sex.
Kill yourself.
>>17327367
Probably any regular way, just tell them before it gets physical
>>17327470
What if we presume I'm gay, too?
I don't know how gays meet in a regular way. Options on meeting people are pretty much reserved for hooking up.
Let's say I have found a nice guy at a gay bar. He lets me touch him places. Then what?
>>17327452
This guy has loner issues.
As for the op, you shouldn't mislead people on being trans
>>17327408
I would suggest getting on a dating website or something that makes it clear that your transgender before you even meet the person.
>>17327484
I've tried some. OkCupid didn't have anyone close enough to my age, and I'm not one of those people who are down to date someone old enough to be my dad.
Other sites have - on average - three people living within two days' travel. None of them message back.
The only place I haven't tried is fetlife but I'm concerned about it since I don't have any fetishes.
>>17327480
Why aren't you asking on /lgbt/ if you're gay
The only reason to ask on /adv/ is to get regular cishet responses
>>17327507
I would think you would have better chances if you were just straight up gay. Finding someone interested in dating a transgender person might be hard.
>>17327544
Because all I'm going to get on /lgbt/ is one guy in the furthest arse-end of New Zealand saying "idk u sound cute" and losing interest as soon as I specify I don't have kik.
>>17327571
I was wrong. The only answer I got from /lgbt/ was dead fucking silence.
>>17327452
Ow the edge.
You're ftm? Are you looking for a relationship or just hookups?
BTW welcome to the winning team bro.
I'm a gay guy. I'll bite.
If an FtM hit on me, I probably wouldn't reciprocate their feelings. I probably wouldn't have sex with you. And yeah, I think I'd like to know before hand, but I'd also be taken back if you introduced yourself as 'Hi I'm transgender'.
But I'd talk with you, dance with you, and have some fun with you. So even if you don't get laid or whatever, you would have still had a nice evening.
>>17327732
I'm ftm and I want a relationship, though at this point I'll settle for anything.
>>17327452
Someone's a little too edgy today, might want to slow down on the whole kills yourself stuff.
>>17327742
Do you live in NYC?
>>17327763
I've hardly ever laid foot on the american continent.
I'm in eastern europe.
>>17327774
What part friend? Give me a location. I'm >>17327741 and going to be in eastern Europe soon.
>>17327774
A pity.
Have you had problems with the social conservatism of your homeland. Do you have other lgbt friends?
>>17327779
Finland.
>>17327783
There is no LGBT education in my country, for or against, so about 50% of young people are hyper-progressive tumblrites, or have literally never heard of female-to-male transgenders.
No. There are people I know are gay/trans, but none that I could realistically consider friends. None of them live in my city, and taking a several hours' trip just to hang out once or twice despite of knowing we have nothing in common would be too awkward.
>>17327811
Finland isn't Eastern Europe, I thought you meant Poland or some other place where they throw acid on gays.
>>17327827
Geographically speaking, Finland IS eastern europe. It's a matter of damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't, as if I had said "scandinavia", someone would have corrected me just the same.
Anyway I'm sorry for confusing you. I live in a nice progressive country where people literally don't know I'm legally required to be sterilised.
>>17327827
Throw acid on them, really?
I'm heading off to Germany. Here's to hoping nobody throws acid at me.
>>17327367
>Is there any way to NOT make it weird
No, you could tone it down by wearing less feminine clothing and avoid wearing dresses and skirts so people won't assume right off the bat that you're female. This way it would be less of a surprise that you're actually a man.
But it could be better if you wait for the guy to make the first move. Before you date tell them in private so there's no confusion.
>>17327916
I'm female-to-male, and currently wear a standard dude uniform for the season and climate (t-shirt, hoodie, sandals, cargo shorts and as a plus, binder) and have actually passed for male enough to cause mild confusion in public bathrooms.
>>17327922
Do you like men or women?
>>17327922
Are you cute?
>>17327928
Men.
>>17327931
I was like 7/10 in girl clothes. Trying to present male I mostly look like a porcupine run through a garbage disposal.
I don't get this trans shit. Do you feel like a woman in a man's body? Are you just gay and want to go out with straight guys? Are they going to cut your dick off? I don't understand.
OP, I'd suggest online dating because then you can just straight up put it out there on your profile.
Most haters will just "nope" off of there, and people who don't mind and find you attractive might message you.
You could also find someone similiar.
But it takes the awkwardness away from finding some way to 'throw it out there' in person.
Approaching IRL may be more risky. You don't now how someone will react, people may feel deceived, and there really isn't any easy way to say to someone romantically interested in you "Hey, I know you think I have these genitals, but I actually have other genitals - ALSO, no kids".
It can be tough. Online dating you can straight up just put it out there and hope for the best with less risk.
>>17327990
I don't get it either but it's not up to you.
I'm female-to-male, I want to date guys but unfortunately only guys who date guys are gay guys so I'm gonna have to try and pick one.
I'm trying to negotiate having my tits cut off.
>>17327993
I already tried online dating and have found it hopeless. It's just purple-haired bitches who classify themselves as *~genderfluid~* and will shriek if you don't memorise their imaginary snowflake pronouns. OkCupid classified "third genders" as both, so to find one actual male - cis, trans or whatever - you have to wade through a mountain of chicks with aposematistic fashion choices.
I just want a normal guy.
>>17327980
>Men.
Well, I don't have much experience with FtM stuff but I think it would be still important to tell them you're a woman before dating.
I've noticed some gays don't mind FtMs, Bisexual men definitely don't mind either.
>>17328020
Let me get this straight just so I understand. You want to go from a woman to a man to date men?
Why can't you date men now?
>>17328035
So I can just go to a gay bar and chat up a man and expect him to be fine with it?
>>17328036
Because I am too disgusted and uncomfortable with being put in a female role, up to the point of contemplating suicide to make it stop.
And guys don't like that in a partner.
>>17328065
Can you explain what you mean by "female role"?
>>17328065
You are a female. What's wrong with that? What are you jealous of the dick? Find a little dude that you can dominate.
>>17328076
>>17328080
Look, y'all, I don't have answers for you. I can stand here screaming "it just doesn't work like that" over and over until I'm blue in the face, but unfortunately the unstoppable force has met an unmovable object, and no amount of your opinions or suggestions will change my identity.
If the worldwide consensus of psychiatric professionals are on my side, what do you have to offer? And why aren't you making billions off it right now?
I am transgender and there is no cure to it in the known universe. I have made peace with it, and whether you choose to do the same is really not my fucking problem.
>>17328120
>its a tranny argues about being tranny episode
gonna grab my popcorn for this
>>17328120
Lol am just trying to help, you came here for advice. You can make another thread if you want to argue transgender identity, but right now you want a boyfriend.
>>17328076
>Can you explain what you mean by "female role"?
The reason why I asked this question is because there is lots contrived thing about being a man or a woman. There are dominant women and submissive women, but most women take a submissive role sexually, vice versa for men.
>>17328120
But hormones and surgery will change you're identity? What do I have to offer? How about object reality. Your a woman make peace with that.
>>17328153
>You can make another thread if you want to argue transgender identity, but right now you want a boyfriend.
That was literally my point. That I did not come here to argue my identity, I came here for my relationdhip problems.
It's not a matter of being dominant or submissive. Those are not traits of human sexual dimorphism. I just fucking hate having tits, a vagina, rounder face, bigger hips, smaller hands etc etc etc etc etc.
I don't know if I'm dominant or submissive and frankly I don't really care.
>>17328065
>So I can just go to a gay bar and chat up a man and expect him to be fine with it?
It really depends. Some are ok with it, some aren't.
Bisexuals are more likely to be fine with it.
>>17327367
No.
The only acceptable act you could perform for humanity is called an hero.
Fag.
>>17328020
>I already tried online dating and have found it hopeless. It's just purple-haired bitches who classify themselves as *~genderfluid~* and will shriek if you don't memorise their imaginary snowflake pronouns. OkCupid classified "third genders" as both, so to find one actual male - cis, trans or whatever - you have to wade through a mountain of chicks with aposematistic fashion choices.
>I just want a normal guy.
A trans who hates 'feminists' and SJWs?
Holy shit. I've now seen everything.
OP you'd probably be better off going to a gay bar or looking for gay/bi guys. Bi guys preferably because they won't have any/as many issues during any transitioning phases you might have.
>>17328175
>>17328191
How do I spot a bisexual?
I have literally no gaydar of any sort. I'm 90% that that stuff is bullshit.
>>17328173
>I just fucking hate having tits, a vagina, rounder face, bigger hips, smaller hands etc etc etc etc etc.
If you have body issues how you expect to be vulnerable in front of someone else?
It would be better to deal with the disorders you have before you get into a relationship. People can help you, but only you can ask for help and resolve your issues.
>It's not a matter of being dominant or submissive
It kinda is. You do want to know if you are sexually comparable with someone. I can't expect a "traditional" Woman to practice BDSM with me.
I'm not attracted to masculine people regardless of actual gender... And a transgendered person would have to be Bailey Jay levels of attractive to consider it, so take it for what it's worth. I'm a very kind person, and I'm pretty good looking, enough to be hit on frequently.
(Take that for what it's worth, I have no reason to lie)
Were this a normal bar or random place, I would prefer to know within the first hour of meeting you or so, likely before I'm into 3 or 4 drinks. I would be flattered and would probably turn you down, but with no ill will.
My close friends would do the same, I'd imagine, but some would say something disparaging about trannies behind your back. Most guys I know would probably freak the fuck out.
As mentioned, online dating is probably your best bet. Be patient with it, though. I can't speak to gay bar etiquette - every time I've gone to one, it's more as a gimmick than anything.
Good luck anon, I hope you find someone cool.
>>17328197
I don't really know myself, probably you can tell by the way they present themselves. you'll just have to talk with them. If they like you and are okay with a female who presents as a man, then its a-ok.
>>17328199
I am currently at war with the trans clinic over my transitioning. They insist that I must have NO stress, anxiety, or other original sin of any kind in order to be allowed to transition. I can't afford to show any weakness and my life literally depends upon it.
I have to find my support elsewhere. I can have sex if I'm super drunk, and if that's what a relationship requires, it's a price I'm willing to pay.
>>17328199
>comparable
compatible*
auto-correct, meh
>>17328212
Am I just supposed to ask him?
>>17328248
Yep.
>>17328191
Plenty trans people are decent. You should spend less time on the Internet.
>>17328263
"Hi. My name is X. Are you bisexual, and if yes, okay with butch women?"
>>17328120
>I can stand here screaming "it just doesn't work like that" over and over until I'm blue in the face
we're not trying to win some argument about transexuality not being real, we're just trying to understand
tell us how it feels to be you, has it always been this way, when did you first know?
>>17328789
I've always felt weird, wrong and awkward, and I was like 14 when I realised presenting male kinda makes it go away.
>>17328126
I wish I had a curvy body with big squishy boobs
Attractive girl > attractive guy > ugly girl > ugly guy
>>17329622
sorry, ugly girl = ugly guy
It's a difficult thing, to me at least. I would like to know beforehand that you are transgender, because I don't feel comfortable interaction on any more intimate level with people like you. I wouldn't want to be your buddy, friend or lover. But on the other hand I can hardly expect you to present yourself in a 'Hi, my name's Jimmy and I'm trans' way. The best thing would be mention the fact casually somewhere early on in the conversation. You will see how the person reacts and whether they want to interact with you, and it will spare possible embarassement/anger on both sides.
Wait.. how is the sex part gonna work?
If you hate having a vagina are you gonna let the guy fuck it or do you want to top some think with a strap on?
>>17327367
Use dating sites where you make sure to mention it in your bio.
People like to know this stuff beforehand and there are enough people who are okay with it or even turned on by it in particular.
Some trans people only tell their partners before they have sex (or even afterwards). That's pretty cruel in my opinion and some people will repay cruelty with cruelty of their own. So don't be surprised when that happens. I'd suggest being open about it from the start.
>>17328191
>Now I've seen everything
Most gays and trans people hate tumblr feminism. /lgbt/ is practically /pol/
>>17329670
I'm going to get really fucking drunk.
>>17329679
I've already tried dating sites, the men there are 60% tumblr bitches, 30% dudes wanting to briefly dick something with a pulse, and 10% serial killers.
I'm trying gay bars, next.
>>17329660
This. Mention that you're trans within the first 15 minutes of the conversation, incorporate it naturally and practice saying it. That way they don't feel lied to and that their time has been wasted and you get to weed out the people who aren't interested right off the bat.
>>17329872
Okay. Does explaining my name ("thanks, I picked it because" etc) count?
