I think I might be a creep /adv/
There's this girl, we're friends, I told her how I felt and she wanted to stay just friends. After the initial kick in the gut I got over it well. We pretty much stayed the same. We'd go out in our group of friends, we'd hang out just the two of us, and we haven't talked any less than we used to.
That changed. I thought I could handle it, but I've noticed that every time I see her, or know that I'm going to see her (we work together and overlap at least once a week), or even just hear her name, I get anxious and excited. And when I'm not with her, I think about her. But the worst thing is, if I don't hear from her, or see that she hasn't been online in a while I start assuming the worst. "She doesn't have time for me", "she's probably out with 'someone' doing 'something' ". If I don't get a message back but see she's been online I feel jilted or insulted.
I don't want this to get any worse. By which I mean I don't want to constantly feel like this. I hardly look at other women now, and the things I used to enjoy have gotten a bit plain.
What do I need to do?
>>17323505
a) get over it
b) man up and tell her about your feelings
>>17323505
Stop being friends with her. You want more and are being friends to still feel attached. Need to break the chain and go find happiness elsewhere. No point staring at her FB and doing mental gymnastics about what she is doing and with who.
When you do, you'll wish you did it sooner.
>>17323505
If your happiness depends on her this much, it might be a sign of depression. The obsession side is especially unhealthy.
Don't just shrug it off, at the least bring it up with a doctor and find out for sure.
You need to stop listening to radiohead. Look in the mirror and realize how ugly you are, I do this every morning and I think, "man, I am ugly as fuck". Then laugh it off. don't become obsessed with another human, also read this.
>Love is great, it's true, but it's also false. Analyze why you love a woman so much to put her above others and you'll come up with a list that applies to many women. Then you will say "she is special to me, thats all that matters." A very laughable excuse. Now you say "you must not know what it's like!". But i do, that's why i have thought enough about it to come to this conclusion. The memories you've shared with a love would give you the same feelings another love in the same memories would. Love is thought to be special and real because it is unique. So remember that it is not, and you won't be fooled by it. It's an illusion of happiness, because another person gives it to you. Therefore it can be taken from you and upset your peace and therefore is not to be held in value.
>>17323584
After this week distance shouldn't be a problem. Her rota is changing so I won't see her. Also she's away to university this september, so there will be a good 3-4 hour drive between us. As much as I'd hate to do it, cutting her off is probably the only thing I can do.
>>17323660
Oh I'm sure I've got some form of despression. It's just not severe by any extent. Being out with other friends is still very enjoyable, and I'm fine in work, so luckily I'm not completely obsessed with her. It's only when I'm by myself that I start thinking like that.
>>17323803
Wow, that actually helps to read. She's not unique, and she doesn't give me something I could never get from someone else.
Wisdom, anon. Thanks.
>>17323505
You're not a creep OP. You're just in love with her. If she doesn't feel the same way towards you then you should probably get away from her because all you're doing now is torturing yourself.
>>17325387
You think so? It's never been like this before. Maybe age is playing into it.
>>17325630
I'm in a similar situation - talking to a girl for quite a while and she was getting flirty and kind of led me on. I asked her out and she friendzoned me basically. We were at a gatho and I broke down in front of her and it was then I realised I needed to cut contact and break the attraction. I've since then stopped messaging or talking to her at all until I've got no more feelings and I can just talk to her as a friend and you need to do that too. Just be honest with her and tell her you need to put some distance so you can get over it and then get on with your own life.
>>17323505
You don't do this, that's for sure. You ask a woman out. Anything but yes is a definite and final no. Cut contact, she's not your friend.
Thanks for the advice anons. After this week I cut ties. I won't see her in work and I won't be the one to message her. Group gatherings might be a bit of a problem, but they don't happen all that often so I'll just have to deal with it.
I'm in two minds whether to tell her upfront the reason why I've stopped talking to her, or if I should wait until she questions the sudden silence. Either way I feel she deserves to know.
