31 You should help your brother out. Make sure he gets into rehab or something.

>>17324029
he went to rehab for alcohol, but that was his choice. I sort of feel that it wont help him forcing him to go to rehab. I don't have the money to help pay for that stuff as its mostly going towards buying a house.

I also believe that child protection helped get him some medication to help him with withdrawls.

Fuck that situation, I would just move away and live by yourself and worry about what you have going on in your life.

Personally, I'm more worried about your parents and his kids.

You are not your brother's keeper. Wanting to help him is admirable, but he's an adult. You're more likely to break your heart trying to save him.

Has your brother asked for help? Does he show signs of wanting to get better? You literally cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

Instead of moving back, why not take some time off to go visit? Can you maybe rent something short-term?

>>17324046
really ant to do this sometimes but feel very guilty letting this happen to my parents and my niece and nephew without even attempting to help.

>>17324065
he says he wants to get help, in fact I was the 1st one he told. but he is a junkie and probably just saying whatever it is he thinks we want to hear. His wife looks like she is dying and doesnt think she has a problem.

I only live 75 miles away and already switched jobs and commute everyday there but jobs are easy for me to come by, getting a place to live is a little tougher in this real estate market.

It sucks and I'm sure you don't want to but you should always do what you can for family. When it becomes a to disruptive for you're personal life or relationships then you can break ties until the person realizes they're adiction. Regret can be a motherfucker and has ways of seeping into you're life.

>>17324075
Well, instead of you going there, why don't they come to you? (If you have room for them, that is). Leaving his environment would help with his rehab, too.

But if that's not possible, why not simply spend the weekends there. It's not a perfect solution but it would be a compromise until you come up with a definite answer.

Basically, don't make any rash decisions.

Have you looked for support groups aimed at relatives of addicts? There's no easy answers here, and they would be in a better position to counsel you than us.

>>17324094
sadly I dont have room for him here, and even if I did I am sure he could probably find it here in this city too.. I live in a sort of shady area while I was saving up for a good don payment on a house...

buying a house was already in my long term plans, just not back home..

I have looked up the number to narcotics anonymous but havent gotten the balls to call them yet.

>>17323983
you want my advice? seriously?

cause im going to give you a serious answer if you want it, having dealth SUCCESSFULLY with a junkie family member myself


step 1. You let them know your intentions- you are taking away any drugs they currently have.

Step 2- (optional on how they react) you have to beat the shit out of them. No im serious. Its the only way; you need to establish that you're stronger and that if they get more drugs you will do worse. None of that shitty family intervention crap. Nope. Dont worry if they have drugs they are more scared of going to jail so they wont phone in the cops- it would be like a death sentence for them. This option is if they refuse to get clean/insult you/threaten you.

Step 3- Pay them regular non scheduled visits. Check their arms, their legs, all their joints. If they have new drug marks go back to step 2 until they are clean
This method will make them hate you for a time but in time it should clean them up

>>17324110
anon this as my 1st thought, but sadly I am more scared of me getting thrown in jail or not being able to stop myself.. I have had some anger issues of my own that took awhile to deal with.

48 year old here -

Cut your brother loose, help your niece and nephew as best you can.

40 year old here

if you really feel you need to help, then figure out ways to help them from a distance. never ever ever let a junkie move in with you unless you, like, run a rehab clinic out of your house or something. if you are scared of the idea of going to jail, you definitely do not want your life too closely entangled with someone who will probably bring drugs into the house.

I agree with >>17324110 particularly the part about checking up on them. maybe if you don't want to physically beat them up, at least find some way to create some consequences. disown them. turn them in to the cops. whatever it takes to make them pay attention.

it is very easy for them to become a cancer eating away at your life and happiness even if you are trying to help them from the periphery. I'm sure he doesn't *want* to drag you down with him but he probably will one way or another, if you let him. and if that happens, you won't be able to help him at all. plus you won't be able to help yourself either. so, unfortunately, you should be prepared to follow >>17324121 's advice if his issues start becoming your issues.

it is heartbreaking to watch a loved one go through this. get some help for yourself. there are counselors and support groups for families of substance abusers, and there might be some in your area that are cheap or free. use them please. it will make it easier for you to help him without getting engulfed in his chaos.

I'm 20, but I've had extensive personal and firsthand experience with addiction and I'm in college to be an addictions counselor.

To be completely honest, it's up to you what you do, or how long you decide to help. He's going to resist you every step of the way, even if he breaks down and admits that he has a problem. I can tell you right now that crack (with weed and tobacco out of a bong) is better than sex, so multiply that by about 15 and you have heroin. Even if he understands that he's killing himself, which he probably does, he's not capable of stopping on his own. The only thing you can do for him, if you decide to dedicate that much of your own life to his recovery, is support the living fuck out of him emotionally. In the end, people take drugs to forget about a fundamentally shitty aspect of their life. If you can help him determine what he's trying to escape from, and then help him get over it, then that's your best shot of getting him to make a serious effort to kick his addictive habits.

He needs to be the one to decide to do it, making decisions for him will only make him resent you. It's going to be a long and thankless process, and if you go through with it, you'll be one hell of a brother.

>>17324110
>>17324159
Beating them will only make everything worse and ultimately spiral them back into addiction the second you take your eyes off them. Treating addicts like criminals only leads to more addicts.

Fuck you people.

>>17324110
Specifically you. You're a shitty fucking person. I want you to know that.

>>17324110
This method will make them hate you forever and will force them back to drug use.
Breaking addiction has to be the users choice, it cannot be forced.

You sound like a puritan trying to stop somebody from having sex by whipping them.

>>17323983


25

How about your brother moves in your direction as opposed to you moving in his direction?

It sounds like he doesn't have a whole lot of responsibilities. And it's probably a lot better if he gets removed out of his old environment.

First try and support him with cutting it's old habits. Even if it means binge watching series all day long and feeling depressed. Then when he's lost the constant urge to do drugs a little, try and help him find other things he can be passionate about and spend his time on.

If that doesn't work you probably have to let him sort out his own stuff.

>>17324174

>>17324167 here, I do not advocate beating anybody up. rereading my post I can see I was remiss in making that clear.

Counselanon again, I feel a sense of moral obligation to help you out a bit here. The first thing you should know is that leaving him to his own devices will be interpreted by him as a free pass to get more of whatever he's currently into. Secondly, there's the chemical reasoning behind addiction. When we do something that makes us happy, the brain releases serotonin. This enforces the behavior and ensures that it will continue in the future, useful as an evolutionary tool to keep people from starving themselves etc. The problem is, when he does herion (or any drug for that matter) the serotonin and dopamine and whatnot receptors in the brain release hormones non-stop until they are completely depleted, and it's not long before the only way to activate these receptors is by doing drugs. So not only will he only be happy while he's high, but he'll also be depressed like you can't even imagine when he's not on anything. He'll want to kill himself and not even know why. He'll fall into a state where he'd be willing to burn down an orphanage just so he doesn't need to feel that way again. It will become less about the drugs and more about his own deteriorating mental state.

Which brings me to my third point, which is withdrawal. He's going to be on fire one second and encased in a block of ice the next, his mind will be racing so fast he'll temporarily lose all sense of who or where he is, and he will most likely hallucinate. He won't eat, and he won't sleep, and it's probably best that he's in a hospital for it in case his heart gives out. It's something I've been through, and I wouldn't wish it upon the most evil, genocidal son of a bitch in the history of the world. If you get to that point, you should at least be prepared.

And he won't be the same person afterwards either. It'll take him a long time to recover, if he ever fully does. He'll need you to be there for him, just to talk to, or have some form of companionship with. Cont.

>>17324254
If he's left alone, he'll eventually fall back into old habits. It's an awful, torturous existence that he leads. It may not have started that way, but that's how it is now. It's a sickness, not a decision. Treat him like a victim, not a criminal, or don't treat him like anything.

>>17324224
You do advocate systems of punishment though. Addicts know how the world sees them, and they're fully aware what they do is killing them, and that it's illegal. It's not that they don't fucking care, they are literally incapable of stopping themselves. Your method would only drive them closer to suicide.

>>17324254
yeah I have been watching a lot of documentaries on this subject lately. He has told me he goes through some withdrawls everyday when he was holding a job... his numbers have been going down when he gets piss tested... his wifes however keep going up.

This is going to sound selfish but I kind of hope his wife od's and then it will be easier for him to wake up.. although their kids would suffer if that happens

>>17324187

>thats just terrible maaaaan!!! he has to CHOOSE to do it maaaaan!!!! i mean if he says no thats just his CHOICE maaaaan!!!! like WOW maaaan!!! i mean ya op said hes already a homeless bum but man thats his choice maaaan!!!!

>heroin

Heroin is impossible to quit. Your brother is already dead.

>>17324281
Those minor withdrawals will seem like flea bites if/when he decides to quit permanently, just for the record.

As for his wife, I'm assuming he's fairly attached to her? As harsh as it may seem, it does sound like she's enabling him. The best thing to do, especially considering the children are out of the picture for now, would be to separate them, for his sake. If your brother was under my supervision, I'd highly recommend that he convince his wife to come and see me, to explain the situation and try to find a support system for her as well. But unfortunately I can't have a sit down interview with him or any of you, so the only options you have are take them both under your wing (I'd recommend finding someone to help you if you're going that route), or, and I hate saying this, abandon the wife. If it's your brother or nobody, it's better to save your brother. A forced removal will do little to get him on your side though, try to subtlely explain the situation to him and offer a compromise. He can see his wife, but only while someone else is around, and only on specific times or days.

>>17324301
What the fuck are you talking about? You sound like a 10 year old who's only knowledge of the world comes from saturday morning fucking cartoons.

>>17324312
It's one of the most difficult, but it's not impossible. Let me guess, you had a friend or family member who died to it yes? And you treated that person like human refuse, like a criminal who's lucky to not be spending their final days in jail, yes?

I wonder why they found it so difficult to quit.

>>17324345
you talking about yourself?

im sorry, but all those scenes you see in movies of a interventions, a breakdown, a good cry, and the guy getting off drugs are made up bullshit

doesnt work, never works

>>17324378
Of the two of us, who has been trained as a professional addiction counselor, and who's talking out of their ass for attention?

Out of the two of us, who is a fully recovered addict who now lives as a high functioning member of society, and who is (once again) talking out of their ass for attention?

Finally, out of the two of us, who is the adult, and who has the emotional capacity of a housecat on Ridelin?

>>17324408
I'll give you a hint: you're not the first option.

>>17323983
26 years old here. Addicts not only destroy themselves but cause grief to family and friends who try to help. Any help you should provide must come from prepared proffesionals. Moreso if you happen to have anger issues. Don't get involved personally unless advised so by them, moreso if you happen to have a family yourself.

However make known to him your, your parents and nephews' position regarding this mess.

Part of you should be prepared for the worst though. There's no easy answers here.

Tl;dr: Get him into rehab. Don't let your nephews or your family, should you have one, deal with him or his wife.

>>17324408
>Of the two of us, who has been trained as a professional addiction counselor, and who's talking out of their ass for attention?

well never know, since were both anonymous on an advice board

>Out of the two of us, who is a fully recovered addict who now lives as a high functioning member of society, and who is (once again) talking out of their ass for attention?

see answer 1

>Finally, out of the two of us, who is the adult, and who has the emotional capacity of a housecat on Ridelin?

i guess you since you mentioned it

>>17324430
Alright, fine. Answer this one for me.

Out of the two of us, who is offering actual constructive advice (on the only fucking advice board on the site), and who's, you know how it goes say it with me everyone, talking out of their ass for attention.

>>17324443
im giving advice that worked and saved my nephew who is now a chef at a high end restaurant

so that leaves you to be the one talking out your ass

>>17324459
"we'll never know, since we're both anonymous on an advice board"

And your advice is the polar opposite of a constructive therapy/treatment for an addict. He may be off drugs (as far as you know), but he's likely just as miserable if not moreso.

Tl;dr: fuck off, you hyperviolent, hypocritical, ignorant piece of shit.

>>17324472
>And your advice is the polar opposite of a constructive therapy/treatment for an addict.


wonder why statistics keep jumping back from saying that 1 in 2, or 2 in 3 people who go to the "constructive therapy/treatment" relapse. Couldnt be cause its shit

>He may be off drugs (as far as you know), but he's likely just as miserable if not moreso.

he can treat that on his own, atleast he isnt homeless amd dying in some back alley from some syringe in his arm

>Tl;dr: fuck off, you hyperviolent, hypocritical, ignorant piece of shit.
>"tumblr triggering intensifies"
>" HORK HORK HORK!!!

LOUD NOISES! I LOVE LAMP!

35.
It's a very hard thing to go through. I feel for your family and those kids.

>>17324065
>cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
This is true.

I've been addicted to drugs when I was younger and I lost some close friends who never wanted to change.
In one situation I went to the extreme and even approached dealers in hope that they would cut a friend off from supply.
Nothing worked.

The best you can do is be there for him when he makes the decision to get clean.
Until then, tough love. Tell him you love him, but make sure he knows you're angry and disappointed with him for making such bad decisions.
Tell him you don't want to be apart of his life until he commits to getting clean.
Remind him what he is doing to his children.

>>17324486
Show me those statistics. Seriously give me the fucking study that says beating the shit out of your family is better than trying to help them with actual psychology.

>>17324486
Furthermore why the fuck are you here if you're just looking for another fight? It's obvious that your father beat you or something and so now you think confrontation is the only way to solve your problems, but why come here? Does it get you hard when you slow down the process of getting people the help they need? I mean look at your contributions to the thread. It reads like a "Worst of /b/" scrapbook.

Just fuck off, nobody's winning this argument.

>>17324491
Op here anon, stop feeding the troll please. I was never going to take his advice in the 1st place. Also I'm off to bed.. I hope this thread survives so I can read some more in the morning.

>>17324518
Sorry, I wasn't trying to. It's just a bad habit of mine, given the nature of the work I do.

>>17324505
says the one who has EXCLUSIVELY used insults in this exchange, even in this one apparently

i guess those liberal ideals dont transmit to the smut/filth coming from your mouth i dare say

>but why come here?

i gave my advice as i had a similar situation to ops

and it triggered you apparently so hard that you have insulted me 2 dozen times in this thread alone

>>17324550
I'm done. You win. Go away.